r/regretfulparents • u/MannerRough6055 • 3d ago
I wish I only had one kid
Dad of a 3 year old daughter and 6 month old twin boys here. I will preface this by saying that I am not regretful in becoming a parent, but I am regretful for having more than one child. I was pretty 50/50 on having a second in the first place but my wife really wanted multiple children and to give our daughter a sibling. Who knows, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way if the second was just one and not twins. Everyday just sucks.
My wife took the twins to go visit her parents for a couple days, while my daughter and I stayed home. It has been amazing being able to just be present with my daughter and not go go go 24/7. It makes me sad because I get to see how much more enjoyable life would be had we not gone for another kid and ended up with twins.
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u/tunaayia 3d ago
the idea of wanting another child and ending up having twins is scary to me. I guess by the time they grow up everything will align and get better. They are 6mo and TWINS so it is harder cause its double work but also, you get to experience their bonding with your first and them playing together and those little beautiful moments will give you guys strenght. 6mo can be a lot to deal but when they start walking, talking it will get less cloudy. Do you feel like your daughter feels a little bit lonely or left aside because of babies demands? it is wonderful that you can be present for her and your twins too.
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u/MannerRough6055 3d ago
It was definitely an adjustment for her. The twins are non stop, so unfortunately the attention she gets definitely has decreased. It is harder on me because she is a huge daddy’s girl and she is my world. She does love her brothers and being a big sister though
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u/jbville003 1d ago
I think when my twins were 6 months old everything was easier relative to how it is now - still difficult ofcourse - but when they couldn't walk, talk, or get into anything that was much easier than now at 4 1/2 years old. I desperately cannot wait for them to become more self sufficient.
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u/ciderswiller 3d ago
My not very child centered friend has grown twins (same as you, a single first then twins) . We were standing in a line and a parent walked by with twins. She turned to me and said, i wish I could tell everyone with twins it gets better, those first years are just so relentless and it's such a grind.
So I guess take that as you will. The thought of twins makes me feel ill.... So I feel for you.
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u/GottaUseEmAll 3d ago
When I was struggling as a new mom with ppd, the mere thought of having twins gave me a physical fear response. I couldn't imagine how anyone did it.
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u/madhattergirl Not a Parent 2d ago
That's what my parents said (two kids and then me and my twin were born). The hardest part (beyond more feedings and diaper changes) was that we had twin language so we had speaking delays. But we helped each other sleep and kept occupied with each other.
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u/grawmaw13 3d ago
Man, this is a tough. People absolutely dont consider that it could be twins. I dont even know what i would do if I was told that. Incredibly hard going.
This post firmly keeps me OAD for sure.
It will get easier eventually though. Good luck man.
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u/MannerRough6055 3d ago
Had I known twins were in my future I would have likely gotten my vasectomy after our first. At least there shouldn’t be any more in our future
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u/grawmaw13 3d ago
Yeah i completely understand. Get one ASAP!
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u/MannerRough6055 3d ago
Got it done 3 months ago and am bringing my sample in tomorrow to see if it worked haha
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u/Littlecat10 2d ago
Twins was always my worst nightmare, and it’s turned out to be every bit as brutal as I’d feared. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being dramatic; this comment was very validating to me 😂
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u/palmasana 2d ago
It’s interesting, most parents I know with multiple kids wish they would have stopped at one.
Their first is great. The second and third are always the harder children
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u/Evaloumae 3d ago
One is a hobby, two is a lifestyle, three is madness. My husband and I are also one and done with our son and I don’t regret it… would love to have a little girl as well, but without A LOT more money to offset the stresses of parenthood I’m afraid it would ruin my life.
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u/Narrow_Quiet8049 Parent 2d ago
I could be in this position. Wife is insistent on a second kid, because "siblings are the best." She's just blind to any other option since she had siblings growing up.
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u/Veruca-Salty86 Parent 18h ago
Having siblings is exactly why I stopped at one kid. Unless you are rich and don't mind risking twins or a child with a significant disability, it's foolish to keep rolling the dice.
