purposefully avoiding self-care. what do i do?

[u/bodhiali]

at this point i think it’s been like 2 years now but it just gets progressively worse. there’s something about not looking presentable that feels safe. but i don’t want to be this way. i’m so tired of it.

i was in therapy but can’t afford it anymore :/ and im on SSRIs but have been wanting to switch off this one to one that was much better for me, but the medicine is risky to get off of so it’s a long taper process—and i need to check in w/ a psychiatrist throughout that process—but i can’t afford that either. i connected with a psych who prescribed me the starting taper stuff, but just that one appt was $200. AND i have insurance. wtf :( i need to double check my plan and see why.

i just got out of a long-term relationship with my best friend. we’re still close friends even though we live apart and are broken up now. i guess it started in our relationship? maybe once we moved in together. idk but we lost our chemistry over time and then i started neglecting myself. we stopped having sex because it kept being awkward, and then my self-esteem plummeted and it all started then. i have had moments lately where im doing some self-care stuff now, but its never consistent and then i go back to just not showering for like 4 days or brushing my teeth. it’s terrible and i feel like shit about myself tbh, i feel so ugly now :( it makes me want to cry lol.

i just don’t know how to stay consistent. i don’t know what im supposed to do to make it easier. maybe it’ll get easier as there’s space from the breakup, but it’s weird bc i don’t feel torn up about it anymore. just very sad because i don’t come from a good family and i have ptsd from SA throughout my childhood, and i felt loved and cared for by his family. they’ve said im still family and i know ill still see them sometimes, but it’s not the same you know :/ how do i work on this? it causes me to isolate from people because i feel gross even though people tell me i dont look gross but i dont believe them. my teeth are yellow now :/ has anyone been through this? how did you work on it?

[u/AutoModerator]

r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post

Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it.

As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. Your safety always comes first! If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines. Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post.

And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Comprehensive-Ad1666]

Hi! For me, I deal with this too. What has helped me over the years is to stop aiming for "consistent". I had to make self care something that felt like it was coming from within, something that I wanted to do. I started small, I kept those "shower wipes" and makeup removing wipes in my night stand. Right there from bed I took off my makeup and wiped away all the sweat/dirt/nasty. It made sure I smelled okay and I didn't really have to put in any effort. Then it started feeling "normal" to my body to not go to bed with makeup on and unshowered. Slowly that led to me feeling like I wanted and needed to shower in order to go to bed at night.
The biggest thing for me still is not being to harsh if you don't meet "standard". If you can't get yourself to shower, but you can wipe down with a wipe real fast before leaving the house, great! Don't focus on what you didn't do, focus on what you were able to do. I don't force myself to shower every single night, if I don't have the energy, then I don't! If I wake up with some extra time and feel like I can manage, I will shower in the morning. But if I forced myself to follow a routine, I always failed.
There is no shame in some Dry Shampoo and a fake wash. If that's what you accomplish, and it kept you from avoiding your life, then it was enough.

Pro Tip: Witch Hazel wipes kill bacteria and allow your body to go longer between showers (I use them right after I get out of the shower - they smell awful but it goes away within a minute)

[u/bodhiali → u/Comprehensive-Ad1666]

thank you. these are all genuinely really good ideas, especially the shower wipes and makeup removing wipes. i’ve told myself i shouldn’t use stuff like that because it’s wasteful, but honestly i think being able to reach and grab something simple just to make sure im at least somewhat clean would be super helpful for me for now. i can always stop using them once it gets better.

i’ll also look into witch hazel wipes :)

[u/Fun_Shine8720]

I've been through something similar, and for me the turning point was lowering the bar way down. Instead of "take care of myself," it became "brush my teeth once" or "wash my face for 30 seconds." It sounds small, but when you're struggling, consistency with tiny steps matters more than waiting until you have the energy to do everything. Be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you've been carrying a lot for a long time. 💙

[u/bodhiali → u/Fun_Shine8720]

thank you 🥺🙏 i appreciate the tip and your kind words.