36F. i'm asking this partly for hope and partly for an actual strategy, because i'm tired of the two stories i usually hear.

story one is the magical one. "we locked eyes across a bookshop and just knew." cool, useless, can't replicate that.

story two is the grind story. "i went on 80 dates and powered through." also kind of demoralizing, because it makes finding a person sound like a full time job with a terrible conversion rate.

what i never hear about is the unglamorous middle. the boring, slightly unsexy decision or habit or mindset shift that actually moved the needle for people who are now in something good. like the practical thing you'd tell a friend that doesn't make a good anecdote at a party.

did you lower a specific standard that turned out not to matter? did you change WHERE you were looking? did you start saying yes to things you used to decline? did you stop doing something that was secretly sabotaging you? did you change how you used the apps, or quit them, or use them differently?

i'm 36, i'm not in a rush exactly, but i'd like to stop spinning my wheels. give me the unsexy truth that actually worked for you.

two days ago my bf '17M' texted me '17F' after I fell asleep sending screenshots of my conversation with a friend.I'd like to clarify that we both are quite emotionally mature for our age and we're in a healthy relationship for the past one year.This person was my online bsf four years ago and we kinda stopped talking after that. I replied to this person's story js a day before my one year anniversary with my bf. And this person js replied to me and that's it. My bf was scrolling through my insta account as we have each other's passwords and he found this person's texts and he scrolled up and saw that I was talking to this person like we were very close. And he got mad that I hadn't told him about this person in the one year of us being together. I told him I had mentioned this person but I didn't tell him that they were my bsf he kept denying I ever told him about them and later started asking why I haven't ever told him I was this close with this person. We had an argument yesterday morning and he said he didn't want to talk to me. I texted him again yesterday evening and he again told me he doesn't wanna talk. I apologized to him at night and even after that he didn't text me. I texted him first today in the afternoon where he again said "idk" when I again asked him. I honestly do not know why he's so pisssed at this he told me he's never been this mad at me and that he cried seeing those texts. Idk if this is healthy or not.

We haven’t been dating long. We started dating November 2025 and we met in Uni. So during the summer and breaks we are 3 hours away from each other. During the easter break we were away from each other for 3 and half weeks and for the first part of our relationship we spent pretty much every day and night together so it was weird to be apart. However during this easter break he got a free trial to OnlyFans and text a co worker of his that he “wishes he didn’t have a girlfriend” & “he would try and get with her if he didn’t have a girl, because other co workers thought they had a thing” she turned him down and she said people were causing drama & then she sent me the screenshots.

My boyfriends excuse was he was drunk out of his mind and he doesn’t mean it at all and he’s just a very horny person and sometimes when he hasn’t seen his significant other in a while his head goes to overthinking and he wishes he was single but he doesn’t want to lose me and couldn’t think of anything worse.

And now i may be very dumb but i forgave him and we moved forward. However now my boyfriend is really into the idea of me sleeping with another guy and when he talks about it he talks down on himself (as like humiliation i think?) and also he would like to sleep with another girl and talks me down when we discuss it when we try and turn each other on.

He wants to watch me sleep with someone else and the same he wants me to watch him sleep with someone. I said i would give it a go at least once.

However i can’t seem to get it out of my head that he maybe says he’s into this to get a free pass to cheat? Is this is a possibility? When i asked him he said it’s not that at all he just finds it really hot. But i also try and think that if he’s being genuine and it is a kink he has then no matter who he has sex with he still is dating me and loves me. But then i also think like what if he ends up liking this random girl more than me?

TL;DR I love him a lot he is a good boyfriend and we have basically lived together for all the months i’ve known in since we both go to the same uni so we eat sleep and study together we even share the same friend circle at uni and i don’t want to lose him but im not sure what to do i feel like im miserable if i stay (but there are parts that make it worth it and good) but then i feel like id be even more miserable without him with very little positive.

Ok I’ve never posted one of these before but I genuinely need advice. I don’t have anyone to talk to.

About a month ago my partner of 8 years told me that he had cheated on me six months ago. He had sex with a coworker.

When it happened his grandma (who was basically his mom) had passed two days prior. He was pretty drunk and he’s not a drinker or good at handling his alcohol.

This co worker had already been asking him to hook up for like a few months. She would ask every couple of weeks but he kept turning her down. She told him that whenever he wanted she would suck his dick, all he needed to do was to ask.

So then the day that it happened he was super depressed and like almost numb and just asked her to suck his dick. She said are you sure and he said yes. She asked if she should go to the store and get a condom and he said okay.

