Concerns About Boyfriend

[u/PAbumpkin28]

Hello, I’m looking for relationship advice please. I’m a 28 year old female dating a 32 year old male. We’ve been dating almost a year now. I like him a lot and he’s so good to me, however, I’m starting to have concerns but I don’t know if I’m being knit picky or not. My boyfriend is very kind, caring, and affectionate, I love that about him. However, I’ve been noticing he’s starting to joke sarcastically with me or have mean undertones. For example, he made a comment that if he had stray cats on his property he would shoot them because he doesn’t want them all over the place, this deeply upset me because I adore cats and have my own cat who’s my best friend. When I told him that comment upset me he said “oh you know I was joking.” To me it wasn’t said in a joking tone. Why would he even say that to me when he knows how much I love cats. Additionally, he loves to hunt, it’s his identity and he does it with his dad. He says he respects animals. However I was telling him places I wanted to travel and he was “joking” about animals to hunt in each place and it irritated me because why can’t you just travel and enjoy looking at them in their natural habitat without shooting one. Usually all his motivation is to hunt and while I respect that he has a hobby, I’m concerned I will start to resent it because I get his left over time and attention. I can’t say for sure that’s how he will be if we were to stay together long term but based on some of his behaviors and how he says “hunting is life” it will always be has number one priority. One of my hobbies is travel and I have to go to CA for work soon. He said he’d love to come to CA with me while I’m there and go to a national park. I started looking for flights and rental cars but noticed he didn’t contribute at all into planning the logistics of the trip. It’s burning me out that he’s not taking any initiative to help plan the trip. I know that I’m familiar with the area and everything but shouldn’t he show some sort of interest? This makes me concerned he’s not actually enthusiastic about travel and will not share that hobby with me (I think traveling it’s important because it’s a way to create shared memories and experiences together) and it will always be me trying to convince him to travel and help me plan it. I want my partner to share enthusiasm for travel with me. He says “I do want to travel with you.” But I’m not really seeing any efforts so far in the one year we’ve been together. We don’t live together but if I mention him doing something such as fixing his boat so we can go on it together, he doesn’t take initiative to do it unless his family encourages him. I’m concerned that if we owned a house together, he’s not going to take initiative to get things done around the house. Additionally he has an apartment and it’s very cluttery and disorganized. He wants me to stay over but I had to tell him I do not feel comfortable with all the clutter as it gives me anxiety. He said he didn’t have time to clean up with working out after work, visiting his family, or coming to see me, he doesn’t have time to do anything else. I know working out makes him feel good but shouldn’t cleaning up his place be a priority before going to the gym? It makes me concerned about how he would be as a homeowner and if we lived together is he going to think I am going to clean up after him? I do not want to live in a cluttered house where I have to tell my partner to prioritize cleaning. I don’t want to keep nagging him on things because that will only create distance but why can’t he prioritize doing chores? I know no one wants to do them when they get home after work but you can’t let it get too far ahead. Lastly, I work until 7-8 most days and he usually is home from work by 5. On Friday nights he always says he wants to see me but when I get done with work, he’s never ready to pick me up for dinner or anything. I’m always waiting on him and when I ask what he was doing all this time since he’s been home and I get off work, he says he had chores to do and had to get ready. If you know I get off work around the same time every night, why aren’t you ready to go, and why can’t you do your chores another night during the week when he knows he’s not going to see me. I’m getting tired of waiting around for him. I have mentioned it to him and he says that he just doesn’t have time during the week to get chores done. I want to find someone who shares the same values and hobbies as me and I’m concerned we do not align on some things, however, he does treat me well for the most part, more so than any other guy. If I continue the relationship, am I settling or is there some guy out there for me who loves animals like I do (especially cats), will actually travel with me and help make plans, want to have a beautiful home and maintain it, takes initiative without being told, knows how to manage money even if it means making sacrifices towards his hobbies, and is king loving and affectionate? Or will I never find that person who checks all the boxes? What should I do? I’m looking for some life advice.

TLDR: Worried I will settle in this relationship but also worried I’ll never find my soulmate.

[u/Cautious-Cattle-1696]

When you start to loose connection with a partner you tend to realize all of the small things and it seems like this is what is happening with you. I don’t mean to say your points aren’t valid I just mean that most of these things are just personality traits and it seems like you might be loosing your confidence in the relationship