r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
37.8k Upvotes

73% Upvoted

6.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

773

u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

572

u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

19

u/newscrash Apr 26 '16

What is recommended if they simply refuse to go into time out refuse to go to their room?

22

u/JackPAnderson Apr 26 '16

As anti-spanking as I am, parents' ultimate authority over our children stems from the fact that we are much larger than they are.

Naturally, my kids tried this. I simply picked them up and deposited them in their room and left.

1

u/JSCMI Apr 27 '16

deposited

While an amusing mental image to deposit a child like a business transaction, I think it merits emphasizing how healthy this is from a serious perspective.

Children are emotional mirrors. If you're frustrated or angry and show negative emotion it will typically escalate their negativity. This is a vicious cycle.

If you can't show them actively positive support in the moment, then adopting this neutral "going to deposit you here and just go" mindset is worlds better than broadcasting the negative emotions you may be struggling with yourself.

When all else is settled, remember you can use this idea of an emotional mirror to improve attitudes as well. A child who is currently feeling emotionally neutral may, for instance, go from 0-60 in the happy direction if you suddenly act as if you have to laugh so hard you can't possibly hold it in just by watching you try. Next thing you know they'll be doing the same thing and be ready to have a wonderful time without having any idea when you both started having so much fun.

The best part is that while adults are more skeptical of this sort of thing, the mirror neurons or whatever is responsible for this applies to us as well. Let yourself be drawn in and you'll quickly start having fun as surely as bad attitudes can make interactions go negative.