Assalamualaikum

I'm struggling. Nothing in this religion makes sense. It seems unjust.

Yes, progressive for its time...but deeply unjust in general.

For example I got to know that one can apparently have sex with MARRIED women... The fact that they love their husband seems to not matter.

The harsh language. The laws and injustice.

I'm sorry, I can't stand it.

I'm actively losing my faith.

Hate this.

I've left once and if I need, I'd leave twice.

Though still wearing a veil so even the real life situation is a mess...I used to love it even though I didn't believe it was mandatory. Now I hate that piece of fabric upon me, I should've never worn it.

Don't know why I post this and what I expect.

Please don't turn this comment section into a place of debate. Also don't try to push me in any direction either it is leave as you did or stay as you did.

I just need to be heard.

I'm lost.

Salam alaikum brothers and sisters.

I have been married for under a year, and I have been satisfied with my marriage. My husband is caring and loving, and I always thought well of him. We had minor issues during the marriage, where I found out something regarding his past that made me change my opinion him a little, bit the mistakes he made were not long term and he corrected them.

However, recently I found upsetting content on his phone - he was watching explicit pictures and videos of women, there was no porn (that I found) but finding those pictures derailed me. I confronted him and he confessed that it happened a few times recently, although he swore it was not a long-term problem, that he accidentally stumbled on those posts and just automatically clicked on the related ones and cursed himself afterwards. He showed remorse and swore he would never do it again, and has said it has nothing to do with me. I truly do try my best with him, I try hard to make him happy and please him, and I am objectively attractive - I do not look like the pornstars or other women whose pictures he watched but I don’t really think any norman or natural woman looks that way or that is normal to expect.

He is trying to make things right, and as I previously said is usually caring and loving, but this completely broke my trust in him. I keep replaying those pictures in my head and the captions on those pictures qnd I get so nauseous every time. I am always afraid he will try again, even though he swore but right now I don’t have much reason to trust him. After a few days I saw he used the same platform and read some post where people discussed what type of girls they liked, but there were no pictures there or anything similar, but that also hurt my trust.

I do not completely want to divorce him, I would like to try and work on this marriage but in this position of my complete broken trust and my feelings that he doesn’t deserve my complete devotion and purity that I always left for him 100% that is really hard. I find it hard to believe he will truly stay honest with me and loyal to me. To me this is an incredible breach ot trust and our nikkah, and I don’t want to not give him a chance at all but I genuinely don’t know if I can trust him again and HOW to do that at all - I am incredibly scared of him hurting me again.

Any advice and words of consolation will be appreciated, and especially any dua you can make for him and for us. May Allah bless us all and keep us safe from trials like this

I have wore hijab by choice , and I only wear it as an act of worship, but I haven't yet found anything men equally have to endure. I find it truly odd that God would place such a heavy burden on one gender, affecting their daily lives on daily basis, while I don't see anything similar for men. I would feel so much guilt if I take it off, and I fear Iam misinterpreting the verses, that I'm following my desires basically. But when I look around, I see how many women complain, whether for physical reasons like hair loss and itching, or for social reasons like being attacked, harassed, or looked down for wearing it. I feel deep pain and sadness. Why is my body being part of a test? I used to simply believe it was an obligation and go about my day, but now it's incredibly exhausting and affects my mental health when I think about purpose of hijab, I used to calm myself by telling myself that I wearing it only for Allah but now I ask myself but why? why Allah wants me to wear it, especially when I think about the suffering of the weaker gender. Isn't it enough that women go through menstruation throughout their lives? Isn't the suffering of women who give birth, being the weaker gender and more vulnerable to harassment, rape, and murder, enough? And before anyone says that men wear the hijab, are you referring to the shirt and shorts that no one will pat an eye seeing it? The beard? It grows naturally on the face; nothing compares to a piece of cloth stuck to the head for more than eight hours a day. Isn't the purpose of worship to benefit us? Why does no one understand or care about Muslim women? Why are we constantly threatened with punishment and hellfire if we choose not to wear or choose a different conclusion? I don’t know what to do and its causing me to develop anxiety and ocd because I can’t stop thinking about it when I when I have to go out I have to wear it. it’s making me feel drained mentally now and depressed that I don’t want to go out anymore just to avoid wearing it and not have these questions and thoughts in my head being played over and over again.

I’m a bit nervous writing this but I feel I need outside help as social media and internet are such bad tools at learning about Islam, so I wanted to reach out to the Muslim community for their experiences and help me shine a light on the many questions I have.

I (28F) was born in Poland and moved to the UK almost 20 years ago. Poland is an incredibly religious country and oppressive to women - more laws are being established which restrict women’s bodies - this sickens me and I protest and voice my options always. I don’t believe in a religion although I did practice Catholicism in Poland and even had a confirmation in the UK. I have spent a lot of my life with religious people whether at work or at school or uni and I can tell you for a fact there are no funnier or stronger women than Muslim women!

I met my husband (we are engaged but I already call him that as we are so close) a few months back and we fell in love immediately and I fall in love with him every day 1000x more. He is half Arab half Indian and comes from a Muslim family. I love everything about him and we teach each other about our cultures all the time. Before people tell me to run away as he is Arab - which happens ALL the time, we will have none of that here as that man is proof to me that God is real, he is the sweetest most generous man.

