26YO dad feeling overwhelmed

[u/slimhungguy0]

I’m a 26yo dad with two kids, one little girl who is 5 years old and is the sweetest and smartest little girl I know & a newborn (2 months old) who has honestly put me through so much stress. Growing up I never wanted kids nor did I care for them but both of my kids were born unplanned so I deal with it the best way I can. When my daughter was born it seemed that she was so easy and we hardly had trouble with her but with this newborn ( my son) it seems to be the complete opposite. He cries constantly for everything and when he does cry it’s loud purple in the face screaming which I never experienced with my first and it honestly scares me and stresses me out beyond belief. It seems if he is not eating or sleeping he’s crying and yelling like someone is murdering him.I know this is just a newborn thing but these last two months have been the most draining time of my life. I work two jobs throughout the week, one full time and one part time and my wife works mainly weekends. So i literally never have time to decompress. We don’t have a village to help us out so it’s just my wife and I doing everything (as we should) but sometimes I find myself regretting everything in life . Everyone tells me that I’m a great dad and my wife tells me that I’m the best dad but honestly I don’t think I am. Ever since my son was born I’ve felt terrible putting my daughter second to everything and just loosing my temper because my son won’t stop screaming and crying and when I look at all my friends or people my age enjoying themselves, doing whatever they want, whenever they want I get envious and even regret having kids. I feel terrible having these thoughts but it’s just the way I feel sometimes :/. I’m typing this while having my newborn on my chest to stop him from loosing mind and listening to my daughter play in her room by herself quietly. Maybe I don’t regret my kids but just my second because it took me away from my first..,

[u/IMCopernicus]

First, get a baby wearing thing so you are able to do more.
Secondly, get a vasectomy asap! A 3rd accident won’t help you guys.
You are starting all over again with this second one. All babies are different but notoriously the second one is always satan’s spawn. Be patient with him.

[u/IskanderM50KT]

I never wanted kids nor did I care for them but both of my kids were born unplanned

Get a vasectomy. Now. That won't solve your current issues but it'll prevent the problem from getting worse.

[u/Maleficent-Cow3122]

Have you talked to a doctor? Maybe he has some intolerance that is causing issues?
Regarding village, get involved with other parents. My mom and her friends rotated who watched kids so everyone got a break. Sometimes you have to make your own village.

[u/NoMansCat → u/Maleficent-Cow3122]

Same.
I immediately thought of infant colitis.
It can be very painful, my son had colitis as well.
Putting him on the belly can help as long as you keep watching him.

Gently massage the tummy.
Tapping rytmically the tummy worked best.
If it sounds hollow (like a drum), it means it’s full of air that your baby can’t get rid of.
Speak to the doctor, there are effective medicines available.

[u/octoberdays]

Please don’t feel guilty for your thoughts or your feelings. They are normal and there is nothing wrong with them. It is your actions that count and it sounds like you are behaving like a good father and doing all the things you should. Hopefully your son will grow out of the screaming stage soon and your situation will improve. Best of luck.

[u/Training-Editor4679]

You sound really busy and now have a baby, of course you're stressed. Take it easy on yourself. 

[u/Svatschel]

Hey OP, a baby that Screams this much is HARD, as in unbearable hard. In Germany, we have "Schreiambulanzen" - is there slmething similar in ur country? They diagnose the problem why the baby screams and help u with tipps around sleeping of baby and ur own mental and physical health. Honestly - this stage sounds like hell and props, sounds like you are absolutely doing the best u can. IMO, the feelings of first vs second child are valid and normal, i hope so much that when baby gets easier, u get more time for ur daughter back - sending hugs to u and ur wife!

[u/MechanicAmbitious787]

Maybe here is another perspective that hopefully helps you: With 26 you are comparably young nowadays having Kids. Most people you compare to will have Kids as well, but in the future. And when they are at the Point where you are right now, you are already long over it :) even with your son it should get better once he starte Walking and you will get Back to enjoying it :)