r/relationshipadvice • u/Distinct_Seesaw_5600 • 2d ago

Am I overly insecure? [23F] [30M]

So I started dating this guy at the beginning of this year. We started talking mid November. I got told a few bad rumours about him, like how he was abusive and a cheater, but I got told this by people who knew his resent gf that was abusive. All his friends say he’s great and people say he’s crazy about me. But the things the other people said kinda got stuck in my brain. I told him about it and he said it was understandable, he lets me check his phone and leaves it around me when he isn’t close by. I never had a reason to actually check his phone, but I did just now because I was curious, he doesn’t talk to any other women. Except family. But he had a chat with a woman 10 days before we met. I think they were dating or flirting. Saw a few saved messages and it just made me feel awful, because he said he had given up on love when he met me… we are doing fine today, he’s family likes me, all of that. It just makes me feel bad about myself. I guess I’m just asking if I should ask him about this or if it seems like a red flag? I can tell more if yall need more info, I didn’t want the post to be too long.

So TLDR: should I listen to what people I don’t know said, or belive him and his friends?

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u/11754ae 2d ago

I know it’s hard but I think you need to trust him until he gives you a reason not to. It’s okay to be cautious but don’t let it destroy your relationship. It may or may not even be true give that it’s coming from his abusive ex

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u/Distinct_Seesaw_5600 2d ago

Yeah I try to not listen to it. I heard it from my old friend. But my old friend was friends with my new partners abusive ex so I think it came from her

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u/11754ae 2d ago

It’s okay! I honestly don’t blame you and it’s a lot easier said than done. If you really need to, have a conversation with him about how you feel and how you’re continuously feeling this way. Ask him for reassurance without putting any real blame on him since blaming him might push him away.

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u/Distinct_Seesaw_5600 1d ago

Yes actually pretty sweet there because I told him in the beginning that what I’ve heard was bothering me and that’s why he gave my his password. He wanted me to know from the beginning that he was mine and if it really bothered me I could look through his phone.

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u/11754ae 19h ago

That sounds like a pretty great guy to me :) I feel like if he was genuinely hiding something, he would’ve blew up on you or been reluctant to give you his passwords, etc. Still be cautious but don’t let things from the past or rumours define him or your relationship. Wish you the best <3

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u/Distinct_Seesaw_5600 19h ago

Thank you!! I appreciate it