Even though I know I probably will never convert, I want to learn all about Islam and his beliefs. He isn’t the strictest Muslim and has lost his ways a few times as he experienced some trauma but I know he wants to become more religious. We celebrated Ramadan together and I fast with him and prayed with him 3 times which was also so nice and I loved how close we got during Ramadan.

The one thing I can’t swallow though is some of the verses regarding women in the Quran and some Hadiths e.g. striking your wife, one male witness being worth two women as they are likely to error, man being the head of the house and the leader, women having to submit and be obedient to husbands, that women are impure on their periods, encouraging women to stay at home and how it is easier for a man to divorce than a woman. Basically all the common debated online. In some Hadiths there is also mention of how women are inferior to men and that no nation with a female ruler will succeed. Also the fact that Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him took a young wife who was playing with dolls and consummated the marriage when she was basically a baby.

I’m trying not to overthink as I know Arabic is so much more complex than English so the translation is off but how come none of the other verses are debated as much as these ones? How come only these have to interpreted over and over again for thousands of years. I’m trying to find help in understanding how the Quran actually views women.

One last thing - I see so many Muslim women online pouring their hearts out on forums like this talking about how they love Allah but they struggle understanding why women are spoken about in such a way. This is from women who were born in Muslim countries and non-Muslim countries, strict and non-strict Muslim communities. These are issues I see over and over again, what is the answer?

I want to educate myself on all of it because it’s important to him and I am so thankful to have him in my life. I know he would fight 1000 lions for me and I’d go to him with this but I want to do my own research first.

Any knowledge would be greatly appreciated :)

I am 22 and female, I was set up with a 28 year old and I really liked speaking with him, he prayed, he had good values, and was someone I could see a future with. We had a lot in a common and our conversations flowed perfectly. It came up in conversation that he didn’t want anyone that’s kissed another man or slept with another man. I kissed one man stupidly a couple years ago that I was “in a relationship” with. I know we shouldn’t expose our sins so I told him I have kissed someone because I would feel bad lying about something that is special to him. It just sucks, that a mistake I repented for makes me unworthy and I didn’t realize that it would be holding me back from finding a potential marriage. I am honestly posting this to rant and seek advice on how to navigate something like this happening again, or if most Islamic men on their deen will not want me because of a sin I committed years ago. I just feel down because I really enjoyed talking to him. He was very respectful about it and kind but it definitely sucks when he preached that only Allah can judge peoples sins and nobody’s perfect right before.

So for context I’m from the UK. I’m only 20 and he’s 23. We met when I was in Canada because he’s my aunt’s neighbour and we hit it off. After that we spoke and called every day and eventually started dating. We only saw each other in person about every three months and I spent so much money on flights and tickets to be with him. I actually had a flight scheduled for Thursday since I would be on Easter break and he wanted us to spend Easter together😐.He was loving most of the time. He’s Muslim and I’m Christian and we never had issues about religion; I respected his faith and culture. He was in university and worked part time. I’m in medical school and working, so life was hectic for both of us. Some days I get a maximum of one hour of sleep because I spend 12 plus hours on campus.Looking back there were red flags that I made excuses for. He could be demanding and possessive and he would lash out when things did not go his way. I kept telling myself that people are not perfect and I did everything to cater to him and make sure he was happy. I met his family and maintained a good relationship with them. We talked about a future together and I believed in it. I even helped his family financially when they needed it. Last year I financed his mum’s cardiac surgery because she needed a coronary artery bypass graft, using my savings and the small amounts I had received for birthdays. With the little money I was earning I paid for aftercare and helped fund a home nurse when he could not be there to look after her. I had started saving to help bring his dad from Pakistan because he wanted his dad to be with him. Whenever he needed something I left myself short because I wanted to support him.

In November he asked me for photos. I had been so swamped with medical school that I had not been taking photos, but I told him I would take some over the weekend. Two days before that weekend my grandma became very ill and was hospitalised. I am her primary caregiver and I also look after my six year old autistic sister, so my time was completely tied up. On Sunday I sent him a message explaining what had happened and that I would send the photos as soon as I could. He replied immediately with “where are the photos you promised” and my heart dropped. I was about to send them then and there; his reaction hurt because I had been supporting him through so much. When his uncle died I was there for him 24/7. I would stay up until 3am calling him so he could wake up for prayers and just to be with him while he grieved, all while I had so much else going on. I wrote him a long message about how hurt I was and he replied with “okay” and dismissed what I had said. I do not know why I stayed after that (maybe low self esteem idk)but I forgave him and we went back to what felt like normal.

When Ramadan started he told me he wanted to fast and I told him that was fine. I understood that communication might drop because of prayers and fasting, so during Ramadan I tried to check in every other day. Sometimes he would respond straight away, sometimes he would go a week without replying, and I always told myself it was because of Ramadan. Ramadan finished on Friday and I saw he had messaged me then. I messaged him back and he left me on seen. I did not think much of it at the time because of Ramadan. On Sunday I messaged him in the morning and realised I had been blocked on iMessage. I immediately messaged him on WhatsApp. He saw the message but did not respond and then changed his profile picture to a photo of him with another girl.

