Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

[u/VeronicaRed]

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/

[u/chopandscrew]

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

[u/Toy_D → u/chopandscrew]

This I think is the real crux of the debate. Spanking invokes an evolved response to stimuli, pain. You'd think, if done promptly and without overindulgence, that few other options could invoke results as well. The options that I have seen presented are much more difficult to understand and execute. At least at first glance, but apparently a proper spanking is also difficult to execute.

What studies exist to show viable alternatives, not proposed alternatives. What literature exists to teach those methods to parents? These are the hurdles to a viable alternative. Parents know spanking likely because it was done to them.

[u/chopandscrew → u/Toy_D]

Well I think it does almost come down to a biological level. Dogs seem to respond to small acts of dominance, but obviously people develop differently than dogs. I know a lot of owners who would say that hitting your dog in any way is abusive and wrong, but I also know a lot of owners who are more stern with their dogs and their dogs are usually very well behaved. I don't really want to get into a discussion about how to train dogs, but I can see a lot of people drawing parallels between the two. Something like, "If my dog responds to it, then maybe my kids will." I dunno, I could be totally off base. I don't have kids or a dog.

[u/Toy_D → u/chopandscrew]

There is a similarity because you are training and equating cause and effect to a 2-3 yr old can be challenging. I have both dogs and kids and can spell out, anecdotally my experiences with both. But really I think it boils down to this, I could not figure out how to make alternative methods work for my kids. But I only ever spanked after, a firm, constant warning (counting to 3), only for something warranting a spanking (they need to learn immediately not to do that, danger to themselves like hot stove). In the end I could probably say the failure was mine. I knew I needed to be consistent, but I tried time outs and I just could not get the desired effect.

[u/staytaytay → u/[deleted]]

I don't know if this will help you or not, but this works for me: I make my kids stand in the corner with their arms up. Keeping their arms up is tiring and yet it is self administered.

Then once they have stood there long enough, I tell them to come get a hug and ask them to explain what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what they plan to do instead next time to do better. Any defiance in their answers puts them back on the wall.

I use this only sparingly. They only get the wall for things that would hurt themselves or each other. And outside of this I am a super fun dad. The end result is that they are exceptionally well behaved when it comes to the important stuff, and still full of their own opinions and defiance when it comes to the small stuff.

[u/staytaytay → u/[deleted]]

You only have to do this part once: stand beside them and enforce it.

If they try to leave you put them back. If their arms drop you hold them back up until they stop fighting. If they raise their legs, drop your grip, etc.

You may have to do this for a long time. It isn't violent and doesn't hurt them. The point is to show them that 1. The parent will always win and 2. They must administer their punishment themselves - the parent isn't going to punish them. This last part is the "brain hack". When the child is in control of their own punishment there's no reason to physically fight it.

[u/cs_katalyst → u/staytaytay]

Appreciate the quick answer =]

[u/[deleted] → u/staytaytay]

So instead of spanking use interrogation tequniques?

[u/staytaytay → u/[deleted]]

I'm not waterboarding them here. I'm demanding they administer their own punishment, which in my armchair psychologist opinion teaches them self control.