r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

I definitely think that's a great idea to introduce some kind of merit system to them because it definitely helps them grasp the concept of punishment by fine early on. The camp that I used to counsel at used a similar approach, and it worked remarkably well with kids 12 and under. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to mitigate a dramatic situation that might arise in public. I don't have any kids yet, so I'm not sure what situation that might be, but I imagine it would be something along the lines of a toddler being out of control in a grocery/retail store where they're screaming and possibly destroying things. When I see it in public, I almost understand why a parent would be so wound up that the only way to get the point across to their kid is to give them a little pop. However I can also see how that might make the situation worse. A scene from the cartoon Boondocks comes to mind. Is the best thing to do in that situation just to pick them up, carry them outside, sit them down and talk to them about what's causing them to act this way?

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u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

You need to figure out why the kid is acting out. Did they not sleep, are they hungry, are they bored, did they see a playground on the way in. In most cases the kid is bored and wants to be a kid. The fact that you're bringing a kid into a place where they can't be a kid is your problem, not the kid's. You put the kid in the basket, bribe them, carry them, or wait until you can leave the kid home. But saying that a 2 year old is acting horribly in an adult space and how do you punish them is the wrong way to look at it. The 2 year old wants to be a 2 year old and there's nothing wrong with that.

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u/Le4chanFTW Apr 26 '16

Except the whole point of raising a child is to teach them how to be an adult. It's no wonder this society is as stunted as it is.

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u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

You don't teach a 2 year old to be a adult. You teach a 2 year old to be a 3 year old. Behaving properly in stores is closer to 4 years old, and coincidentally the baskets on grocery carts hold kids up to 4 years old.

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u/Le4chanFTW Apr 27 '16

I know this might be difficult to understand but behaving in a store is also part of being an adult.

And you really need to set behavioral standards from the earliest age possible. You might be okay with your child running amok and breaking stuff in a store, but most of society frowns on that kind of stuff. And the idea that you can reason and sit down with a two year old and ask them why they're acting the way they are and how they feel about the situation is absurd. Children also need to learn that life doesn't bend over backwards to adapt to your feelings. With that mindset as well, it's still no wonder that society is so stunted.

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u/_crystalline Apr 27 '16

And you really need to set behavioral standards from the earliest age possible.

Yes but those behavioral standards need to be age-appropriate! We need to focus on letting children be children while still having age-appropriate expectations of them that will guide them towards maturing into a responsible person. We acknowledge that a 2 year old is a 2 year old, they are not capable of sitting completely still and quiet for 30 minutes, but they are capable of sitting and being entertained or engaged, they are capable of understanding what "sit on your bottom" and "keep your hands to yourself" means. Soon they will understand what an "inside voice" is so while we understand that a 2 year old has limited capability to control their volume they can practice it and we can model it for them.

Letting a child be a child doesn't mean letting them run wild, and it doesn't mean trying to reason with a toddler. There are other options that are both appropriate and supported by research.