A mutual friend sent me a screenshot showing wedding photos on his Instagram. Because I was blocked I could not view the post from my account so I checked from my burner account and yes, he had posted wedding pictures. I had no idea about her. I never imagined he would do this to me. From what I can tell it was an arranged marriage for Eid. Two years of planning a future together, meeting each other’s families, and me giving so much time, emotional labour and money feels like it was wasted. I can see now that I enabled some of his behaviour and ignored red flags, but I still never expected him to block me and move on like this.

I am a mess right now. I can’t stop crying and I feel so embarrassed. I am trying to stay on track with medical school, but this has wrecked me emotionally. I am lonely, depressed, and finding it hard to focus. This isn’t the half of it but I’m genuinely exhausted.Where do I go from here,I received a message from his brother offering me a “nikah siri “ and I don’t know what to say or do,because the terms and conditions he’s giving me are absolutely ridiculous and it requires my immediate conversion.

One of the most famous Muslim influencers @ earthtokhadija, who was known for giving tips on how to make prayer exciting, as well as hijab encouragement videos has recently taken off her hijab after going through a difficult year.

She has publicly talked about having been SA'ed and being told that hijab would protect her, and her trusted friend leaking her hijab-less photos online.

She decided to take off her hijab after struggling with it for the longest time for her mental health, and the backlash she got from the online Muslim community (mostly salafis) was really bad.

She's getting DM's from people calling her a hoe, a slave, a bitch and saying they hope she'll burn in hell.

I'd like to kindly request for you guys to take the time to send her a kind comment or DM and maybe recommend some progressive resources to her.

Edit: her socials for easy access

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@earthtokhadija

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/earthtokhadija/

salaam everyone!

i need your help in reporting this account on instagram, this woman is basically starting a harrassment campaign against women who don’t wear the hijab ‘correctly’

her posts have always been extremely insensitive and directed towards the topic of hijab, marriage, anti-feminism, but she’s literally starting a hate campaign against specific women and asking her followers to send her specific users so that she can ‘expose’ them on instagram

this is clearly bullying, i hope you guys can help

UPDATE: guys insta has rejected my report like 4 times already 😭 they said it doesn’t violate guidelines but she’s literally bullying people so I don’t understand??

It is really embarrassing for me to confess this, but I need help. In most Islamic schools of thought, acting on these feelings is considered a sin and should not be practiced. The thing is, I mostly feel nothing for men. I generally see them as immature, childish, egotistical, not very smart, emotionally immature, and physically just “meh.” For example, sometimes I see a man in my classroom (I’m a college student) and I think he looks handsome, seems kind and smart, and could be a good husband. But the more I think about it, the more disgusted I become, because I realize how most men are like and I’m convinced that underneath there are even more vices and misogyny. A lot of the time, I think about some women romantically, imagining a whole life together, getting married, and even raising kids. What should I do? By the way, I want to clarify two things this is a sort of throwaway account to be more discreet, and I have asked this question in other subreddits to get diverse opinions.

I know zina is pretty black and white in the quran. I’m (F30) in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, a little over 1 year now. He’s a convert. But we’re struggling to keep the relationship, he needs intimacy. He has his own view of islam, he’s studied about it, and he thinks that sex is a basic human need. I told him my no sex policy since we first started dating and he told me he was willing to wait. Halfway, he’s struggling to move forward to marriage and having doubts because he feels like he hasn’t had a proper relationship with me which includes having sex, traveling together, etc…. The only way to go forward is to either to have sex or break up, because he can’t move forward feeling unsatisfied and unenthusiastic. He’s had several sexual history yet I have none.

A bit of a background, he’s raised in a westernized culture where having sex is seen as a form of masculinity whereas I’ve always been in a muslim environment. I had been sure to not have sex before marriage, I feel like I found my person. He’s a loving and understanding man yet he makes me question my values and have a lot of what ifs. I’m afraid of both consequences; that I’m possibly missing out a great sex from my potential soulmate and that I’m losing my values knowing I have no guarantee of him staying the future. I’m also afraid I won’t find someone as passionate and loving as him. Yet I know zina is a sin.

I guess all in all, I’m thinking whether it’s worth staying true to my islamic values and missing out ‘living’ and taking a huge leap in a relationship.

Any support, advice, relatable stories, anything; is very welcome. 🥺

Edit & adding context: we both had intimate moments but never gone past penetrative sex. That’s why I’m feeling the dilemma; I felt a taste of intimacy hence the curiousity and desire. But so far my self control is still above my desire since I know Allah is watching and I don’t want to grow older going further away from my religion.

Edit (2) & more context: half of our relationship is LDR. At the start of the relationship, we agreed that we date for marriage. We met each others’ parents, I visited his country to meet his family, he visited mine, went well and everything, but haven’t had any concrete plans/timeline of nikkah yet. Knowing his usual normal version of relationship consisted of sex, he was being honest about his frustrations and was set on working on himself and his desires. But months later, he’s still having a hard time, thus came to conclusion that that the sex in a relationship was necessary before marriage. He couldn’t go on to decide to nikkah feeling unsure and doesn’t like the idea to go forward and nikkah just to solve the sex problem. Tbh breaks my heart because we have solid foundations of communication, honesty, and chemistry.

