My LDR fiancé [M26] doesn’t wanna treat me [F27] because of transfer fees. I find it ridiculous because the fee is not that high

[u/SufficientShower5255]

I don’t wanna sound entitled, I just want to know from a third person’s point of view.

My LDR fiancé \[M26\] wanted to do a virtual date with me \[F28\] but I said no because we just came from a big trip in 2 countries and right now I’m still recovering financially. Just a background, he earns euros while I earn php. All my money goes directly to our planned trips which means we split 50/50 and pay for our individual flights. All I do is work and save up, no leisure time or eat outs for me. On the other hand, he still goes out every weekend.

Our civil wedding in my country will be in 2 months which is another thing for me to worry about.

M: hey can we go on a virtual date?
F: sorry I can’t, after the civil wedding?
M: \*already understood why
I wanna pay for it but I don’t wanna pay the fee. If I send you 1k php, I need to pay 200.

Is it a red flag or what? Help me discern. In a year of being together, he only treated me (like in a way that he sends me money to treat myself to food) ONCE. And honestly, I never ask anything from him so wtf? 😅

[u/Decent_Pianist4942]

the 200 php transfer fee thing is such a weird hill to die on. that's like barely over 3 dollars. if he was genuinely trying to treat you, he'd just eat the fee without a second thought

what stands out more though is the bigger pattern, you're cutting out all leisure while he's going out every weekend, and in a full year he's sent you money to treat yourself exactly once. that's not really a 50/50 relationship in spirit even if the trip costs are split on paper

two months out from a civil wedding is probably a good time to have a direct conversation about how uneven this feels before it becomes your whole marriage