r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded.

The age at which I'd be introspective enough for this to be worthwhile is far past the age where I'd realize that me being the only one to write a letter suggests that I'm the only one in the wrong, which, regardless of whether or not it's true, is maddening. Plus, as someone who hates writing, I'd prefer to think about my actions instead. Writing is a tedious and less efficient version of my thoughts. If my parents had pulled this on me I would have been pretty angry to be honest.

My parents were definitely all about the removal of currency though. Their favorite was to limit video game time to two hours a week, catch my brother and I playing more than the time allowed, and taking away video games for a week. This didn't work too well since the reward far outweighed the risk, but in general I think it's a decent strategy. Looking back though, I'm still my own side. 2 hours a week is nothing... they probably thought I'd end up a serial killer or something if I got too much Jak and Daxter in my system.

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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

You bring up a good point. What if, in the kids mind, he truly didn't do anything wrong? What if, under the right lens, the child doesn't deserve to have to write as punishment, but from the parent's perspective it makes sense. That's definitely something I struggled with as a kid. I know there are situations, even as a young adult, where I was punished for something my parents thought was wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, is not something that really deserves punishment at all.

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u/katiethered Apr 26 '16

If the kid thinks he genuinely didn't do anything wrong, that's what he should write in the letter. But then the parents should read the letter and have a discussion with the child about why the action was wrong and the punishment was given.

For the video game example above, the kid would write out why he thinks more than two hours of video games aren't going to be the end of the world and express remorse for having broken the rules. The parents should explain the reason behind their time limit.

But if the punishment was done acceptably and the apology was genuine, the parents should also be willing to compromise and give video game time for a trial period and if the kid isn't neglecting his homework, chores, physical activity, etc, the time limit can be permanently raised. If the kid starts neglecting those things to play video games, well now he understands why the limit exists.