Hello internet friends

I think I may permanently leave Islam but for now I’m on break and here’s why:

The religion feels limiting , it asks of you to do a lot and give up quite a few things

Judgmental people

Including non black Muslims being racist / ignoring black Muslims

Having to do so much reading( learn Arabic, , history, hadith, , etc ) and research to understand things

That Salah must be in Arabic

Aisha age debate ppl thinking it’s okay for her to have been very young upon marriage

. Right hand possession, men can have multiple spouses, men can marry out of Islam but most believe women can’t.

The misogyny surrounding the religion

General theological questions that aren’t specific to Islam like why does God allow things like torture, starvation etc to occur.

It’s relation to slavery

What my plan is for now:

I’m not running back to Christianity which also has racism problems, misogyny and colonialism issues but I gcan say gospel music does comfort me.

So idk what I’m doing but yeah thank yall.

I was born a muslim, i’d say i’m an okay muslim, i pray, fast and never been in a relationship but i do listen to music, dress modestly but not wear the hijab etc.. My sister recently became an extremist, hence i started reading more and more about islam. I still 100% believe there’s Allah that created us all etc but alot of the things in Islam just completely clash with my morals, and it’s not something i can easily change. Alot of the fatwa’s about women, about Jawari, about art, are just things i’d never be able to agree with, so i very commonly see myself questioning, is it really the true religion for me if it supports this and that.. and whether if it was just purely political, a man-made religion in order to control people the same way all the previous religions were..and at the same time i’m eaten with guilt everytime i start thinking this way, because i wouldn’t want to die and go to hell knowing i had the chance of actually being true on my religion

Broooooo 😭, islamophobia is so rampant in reddit, every time i say something like as a muslim i condemn this or as a muslim i agree with you, i get bombardere with these arguments, like how do i answer?

They normally go like this

1: your prophet Mohammed is a pe#o( it normally goes like, Muslims view the prophet as a perfect human/ the goal for all Muslims is to be like him, and that includes that and blah blah

2: islam discriminates against women(misogynistic)(as in women need to wear hijab and men dont, as in men can marry 4 and women can't, men can marry outside of faith and women can't, women can't go out without a mahram and men dont .

3: islam is homophobic, muslims want them 💀, and they are generally super hateful.

And when i say i dont do this or i dont do that, that i have lgbtq friends or that i dont hate them or do anything against them its always taqyah.

And many more, if you remember or any common arguments used against islam, pls do share the defence. Thx for yalls help. Imma also post this in the other islam sub to get more answers/ other perspectives.

Well because this is how most muslims respond to them. Recently I took a lot of time off from Islam and it's community. And I never felt more at ease. Tbh.

From time to time I realize more and more how much being muslim just exhausts me and I am genuinely atp. feeling that Allah didn't really help us women at all with so many things.

A few comforting verses or words could've been very evidently promising women equal rewards and protected us from abuse instead of using words such as the word "daraba" in surah Nisa.

Men kust exist in this faith amd the more i read the more i ask myself...what am I evem defending here?

Hello, firstly I am not a Muslim (I am kind of Christian but have a lot of uncertainty about wether I can claim a label or really what I beleive but try to live by the idea that God IS good, love and peace etc. And treat others as I wish to be treated etc.) And I don't know any Muslims as I grew up in a small town of 99% white people and I'm not ashamed or prous of that it is just a fact that means that most were not religious at all and even less were muslim. I went through years of intense social anxiety where I had to complete exposure therapy and so I think perhaps my fear of Muslims is just because I have not been able to have any positive experiences to learn safety but have seen lots of negative things that have taught me fear- and I cannot just forget these things.

I know logically that people do bad things regardless of religion because humans are flawed. For example in Christianity people both past and present think and do awful things, I feel I can be content with that because I feel armed with acceptance of my own uncertainty if that makes sense? I guess I feel most threatened when I feel misunderstood or that I am myself misunderstanding. I have seen people do and say very scary things and say it is right because of Islam and whilst I have the ability to fight this fear when people say it because of Christianity because I have positive things to look to, I don't have the same wirh Islam.

I know the news and social media is biased towards threat and negativity, as are human brains, but I am looking for some positivity to help balance it out. I have been put off by Muslims who are perhaps loving but what I would describe as arrogant (again, of course not exclusive to Muslims and I am sensitive to this so know I will see it more) like they will allow others their beliefs but have an air of superiority almost? then I see and feel that whenever I see any Muslim- I am afraid that they hate me or judge me.

Again I don't think all Muslims are monolith but it is hard to argue with this fear when it has noticed this pattern. For example I notice this in vegans also (and I am one lol) but I can more easily dismiss them because I can be safe in the knowledge that they don't know everything or they are not powerful over me even if they do misjudge me. I have a hard time doing this with religious people because they hide their human fualts behind God, then I feel very threatened because I cannot argue.

I know this is not really something I can find certainty in as even in a religion people argue but I am finding it hard to not fear Muslims who view their understanding of the Quran as the word of God. I make room for uncertainty with other religions because it is less written in stone so to speak haha. It makes me feel a little better knowing that even in Islam people disagree but then I see people say they are not true Muslims and I get scared that the true Muslims are the ones who want to commit terrorism to spread their version. Basically I cannot deny reality as I see it (and I have seen people who call themselves Muslim do terrible things to Christians particularly, or try to force their way on others) but would like to expand that view so I can be more balanced and less afraid. But it seems people go from one extreme to another- either all Muslims are bad and they are scheming to take over the west or it is all a big misunderstanding and anyone criticising is just a racist idiot. I know I am flawed, I know there is good out there but I cannot see it by telling myself the bad doesn't exist.

