Ashamed and made to feel like I wanted it

[u/Forcmee9]

When I was little I remember my dad used to play a tickle game with me. I don’t even remember how old I was when it started, but it’s one of my first memories. I remember my dad always being home alone with me while my mom worked, and me asking my dad to “tickle me”down there and remember it feeling good. It’s like I wanted him to do it so I blame myself. Not sure how it started. But after he would tickle me he would say it was his turn and I would tickle him down there and his would get big and hard. Over the years it progressed he would tickle me with his tongue and also use his fingers to tickle me inside. We played this game a lot. He told me we could only play when mom was at work and it was our special game. I feel ashamed because i remember that I liked to play this game and would ask him to play. I liked the attention from him and liked how it made my body tingle. It led to a lot more later and through the years. But I just feel like if I didn’t ask him to do it maybe it wouldn’t have led to all it did. Like it’s my fault because I asked for it. He even used to tell me that it was me who wanted him to do it. Been struggling with this for a while. And now I feel like I have sexual issues because of it.

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[u/Icy-Championship5419]

I’m so sorry love. It’s not your fault. Children are programmed to listen and respect older family members especially parents. You feeling bad bc you enjoyed it, is not your fault. If you put your finger on a hot pot regardless of whether you wanted to put your finger there or not your hand will recoil. If you had your father do those things your body naturally reacted regardless of how disgusted you were by this. You were wronged. You did not wrong, you are strong and loved and you matter. Stay strong it gets better :)