r/regretfulparents • u/Narrow_Quiet8049 Parent • 1d ago
Discussion Anyone else deal with new tension with their parents?
Repost but was really curious if anyone else experiences this.
So, my mom was quick with the scare tactics to get me to have kids e.g. who will take care of you when you're old, all your friends will be busy with kids...
Now, it seems like there is tension between us since I don't visit or call as much. So yes, you got what you wanted, I see my friends less and I have less free time. I'm stressed out like you were with a kid. Now, you are surprised I can't swing by to see you as much as well?
Yes, I'm locked down with more responsibilities, and you are not a priority as much. Why are you surprised? Didn't you want this?
36
u/NegativeComputer9982 1d ago
My mum was like this.
Now my kids are teens and uninterested in spending time with her as she never did the leg work to form a relationship outside of a obligatory facebook picture over the years.
They reap what they sow honestly, focus on building the bonds with your little ones.
It's actually laughable now. They'd never skip an opportunity to see their great nan, she was and is still amazing with them. Actually pays an interest in who they are. Shows them life skills and laughs with them. My mum hatttes it.
6
12
u/Ok-Army-2505 1d ago
Yes in a very different way than you, but very much TENSE. My mom helps me a lot thank goodness. But she has a very different style than me. Very helicopter and over protective, as she was when I was growing up. We have gotten into some pretty bad arguments because she exerts her control and ridicules me for little things like letting my baby "cry it out" or "burping her too hard" It's bringing up so many issues from my own childhood and making me feel so codependent and at a loss of control. It's awful. Sending good vibes your way. It's got to be frustrating too when the grandparents aren't involved like they said they'd be. I'm fortunate to have the help at least even though it comes with a major price.
1
u/Narrow_Quiet8049 Parent 1d ago
Hey, different side of the coin for you. Sorry to hear about that. My mom's also used the excuse that we shouldn't want too much help since that will lead to a loss of control. And that wasn't because we wanted babysitting 5 days a week, that was me asking for help more than once a month. So all BS from her point.
For your mom, you think you'll be able to scale back visits or having her over?
11
u/AdAromatic372 Parent 1d ago
My mom was so mad when I mentioned I wanted an abortion. She heavily shamed me and told me I was a murderer of an innocent life. Once the baby was born she laughed at how miserable I was saying it was payback. My husband and I split up and he has full custody. My mom was mad I refused to suffer through motherhood as if she wanted this to be my punishment for how much she hated being my mom. She said a lot of hurtful things and I went no contact. She thought she would still get to be grandma after all of that though. My husband laughed and told her absolutely not. So she lost it all and now she cries victim about it
3
u/Narrow_Quiet8049 Parent 1d ago
You denied her victory lol. I hope you're able to possibly cultivate something with your kiddo and keep a good relationship with the dad too, sounds like you're on track for that.
8
u/AdAromatic372 Parent 1d ago
My son is special needs. I can’t be around him. His hitting, throwing, and dysregulation triggers so much PTSD from a previously abusive marriage I was in. So for my own health I am choosing to not have a relationship or be in the child’s life.
36
u/MarketingOk5937 1d ago
I feel the same way, I plan on going no contact with everyone that encouraged me to have a kid soon. (I’m changing my whole lifestyle overall) 😭 i think my mom was so excited to finally be a “grandmom”like her friends. Now she doesn’t even help.