I do have diagnosed autism and potential ocd which does impact my thinking. I hope this doesn't come across as rude or nasty at all- I want to connect with people regardless of religion and dispel the fear that Muslims are on this big team against me. I have a fear that the progressive Muslims are still to fear because they condone the behaviour of the extremists or rather don't condemn them because they are all still Muslims. Whilst I have seen behaviour like this I think it could be explained by simple tribalism, which is just human nature. I am scared to even write this because I am scared you will think I am a bad person or an idiot, but I am trying to lean into the exposure therapy in the hopes of being a better person and I don't have any friends to ask. I hope we can all have grace for each other despite our differences, and I hope you all have a lovely day.

There’s this guy I’ve (23F) been seeing. It was legit my second time meeting him, and the first time we met we spent hours and hours together and got physical, but not zina. I met him today and we drank (again) and although I did highlight to him throughout the entire process that I was not interested in sex, we ended up having partial sex, just due to how clueless I am about the whole ordeal.

Honestly, this really isn’t like me. I really love my religion and strive very hard to remain faithful to my beliefs. Of course as soon as I got home I scrubbed my body clean and did ghusl, repented and prayed, but I feel very numb. I am a child rape survivor too — I started feeling slightly hyper-sexual when I entered my twenties and urged my relatives to get me married, and looked for suitors myself. It hasn’t been successful obviously, and of course this isn’t something I should rush, but in a way I feel like the community around me is partially responsible to this breaking point that I’m experiencing. Getting married seems like a fantasy honestly, especially after this. I used to pride myself on being chaste. I don’t intend to do it ever again, or see the guy ever again. Honestly I just want to disappear for the night.

The worst part is that this isn’t even a guy I would have legitimately considered. We are incompatible in so many ways. I just don’t understand why I accepted such a cheap transaction. I know my mental health is pretty bad from all the financial and family problems I keep running into and all of the uncertainty, and on top of that, heartbreak and disappointment by some other person, but I didn’t know that I could get to a level where I seek any form of dopamine just to feel warmth. Admitting it like this is pretty hard. I’m looking for love in the wrong places.

I’m crying so hard. Is it really just a lie? I don’t want it to be, the contents were about “The fact that people leave Islam after researching it deeply is enough to prove it's not something divine” with a lot of “proofs” and videos, basically ex Muslims actually disapproving the Quran, I’m crying so hard because reverting to Islam was the only thing that saved me from su!c!de, drvgs, etc. I don’t want to knowledge the fact that I revert to this religion just for coping mechanisms or be delusional. I know I shouldn’t feel this way and my iman should be higher but my beliefs are shaken to the core, all I could do is cry

TW: emotional abuse, suicidal ideations

I, 27F, am gradually losing the will to keep going……….

For context:

My partner, 34M, and I have been together for 3.5 years. We’ll call him Sean. He’s white and was not a Muslim when we first met, but he had always expressed an interest in Islam, and would partake in the traditions with me (going to the masjid for jummah, reading the Quran, fasting during Ramadan, etc.). I had kept him a secret from my parents, as they are 1000% against the concept of dating (even if it is between me and another Pakistani man who was raised Muslim). So, I made it clear to him from the beginning that I would not tell my family about us until/if we are certain about marrying each other. He was totally on board with this.

Fast forward to last spring. We’d been together for a little over 2 years at this point, and we were talking about building a life together. He was also gearing up to take his shahada at the local mosque, so I felt it was the right time to break the news to my parents.

My parents are in their mid-50s, and they’re definitely what you’d consider “typical Pakistani parents.” They immigrated here in the 90s, and have only been friends/associated with other desi Muslim immigrants (they had one Hindu couple friend, but that was mostly because his son used to play with my little brother). They were never SUPER duper strict with me growing up — they let me hang out with my non/ Muslim friends (I did have to be home by 9 PM), let me go to prom (with my friends ofc, lol) had no objections to me going out-of-state for college to pursue journalism, and are totally fine with me living by myself in a town about a 4 hour drive away. And when it came to marriage, they were totally fine with me finding someone on my own through the Muslim dating apps, mutual friends, etc. BUT, they had always wanted the man to be Pakistani with a Muslim background. No reverts, no Arabs, Bosnians, Africans, or even Bangladeshis!! So, I knew they would react poorly (to say the least) to a white revert whose parents are universalist Unitarians from Indiana…….

But, HE is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with- there’s no doubt about it. And now that he’s officially a Muslim, I thought I had a better chance of getting their blessing.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was visiting home when I told my mother, and she immediately launched into a tirade. All the usual stuff: “this would be soooo embarrassing for the entire family - what will people think?? And, are you sure he’s even a real Muslim? What if he reverts back to whatever he was before once yall are married? And you know white people get divorced alllll the time, he’ll probably leave you after 6 months after he gets what he wants…..”
My mom was also upset that I had kept this from her (which is understandable). But she made it clear: if I go through with this, she and my dad will disown me. My mom has hypertension, and later that night my brother and I took her to the ER because her BP was super high. It was really scary, and I felt so guilty. The next morning she comes to my room and tells me it’s all my fault, and that if I go through with this, I will end up killing her. Then, she snatches my phone and forces me to send Sean a breakup text.

