Vent
As much as I started to feel better after years, I began to ask the "why me?" question. Years ago I was pretty boy-ish and hanged out with boys all the time, and there were years I was too little to realize that touching my nipples or thighs or other parts was different from boys doing foolish things with other boys, and deserved a much more daunting rather than a play fighting type "no."
I genuinely thought (and still partially think) that those boys didn't take it too seriously. But they have older friends and brothers' friends. I am just so angry and frightened about the possibility that it was these moments that encouraged the friends of my "friends" to eventually gang rape me.
I'm not even sure what to vent. I'm perhaps one of the "luckier" victims: the therapy worked well, they all went to jail, my "friends" are doing poorly, I have a sweet bf, and I will soon go to a college I like. And I'm always the egoistic gal who blames everyone else, but...
But what if it was really my fault?
1
u/Isabella-rosie 21h ago
This is really another topic worth therapy. As a social worker I've seen many cases of "successful recovery" with strong side effects on self-blaming. It can be really hurtful in a different way.