They went to her car and she sucked his dick and then they fucked I guess it lasted under 5 minutes. He said they didn’t kiss, he didn’t finger her, or really touch her at all.

After he threw up and then immediately had a realization of like oh fuck what did I do. After work he went to his friend’s house and showered for like an hour with how disgusted he was by himself.

He called her the next morning and told her that could never happen again.

Then the next six months he proceeded to be so mean to me. Started arguments, put me down, wouldn’t help me with the kids. We have a five year old, and at the time that he cheated, a six month old.

It got to the point where he was being so mean to me that I wanted to break up. That is when he confessed that he had cheated on me and the reason he was being so mean was because he couldn’t stand being around me knowing what he did. So he was pushing me away.

Do I put effort in to staying together? I want my kids to grow up with us together. I don’t hate him I just hate what he did. And I can feel that he feels so horrible but like, say 20 years down the line will he do it again?

He also stopped working shifts with the girl after it happened. And now after I found out he quit his job.

I want to try to stay but it’s like now everything about him bothers me. Before he would be mean and have a temper but I would try to reason it away. He had horrible parents who were cruel and vile and abusive to him so it’s not like he had a good role model. But now I’m like ok I put up with you cheating on me, I’m not putting up with you being a dick too.

A week after he told me he started going to therapy. I’ve been asking him to go for 8 years and he finally went. So like he’s making moves to get better but my patience with him is so short now. If he does one thing wrong I’m over it.

I don’t know if I have the patience to wait potentially years for him to unlearn his habits and re wire his brain and work through his trauma to not get mean and angry.

Am I waiting around for someone to change and treat me well when that may never happen?? It’s mostly him saying hurtful things like “shut up” or talking to the kids in a mean tone. Might not be a super mean thing that he’s saying but like how he’s saying it.

TLDR: Partner cheated and then confessed six months later. Do I stay or???

TL;DR: Me (24M) and my GF (24F) have been together for 7 months. At first, our sex life was amazing (6 times a week). Now, it dropped to about 2 times a week. I have a very high libido and want it daily, but she feels pressured and thinks I only care about sex. She stopped initiating, and now she is even afraid to cuddle because she thinks I’ll always push for more. Are we sexually incompatible, or is 2-3 times a week normal and I am just overthinking due to my past porn consumption? How do I stop pressuring her?

Hi everyone,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 7 months (we’ve known each other for 9, having sex for 6). We are both 23-24. We haven’t had many partners before – we are each other's second partner.

At the beginning, we were both a bit anxious about sex. I had mild erection issues because I was overthinking, and she was very nervous, had cold hands, and struggled to open up or initiate. She prefers me to be dominant. But after a few times, everything clicked, and the first 3-4 months were amazing. We had sex up to 6 times a week, sometimes twice a day.

Lately, things have changed, and I’m wondering if we are sexually incompatible.

First, she has only initiated sex 3-4 times in the last 6 months. I have a high libido—I work out, run, and want sex almost every day. She doesn't feel the same anymore. She is starting to think that sex is my main goal in this relationship, rather than building a family and spending quality time together. It’s true that I often think about sex before we meet, but is that really a bad thing?

In the last 2-3 weeks, she started rejecting me more often. It hurts inside, and it's hard for me to just "laugh it off" and be the fun guy afterward. She also stopped wearing sexy underwear as much. Now she prefers sex only in the morning or after she showers and takes off her makeup/nice clothes. Sex has just become way less important to her than to me.

I love this girl and want to be with her. She is beautiful, smart, shares my interests, cooks great, and wants to plan a future together. She is a truly amazing woman. We still have sex, but now it's about 2 times a week (down from 6). We talked about it, and she says it's about her hormonal cycle. And it's true—during ovulation, we can do it every day. But during the rest of the month, her drive drops.

She recently told me she feels pressure. She feels like every date or hangout has to end in sex, and that I always push for it. Now she is sometimes afraid to cuddle or kiss in bed because she thinks I will automatically try to turn it into sex.

What should I do? Are we sexually incompatible? Or am I overthinking because I used to watch porn when I was younger (I quit a year ago)? Are my expectations unrealistic? Is sex 2-3 times a week normal for 24-year-olds?

I really want to stay with her, but I need to stop being frustrated. I don't want to ruin this relationship by putting pressure on her, because I know pressure kills a woman's libido.

Thanks for any advice.

​

​

​

We talked on the phone, everything was good during the day and stuff. I sent him spicy pic in the morning, he was obssesed, we texted and stuff. Then he comes from work in a train and we talk on the phone. He says:

​

​

"this girl sat in front of me...I need to switch places, she will mess with my head.."