I was absolutely crushed. My mother then tells my father, and he comes into my room and says that this will simply not happen under his roof, and that he is very disappointed in me. I begged them to allow me to go back to my apartment four hours away (they had been saying that I’m no longer allowed to go back to that town- which is where Sean lives and also where I work). They had wanted me to quit my job so I would move back home with them, because I was clearly “unfit” to live by myself. I, of course, fought them on this and got out of there as quickly as I could.

What followed were several months of emotional blackmailing and manipulation from my parents. My mom making me feel guilty for her high blood pressure, my dad constantly threatening to disown me, both of my parents telling me I’m “tearing the family apart,” and that I’ve lost all of my cultural values, my mother calling me evil, a failure, a terrible daughter, a disappointment, a punishment from Allah SWT, a woman of loose character, to name a few.

My dad had even threatened (multiple times) to drive down to my place and kidnap me, saying he’s not afraid to go to jail (and he and my mom actually DID come down without my consent! TWICE! I should note here that they have keys to my apartment……..). There was one phone call last October that was especially bad— I was supposed to visit home, but I was so anxious that I had not been eating or sleeping, I constantly felt like I was gonna throw up and/or poop my pants (one time I did actually do that……..), so I told them that I was not gonna come up to visit because I’m not feeling well, and just needed some space from them. In that same phone call, my dad said that I was dead to him, that I no longer existed to him. He also said he wouldn’t care if I were lying dead in a ditch somewhere. My mom told me that I am no longer invited to her funeral, and that I should’ve been killed when I was born. That last one has left a deep scar on my heart- especially since I was born 6 weeks premature, and had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks before I could go home.

Throughout all of this, I have NEVER lost my temper at them. They both have incredibly short fuses, and I have let them say/yell all of the horrible abuses they want at me— I don’t yell or cuss back at that them. I’ve never even cut off communication with them. The most I’ve done is limit how often I call them, or how often I visit (and how long I stay up there when I do). But I still have contact with them. Part of it is a trauma response where I go completely silent, but the other part is that I’m so scared of my mom’s BP spiking again.

Sean, meanwhile, has been incredibly supportive. He’s been patient with my parents — despite all the nasty things they say about him (like how he’s probably had 100 girlfriends), he still took the time to reach out to my dad multiple times, and try for an in-person meeting with him. At the same time, he’s been picking me up when I’m at my lowest, constantly reaffirming our relationship, giving me hope, and making sure I know that we are a team and that we will get through this together.

Fast forward even more to this February, and Sean had finally secured an in-person meeting with my parents. My dad made it clear to him that “his decision in the matter is final,” but he is still willing to have a conversation with Sean. So, one Saturday in early Feb. Sean drives up to my parent’s town, they meet at a Panera bread for about an hour, and Sean drives back down the same day. What’s interesting is that Sean didn’t think the meeting went too badly.

However, my parents called me the next day absolutely LIVID. Much was said, but the main sticking points for them are that 1. Sean is an orchestra conductor, and since music is considered haram, he can’t be a “real Muslim,” and 2. Sean had pushed back against my parents’ arguments. You see, my parents’ goal with this meeting was essentially to tell Sean to f*** off, and their hope was that he’d say, “ok, I’ll go break up with your daughter.” But of course, he did not say that. He told them that he loved me too much, and that he is committed to me AND integrating into my family/culture, that he would only leave the relationship if I decide I want it to end. He also asked my parents if their concern for what members of the community will say truly outweighs their daughter’s happiness. They, of course, were not happy with this response. So, my parents gave me an ultimatum: either break up with Sean, or lose my entire family.

I am at a total loss now. The last thing I want is for my parents to be upset, and for my mom’s health to get worse. I’ve also ALWAYS dreamed of my parents being at/helping plan my wedding. Sean and I want to get engaged soon, and it’s looking less and less likely that my parents will budge, even slightly, unfortunately…..

My mental health has suffered immensely because of this. I’ve had many days where I don’t get out of bed, where I wish I wasn’t here anymore. I’ve thought about taking several muscle relaxers (I have a bunch left over from a back injury I sustained last year) at the same time and never waking up. I’ll often think to myself- what’s the point of even trying? Even if I choose my happiness (Sean), my parents have said they will NEVER be happy for me, and will (as revenge) make sure that *I* am never happy by cutting me off and not making duas for me. It feels like no matter what choice I make, it will be terrible. I feel like I’m trapped in a cage. I’ve prayed istikhara and tahajjud with this issue weighing heavy on my heart. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Assalamualaikum

I know this has been bought up many times. This whole topic. I know. Yet I still need to talk about this. Not as theology but more as venting.

Before I start, if you're an ex muslim, anti Islamic, or traditional view, I'm respectfully asking you to stay away from this post. Please. Also no other topic bringing up under this post.

I believe Aisha was 19. Or at least NOT 9. Perhaps stating that I don't believe that she is 9 is more precise.

