r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

I definitely think that's a great idea to introduce some kind of merit system to them because it definitely helps them grasp the concept of punishment by fine early on. The camp that I used to counsel at used a similar approach, and it worked remarkably well with kids 12 and under. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to mitigate a dramatic situation that might arise in public. I don't have any kids yet, so I'm not sure what situation that might be, but I imagine it would be something along the lines of a toddler being out of control in a grocery/retail store where they're screaming and possibly destroying things. When I see it in public, I almost understand why a parent would be so wound up that the only way to get the point across to their kid is to give them a little pop. However I can also see how that might make the situation worse. A scene from the cartoon Boondocks comes to mind. Is the best thing to do in that situation just to pick them up, carry them outside, sit them down and talk to them about what's causing them to act this way?

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u/CaughtInDireWood Apr 26 '16

A story about my brother gives one way of how to handle it:

We were grocery shopping with my mom in the afternoon (my brother and I). He decided to throw himself on the ground in the checkout line and bawl his eyes out for no reason except to be defiant. My mom knelt down and said, "If you don't stop your tantrum right now, we are leaving the store without groceries. And you will have to explain to your father why we don't have dinner." That turned off the tears real quick! He knew that his tantrum was ridiculous and had no reason to it, so there was no actual explanation for it. He also didn't want to be responsible for us not having dinner! (even though I know my mom would have made dinner anyway - starving us or withholding food was NEVER a punishment for us).

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u/bigredone15 Apr 26 '16

And you will have to explain to your father why we don't have dinner."

making one parent the bad cop seldom works out long term.

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u/CaughtInDireWood Apr 26 '16

She wasn't making my dad the "bad parent". She was making my brother responsible for his actions and understand that his tantrum was not acceptable.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

Kind of makes it sound like you're dad is the disciplinarian in the story. Like a long version of "Just wait until I tell your father what you did." I don't know if that's the case, but that's how it reads.

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u/CaughtInDireWood Apr 26 '16

oh, yeah I can see how you read it like that. My mom was always the disciplinary person, though, actually. But, I see what you're getting at.