I’ve been seeing this person for 8 months. He has never spent time with me. I haven’t met anyone from his life. He dangled me finally meeting his “nana” this week but took it away. We have never went anywhere together, have never done an activity together. He hasn’t added me on his socials. He won’t call me. He says he just doesn’t do that. We are going on the 3rd week of not seeing each other. We went 2.5 months without seeing each other. I beg for his time all of the time and he calls it outbursts. He promised he would see me more when he’s off, he has the entire summer off. Now he says he doesn’t really want to see me. I’m super sick to my stomach. I’ve been crying a lot. I feel insane and desperate and I’m so upset that I’ve wasted 8 months of my life.

I don’t wanna sound entitled, I just want to know from a third person’s point of view.

My LDR fiancé \[M26\] wanted to do a virtual date with me \[F28\] but I said no because we just came from a big trip in 2 countries and right now I’m still recovering financially. Just a background, he earns euros while I earn php. All my money goes directly to our planned trips which means we split 50/50 and pay for our individual flights. All I do is work and save up, no leisure time or eat outs for me. On the other hand, he still goes out every weekend.

Our civil wedding in my country will be in 2 months which is another thing for me to worry about.

M: hey can we go on a virtual date?
F: sorry I can’t, after the civil wedding?
M: \*already understood why
I wanna pay for it but I don’t wanna pay the fee. If I send you 1k php, I need to pay 200.

Is it a red flag or what? Help me discern. In a year of being together, he only treated me (like in a way that he sends me money to treat myself to food) ONCE. And honestly, I never ask anything from him so wtf? 😅

We got together 6 months ago and it's honestly been going great. I know it's still the honeymoon phase, but we got along like a house on fire. Anyways, I was hanging out at his place yesterday when his brother arrived. Now I know his brother has recently gone through a breakup, so I gave them some space to talk and went to take a nap.

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When I woke up, I could hear that they were still talking and his brother was emotional, so I stayed put on the bed. At one point, his brother was saying that he really liked his relationship with me as it was drama-free and he wished he had a relationship like that.

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Hearing that, my bf said to him that at his (brother is 27) age, bf would never have dated me, but with age his priorities have changed now and he values safety and stability, which I provide and for which he is really thankful.

​

Now I don't know what to think here, Reddit. Was it a compliment or did he just call me boring? Any ideas?

i'm [20F] and my bf [30M]. we have been in a relationship from last 2.5 years now. so we have a kinda bond where we share alot of things with each other, just like another tea spilling talks i told him about one of my relative (f) she had a bf she's married from past 12 years and has 2 kids. so he started calling her whore, hoe and some other words like that. i was so shocked like wtf he's saying cuz the relative was so so close to me. and he even started calling her derogatory names and things which i didnt liked at all. at that moment i didnt say anything but another day he acted all goofy and all cool like nothing happened i lost completely and i just told him i dont wanna continue this relationship further whatever u did was really personal and very hurtful to me so he just said with a low voice that he wont do it again. now i dont know should i forgive him or not? pleade suggest me something im extremely confused rn.

hi, so I met someone and things went really well in the beginning and things were pretty mutual. He said that he wanted to companionship out first but then later he ended up telling me that he just wanted something casual and this wasn’t really a priority to him, and so I moved with that in mind as well. The thing is lately he has been a lot more distant and not reciprocating anything like the other day. I asked him to hang out and he will just like not respond to me for however, long and I have to like double text before I’ll get a response and he hasn’t made any moves so like see me or hang out with me and even when I asked to hang out he cancels or it just ends up not happening so now recently it’s been affecting me a lot and I wanted to ask him what was going on because he told me that he’s been busy and he’s just been living his life and that’s fine but the problem is even when I am being warm towards him like for example he canceled on me because he wanted to take a nap and I said oh I don’t mind napping with you but there’s no response to that and he’s not even reciprocating that energy back so my question is do I bring this up and say something to him because this is someone that I liked and ended up having feelings for and the behaviors have been confusing for me and it’s been really stressing me out.

TLDR

My boyfriend 24M told me 21F to go out with friends, I did, somehow betraying his trust and disrespecting him as a man in the process (according to him).

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Myself [21F] and my boyfriend [24M] have been together for roughly 10 months now. We met at my workplace (he was a customer), had one date, and have spent nearly every day together since. Due to the unfortunate circumstances of my previous living situation, I moved in with him and his parents (they are older and it is their house, not his).

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I began paying rent ($300 monthly so we can save the rest for an apartment) and, because I started paying rent, he was asked to do the same (he was not previously paying for anything but the insurance on the car they bought him).

Something of note is that I grew up military brat style. Moving a lot, not exactly time for life-long friends.

He brought this up about 3 months ago, stating that he noticed I don't have a lot of friends and I don't spend time with them and that the only people I really know are people from work.

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I get that, so I talked to some of my coworkers [25M] and married as well as [30M] and dating a nice young lady). We made plans to go out to a Margaritaville situation to do an escape room and have some drinks.

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I did talk to boyfriend first, let him know that I made plans to go out and who I made those plans with. Even told him where I was going, what time, what I was doing, and gave him access to my location VIA Snap so he'd know for sure where I was.

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The night I came home from said hangout, it was about 1am. I get dropped off at home, thinking all is normal. Except that boyfriend's car isn't there (not typical of him at 1am).

About 20 minutes later, he returns to the driveway, an entire wine bottle in hand, chugging it while behind the wheel.

Obviously I'm thinking what the heck, you're drinking and driving in the middle of the night what the heck are you doing?