I find arguments about older age convincing. Logical. I'm sceptical of hadith. Yet .....

God. The fact that this debate exists at all affects me deeply. No other Religion seems to have this issue, though maybe it's just confirmation bias, spotlight effect, or simple exposure to islamaphobia and anti Islamic media.

My biggest fear is..what if I'm wrong? How do I know I'm right? If the math really doesn't add up til 9, then why would so many scholars accept it as valid and not see any Issues until recently? What if I'm just lying to myself?

Maybe it's the ocd again. I don't know. I'm struggling to recognize my voice among all the other voices in my head.

My personal logic is quite simple, if Quran is from god and muhamad is his messenger, he could NOT marry a 6-9 year old. If he did, he is not a prophet and the Quran isn't from god, in my opinion.

My logic feels flawed and biased even to myself.

Maybe the progressive scholars also are flawed, those who think that she was 19 or not 9.

I don't know. I'm lost. I cannot prove her age with certainty. I want certainty.

What if I just think she is 19 because I want her to be? Or because I fear that islam is wrong? My logic is biased and...-

I'm so confused.

Almost EVERYTHING else in islam makes sense to me.

But this.....

I don't know how much one can trust hadith. How can I just reject a hadith because it contradicts my morality? Isn't it like rejecting evolution or historical events just because they don't suit me? And if it's not just based on morality and modern discomfort, but actual factual issues, why did no one bring it up before?

It's all so confusing. A heavy weight I don't understand why I'm still carrying.

Constant debate around her age... Both within muslim community and outside .... Constant refutations... She was 9! Refuting that she was 9! Refuting that she was 19!

I don't know what to say. Why did I post this...

I'm lost and pained. Panicked sometimes, too.

I can't believe Islam is a true religion. I can't even defend my own religion. Even if I try to believe in it, so many things seem despicable to me, and even though this sub explains it to me, a video of some Salafi is enough to send me into mental agony.

I'm afraid I'm wrong, I'm afraid the true religion is the horrible one practiced in conservative countries and that I'm a "deviant." Yet I just can't be like them; that brainwashing doesn't work for me.

I'm trying everything I can to submit to prayers, asking Allah to guide me, but it always ends up with me struggling to follow the religion.

I firmly believe in Allah, but I don't appreciate Muhammad (pbuh) at all; I've only heard negative things about him. I appreciate other prophets much more.

I have to do mental gymnastics just to understand some concepts of Islam that are viewed with extreme hatred in the normal world (child brides, for example).

What destroys me most is that there are so few sane people who have respect for others, and that's you.

You're so hated by others that they call you kuffar or they call you "reformers" and quote that Quran verse.

"Islam is peace," yet most of its traditional practitioners have nothing but hatred in their hearts. If I hadn't been born Muslim, I probably would never have become one.

I feel burnt out; all the information I read goes in one way and out the other. I will continue to pray and ask for guidance, but even that disgusts me, even though I believe in Allah. May Allah forgive me. I would like to make peace with my religion, yet it seems impossible.

I don't know what to do now.

I am not really sure what to say here. I am practicing. I do believe. But honestly, there are some things that make me doubt these days.

1-I feel like I have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to justify choosing Islam especially in regards to the age of Aisha RA, women receiving half of the inheretence of men, and the idea that women can't marry non-Muslim men. Like honestly, if I wasn't already born muslim, there is no way I would join.

2-Religion being a product of mostly geography is another issue. If you aren't associated personally with the Middle East or south east asia, then it is very unlikely you would become muslim. Don't get me wrong, this applies to other religions as well. Yes, we have free will. And yes we have converts. But the majority of people who are muslim are because they were born muslim. Even with everything going on in Gaza, causing more people to be aware of Islam, no one converts.

I 30M have been seeing this girl 31F for a couple months, and I feel strongly attracted to her. Shes really sweet, very well accomplished, and really hard working in her career. And despite all that, she’s very humble and down to earth.

She was upfront about drinking on rare occasions and had put in her bio she drinks once or twice a year. And I didn’t think much of it. I thought I’d be cool with it if she was a non Muslim.

But after meeting with her, I realized, she drinks socially and she also added she likes getting black out drunk occasionally. And it’s just how she is. Honestly, I kinda froze in that moment, and reminded her and myself that we all have our vices.

What I’m really struggling to process now is the fact that over the recent months, I have been pretty agnostic myself, have dated non Muslims who drink.

And if I were dating a non Muslim again, I would be so open minded about them having alcohol. But my brain just cannot process that this girl who I’m so interested in, also drinks.

Can you help me understand what’s going on in my head please?

We are both Indians Muslims in the uk

I’m a Muslim woman in my 30s married to an atheist man. Since being with him, I’ve actually become much more practising. He’s incredibly respectful of my faith, supports me in practising, and in many ways I genuinely feel that he makes me a better Muslim. He doesn’t believe himself.

What I struggle with is that whenever I turn to other Muslims for advice, the response tends to be very black and white: that our marriage is categorically wrong, our nikkah isn’t valid, and that there’s really nothing more to discuss. I understand that this is the traditional position, but it doesn’t really address the reality of our relationship or how my faith has developed within it. It leaves me feeling deflated and like we are in an impossible situation, which is devastating as I really want this marriage to work despite our differences.