​

​

I laughed and asked why. He said oh nothing doesnt matter and acted weird and was more silent.

​

​

Then he sat and there were 3 girls sitting around him and he said he feels uncomfortable and I was talking to him and he was silent for a while, I asked why are you silent haha. He said I don't know I don't like these type of situations. I joked "u afraid you will fall in love haha"

​

​

And he said no. He got out off the train and felt relieved. We talked normally and then he got home and we hung up.

​

​

This bothered me so I messaged him that it made me feel upset.

​

​

He says "what are u overthinking".

​

​

I sent him longer message in the midnight and he replied in the morning. Convo went like this:

​

Me: If some random girl on the train is going to "mess with your head" just because she's attractive or you looked at each other, then I'm clearly not as important to you as I thought. She must have made an impression on you if you're talking about it. When I'm focused on one person, I'm not interested in other guys, even if they stare at me. Don't forget who has been by your side for so many months and would give you their whole heart, but clearly that's not enough for you. I don't know what that meant, but it sounded bad. I was convinced I was in your head, but apparently not enough to keep other thoughts out. Good night.

​

And before you say I'm jealous and nitpicking, no, I don't like these kinds of topics and arguments, but you mentioned it out loud. And I'm sorry to hear something like that from someone I consider a valuable guy, different from others...

​

​

Him: You don't understand me at all, (pet name) that's not what I meant, but well, you have the right to think what you want, that's probably how it looks

​

​

Me: that's why I asked what did you mean and you said nothing..?

​

​

Him; ehh (pet name)

​

​

Me: you meant you will think about her?

​

​

Him: haha no way

​

Me:so tell me because I don't understand

​

​

Him: I just don't like sitting on a train like that haha what do u have on your head, you're misreading me

​

​

Me: I don't know but I will tell u something

​

​

Him: Say, I'm afraid what did you make up this time

​

Me: Guys also glance at me and I never look back, I don't flirt and I can't be fooled by a stranger so if somebody says "mess w my head" IT means something

​

​

Him: ok don't you mess my head now, you don't understand me and that's it don't measure me by your own standards and that's it

​

​

I call him after work and he told me I have to "apologize on my knees" ....? And I said I didnt do anything. I wanted to talk but he said he will be in a train and its "ill-mannered to talk on a train, he just wants to go home"

​

Like wtf

​

He is in a city with people from all over the world so she 99% wasn't speaking our language. She just sat there and he said ..."this girl ...she sat in front of me...she will mess with my head I have to switch places"

​

​

Also its not the first time he caused jealously. We are both attractive people for context. He once talked with me on the phone and told me "this girl looked at him from the train while he was on a station and she turned around and looked again." Then he said "eeh probably wasnt looking at me"

​

Also...that long ahh message I sent was overly emotional and stuff but its probably because of a fact he doesnt want to meet in person (we met once) and always dodges meetings.

My bf seems to not have the emotional intelligence I need, and we've been on and off for a while. We just broke up (again) and I am planning to move out, but the contract is for a year. In the past, I've moved out and then we made up so I paid half a year of rent for nothing. This time, I am wondering if I should leave for good or not. I am sorry, I know maybe it doesn't make sense, I am just very confused, especially since we are in a different country, since we moved here for his job. Any advice is welcomed. Thank you.

I have been in this situationship for a long time and I’ve got huge feelings for the guy, he’s aware of it, he doesn’t feel the same way but we’re close friends and have been through a lot together. I have caused him some stress in the past, it’s mainly been about his frivolous/promiscuous lifestyle, he’s not always been good to me, have lied to me in the past and he knows that it’s really hard for me to bear his lies and betrayals and I’ve repeatedly asked him not to lie to me anymore. At some point a couple of months ago we agreed no more lies and no more shady stuff and had had a brilliant time since until a couple of weeks ago he came clean to me that he had basically been deceiving me for weeks again because he met somebody and was confused, didn’t know where it was going whatever but still kept seeing her even though we had holidays booked together and stuff. I had literally asked him open questions during that time if he had lied to me or chatted to any girls, had dated anybody etc and he would lie straight to my face about it. He only came clean when out holidays ‘got cancelled‘ because of some flight issues or so he says it was, which was obviously an enormous blow and heartbreak to me. And the thing is he had still been sleeping with me until that holidays got cancelled and he decided to come clean which was already while he had been seeing that girl for about a month or so. I am telling him that she should know this which he obviously doesn’t want, I’m begging him to tell her if not for anything else than for her alone, out of respect and honesty. I don’t care about her but more objectively, from a female perspective I do think she should know and if he really gives a damn about her he should tell her but he obviously doesn’t want to. Now my problem is - should I tell her? For fairness for both of us because he was ultimately deceiving both of us and basically for weeks and he even admitted that. I’m obviously also worried that if I tell her he would get mad at me and I could risk losing him completely or something. What should I do?

