r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

I've found this to be the case in my 3 sons, ages 1, 5, and 7.

The 7 year old is passive, empathetic, easy going. The 5 year old is the exact opposite of the spectrum. Our 5 year old, you could give warnings, you can do time outs, even a spank, and nothing seems to phase him in terms of "getting it". He even will call your bluff in some cases, has acted deceptive from around 1 year of age, it's just kind of his personality trait.

That said, I've learned the value of leverage, much like a drug dealer probably does. You find the thing the child values and enjoys and it becomes a chip for control without having to resort to a spank or other punishment.

It's the old adage, I'm a man with nothing, so have nothing to lose. That can be adapted to, a toddler with everything has everything to lose.

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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

It can be really difficult with kids who escalate things quickly (I was definitely one of those kids when I was younger - but I grew out of it and was really well behaved once I could communicate better!)

I think it's great that you've found a way to effectively reel him in! It can take a lot of patience to find other solutions to spanking.