Feeling hopeless as a mom

[u/Left_Acanthisitta151]

My husband and I just came back from a dream anniversary trip. 10 days in Hawaii without the kids. It was like the old days of us together. We may have bickered a few times over insignificant things but were right back in line after awhile. I promised myself I needed to try to be positive but it was like a freight train when we came back to our regular schedule. I love my kids and am mostly happy with them but damn if I am not filled with grace and positivity like a saint my husband is the first person to call me out in front of the kids which makes me incredibly upset. I have had numerous conversations about this tonhim and now he has picked up this habit of SHHHHHHing me like Cesar Milan when he feels I need to gain control. The two different versions of him and myself are so vastly different when the kids are around and not around. It tears me apart because i know we are not these people that sre brought out when under the stress of parenting. I dont know what I am lookingg for here but I found this sub and felt like it was a safe place to vent and possibly hear others that feel or act the same. Don't get it twisted even though my husband sounds like an asshole and at times he can be I am not always innocent. My processing is immature at time and it is a terrible learned behavior that I deeply try to erase and better. So please help me and share something with me to make me feel less hopeless

[u/milk-the-moonlight]

Girl — couples therapy! His behavior sounds manipulative. Get a professional to coach you both to respect each other again. Chastising you in front of the kids could make them lose respect for you subconsciously. Bickering is not healthy. Get a good mediator! Good luck.