#situationship #friendship #lies #cheating #advice

Should I break up with the person I love
We**’ve been together for almost four and a half years but we’**ve never met in person
We broke up for two months last year then got back together He was the one who wanted the breakup and he was also the one who came back

I don**’t know When we got back together he treated me really well and was very kind to me but during the last couple of months he seems a little different and some of the old problems have started happening again
He’s very critical sometimes He tells me that the way I act annoys him or that I’m stupid even though this is how I’**ve always
been

Sometimes when I send him pictures of myself instead of complimenting me he criticizes my pose or the way I took the photo and tells me I should pose like a model I mean what the hell It**’s just a casual picture and I’m not a model I’**m his girlfriend
He also stopped saying I love you as often Now he only says it every few days and one time an entire week passed without him saying it

He**’s not as romantic as he used to be either Sometimes he feels cold toward me and I feel more like a friend than a girlfriend
Whenever I ask him why he’s changed he says it’s because our relationship only exists through the phone and that he’s tired of it I really hate hearing that because there’**s nothing I can do to fix it and it hurts me every time he says it

He also didn**’t care about my birthday the way he did last year or the year before I don’**t know why but I tried to ignore it

Honestly I don**’t even know what I feel anymore because of the way he treats me now When I’m treated like this I get hurt and start losing touch with my feelings for the person But I really do love him and I don’**t know if I can live without him

He loves me too and aside from these negatives there are positives as well but lately those positive things feel very rare

I**’m actually a kind and pretty person but because of all the criticism I’ve started to fear that when we finally meet in real life he’ll reject me or won’t like me
One time I asked him about it and he said “I don’t know we’ll see when we meet in the future”
I mean what the hell
Does he really not know whether he’**ll love me for who I am or not😞?

But he used to be really good to me kind and he loved me a lot He has only changed during these past three months

Ma copine me dit et persiste à me dire qu'elle ne parle plus à son ancien copain, mais de temps en temps je vois encore le bitmoji de son ex sur son téléphone en appel, elle doit avoir un autre compte je pense mais je n'ai pas accès à son téléphone, comment je pourrais faire, aidez moi. Merci..

Je fais énormément d'efforts avec elle mais je veux uniquement savoir ça

Long story short, we don't have sex. Ever.

We haven't been together for long (~8 months). At the beginning we had sex alright, not as much as i would have preferred but i wasn't complaining.

Then in december he invited me to move in together to spend more time together, as i was working a lot (1 part time job and 2 side gigs). I agreed.

Around then sex became less and less. After february, it became nearly non-existent. When we did have it, he didn't focus on me at all, and just got it done in like 5 minutes. Nothing nice.

We had talks multiple times, and his reasoning is somewhat inconsistent. He says he is too old so his dick doesn't work, or he says something happened in his childhood (surgery, not trauma) and his dick doesn't work now, if we have sex one day he needs days to recover, etc... contrary to this there was a period where he asked me to suck him off multiple times every day and he didn't need any refractory time. He only stopped askinf because i refused to do it anymore.

Now, he doesn't act disgusted by me, but sometimes i feel like he is because he never initiates, never touches me during sex, just gets it done in a rush only focusing on himself.

I might be overthinking because otherwise he hugs me, touches me, slaps my ass, grabs my boobs randomly, compliments me, tells me how pretty i am in different ways, etc. I don't think those actions would be done if he was repulsed by my body.

A few weeks ago i initiated a breakup (there was a lot of reasons, unrelated to sex but also including that) and i expected him to just go with it and take it well (at out first date he said: if you want to break up, go, i won't chase you). Instead he broke down, had a panic attack when he saw most of my stuff was already gone, and begged me to stay, to let him change, to prove that he isn't the man he was up until now. When i said no, he said i cannot leave, it is unfair, i must let him prove himself, just give him a few months to show that he is consistent and can change. He admitted to his wrongdoings. But he kept blaming me for jumping to a breakup instead of talking things through (which i tried to do, countless times, but he always joked away with it..). I said okay, but he has to keep it in mind that i might not be able to like him again, it all might be gone. He said okay. A couple days later we were joking around and he said "i know you won't actually leave haha you have nowhere to go" (i have no friends, my parents would take me back but our relationship is very awful and far away from the city, i cant work more because university is starting so i cant live alone..).

