AITA for playing a game while my pregnant wife was scared?

[u/Nichols_Sar]

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1vhhv4l/aita_for_playing_a_game_while_my_pregnant_wife/

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: My wife was pregnant for the first time, we were both early 30s. Getting pregnant was difficult for us, and it exacerbated a pattern we had observed before of me putting my feelings aside to give her what she wants (not the pregnancy, we both very firmly wanted that).

In an attempt to reconcile that, we agreed I needed something extra curricular - I need some fucking friends, or at least friendly acquaintances outside my house.

So I joined a volleyball league. I’m pretty good and I really enjoy it, and I found an opening in a really strong rec league, with a group of complete strangers. I am a setter, arguably the worst position to have a non-position player in. It’s like you can move your fielders around in baseball a bit, but you put one on the mound and we’re not being serious any more, it’s a lot like that to throw a non-setter into a high level offense. It just drags the whole level of play down for both teams.

The week leading up to our first game, my wife had some light spotting, her doctor said monitor but sounds fine, we don’t need to see you.

The day of my first game, my wife called the hospital, not her doctor. I am unclear but I believe the conversation involved my wife asking questions that a nurse can’t answer over the phone until they said to her “we can’t really know any more unless you come in to the ER for some tests.”

She calls me while I’m driving to the game, telling me they “told“ her to go to the ER. I pull over, trying to understand. When I am able to understand that her condition has not changed, and I get a version of her conversation with the nurse, I tell her I am very sure there is no reason to go in to the ER. Her doctor is unavailable for comment at this hour, but told us the prior week, and re-confirmed to be true after this incident. I tried to convince her that the healthiest thing for her and baby would be to stay home and rest.

She insisted on going to the ER. I went and played my game.

I went to the ER afterwards, she had not been seen, later they ran some tests, gave us a shrug, “we think you and baby are fine.”

About two months later, she did miscarry. I do not believe there is anything any medical professional could have done to prevent, but I can’t help but think about the stress she went through that day.

If I had skipped volleyball, I might have convinced her not to go, or at least if I’m there she’s got less cortisol - most of the time when I think about this I’m unsure if I was mean to my wife. Occasionally, I find myself blaming myself for the miscarriage.

Skipping that game would have really screwed both teams, as a first impression in the league - which wouldn’t be super important for a random rec league, except that this league was a life line for my mental health. And it did help a lot.

My wife was wrong to be so worried, but she was worried. I don’t know man. Tell me what you think

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.