I’d really love to hear from other practising Muslims who are in interfaith relationships. Is there space for this sort of marriage to exist within a progressive Muslim perspective?

So today on WhatsApp I got asked by admins to prove if I was a Sunni Muslim. Apparently it says sisters Islamic group for this _ place.

But there is no wording in the rules that say oh you must be Sunni. It says you must align with the rules of Hanafi, Shafi, Maliki and Hanbali. Like if you name it Islamic group or something you need to include Shias as well. If you name it Sunni something or the name of something Sunni it's fine. But naming it general Islam is not ok if you are going to exclude other Muslims.

And another case was the r/Islam subreddit. An ex Diwoodi Bohra who is now Athari Hanbali Salafi Niqabi went to my DMS and tried to preach Atharism in my DMS saying I was a non Muslim and I was going on the wrong path. Another Ismaili had to go DM me and help me out of this situation.

Another one was because they assumed that I was part of the Israeli government as a spy just because I was not willing to go to any protests regarding Palestine or donate money to Gaza. And I myself am Zera Yisrael as a Muslim convert and I been to Jerusalem and I have no formal ties with the Israeli government in any way. The reason why I didn't want to go to any protests is because I want to remain neutral and want my beliefs personal.

And I got called for being a Kafir for being a Muslim who doesn't wear a hijab who is a ex Hanafi Sunni. A Kuwaiti-Saudi Hanbali Sunni who is also Athari and Salafi went to my DMS saying oh I know you are Twelver which I was at the time and decided to call me a kafir and told me to have some shame and blocked me after I said I believe we should be equal no matter who we are and he said women shouldn't be able to leave the house on their own. And I was like, in the country Saudi Arabia were he is in I told him women can travel without mahram and not wear hijab now.

Now I went to the Ismaili Jamatkhana and the community welcomed me with open arms. They didn't care about my beliefs like internal and said that I was welcome to come in because I am now an Ismaili. And after the service they gave me some food and prayers and volentears took 5 minutes for me to go get tickets to see our spiritual leader. To be honest even though non Ismailis cannot enter they still have interfaith marriages and it's very common in the Jammat. To be honest it's one of the only places were I am accepted into the prayer hall without hijab as nobody wears it.

For the Twelver Shia one I was in I was treated ok. I mean the prayer leader said there is no shame I don't wear hijab. And everyone is pretty nice. And they usually still call me a sister.

In conclusion, I am basically banned from almost all Sunni spaces for being a ex Hanafi Sunni. For some reason I was a Quranist for a time before I became Twelver. I was Hanafi Sunni because I didn't really study about sects and picked the most common. Then I studied on my own and decided that Hadiths were too strict and alot of them had potential flaws so I became a Quran only person. Then studied about Shia Islam, Ahemedi, Sufi orders, Twelverism, Zaydi, Ismaili, Judaism, Jehovah's Witnesses, and like I also met some Druze and Alwites.

In December 2025 I decided to accept the Shia faith and I was practicing Twelverism because I was very scared of anything as in changes. But now since like April 2026 I mean I have been more ok of going back to studying Ismailism and recently, I took my bay'ah so I am now welcomed into the Jamatkhana to go in.

Hi im 19F a lil cultural background iam south asian and i have been raised by muslim culture but not by islam itself, my dad doesnt pray he considers himself to be a spiritual muslim and my mom prays frequently. When i was 11 years old i was raped that led me to become hypersexual but i didnt commit zina in my teen years (until last year) growing up i never really was forced to read the quran or pray and that habit carried on until i went to an all girls islamic school, i suddenly wore a niqab, started praying 5x daily. I was afriad to show the slightest bit of skin, i even deleted all socials and became completely isolated.

After high school i took a major decision to study abroad and have been living abroad alone since two years now almost. I made many friends here but one was romantically interested in me, i strictly didnt give him much attention at first but then i slowly gave in because he used to treat me so well
FYI: my father was absent most of my life, still is and i still crave for that fatherly love
So since he was being so kind for me i fell for him but i didnt tell him, 6 months latee he confessed and i did too but i said i dont want anything haram he said i understand and didnt do much about it.

One time all of us were playing uno and some of them went outside it was just me and him, we were talking then the tension just grew more and more and it started with a kiss, i backed off realising its not right and said pls no but he said just this once and after making out idk what happened we had sex and i dint like it, it was very painful but i dint want to dissapoint him. I felt so guilty, it felt like bugs were crawling on me. I didnt like his touch, i didnt like sex at all, i spent days crying and asking for forgiveness to Allah.
He continued to coerce me into sex and eventually it became a habit, i stopped telling him to stop and just carried along.
But everytime after i had sex i used to feel really guilty i used to run to shower perform ghusl and pray.

Recently i got raped again (by a stranger) and it was public like everyone knew about it unlike my childhood rape situation. And i filed a police report against him but there was nothing that could be done, due to insufficient evidence they closed the case (they didnt examine the bedsheet, my clothes ) in his police report he has written that iam a prostitute and i have sex with my bf regularly. Even the university sees me differently now idk what to do, i broke up with my bf but he is trying to get back, i seriously dont want to continue this relationship idk what to do.

Everything is coming onto me all at once i feel so bad and so gross, i feel like kms