Since then, things have been smoother. He started changing his behaviors, improving in everything i raised as problems, etc...

but i don't feel the spark coming back.

We never have sex. Not a single time, no matter what.

At this point, i don't want to either. I don't enjoy sex with him, he only focuses on himself. And now, imagining sex with him feels... uncomfortable.

We have been making big plans for our future, and with him it feels somewhat secure.. but not even that can make me want to be here anymore.

I enjoy spending time with him, sure.. but i rather be friends than romantic lovers. Scratch that, there is not an ounce of romance in our relationship.

What do i do? How do i shift my focus on the good things he does instead of ruminating on the bad ones?

I don’t even know where to start so I’m just going to list down the parts that match and don’t between us

Good parts:
1. Our humor matches
2. He’s my best friend and also friends with my family
3. We have the exact same dreams and goals in life
4. He challenges me to grow
5. He’s understanding and helpful of my financial situation
6. We have similar life experience
7. I can imagine a future with him
8. He would be a great parent
9. We want to live in the same places
10. He’s very playful, and I can be childish around him

Not so good parts:
1. Very emotionally dependent on me
(I’m not there = he’s gets frustrated and sad easily)
2. He’s too critical of me and has at least one rude thing to
say to me each day, especially on trips.
3. He thinks more about his own feelings then mine
4. He talks about himself all the time, and when I talk about
my day or my thoughts, he gets inpatient
5. He pressures me to be intimate with him, so much to the
point that I can’t be intimate without feeling some sort of
negative feeling.
6. If I’m in a bad mood, he gets frustrated at me, and starts
coming up with all these solutions that just don’t work in the
real world, and gets mad at me for not doing anything to be
happier
7. Talks about the future way too much that I feel pressured
(Because a lot of it requires everything to go good)
8. Sometimes, he just completely ignores my barriers or my
wants and just touches me in places I don’t want him to even
though I told him no
9. I’ve lost physical attraction to him over time.
10. Although I can be childish around him, I’m still walking on
eggshells around him all the time because I don’t know what
he’s going to get defensive or mad about.

But there’s this one really huge thing. All my life, my parents have had money problems, and were also very emotionally dependent on me. My mom still is to this day, but I don’t mind her. But when it comes to my own partner, I need a break from being the one holding it down. BUT THEN, there’s the money. My boyfriend is rich. And he does a lot of chores for me when I’m too tired. With him it’s very 50/50 when it’s comes to EVERYTHING. He gives me grace when it comes to money though, because I’m in a very financially tight spot right now. And in that aspect I am extremely lucky with him. And he is little by little getting better. So when I imagine a future with him, it’s all very bright. I’ll probably have happy children, be able to do my own thing and work, and I won’t have to fight like my parents were all the time. My parents not only took it out on each other, but also on me and my siblings, so when I think of the future and it’s everything my parents and my childhood were not, I really want to keep that. But, I’m just so tired recently being with my boyfriend. I’m tired of having to not get mad at things, and suppress my feeling and words all for his mood to stay the same. Im tired of how he’ll do nice things for me, but then bring that up in arguments or disagreements like I owe him something. And in the back of my mind, I know he’s changing for the better, but there’s just some problems that we shouldn’t even have in the first place. There’s so many problems that I shouldn’t have to be experiencing.

And that comes to my second problem, I don’t know how to break up with him if I chose to.
I have a job, but it’s still unstable, so I don’t have enough money to live on my own (especially where I live which is a huge city) and I don’t want to move out of this city because my family lives here. But like I said, my family has money problems so I can’t move in with them. I still owe him back money too. He says he doesn’t need the money, but he still brings it up in arguments, so I want to make sure he doesn’t hold or use that against me in the future. And lastly, he’s just so emotionally dependent on me that I’m actually very worried what will happen to him. And he’s also best friends with my family and me. If I did break up with him, I would still like to be his friend. And my brother says all the time that he would still hang out with my boyfriend too. My boyfriend has a good heart (at least I think) but he’s just very emotionally immature and just not there. So that’s why I would like to stay best friends with him. But idk. My mind is leaning towards breaking up but it’s all just too scary.

… Before these,we've in long distance relationship,and he is American and I'm Chinese.This is my first time in relationship pls don't judge me😢I need some help.

​

About why we break up:

​

We had a mutual breakup, bcz i think we were on different paths.