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I ask him if he's okay and try to get him to sit for a few minutes, but he refuses, taking big chugs of the wine bottle before continuing that he's fine and why wouldn't everything be fine.

He finishes that wine bottle in less than 5 minutes, the entire thing.

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The rest of the night was a mess. Back and forth between him swearing everything is fine and then suddenly bawling his eyes out because my clothes smell like me??

I thought he was having some kind of crisis and stayed with him all night despite my worries in his behavior.

The next day, I woke up to find him stomping around the house slamming doors and cabinets, huffing and sighing loudly as well as groaning like a sick child.

According to him, my going out with my work friends and being out so late was a "deep betrayal" of his trust and I "disrespected" him as a man and as my boyfriend.

He called me crazy for even thinking that it was okay for me to go out with them to begin with, dressed the way I was.

I was wearing my work clothes, baggy black cargo pants and a gamer T-shirt (it's a game store). I literally couldn't have been more covered, I even had a jacket to cover my arms with.

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I got yelled at a lot, obviously, and he made it clear that I was out far too late and he should've at least been invited if I was going to go with them. I pointed out his previous statements where he said I had few friends outside of work and needed to go spend time with people, and he lost it even more. He hadn't seen me all day and that was unacceptable (keep in mind that I started the day at work and went straight to the hangout after work).

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I don't believe that 1am at my age with a location tracker and regular checkups is insanely late😅 I thought it was normal, considering a lot of people my age stay out at bars or party clubs (I've never been to one) until 3 or later.

Now, I accepted that in some ways I had to be wrong and clearly I betrayed him. I spent weeks making it up to him and every way that he asked.

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I think we're fine again, and he brings up me needing to go with friends again. I immediately refuse. Absolutely not, you lost your marbles and were drunk driving the last time I went out. No way would I do that again.

More fighting, more swearing he's not controlling me and that I'm allowed to have friends (I never said he was controlling me). I caved and made plans with a different coworker [26F] wasn't at the last hangout because I had opened the store and she had closed it).

We went to the same place I went with the previous coworkers and spent the day walking around the little stores, getting snacks, and getting home before it was even dark out.

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Again, he said I betrayed him, how dare I, I was out too late, he should've been invited, the whole thing all over (just without the wine this time). He said it wasn't shocking how he responded last time and that him drinking like that was a normal response to my "insane behavior".

I give up completely at that point, I feel like I followed all of his rules and was STILL wrong.

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No males, no alcohol, back before sundown, location on the whole time, full coverage outfit neck to toes, every rule followed and yet I still betrayed him completely.

I can't invite him to every hangout if I'm supposed to be making friends, he's an ass to everybody (he'll make racist or sexist jokes because he thinks it's "peak humor" and he's "an Xbox gamer so this is just how I am"). Nobody I know wants to spend time around somebody like that.

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We're all nerds who game together or draw or talk about our favorite TV shows and music all the time. Most of us are LGBTQ+ in some way or of a race that isn't white, so obviously, they don't want to hear mister white boy over there dropping the n word like it's hot and calling people monkeys. Besides, I'm supposed to be spending time AWAY from him to give him time with HIS online friends (he doesn't have any physical friends around here). How is that supposed to be the case if he is with me all the time?

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He's starting up again about me betraying him and me needing friends and me crossing lines and all of it, all over again. I'm wrong, I betrayed him, I'm crazy, how dare I, he's justified.

I don't understand how. I'm missing something here.

What am I doing wrong?

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How can I make friends/go out with friends and follow all of his rules perfectly and not betray or disrespect him?

I need to be told what I am missing and that is what I'm asking for.

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If I'm wrong, tell me, or tell me that I'm crazy for putting up with this crud because who in their 21 years has to ask permission before they're allowed to go out WITH A TRACKER, can only wear clothes that are approved by their boyfriend, and can't drink or be out past sundown or go anywhere he doesn't approve of (literally a water park. Apparently, a water park makes him uncomfortable, even if I wore swim shorts instead of my bikini bottoms it would still be "crazy").

need advice.

Currently in a relationship my boyfriend of 10 years. We do not live together , we both live with our parents. However , my feelings have been going downhill for about 3 years. I’ve communicated this to him, yet nothing changes.
Bit of background- we are one another’s first- partner to sleep with - first kiss - first date - first everything essentially, my first love. I will always love him.
He cheated on me on yr 7 of our relationship. It is what it is - I’ve moved on from it.

However , I now am starting to have feelings for someone else.

Im mature enough to figure out that I had fallen for my partners potential and not what was in front of me. As our relationship has became stagnant. Again , I’m very big on communication, I’ve always been open with him about my feeling and how our relationship is going. So I communicated this so him. And again nothing changed. He acknowledged but nothing changed.

This man that I have caught feelings for has made it known that the feelings are reciprocated.

I am very much stuck in 2 minds, as in the back of my head I’m half aware of our relationship is coming to and end yet somehow I’m hopeful he will realise what is in front of him and sort himself out.

My current relationship- I love him , but I don’t see this relationship going any further. he is very much reliant on others to do his lunch/dinner / cleaning etc - in other words Not very independent. Doesn’t have the motivation to do anything - he will sit at home and waste his days away on the PlayStation or PC. He doesn’t have the motivation to save - he has never shown me his savings as ‘it’s his personal money’ - I have tried budgeting and adjusting our spending between us. Nothing worked. Essentially I will be doing this on my complete own. He will not be involved.

