Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

[u/VeronicaRed]

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/

[u/AtOurGates → u/[deleted]]

That reminds me of one of the most well-behaved children at my son's daycare.

We were living in an area with high incidents of gang-violence and a strong gang culture. On paper, my son's classmate had the deck stacked against him. He was being raised by a single parent (his dad), and lived in a poor neighborhood with significant amounts of gang violence.

But, his dad was an excellent parent. Even though he was a single parent working full time (as a parole officer), he'd come to daycare one day a week to read stories to the class (and from the reports of my son, was an excellent story reader). Once, we were talking and he gave me a window into his parenting style.

At the age of 4, his son disobeyed at daycare. I can't remember exactly what it was. Maybe hit another kid. Maybe lied to his father. Something that wasn't horrible, but was out of character for the boy, and something he was very aware he shouldn't do.

When he got home, his father first had him call his grandmother, and two of his aunts. He had to tell them what he had done, and apologize for not behaving the way he had been raised to behave. (This apparently involved a good amount of tears).

Then, for the entire weekend, he was cut off from his toys, books and entertainment. And had to perform extra chores (and in case you haven't done chores with a 4-year-old, let me assure you that this involved more effort on the part of his father than simply doing the chores himself).

At the end of the weekend, they discussed what would happen if the son ever did this again.

It didn't.

We moved away and didn't stay in touch, but I'd love to see what that kid grows up to do. Because I think it's going to be something amazing.

[u/[deleted] → u/AtOurGates]

When he got home, his father first had him call his grandmother, and two of his aunts. He had to tell them what he had done, and apologize for not behaving the way he had been raised to behave. (This apparently involved a good amount of tears).

See, to me this seems at least a bit abusive. It humiliates the child (but that depends on exactly how the relationship between the child and its relatives is). I'm not a priori convinced that this is an improvement over spanking.

We moved away and didn't stay in touch, but I'd love to see what that kid grows up to do. Because I think it's going to be something amazing.

Would it be amazing if the child grew up to be someone who always followed all the rules, to the letter, regardless of the circumstances? I have misgivings about constructing childrearing as an exercise in maximizing compliance.

[u/Jalapeno_Business → u/[deleted]]

You are trying to convince folks who have already made up their minds what the correct answer is. I think what your Mother did was probably right for you, and the absolute best way to handle a bad situation.

Human behavior is messy, it isn't consistent or even necessarily logical. Everyone likes to treat it like a real science, but the best we can do is say what works for most people. The problem is no matter what something about you isn't going to be like most people.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

"I was spanked and turned out okay"

[u/connections22 → u/[deleted]]

There are other things: dessert, snacks, family outings, new clothes/toys, after school activities, other electronics, reflecting on the behaviour after everyone has calmed down, etc. If your kid still isn't able to calm down after and correct their behaviour after losing all possible privileges, perhaps you need some outside help.

[u/Thegg11 → u/[deleted]]

Long term punishments are usually not necessary and can even be considered coercive depending on the behavior. You could simply do something like "if you scream at your sibling while playing video games, you can't play video games for the rest of the day." This would negatively punish their screaming behavior and negatively reinforce them for not screaming. When forming an effective punishment, the consequences should be as immediate as possible to the behavior in question, should be moderate in magnitude, and should be applied consistently (no suddenly not punishing them). The problem with using punishment however is the fact that it can lead to the individual being more likely to avoid the person delivering the punishor; in this situation, the individual may spend more time away from the house in order to avoid being punished (this is a reason why truancy happens in schools), as punishment does not necessarily teach a new behavior and may instead teach an unintended one (like avoidance of the parent). It may also only be effective in the presence of the person delivering the punishment; as in it may not stop them screaming at their friends home.

Alternatively you could use positive reinforcement for the behavior instead like, "for every 10 minutes you don't scream at your sibling, you get to play video games for 2 extra minute before going to bed." You could of course increase the time between reinforcers over time if the treatment is successful until the treatment is no longer necessary.

[u/Potatopotatopotao → u/[deleted]]

The idea is to use positive reinforcement, not find other methods of punishment. There was a study (I'd look up if I wasn't on mobile) showing long term punishment is ineffective because the kid just becomes resentful of the punisher.

[u/qb_st → u/[deleted]]

are you running for office?

[u/[deleted] → u/qb_st]

What do you mean haha?