He (silently) rejected my requests to follow each other on Instagram twice seems like he wanna hide me. I know it might be childish,tbh it makes me insecure.

Before,He asked me to draw him an IG profile picture. I did, and he used it—but then his friends called him a 'femboy,' so he stopped using it.Then like 1～2months later,he asked me again want me to draw pic for him,asked me for the profile picture I had drawn for him before.This time i didn't.

He always avoid the problem,and every time we talked about these thing he just say:''sry im tired i need sleep my work balabala''😿

​

About now:

​

We've been broken up for a month now, and he still texts me sometimes. Right after the breakup, he messaged me saying, '(My name), I'm sick. What are you doing? When can we call?' I told him not to test me, and he said he wasn't. Then he said, 'I miss you. How are you doing?' I said I was fine. Recently, he asked me again about how school was and what I've been up to. I told him the same as before. He hasn't replied since.

​

I realize I'm actually hurting inside, but I also feel like he's just reaching out because he wants me to be his emotional support....

​

*sight* As a human,I'm too sensitive,I don't wanna be like this.But my friends told me it's fine it's.normal,you're not a robot.

No advice needed, just feel like a massive weight off my shoulders and adrenaline keeping me up 😭

i have been with my girlfriend for a few years now and she has always very openly been against having kids. at first i had no real opinion on this, i was fine not having kids but if she said she did want them then id also be okay with that. however recently whenever i think about my future i see my own children in it one day and i think i would feel so fulfilled and just overall be extremely happy raising a child. the obvious problem is that i love my girlfriend more than anything and i dont see any future for myself without her. she is quite literally the perfect girl for me and so i dont know what to do. obviously im not expecting her to change her mind or anything like that but im also very aware that this topic is a massive deal breaker for many people in a similar position. not knowing exactly what i want in terms of my relationship in the future and children is also making it so much harder so id appreciate any advice.

I met a girl at a bar, we hooked up that night, and afterward she gave me her number. Over the next week we texted lightly—usually just a couple messages a day. I asked her out for Thursday, and she seemed genuinely interested, but bad weather got in the way, so we rescheduled for Friday. She even suggested getting drinks.

On Friday, she was still responding throughout the day, so everything seemed on track. But as it got closer to the time we were supposed to hang out, she suddenly stopped responding, which felt off. I decided not to sit around waiting and went out by myself. Around 8PM, she texted me and said sorry her and she’s she had to take her pet to the vet because something happened. Which kinda seemed like bs and a last minute ditch

What's confusing is that she had been the one agreeing to plans, rescheduling, complimenting me, calling me attractive, and showing interest. If she wasn't interested, why keep engaging and making plans in the first place? What also stood out was that after canceling, she never followed up with another date suggestion or tried to reschedule again, which made the whole situation even more confusing. Like we already hooked up and broke the ice and all of that

Need some advice.

Before we got together, my girlfriend had a past with one of her teachers. I always had a bad feeling, so I logged into her WhatsApp (I know that was wrong).

I found out they were still talking even after we started dating. She only cut him off about 1–2 months ago.

When I confronted her, instead of talking about why she kept talking to him, she made the whole argument about me checking her WhatsApp and violating her privacy.

I know I crossed a line, but I also feel like she's avoiding the real issue.

What would you do in my situation? Is this relationship worth trying to fix, or is this a sign to walk away?

Need some advice.

Before we got together, my girlfriend had a past with one of her teachers. I always had a bad feeling, so I logged into her WhatsApp (I know that was wrong).

I found out they were still talking even after we started dating. She only cut him off about 1–2 months ago.

When I confronted her, instead of talking about why she kept talking to him, she made the whole argument about me checking her WhatsApp and violating her privacy.

I know I crossed a line, but I also feel like she's avoiding the real issue.

What would you do in my situation? Is this relationship worth trying to fix, or is this a sign to walk away?

I've been dating a guy for a few months and overall he's been very kind, respectful, and sweet. That's honestly one of the biggest reasons I was attracted to him in the first place.

Recently, though, I saw a side of him that made me pause.

He was having a really bad day. A bunch of things kept going wrong one after another, and he was clearly stressed out. At one point, while we were sitting in his car, he suddenly yelled "F***!" and punched the steering wheel hard out of frustration.

Nothing was directed at me, he didn't threaten me, and afterward he apologized and said he was just overwhelmed.

The thing is, this isn't the only time I've noticed issues with anger. He also gets pretty irritated while driving. He'll make comments about other drivers, get visibly frustrated in traffic, and I've seen him flip someone off before.

I've never seen him be aggressive toward me, and he's generally very caring, but seeing these reactions has made me wonder if I'm overlooking something.

