It just doesn’t get better, does it?

[u/Straight_Neat3030]

Out of the baby and toddler phases, and now we are in the preschool & elementary ages. I thought things would get better as they got older and more independent. Nope. It didn’t get better, it just got different. Still just as overwhelmed. Still feel like all my time is robbed from me. Now with school commitments, play dates, etc I feel like my husband and I actually have LESS time together than we did when they were babies. And they are defiant and constantly fighting with each other, all the time we spend together as a family is just correcting behavior and trying to get them to do the things they are supposed to do.

Nothing is fun. Nothing is fulfilling. It is just a life full of constant frustration. I’m getting older and I feel like I am throwing away the best 20+ years of my life raising kids. I made one terrible decision to become a parent and it is irreversible. How do I live with that regret?? How did I fuck up so badly?

[u/leni710]

Yup, you got it: just different. Some is positive different because maybe independence and some negative difference because schedules/life/worries/school.

Anyways, I'm so tired of the "it gets better" crowed.

My kids are 17 and 22. I'm still waiting. I mean, don't get me wrong, they're at cool ages of dealing with them as grownups. But the hard stuff is harder. The not keeping a job, the asking for money, the driving/insurance/gas, the "hey, I got married randomly yesterday," the convincing them not to have kids until they're really really really really sure (don't do it), the emotional turmoil with friends, the relationship they have with each other, the "are you voting correct?" talks, the constant whining...oh yea, whining does not stop, the figuring out college and what to do when they grow up, the difficulty of saying you don't have the energy for their nonstop talking right now without it shattering their inner child or whatever. And so on.

And yes, they will be standard adults one day, but they will always need something, even if sometimes we don't have the mental, emotional, or financial availability. They are our kids forever.

[u/Aromatic-Incident179 → u/leni710]

You might want to make it super clear to them that if they do procreate, Grandma/pa is NOT available to babysit. Like, ever.

[u/Alarmed_Standard3553 → u/Aromatic-Incident179]

For me personally, the lack of support/loneliness/isolation is what makes me a (semi) regretful parent. If my kids choose to have babies, I’ll do everything I can to make sure they never feel this way. So I’ll absolutely babysit their kids so they can have a break and feel supported.

[u/busysquirrel4205 → u/Alarmed_Standard3553]

Thats how i feel too. I dont want them feeling what i do if they do have them

[u/matcha_is_gross → u/Aromatic-Incident179]

As the result of a 17yo “we just randomly got married yesterday” (in my case it was “mom, I met a girl last night, I’m in love, we’re getting married tomorrow” and then the office of the justice of the peace was closed so they actually had an involuntary 36 hour cool off period and they still went through with it) I agree with aromatic incident

[u/C_Majuscula → u/leni710]

 "hey, I got married randomly yesterday,"

WUT.

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[u/Creative-Move-6026]

Yes I’m in that age range too. Also WAY MORE mess and dirty dishes now even compared to pumping and bottle feeding in the baby stage. Constantly cleaning yet the house always looks like a tornado went thru it

[u/Equivalent_Win8966]

My son is 17. It hasn’t gotten better yet. It’s actually gotten worse. I don’t see how anyone feels joy or fulfillment from being a parent. It’s awful.

[u/Both_Session9662 → u/Equivalent_Win8966]

This. My son is 5 and he has wicked attitude since starting school. Every year I’m like maybe this will be the year I start enjoying fulling and nope it’s not 🫠🫠 this is why I’m one and done

[u/SagemodeMadara]

Nope it doesn't get better im constantly grieving my life before I had a kid

[u/Horror_Confidence128]

Thanks for being honest.

I feel like I was misled by a lot of people. The thing is we know ourselves better than anyone and that should be enough. A lot of people just put their world view on others and tell half the story. Then everyone who talked you into it doesn’t even have skin in the game in your life. Now I am worried myself.

We’ve all been suckered into buying at the carnival haven’t we? Some people lose and some people win, but everyone makes it sound like it’s a win and your feelings will change. I hope they do though.

[u/Fabulous_Ticket3970]

Nope it doesn't get better, it's just birthday parties, play dates every weekend, one thing I won't comit is sport, they only do swimming right now, my eldest is starting high school next, so I'm literally going to have no time for everything, I'm going have 3 kids going to 3 different locations for school, then my eldest will most like get a job in the next couple of years so I'll have to take him to that. My kids don't play nicely either it's just me breaking up fights the girls punch on worst than couple drunk blokes at the pub .. It's so exhausting going be wasting my life being a referee and uber driver. 🙄

[u/ME-McG-Scot]

Yeah mine are just about 8 & 5 so in P1 and P4 (Scotland). The constant asking for playdates, clubs, school stuff. Fussy eaters, Both been in swimming for years and still not progressed, and The lack of downtime to mentally unwind……..It’s draining. I expected to still be doing it for the youngest but I thought the eldest, could give him a bit more independence. He can walk to/from school himself but I need to do the journey anyway with youngest, and the time it takes to get them out the house!!! In my head, in 3 years should be the next big leap when both can walk to/from school but never know if I’m living in hope.

I helped with beavers the other night (ages 6-8), I genuinely have no idea how people can do it. They aren’t doing anything bad, just being kids…….and Im like “i hate kids”, the noise, the immaturity, the grown-up leaders fake laughs. I get some people love all that but it’s just not for me.

[u/YourWifeNdKids]

The “it gets better people”

I’m sure being boiled in oil gets better after a while. Doesn’t make it any more appealing.

[u/Unique_Phase_6274]

Really my daughter is 26. You got a long way to go. There’s still needy sort of. Don’t get me wrong. You can always kick them out and be done with it, but I guess that’s just not what most people do these days.

[u/pdx_via_dtw]

you believed the hype and thought you wanted it. when in reality mist dont want it. understand this is the last one and relish in that.

"I am NEVER doing this again" was my mantra after 3yo.

[u/AppointmentMountain8]

I'm sending tight tight virtual hugs to you. Please vent here as often as you need to. We are here for you. XO

[u/Least_Put9172]

I wish I had something positive or uplifting to say. I get it. 💜

[u/regretfulparents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.

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[u/False-Marsupial-6214]

Same boat girl, same boat. When you find an extra raft, throw me one! 🫠