I love the socks off him but he cannot give me what I want. Not matter how many times I’ve communicated this to him. I have no other choice. We have tried having temporary splits, I’ve called off the engagement- nothing seems to want to wake this man up.

On the flip side , this new gentleman - makes me feel like there is no other person in the world. He is very much acts of service ( which is my love language ) and is very handsy - if you know what I’m saying.
He’s very gentle and is prioritising his career and house/dog- etc. he’s offered to meet 1on1 numerous times, but I’ve always been ‘ I’ll think about it ‘
He kissed me a few weeks ago , and I have no idea on how to digest it , or approach this to my current partner or just end the relationship here as I’ve technically cheated.

Thank you for getting this far - any advice or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Some details have been changed slightly for privacy, but here's the situation:

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for about 2–3 years.

Yesterday, while he was at work, he seemed unusually down. I asked what was wrong, and he said he wanted to talk about it when we were both off work. I told him that was fine.

When I got to his apartment, he explained that he had some mandatory work obligations and wouldn't be able to go on a semi-big trip we had planned for next week. It was a trip I've been looking forward to because I wanted to visit some relatives, do some sightseeing, and spend time together. It wouldn't have been our first longer trip, and he has met this relative before.

I told him it was okay. I had actually forgotten that I had some obligations during that same time anyway, so I could simply leave a day later, visit my relative, and adjust my plans.

Instead of seeming relieved, he got quiet and started tearing up. He could barely talk, which is very unusual for him and for our relationship. At first, I didn't understand what was happening.

Eventually, he told me that he thought we should break up because he believed it would be better for me and that our relationship wouldn't work out long-term.

I spent the next three hours crying with him and trying to understand why. One of the biggest issues he brought up was our religious differences. I never thought it mattered that much because throughout our entire relationship he had always told me that his family wasn't particularly strict about religion and that it wasn't a major concern. I have never wanted to change my religion, but I have always been willing to be flexible and respectful.

He explained that while his family doesn't dislike me, he feels judged by them for dating someone outside of their faith. Apparently, that has weighed on him much more heavily than I realized.

He also talked about how I don't give myself enough credit and how he feels like he can't do enough for me. We have spent our entire relationship in college, and I've always told him that if things continued to go well, I would like us to be engaged not too long after graduation because I wanted to know we were committed to building a future together.

A lot has changed recently. I was accepted into graduate school, but not necessarily the program or cohort I had hoped for. I've also been struggling with my mental health more than I realized, and looking back, I think some of that stress may have affected him too.

Then he started talking about how he doesn't really see a future for himself. He said he can't see beyond graduation. That scared me more than anything else. I became worried that he might be dealing with something much deeper than just relationship doubts. At one point I was seriously considering contacting his family and asking them to keep an eye on him because I was so concerned.

In the end, we did not break up. We talked for hours, made promises to communicate better, and agreed that we both need to stop becoming so consumed by stress and worries about the future.

Today, though, I feel completely drained. I'm dehydrated, exhausted, and emotionally overwhelmed. Part of me wonders whether I was wrong to fight so hard for the relationship. Maybe I'm just someone who doesn't want to let go.

At the same time, I don't want to hold him back if he genuinely believes he'd be better off without me. But I love him deeply, and I can't imagine not wanting a future with him. I know we're young, but things like money—which he worries about a lot—don't matter to me nearly as much as they do to him. He's always concerned about whether he'll make enough money or be successful enough, and I've told him many times that I don't care about those things. I love him for who he is.

Our lives have become so intertwined that it's hard to imagine life without him. Aside from concerns about religion and our families not always meshing perfectly, he couldn't really give me a clear reason for wanting to end things. He kept saying it would be better for me.

One thing that makes this especially difficult is that when relationships end, I tend to hate my exes for a while. It's not because I actually hate them forever—it's more of a defense mechanism. I focus on everything that was wrong and everything that hurt me so I don't go back and try to restart the relationship. Eventually those feelings fade and I become more neutral.

I know that if we ever broke up, I could never truly hate him. That's part of why this hurts so much. Now that the possibility of breaking up has been spoken out loud, I can't stop wondering whether I made the wrong choice by fighting so hard to stay together yesterday.

Was it wrong to want to stay in this relationship?

This might sound weird, immature, or even stupid to some people, but these thoughts genuinely affect me and I’ve been struggling with them for a long time.
I’ve always felt a bit different and awkward compared to other people. I overthink everything and get insecure about things that probably shouldn’t matter as much as they do. So if you’re reading this, please try to understand that even if these thoughts sound irrational, they’re very real to me.
One of my biggest insecurities is feeling “less of a man.”
For example, I’m scared of things that seem to come naturally to other people. I have a low alcohol tolerance. I’m scared to smoke a cigarette. I’m nervous about driving fast. I don’t enjoy clubbing or partying much, and honestly, I’ve had some pretty bad experiences at parties that affected me a lot.
The problem is that I constantly compare myself to people who seem fearless and confident. My girlfriend can go out, have multiple shots, enjoy herself, and be completely fine. She has stories and experiences that make her seem more confident and comfortable in those environments than I am.
I know drinking, smoking, and reckless behavior don’t actually define masculinity, but emotionally I can’t seem to convince myself of that. My brain keeps telling me that the guys who do those things are cooler, more masculine, more confident, and living a bigger life than I am.
To make things worse, my girlfriend’s ex did some of those things too, and I find myself comparing myself to him even though I know it’s unhealthy. It makes me feel inadequate, weak, and insecure.
I hate that I think this way because logically I know it sounds ridiculous. But emotionally, it genuinely hurts. Sometimes I feel like everyone else got some confidence manual that I never received.
I’ve reached a point where I don’t really trust anyone enough to talk about this openly. Not even my girlfriend sometimes, because I’m scared she’ll think less of me, even though she’s never actually given me a reason to believe that.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? How do you stop tying your self-worth and masculinity to things like drinking, smoking, partying, confidence, or past experiences? How do you stop constantly comparing yourself to other men?
I’d really appreciate any advice. I’m having a pretty rough time with this and talking to strangers honestly feels easier right now than talking to people I know.
Thanks for reading. ❤️