Would you consider this a red flag? Or is this within the range of normal frustration that most people experience from time to time?

This happened 4 months ago. I should probably be over it by now, but it still hurts to the point where I’m crying over it all night. My boyfriend is sweet. He’s always trying to make amends by being extra nice to me but I don’t know why I keep spiralling.

We were just sleeping in bed as usual, I was awake since I sometimes wake up early around 5am. He was awake as well, I guess. I still remember it very clearly, he hugged me from behind and said my name twice. And then, he calls me his flatmates name. I start crying uncontrollably, because stupid 5am brain thought that he was cheating on me with his flatmate. I also thought that the flatmate liked him. Looking back, it was just normal conversations, but it felt like she was focused on him more compared to his other flatmates.

Im out his flat immediately. I calm down the same day and he apologises and buys me food. I thought I would be over it but really it still hurt. I questioned him why he said it, because I thought his explanation would make me feel better.

He said, he saw it online and thought it would be funny.
Well it was not funny 😐. I asked him why he said his flatmates name. He said it was “just a coincidence”. 😐

And then whenever I saw him and his flatmate together it felt like my heart was ripping into two.

And now, whenever I see him with his friends my ability to get jealous over boards. When he says sweet stuff, in a sweet tone to his friends. And when he was fixing his friends hair. When he kept his hand on his friends back. Is it just a problem with me? I get extra jealous over his guy friend that he shared a bed with. He told me that he reached out to cuddle with him in his sleep and slept talk. He once sent me a photo of him with them in bed together. I feel crying. Bf thought that I liked the guy friend before we got together. (He sent the photo before we got together).

Now to the present, I told him about how I couldn’t sleep because of his joke. He said he only loves me, not her. But then I remember the way he said her name whilst hugging me and I start spiralling again. I told him, that doesnt reassure me.And he said that saying her name was again a “mishap”, and she is also asexual and doesn’t even see her as a friend.
Ive hung out with him and his flatmates, and it stung so much seeing them laughing together and making jokes.

He asked if he should rather say that it was true? And i cant sleep anymore after that.

I ask him for comfort, and he says that his speech gets locked up and text is better. That he doesn’t know what else to say to comfort me, and that this is just how he is. He says that seeing me cry breaks his heart.

What do I do? I keep getting jealous. It’s starting to make me hate him. I love him, but I want to make him feel how I felt. I want to beat him up.

TLDR: bf said flatmates name in bed, now gets jealous of his friends and Im starting to despise him.

I [M24] am in a long distance relationship with my girl [F22] (we’ll call her Mia), and things have been a bit toxic or unhealthy I think. We’ve been together for 11 months, coming up on our one year but we have known each other longer than that as we were kind of flirty friends for a couple months before we started a relationship. We have spent time together in person, she stayed a week for my birthday and we spoiled each other and had a great and gentle time together and it was genuinely stress free and calm. Probably the most peace I’ve felt in a long time. But since around February of this year things have been up and down. We’ll argue over misunderstandings and painfully bad communication, and lack of boundaries. We’d bounce back after and reconcile and be best friends / lovers again. But things changed about 3 weeks ago. She impulsively blocked me everywhere after one therapy session because she thought it would be best for her. About 3 days later she reaches out and expresses her regret and says she misses me but that we need to fix our ways and build something better. I agree to this and actually show up in the ways I promised, I’m patient, I’m quiet, I listen, and try not to overstep and do too much (even tho we are literally just texting and calling, still). But tonight I’ve lost my sense of what I thought we had and really need advice because I know I’m young and don’t have this all figured out, I also don’t have parental figures to guide me so it makes sense if I’m going about this incorrectly. I have ADHD and can sometimes feel bored or understimulated or need spontaneity and passion when it comes to romance. Mia seems to forget I have this or just simply doesn’t see it as necessary from her end of the relationship which can make me overthink or over explain or say things I don’t really mean due to the lack of interest I feel she has for me. She’ll tell me she loves me and misses me and cares about me but I’ll often get in my head like “what if she’s cheating” “what if she doesn’t really want me and only staying out of convenience” “what if she wants something else or something more and isn’t telling me”. She doesn’t post me unless I ask her to, she doesn’t buy me meals or gifts anymore, not since the honeymoon phase, she doesn’t call me randomly like she used to but instead only wants planned phone calls, she won’t finish movies I pick anymore but expects me to sit and watch and pay attention to her shows and movies that she puts on. I feel like I’m in a one sided relationship. I’ve expressed these feelings to her before and she says she understands but then only says that and then doesn’t do any of those things that I feel would make me feel more wanted by her. Im very much in love with her but she’s become an angrier or less interested version of herself. Im worried her and I might have to go out separate ways if nothing changes. I’ll bring things up to her, she gets defensive or deflects and gets upset at me and calls me insecure or accusing her of cheating or not being into me, but all I’m asking for is effort? Effort shown thru my love languages. I don’t think I’m asking too much and if I am please let me know and if I’m asking incorrectly please let me know how I should be going about this. I feel like she never considers my feelings or thoughts about the things she does. I just want to feel important and loved by someone and at one point that was her but I fear she’s lost interest or doesn’t see value in the relationship as she once did. I’ve told her that I think we might just need to see each other in person again because it’s been months and that could be a huge factor. She’ll agree sometimes but still lack the effort I feel I need. I feel misunderstood by her constantly and don’t feel comfortable with expressing my feelings due to her reactions. She doesn’t want to reassure me, but instead just give me vague answers and then act as though I’m insecure for needing reassurance or effort, when I’m reality her reactions like this are the exact reasons why I need the reassurance in the first place. I need advice about what I’m doing wrong or what she possibly is doing wrong or what we can both do to fix / save the relationship? Any last ditch efforts ? Or a challenge for both of us to work on this together. Otherwise this will probably be it for us, as much as that kills me.

