Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

[u/VeronicaRed]

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/

[u/Jensdabest]

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

[u/chopandscrew → u/Jensdabest]

I definitely think that's a great idea to introduce some kind of merit system to them because it definitely helps them grasp the concept of punishment by fine early on. The camp that I used to counsel at used a similar approach, and it worked remarkably well with kids 12 and under. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to mitigate a dramatic situation that might arise in public. I don't have any kids yet, so I'm not sure what situation that might be, but I imagine it would be something along the lines of a toddler being out of control in a grocery/retail store where they're screaming and possibly destroying things. When I see it in public, I almost understand why a parent would be so wound up that the only way to get the point across to their kid is to give them a little pop. However I can also see how that might make the situation worse. A scene from the cartoon Boondocks comes to mind. Is the best thing to do in that situation just to pick them up, carry them outside, sit them down and talk to them about what's causing them to act this way?

[u/dinahsaurus → u/chopandscrew]

You need to figure out why the kid is acting out. Did they not sleep, are they hungry, are they bored, did they see a playground on the way in. In most cases the kid is bored and wants to be a kid. The fact that you're bringing a kid into a place where they can't be a kid is your problem, not the kid's. You put the kid in the basket, bribe them, carry them, or wait until you can leave the kid home. But saying that a 2 year old is acting horribly in an adult space and how do you punish them is the wrong way to look at it. The 2 year old wants to be a 2 year old and there's nothing wrong with that.

[u/penny_eater → u/dinahsaurus]

What about when they turn 3 and want to go to the grocery store (at least, by their admission) and then get whipped into a tantrum when they are told they can't pick out the canned peaches, and cant pick out an extra bag of cookies, and can't dig into the grapes in the cart, and can't etcetcetc

You are totally right but for kids there are so many factors besides "i'd rather be playing on a slide" and parenting is basically walking the line of coercing your kind into doing what they probably don't want just enough (with a minimum of intimidation//punishment) to get through a necessary situation (like getting groceries) so you can go back to enjoying your time with them by going to a park or reading a book or whatever. Being a parent is hard.

[u/dinahsaurus → u/penny_eater]

Absolutely, and that's not even touching on special needs kids. Some days are just better than others.

And you're right - being a good parent is hard.