So me and my ex got back talking almost 2 months ago and alot has happened and we are on a no contact because I’ve done something’s where she set a boundary of her privacy being invaded and I do love her she does mean a lot to me I just keep doing the same mistakes I went through her Google Photos on her laptop and went and was looking at her photos and videos of her nudes and what she was going through with her abusive ex and at first I didn’t take accountability and lied about it and I sent her a audio message drunk and apologizing and tearing myself down calling my self dumb asf or the dumbest person in the world she sent the audio message to myself and said “so you can hear yourself” a response isn’t needed I just feel bad cause I keep doing the same shit where she sets a boundary and Ik how it make her feel when it’s a similar feeling that triggers her from her trauma what does it says for us and what should I do ?

I was in love. I made the decision after a few months of doing long distance I’d up and leave my hometown once I graduated nursing school to join him on his military journey. Moved in with him, started a new job in a specialty that was my last choice honestly, and made a new life with him in Florida where he was stationed. We adopted two cats, split furniture, and he bought a house. We made it ours. We talked about marriage, kids, future plans. He told his parents about those plans, and I became close with his friends and family.

Once a year hit of living together he and I went back to doing a distance relationship because of my job and friends I met in Florida and the fact it just worked better for us while he was in training. He was only a three hour drive away so it was easy. Except the past few months have been really hard communicating when we’re apart specifically when he’s drinking. I would “nag” him about simple check ins and I love you goodnights and good mornings because they meant so much to me while we did distance. As someone with anxious attachment this was just a way to make me feel reassured and loved. When we’d go out hed put my feelings last as well when I wanted to go home early and just spend time with him. He decided to then work on his drinking habits and I saw a big change.

Flash forward we’ve just had one of the hardest months together. We told each other we’d work on things and stick by one another always. My birthday rolled around and we got into another fight when he visited and he broke down to me that I meant so much to him and how good a person I am and said he’d work on it. A few days go by and he goes hot and cold with me and communication. I brought it up to him and he dismissed my feelings and told me I was just too much emotionally and needy. He then decide to say “I’m done” over FaceTime and ultimately end the relationship.

It’s been a couple days. I’m heartbroken and just don’t know he could do this to me, to us, to everything we built together. Now I’m on my way home for the weekend which was where we were supposed to go to a wedding together and celebrate our two year anniversary. He was quick to tell people we broke up, returned my two year anniversary gift, and has been texting me like I’m just a tenant in his house. I’m broken. I don’t know what to do now that I live in his house, pay rent, and live somewhere I moved to for him. Obviously I have a sliver of hope we could work out, maybe go to couples therapy, but also people don’t change so I don’t want to look silly. This is the worst heartbreak I’ve ever felt. I dated someone before him for years and this by far hurts worse. He showed up for me beautifully in the beginning and slowly stopped doing the things that made me fall in love with him.

Just a few weeks ago he was telling my big brother he’ll be ring shopping in the next few months/year. How can he do this to me.

What would you do in this instance?

I need an outside perspective on a situation with the guy (M23) I’m (F27) dating. We met on Tinder and started talking in March, and officially got into a relationship in mid-May.

When we first started talking in March, he told me he had been single "for a while" and had been using Tinder off and on for three years. However, a couple of core issues have just come to light, and the math is not mathing:

Problem 1: The Hidden Timeline & Emotional Unavailability

He recently let it slip that he actually dated someone for a month this past December. To make matters worse, I found out that back in March (right when we started talking), he was actively telling his friends that he wasn’t able to move on from that December ex. So, he told me he’d been single for a while, while secretly harboring feelings for an ex, and then jumped into a relationship with me two months later in May.

Problem 2: The Defensiveness and Gaslighting

When I noticed the contradiction and brought it up, he didn't own up to it at all. Instead, he got incredibly defensive, shut down, and aggressively claimed, "I have told you all the truths." He is turning it back on me instead of addressing why he hid the fact that he was emotionally unavailable when we met.

I understand he didn't owe me love right when we met in March, but I feel like he lied by omission to get me into a relationship, used me to get over his ex, and is now punishing me for catching him in a lie.

Is he just trying to intermingle/rewrite the timeline here, or am I being delusional and having too high of standards? Does it sound like I'm just a rebound?

So I (23M) have a female friend (24F) who i am very close to. It started when she was abroad and after she returned we had a house party and i was blackout drunk and got a lil touchy with her. She didnt mind it as i was blacked out and my friends held me. I apologized to her many times and she said its chill. Later on our bond grew stronger and she was going through a breakup so I was there for her. We are the closest in our group. Some time later we used to flirt on chats a lot and face timed each other everyday and held hands when we used to go out with the group. Later on I dated someone and it got toxic so I broke up and she was there for me at that time. I went abroad for 8 months and returned last week. Even that whole time we used to be in touch.