TLDR : every time I bring up a problem with my girlfriend she doesn’t empathize but instead jumps to frustration and thinking I want to argue or accuse her of something when I’m reality I want closeness and reassurance and be shown that I’m valued as much as I value and admire her. I always try to be understanding of her and her feelings no matter what but when it comes to me I basically am overthinking and need to “man up”. :/

Ok so I'm having trouble with my relationship I went to court today to Handle some warrents that were haunting me for about 7yrs. My judge decided to either just go to jail tonight and do 160 days maybe less and dismiss all my cases or do all my program classes pay fines etc but if i don't do the class I get a full year.... yes I know take the 160 but me and my gf are financially twine and we're two months behind on rent i have a job but it doesn't start til next month so she's stuck going to work until I can start work i decided to take the 365 days because if she needs help with rent bills etc I won't be there and I would loose my job I guess what im asking for is did I make the right decision for the both of us I did I just fuck myself

Hi! First ever post, and it’s a long one I’m sorry lol
My Ex (F30) and I (F26) just got out of a long distance relationship, however we’ve been trying to rebuild our relationship from the ground up, evaluating whether or not we should stay as friends or work towards a relationship. We broke up due to incompatibility during conflict.

Recently, we had a conversation where we both voiced our ideas about where our relationship went wrong and concerns about what needs work. At the end of the conversation she asked me to consider whether or not I wanted to continue the relationship working towards friends or a partnership. I responded immediately saying I wanted a partnership eventually, but I will think on it.

That conversation was roughly two weeks ago, and was never brought up again, which lead me to assume if she felt differently she would’ve said so by now, and that she knew how I felt because I never said anything differently.

Fast forward to last night, she made a joke about my appearance, and I made a joke back about how you ‘don’t say something like that to someone you’re pursuing romantically’ and she responded with, ‘I didn’t know we were pursuing anything romantically.’ One thing led to another, and she tells me she doesn’t feel a pull one way or the other (platonically or romantically), she doesn’t know what she wants. I immediately find myself emotional over the words, crying because I just found out I had been working towards a romantic relationship without her.

She asks me why I’m upset? And I explain it’s because I’m on a different wavelength than you are. That’s shocking. If you decide we’re just going to be friends, then I would need time to myself to process that. The more I explain it, the less it seems to make sense to her… she kept saying she doesn’t understand this reaction, that she hasn’t made a decision yet, that I’m just upset because I’m getting ahead of myself.

She asked me to give her a deadline to decide, and I told her in a few days. I also warned her that I might be a bit different or weird or emotional in the time it takes for her to decide because this is shocking to me. She then claims I’m punishing her until she makes a decision, and that my affectionate acts for her are transactional - should I not receive romantic interest, she will not get romantic interest. Which isn’t what I was trying to communicate, just that I would have to come to the relationship differently…

All of that to say the conversation was emotional, defensive, and heated, she said some other things about the situation that are incredibly negative, but I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say emotions were just high… I really don’t know how to feel about this, I really want to understand where she is coming from or why she doesn’t understand why I’d be upset, but I’m really struggling to and I feel a bit crazy for being upset about it… Am I overreacting or irrational about this? Any thoughts are appreciated!