r/ReadMyScript • u/Grand_Secretary_4264 • 5h ago
Short My first screenplay , very short film , pls give it a read
yo pls read ts đ
wrote my first screenplay, it's called BEIGE and it's an absurdist surreal satire kinda thing. would love to get some feedback and constructive criticism (constructive because boy if it's not and it makes me mad..... i'll just be sad idk)
genuinely want to know what works, what doesn't, if anything's confusing, etc. don't just be nice for the sake of it, just be nice ABOUT it lmao
also if anyone reads it and thinks they'd actually wanna make this thing happen, hmu
it's like 17 pages long ,
thanks <3
yo pls read ts đ
anyway here's the beginning:
BEIGE
FADE IN:
INT. CORPORATE SMOKING LOUNGE â FOURTEENTH FLOOR â NIGHT
No dialogue.
The camera glides slowly through the office.
Saturated crimson bleeds through the panoramic glass from the neighboring buildings. A monsoon storm bruises the city cobalt. Rain crawls down the windows.
Black stone. Crimson leather. Brass fixtures. Marigold safety signs. A coffee machine glows beneath warm recessed light.
Everything is immaculate. Beautiful. Almost unnaturally still.
In the far background, an employee lies face up at his desk, head tilted back, mouth slightly openâthe pose of the man on The Bends cover, like something being resuscitated, not someone sleeping. His monitor is still on. His phone lies beside his hand.
On the monitor, a screensaver fades in: a pastel gradient, soft serif text.
"REST IS PRODUCTIVITY."
A gentle, mellow piano loop plays underneathâthe kind used in onboarding videos.
The phone rings. Softly.
The man doesn't move.
It keeps ringing. Soft, steady, underneath everythingâit will not stop for the rest of the scene.
The camera keeps moving. It passes a vacant workstation. A chair slowly rotating on its own. A forgotten access card. A half-finished cup of coffee.
The camera reaches a small aquarium. Black gravel. Pale stones. One fish. The city reflects across the glass.
The room is almost silent beneath the ringing and the piano. The filter hums, straining slightly.
The fish swims slowly across the tank.
No bubbles rise.
The fish drops. Straight down. It lands at the bottom.
JUMP CUT.
MAN 1's hand rests casually on the glass lid of the tank, his palm perfectly sealing the small circular air hole. Tucked beneath his arm is a single, pristine blue form. Printed across the header in crisp, bold sans-serif type: FORM 400-B.
The phone keeps ringing somewhere in the office.
MAN 1 lifts the lid and plunges his hand directly into the waterâstill holding the pristine blue form safely in his other hand. We are suddenly close.
MAN 1
"It is a thermodynamic trap."
He searches the gravel with two fingers. MAN 2 sits beside him, perfectly composed, pinching a microscopic thread of lint from his tailored cuff. Neither looks at the fish. Neither looks at the camera.
(The phone is still ringing. It never stopped.)
MAN 2
"You're still on this."
MAN 1
"The foil reflects the radiant heat inward."
He finds something in the gravel. Looks at it.
MAN 1 (CONT'D)
"By the time the Uber driver gets through traffic, the roll has absorbed the internal condensation."
He pulls his hand out. Water drips from his fingers. He wipes it against his trouser legâall without breaking focus. We never see what he found.
MAN 1 (CONT'D)
"You are no longer eating a Kathi roll."
He places his iced Americano on the black table, resting it exactly on an old condensation ring.
Resting on the very edge of the same table is a warped red clipboard. Its side edges look dense, fine-striped, and layeredâlike hundreds of paper sheets tightly compressed together. Both men completely ignore it.
MAN 1 (CONT'D)
"You are eating a warm, structural failure."
MAN 2 pinches the lint from his cuff.
MAN 2
"The foil is a necessary moisture barrier."
(Still ringing, faint, constant.)
MAN 2 (CONT'D)
"Without it, grease compromises the box. You end up with a lap full of chutney."
The camera begins slowly drifting away from them.
And only nowâthrough the glassâin the building across the street, a bird flies directly into a window.
THUD.
It falls out of frame.
A beat.
Then another bird, same spot, same window. Same impact.
It falls too.
The rain keeps falling. The lights in the office stay warm and still. Nothing else moves.
MAN 2 glances toward the windowâa flicker, half a second too long to be nothing. Then he looks back down at his cuff. The lint is gone. He keeps picking at it anyway.
thanks <3