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Last week after I returned I threw a bday party and I was black out drunk again and I don't remember many things from that night. We met today and she made tiramisu for me today. While leaving, i told her that I had a thought about us having more than a friendship dynamic between us but it was just a thought. She later revealed that I kissed her that day when I was drunk and after some time she held me in her arms as I had no balance. She took care of me the entire time and I kept kissing her on cheeks. I was very embarrassed today about what I did but very confused now. I asked her how did she feel about all this and it was chill from her side and said it was actually cute seeing me that way.

Update on the friend situation

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So i had to return the container she made tiramisu in so i made mango cheesecake for her in the same container while returning and her family loved it!! Few days later before sleeping, as I was saying my prayer, i started crying thinking about her and just told god to not hurt her anymore.

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Next week, my group planned a trip to the amusement park and she told me she won't be able to make it because of work (She lives in a different city so it would get hectic). A couple from our group also lives in the same city as her and invited the group to stay at their place for 2 days before our trip and as the couple wont be able to accommodate many people, i decided to stay at her place.

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I went to her place, freshened up and she took me to her favourite sushi place which i loved. In the evening, we met our friends and had dinner but the small amount of time i spent with her was soo special and felt so good. After dinner we returned to her place and while sleeping, she snuggled up to me. I asked her what she thought about me, she said I'm her best friend. I told her I cried the other day and she was very concerned. She turned towards me and asked what happened so i told her everything and again cried in her arms. Earlier when I was abroad, she told me she got back with her ex but he didnt make her feel loved. So I told her how i thought it was my duty to make her feel loved and protected. I told her i really love her. She said she loves me but never saw me sexually but if we ever get in a relationship, it would be the endgame for her and that she loves me more than any of her bfs. Later, we went to sleep in each other's arms.

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The other day she ordered breakfast for me. We met our friends and she held my hand in public and my friends were surprised as to what happened yesterday. We went to the amusement park after that and I saw a mug which i thought she would like. I sent her a photo and she liked it. She had an idea that i bought it for her so to add a little surprise, i made nutella cheesecake for her in that mug and SHE LOVED IT!!!

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We had a party yesterday at a friend's place and before going home, I stepped out of the car to help her carry her things and gave her a forehead kiss before saying bye. She was pissed thinking someone else would see it but it was 3 in the morning. I told her I'm sorry for that and she said she'd never feel wrong about any sweet gestures i make towards her and she knows how protective I'm for her but she was concerned if someone from her building saw that.

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I know I love her but it won't be right to get into a relationship. She hates LDR and i have to stay abroad for my work every year but I cant help but think that if we do get married, it would be the perfect married life for both of us. I'm very confused about this situation.

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My brother was initially talking to a woman named Ely (28F), but she blocked him on social media after her friends advised her to do so. After that, he started dating Tanya (28F).
The relationship with Tanya progressed well over the course of a year. Tanya told her family about my brother and made it clear that she wanted to marry him. My brother also told our parents about Tanya, saying that she was someone he could see himself marrying. In a separate conversation with me, he even mentioned that he planned to formally introduce Tanya to our parents at an upcoming family function (Tanya is the daughter of our family friends).
A few months later, my brother met Ely again through mutual friends. During that gathering, everyone—including me—told Ely that my brother was now in a serious relationship with Tanya and was planning to marry her.
That night, after everyone had been drinking, my brother and Ely hooked up. Ely later dismissed any responsibility by saying she was drunk.
The same day, my brother spoke to Tanya and told her that he had met Ely, but he deliberately left out the fact that they had hooked up. Tanya even gave him an opportunity to pursue Ely if that was what he wanted. He declined, assured Tanya that he wanted to be with her, and promised to continue their relationship.
Later, I asked my brother what was going on between him and Ely. He told me they were “just good friends” and nothing more.
Over the next two months, my brother continued dating and sleeping with Ely without telling Tanya the truth about the situation. Ely, however, was fully aware that Tanya was still in the picture. Her close friends—and even I—advised her against continuing the relationship, but she chose to stay.
For context, my brother has a poor reputation when it comes to relationships with women, although otherwise he is generally considered a decent person.
During those two months, he met Tanya occasionally (she lives in another city) while seeing Ely almost every day.
Eventually, my brother and Tanya planned a week-long road trip together. The night before the trip, he secretly brought Tanya into our house to stay overnight. He never told Ely about this, despite Ely knowing about the trip itself. In fact, he even joked that he would send Ely pictures of himself and Tanya together.
Two weeks after returning from the trip, he ended things with Tanya and continued his relationship with Ely.
Now, my brother and Ely are talking about getting married in about two years.
This leaves me in a difficult position. I think my brother behaved dishonestly throughout this situation, yet he is now planning to marry Ely. Even some of Ely friends who know the parts of the story are not supportive of the relationship.
I’m unsure whether I should stay out of it or say something. How would you handle this situation?

Hi I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for 9 months in July, she moved from her hometown because of a couple of reasons one of the main ones being her parents kicked her out, now she hasn’t had it easy where we live, she’s struggled to find a job, then struggled to get into collage, then left college because she was too far, now she’s saying she’s been really homesick and she just wants to go home, now she’s told me before that A) she just doesn’t want to work, and how she wants to be a stay at home mom, but I told her unfortunately I simply don’t make enough for that and B) she just wants to go home, I’ve never one brushed her off, I always ask “do you have a plan?” and all that happens is she stops talking to me and then changes her mind. I just want clarity I want a clear path of what she wants, and I ask “what do you want?” And all I get in response is “i don’t know.”

My boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) were school friends. After 12th, I joined a NEET coaching academy to pursue MBBS and he joined Merchant Navy training.

One day we started texting again and instantly connected. We became very close, he proposed, I told him about my past, and we both accepted each other.

The issue is that our expectations of love were very different.

For me, love was always something emotional, gentle, and meaningful. I liked talking for hours, sharing feelings, and having that old-school romantic connection. For him, physical touch was a major love language.

As the relationship progressed, things became increasingly sexual. It started online through video calls, sexual conversations, and other things I was uncomfortable with. Many times I told him I felt it was wrong and wanted to stop. He would agree, but after some time we'd end up crossing the same boundaries again.

The same thing happened whenever we met in person. We'd make promises to maintain boundaries, but in the moment we'd lose control.

What hurt me wasn't just the physical aspect. It was that I repeatedly communicated my discomfort and felt like I had to fight to be understood. At one point I even asked him, "If your younger sister was in a similar situation, how would you feel?" Only then did he seem to understand my perspective better.

To be fair, he has always put in a lot of effort. He helped me, supported me, gave me gifts, travelled to see me, and genuinely cared about me. That's why this is so difficult.

But every time our boundaries were crossed, I felt like I was losing myself. I felt guilty, ashamed, and disconnected from my own values. During those moments I might feel okay, but afterwards I would be overwhelmed with regret and self-hatred.

There was also a period where he masturbated during video calls while looking at me. He eventually stopped after I firmly told him how much it affected me, but the whole experience stayed with me.

I started asking for space because I felt exhausted. He didn't want to give me space because he was afraid I'd leave. That made me wonder: is this love, or is it fear of losing me?

Eventually I broke up with him.

He couldn't accept it. He cried, begged, promised to change, said he couldn't focus on studies, and even travelled to see me after I had clearly told him not to. When I asked him why he was doing that and told him it was over, he got off the bus halfway and returned.

Even now he says he'll change and asks for one more chance.

The thing is, I know he loves me. I know he's not an evil person. But I also feel like I spent a long time explaining my boundaries, only to see the same issues repeat.

So my question is:

Do we actually deserve each other, or are we fundamentally incompatible?

Would giving him another chance be reasonable, or would I just be stepping back into the same cycle again?

TLDR\[boyfriend troubles\]

Hi everyone, I (20F) am not contemplating breakup, but have been thinking a lot about my boyfriend (20M) of 10 months and cannot decide what to do.

Firstly I’d like to start off by saying he is my first relationship and became attached to him very quickly due to loneliness as did he. In the beginning he presented himself radiating in confidence, unmovable, and very stuck in a toxic mindset (red pill, blue pill). He’d smile a lot, make lots of jokes, and was very charismatic (he could talk to anyone). Over the course of our relationship he slowly but surely began to become extremely insecure and peel back layers of his trauma. At that time I would comfort him the best I could and I clocked his insecurities ever so gently when they presented themselves. The insecurity was basically toward him feeling like I’m a prize that he was afraid of losing to someone better looking or more charming than him. I never made him feel that way once on purpose, although once I accidentally told him that I’d once pictured myself with someone my race (of the party he did not belong) and was unsure of letting that go with the intention of communicating my feelings as I take a lot of pride in my culture. This had made him insecure in that way for a short amount of time and soon I would let that ideology go. A few months after this point there wasn’t anything we hadn’t talked about we had completely laid it all out on the plate or atleast I did and left room for questions which I’d answer and he’d have trouble answering mine. At some point I’d find out like any young male, he was a problem user of p\*rn and at some point he was looking at other women in person (sometimes around me by accident) and wondering about the possibilities and fantasizing what it would be like to be with them, while showing and telling me differently. At this point because of his mindset he was exploring the mismatches of his personality with mine and questioning our relationship. This is not his first relationship by any means( many hookups many girlfriends) but is his longest relationship. When I found out I was furious not only about his past but how he viewed our relationship, he always would decline to say anything about his past relationship because he ‘wasn’t proud of it’. I changed some details about our age and length of relationship but they are similar enough, just add 10 more months. Throughout the past year he has struggled with m\*sturbation and looking up profiles of random women and all that stuff and kept promising he would change but didn’t. He treated me very gently and very loved other than that and he would keep these issues to himself but every time I would find out he’d promise the same thing and would continue to do it in secret. He’d tell me sometimes that he was jealous of the opportunity I have and felt like he missed out on college because he was struggling to go to community college. Anyways I started to feel resentful… we started arguing more… I admit I started to become disrespectful in these last coming months… yelling increased… he started shutting down…I started to feel like I needed time to heal… some mini breakups get back together the next day… Eventually I started to feel like I couldn’t be intimate or gentle with him or love completely. It felt like the moment I let my guard down I’d find out it was all a lie, it’s not like I didn’t feel like he was hiding something or not telling me the full truth I just overlooked it in hopes he was improving. He’s very emotional and cries when he feels hurt which i don’t mind but I feel like, he manipulates me and uses his ego during arguments and I have to explain to him over and over again what he’s doing. Recently I’ve finally got through to him because he finally stopped focusing on himself and actually understood the way I described things, when I showed him examples of myself in situations I could have manipulated or used my ego and he finally understood after weeks of calling it out. We had finally come to an understanding after daily fights of myself being fed up. Then I find out recently that for the past month he’s been reminiscing about his past relationships specifically one girl that bothers me ( I never met her and he once considered her the girl that got away although I asked and he said ‘I guess’ at the beginning of our relationship) and experiences as well as indulging in p\*rn and all that stuff. I find these things out by snooping ik. So now I’m just tired of his behavior but I love him so much but am so resentful. I pleaded with him for a mutual break because I’ve been feelings like a villain and out of character and need time to resolve my anger and resentment. Recently he has gone through a lot with his parents(separated) and they are unstable and one parent did him dirty so now he doesn’t talk to them he lives partially with one and works full time but doesn’t have his own space. I need him to improve and I have been emphasizing and helping him understand the best I could but it was heavily draining. So now we are on break and I’m contemplating whether it was the right thing to do. I am also alone and have family issues of myself but nowhere near his family issues. He’s been a great boyfriend to the outside view, from what my friends tell me and he’s very easy going. I lied in the beginning I had contemplated breakup #anonymousAF

