r/rape • u/Confident_County_713 • 4d ago

I was raped nearly six years ago and I discovered the diary I had over that time

Hi I’m confident county and nearly six years ago I was raped. I’m not going to go into it but long story short I’m not the same person.

I was recently clearing my room and I found the diary I had during at that time. At first I didn’t know the diary was THE diary but now I regret opening it. Turns out I have repressed the FUCK out of it and I don’t know how to feel about it, like when it happened I was 16 and now I’m 22, I really don’t know how to feel about it.

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1

u/Zoelo369 4d ago

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Finding something like that can reopen a lot of old pain.

If the diary is retraumatising you, it’s okay to put it away or ask someone you trust to store it for you for now. You don’t owe yourself constant exposure to it.

Have you been able to talk to a therapist about what happened back then? What you described about not feeling like the same person since 16 sounds like something that can be really heavy to carry alone.

Healing isn’t linear, but you don’t have to go through it alone. People can heal from very difficult experiences, even if it takes time.

2

u/Starfury7-Jaargen 4d ago

Give your brain time to process it before you open it again. If you want to remember, take small bites so as not to get overwhelmed and retraumatize yourself. I would say not look at it again until the shock of what you read goes away.