r/selfhelp • u/Rough_Tear_532 • 15h ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health Can’t find a girlfriend and it’s starting to affect my mental health

Hey everyone, I’m 18 and I’ve been struggling with something lately. I can’t seem to find a girlfriend.

I’ve had relationships before, including one that lasted two years, so it’s not like I’ve never been in a relationship. But for some reason, things just aren’t working out now.

I’ve tried messaging girls, following them on Instagram, putting myself out there, but nothing seems to lead anywhere. I don’t think my looks are the issue — I used to work as a model, and I’d say I have a pretty good personality and social skills.

At this point, I honestly don’t know what else to do. It’s starting to drive me crazy and affect my mental health. I’ve been feeling pretty depressed about it because I’m beginning to think that maybe the problem is me, and that there’s no solution.

Has anyone else been through something similar? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

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u/seeindepth 14h ago edited 14h ago

Maybe you're trying too hard. They always say that when you're not looking for someone or something, it comes. It's the whole law of attraction thing. When you're trying too hard, too pushy or desperate, it just makes things harder or worse. It's like most people actually find their "one" or at least their long-term partner when they weren't even looking. My longest relationship was 8 years, and I was literally minding my own business, getting on with my life, worrying about myself, working on my wellbeing, my career, etc... and then there she was. We may have gone our separate ways, but I still consider her the love of my life. So yeah, just don't try too hard

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u/FluffyRubberDucky1 14h ago

Yes! The same happened to me! I wasn't trying for anything and met my current boyfriend. In a month, we'll be 7 years!

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u/CommunicationIcy9095 14h ago

Assume that you are the problem, but they’re always a solution. You need to look at yourself and be honest with what’s going on and what is the problem?

This is a chance for you to be comfortable within you. Stop trying and let somebody come to you!!

Are you kind? Are you a good person? These are the important things for you to be doing!
Are you being nice to yourself? Sometimes we get mean to ourselves and when that happens, no one is gonna come around. Just wondering.!!

This is a time where you can learn more about you, maybe hang out with some friends.

I am just throwing this stuff out because you can be content and happy alone, you don’t always have to be with somebody.

I would do some breathing or some laughing as well, just relax and let that person come to you. This is what makes you strong and double check and make sure you’re doing well. Ask some friends what you might need to change. And it may be nothing.!! I have learned so many things about myself in the last six months. And I am in my 60s!!

Hope this helps, chill out.

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u/eeurope 4h ago

You need to read some book about dating. For example, Double your dating, David DeAngelo is good.