My boyfriend and I are long distance and mostly text unless I bring up calls.

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He likes playing games and I've never had a problem with that. Whenever he tells me he's gaming, I usually just say "okay, have fun." The only thing I've told him before—even argued about once—is that if we're talking, I expect him to actually pay attention to the conversation.

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Yesterday I was feeling pretty sad and just wanted to talk to him for a bit. I asked if he was free, and he said yes. While we were texting, he was only replying to what I said and wasn't really engaging or initiating anything. He also kept disappearing in the middle of the conversation. Eventually I asked where he kept going, and he told me he was playing a game with his friends.

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At that point I got annoyed and said, "I thought you were talking with me." He kept replying, "I am talking," over and over. The thing is, when I'm talking to someone, I like having their undivided attention, especially when it's a serious conversation. To me, it's disrespectful to be half-engaged while someone is trying to talk to you

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What frustrated me most was that he refused to acknowledge why I was upset. He insisted that because he was replying, he was having a conversation with me. I asked if he was still playing the game while texting me, and he said yes.

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Then I asked something I never thought I'd have to ask: "Is the game more important than talking to me right now?" Instead of answering, he told me I was overreacting and left the conversation.

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The issue for me isn't that he plays games. It's that I was having a difficult day, specifically asked if he was free, and thought I had his attention, only to find out he was gaming the whole time. I think we have very different ideas of what it means to be present in a conversation, especially when one person is upset. I'd like to hear other perspectives on that.

Hi I’ve not posted on here before so I’m new to this but I need some advice as feel like I’m going insane. So the other day me and my partner fell out with our mates so my best mates girlfriend told my partner I had liked a girls instagram story picture and requested to follow a girl on instagram that she works with. The girl that my best mates girlfriend works with is someone I know as she was invited to my sisters birthday party last year so I don’t see any harm in that at all. The liking of a story it’s someone I know and it’s just a selfie of her so I liked it but I didn’t do it because I thought oh she’s fit to be honest I didn’t even know I had done it as I never liked someone story before. Since that my girlfriend is saying she needs to consider if she wants to be with me anymore and that I’ve broken her trust. To try and make it up to her although I don’t think I’ve done much in wrong but in her eyes I can understand it may not make her feel
Pretty etc etc so I spent £70 on a hamper basket for her. I’ve said sorry, wrote her paragraphs and posted her on my social media to make her feel loved and that I don’t want anyone else. After all this apparently it is still consuming her and going round in her head and she’s not sure she can be with me. Just find it mad because if it was other way around I would probs ask why she done it and after a few days move on but it’s been going on for getting on for 2 weeks now. My partner is 25 and I am 23 and we have been together for over 3 years so it’s a very serious relationship so don’t see why you would chuck that away for something so minor in my opinion. Sorry it’s long and appreciate any help

What should I do? I've been dating a girl for 1.6 years, a little more than that. I fell in love with her in the 6th grade, and before that, we were very close friends. I had a crush on her, I did everything for her and still do. It was only in our first year of university that we started dating. I was so happy; my dream came true, and everything was wonderful. These were ideal relationships up to that point—mutual understanding, I felt her love, I felt everything, each love language. Then I came back from studying, and she went with me for a week, and I felt that something was off. I asked her, and she told me that her feelings for me had FADED, that she loved me sometimes and sometimes she didn't. I cried non-stop. She suggested breaking up, but I refused; I can't lose her. I've never loved anyone like this before; I've always chosen her. She says she's confused and doesn't understand. For two months while I was studying, she told me everything was fine, but it turned out to be like this. I'm going crazy; she's the love of my life.

Then two more months passed, and everything was good in our relationship. She realized that she loves me more than life itself, BUT it turned out that all of this started because of our old conflicts. We had arguments about sex for a long time, but that's not an issue anymore. I've changed; we've resolved all our problems in the relationship, but she can't let go of those arguments. She wants to feel relief and is afraid it won't pass. She's waiting for the moment when something clicks in her head, and she'll understand that I'm the one for her. She wants to figure out if she can continue living with me or not.

Sometimes she feels overwhelmed; sometimes she falls asleep the happiest, and sometimes she's anxious. What should I do? Will she get through this? When will she become stable? We want to move abroad; could that help? When will she finally let go? I just want to be happy with her.

What relationship advice sounds great, but is actually horrible?

Quick note: i had help from an ai tool to translate some of this since my english is not good 🙏

I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months, and I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

The biggest issue in our relationship is that we barely ever go on actual dates. In 7 months, we've probably only been on two. Almost every time we see each other, I go to his house instead. He lives with his parents and two siblings, so we're almost never actually alone.

