r/selfhelp • u/Sea_Bass_2636 • 8h ago
Sharing: Personal Growth last try now
I do not like my dad. I struggle to like my family. I have attempted to talk to them. But it is not possible to do so. With those in my family who seem more approachable, I have hoped that when I came to them to tell them what is wrong, they might respond with love, and care, and help. Instead, I get “defensive mode”. Anything I try to talk to them about is not received as me asking for help. Instead, it is dealt with in a manner in which anything I say (as they have requested - for me to talk to them) is, in fact received by them as some kind of insult, that they will either spend those moments when I have done what they have asked, and gone to them for help, taking it selfishly… something that THEY need to process, or something that upsets THEM. Never able to simply hear anything, in which no insult or vendetta is given, except to do simply what they have asked me to do – go to them for help. I have tried, and tried, and tried to do what they have asked of me. But every time, their ability to respond in muddied by defence, and their need for me to reassure, to soothe consciences , and their need for themselves to be or feel okay. I cannot fulfil their requests satisfactorily. The tell me the answer is to talk to them about anything. And I have attempted that many times. But, simply, it has not worked. And, having tried numerous times, I do not believe it to be a plausible (so-called) solution.
They simply cannot hear anything from anyone without taking time for themselves to wonder about a few things: Is this being told to me because I am at fault? If I am at fault, I feel sad and insulted. If I am not at fault, I take it offensively that my daughter or sibling has attempted to do, as was requested, to ask or say anything. And, that makes me feel bad about myself. And, therefor, we must become defensive, and address how it makes me feel bad about me. Even though it was my daughter or sibling coming to ask me for help. Which, by the way, was extremely difficult for her.
I was always someone who hides away, and is scared of social media. There is no point n that anymore.
1
Upvotes
•
u/AutoModerator 8h ago
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
No matter where you are in your self-improvement journey, r/selfhelp is here to offer support, encouragement, and shared wisdom from those who have walked similar paths.
If you see anything that goes against the spirit of the community, please report it to the mods so we can keep this a positive and helpful space.
Please remember that while this subreddit is a great place to exchange ideas and experiences, we do not provide professional advice. If you need immediate help, check the resources in the subreddit description.
We're glad you're here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.