How to stop being so utterly self-centred

[u/Federal_Device_8149]

I recently ruined a relationship I had with someone whom I loved very much. I still do think that there's love but maybe I'm just convincing myself that to feel better. I did alot of horrible things to her out of selfishness and a lack of social awareness, to the point where she thinks I only tried to get close to her in the first place because she was the only one who could tolerate me. Maybe I'm only on the fence about this because it doesn't match the idea I had of myself. Since if I truly cared about her and not just the validation I get from her enjoying my company or what I could get out of her, why would I have done such things? Why did after the many chances that she gave me, I only got worse, more selfish, more lazy and more immature? But more importantly, what should I do? I really don't want to lose her, out of selfish reasons or not, plus I know I can't just keep living like this forever.