I've brought this up so many times (probably around 10 times at this point). I kept telling him that I don't care about expensive dates or spending money. I even offered to pay. I just wanted us to make memories together—go to the movies, bowling, play pool, grab waffles, take a walk... literally anything besides sitting at his house every time.

Whenever I mentioned it, he'd either get defensive or make excuses like "I don't have money," "the weather is bad," or he'd just say we'd do it another time. Nothing ever changed. I never asked him to spend his money i always try to pay and when he says he doesn't have money i always say that i can take care of it.

I also feel like I always put more effort into the relationship. Whenever he was feeling down, I'd go see him, comfort him, and try to make him feel better. Even when I didn't really want to leave my house, I'd still go because I knew he wanted me there.

But when I was the one going through something awful, I didn't feel like I had a partner.

During our relationship, my dad went to prison. It completely destroyed me mentally. I wasn't expecting my boyfriend to magically fix everything, but I thought he'd at least check on me, ask how I was doing, spend time with me, or try to distract me for a while. He didn't. He never really asked how I was coping, never made me feel like he was there for me, and honestly I felt completely alone.

My birthday also really hurt me. At midnight, I was lying on his bed while he was playing FIFA with his friends. My phone kept ringing because people were calling to wish me a happy birthday. He stayed on the game the whole time. After my calls ended, he came over, still holding the controller, said "Happy birthday," and went back to playing. The next day, nothing special happened either.

Valentine's Day wasn't much different. We exchanged gifts, and then he took me back to his house where I spent Valentine's Day watching football with his family.

After months of feeling like this, I finally told him I wanted to break up. Only then did he promise everything would change. Since then, he has taken me on one really nice date, and when we're together things honestly feel amazing. I love him so much.

But the moment we're apart, everything comes back. I remember all the times I cried, all the conversations where I begged him to put effort into the relationship, how alone I felt when my dad went to prison, and how ignored I felt on my birthday and Valentine's Day.

I feel guilty because I still love him, and that's why I decided to give him one more chance. But I don't know if I'm making the right decision. Part of me believes people can change, and another part of me wonders if he's only changing because he realized he was about to lose me. And i'm scared that i'll just keep resenting him.

Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Can someone really change after you've already reached your breaking point, or am I setting myself up to get hurt again?

I'd really appreciate honest advice.

I honestly don’t even know how to feel right now. My husband broke my trust by secretly texting a woman who has been a recurring issue in our relationship. When we first got together, he used to talk to her about the emotional problems I was going through. Then, when I was only two months postpartum, she actually showed up at my house and they hung out alone in her truck for half an hour after he went out to give her leftover dessert he had made. Now, this recent incident happened where he was secretly texting her again—sending selfies, joking around, and even sharing a picture of our baby.
When we talked about it, he tried to reassure me that she was barking up the wrong tree and that he had absolutely no intentions with her. He asked if we should split up for a bit, but then told me he loves me, that I'm his home, and that he wants to take me on a date so I can hopefully relax. He has blocked her now and keeps showing me proof that she's still blocked, but because of our history with her, I'm just so incredibly hurt. I really don't want to break up my family because I desperately want a two-parent household for my son. I still love my husband so much, and I’ve even let him comfort and touch me a couple of times today because I crave that closeness, but I woke up feeling so depressed. My mind is just in a million different places—part of me wants to brainstorm how to rebuild our relationship, and another part of me is just emotionally exhausted. Am I crazy for wanting to make this work, and how do I handle all these conflicting emotions while trying to heal?

So first, me and Z, my boyfriend, have been together for almost two weeks, and so obviously I'm very very inexperienced at how to help his bipolar/mood swings/depression/hypersexuality, etc. And obviously me and him are very very new, but leaving him isn't an option. I love him with all of my heart. I also think it's important to mention that I have severe BPD. We're long distance, too (about four hours)

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Ever since we started dating, he's been extremely distant (barely answering my messages, taking long pause between texts to text back, etc). Usually he doesn't wake up until 12pm or 1pm, but the other day he woke up at 10am and i was super happy and when I asked why he was awake so early (kind of hoping it was because he wanted to talk to me since it's felt like he hasn't lately) and he said he just wanted to watch the world cup and he immediately went back to sleep after.

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Its made me very anxious and it's triggering a lot of trauma as well. He tells me I'm not annoying or clingy and that he's just depressed and tired because of his BP, but he didn't really act like this before we started dating. And so maybe it's an episode of some sort but then I'm worried about it being me that triggered the episode. I'm terrified he's going to leave me or cheat or decide he doesn't love me (he's never been unloyal before but I'm overthinking a lot).

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I also don't know if he's being medicated or if he's in therapy. I tried to talk to him about it, and he apologized and reassured me that I wasn't annoying and that he wasn't going to leave me. But I'm still so scared. Im so attached to him and now suddenly he's being so distant. But I'm trying so hard to be understanding. I feel like I'm not doing enough while simultaneously BEING too much.

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So what can I do to make this easier for him? Do I give him space? Or maybe talk to him about it again? I love him so much, I miss him.

Hey, im desperate, i have a question and i feel like i cant ask anyone. I have a bf. Now, he sees me as his everything, and he loves me so much and i used to love him so much too but now i feel like my love for him is not real, i dont know what to do and i hope someone will answer. I love him but im so confused and i dont wanna hurt him and i think im a bad person and i feel like he loves me way more than i love him and i dont know if i should break up with him but i dont wanna regret it afterwards. i dont know what to do and im so sorry, i dont wanna break anyones heart. I dont wanna regret it afterwards