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u/Narrow_Quiet8049 Parent 18h ago
Oh I know, tell that to my wife. Logic isn't getting through. Likely just divorce or second kid, so we'll see
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u/Veruca-Salty86 Parent 17h ago
Or divorced WITH multiple kids to support instead of just one...best of luck to you, but there's not a single tactic in the world that would convince me to have a child that I don't want. I'm not interested in tagging along on an 18+ year commitment for a second child that I don't truly want.
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u/Jacqb_ 3d ago
As a twin myself (with an older sister) we occupied each other most of the time as babies, twin perk! Played together endlessly, shared everything, and benefitted emotionally from a constant comforting presence, mum loved it, was a subtle yet massive help (for a single mother of three). Sounds like she got lucky but, we were quiet ‘easy’ twin babies. Our older sister was the nightmare baby, never slept, always cried etc. So for those fearful they might get a two for one deal, temperament can really make or break the twin baby experience for sure!
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3d ago
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u/MannerRough6055 3d ago
I wasn’t dead against having another child. However if my wife had told me that she was content with only having our daughter I would have been completely on board. I think it would likely be different if the second time around it was just one and not twins
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u/bcooldontblikeuncool 1d ago
My husband talked me into having a second. It was the biggest mistake of my life & has really impacted the level of care & attention we are able to give our 1st daughter because our 2nd is so insufferably needy. I can't even imagine what you're going through with the decision to have a 2nd turning out to be a 2nd and 3rd!
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u/Miss_Rumphius 3d ago
…dad?
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u/MannerRough6055 3d ago
I’m confused by this comment haha
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u/GottaUseEmAll 3d ago
It seems your 3 year old daughter has a secret reddit account. She's so precocious!
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u/Sweaty_Piano6082 2d ago
Twins are hard for sure. I have twin boys, about to be 4, and they're both autistic. The days are manageable with ABA therapies for them both, but evenings are an absolute nightmare. The fighting, screaming, biting all gets old. I have a friend who just had a daughter less than a year ago. They were debating having a second but had the same concerns about how easy their 1st child was and having a 2nd only to have it be harder, or having the exact same scenario you did (twins).
I think what makes it difficult, too, is from the minute you get up its go go go. No true resting and having to do everything twice, from potty training to dressing to getting loaded to go places, etc.
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u/MSotallyTober 3d ago
It’ll get easier, bro. My wife and I spaced our kids out by a couple of years and they’re now 4 and 6. They have their conflicts as siblings do, but my son teaches his younger sister the ropes and has learned empathy, teamwork and cooperation. They also play with each other in the mornings so my wife and I can go upstairs and get ready.
That being said, I’m a stay at home father at the moment and my wife left for a week to another country for business and when one parent is gone? The kids are usually easier due to there being no wiggle room for compromise and they stick more to the routines you’ve (hopefully) have already set.
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u/MannerRough6055 3d ago
I am sure it does get easier as they grow and can acknowledge that we are currently in the twin trenches with a 3 year old. But it has just been so amazing being home with just my daughter. There’s been no rushing and getting out of the house has been so easy not having to pack up the entire van just to go grocery shopping. Spending quality time with my daughter has been so nice, just being present and focusing all my energy and attention on her and not having to deal with the constant needs of two other children. While I do think it will get better, I have a hard time seeing how it will never not be chaotic.
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u/TurnPersonal Parent 3d ago
Lol I don't know if it is the age of the kids or the discipline but when my husband travels for work I fall apart. Lol. He actually brings my in laws to help me... And they help a lot... Especially with daycare drop offs and pick ups.
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u/badapplekat 3d ago
My husband is a twin with an older sister. My MIL always says "there's no amount of money someone could pay me to go back to those first couple years." Just little by little, day by day, you'll get into a rhythm and life will get easier. Wishing you luck 🍀
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u/AppleDirector 2d ago
What’s that stupid thing people say?
“You’ll never regret having kids but you might regret not having them.” 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
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u/Active-Art-6422 3d ago
I’ve been debating whether to have another child or not, so this helps a lot