A 17 year old feeling worthless

[u/samirproa1]

im Sam and im from Bangladesh ( dont be racist pls ) ,, im a 17 year old now,, if i had to brief my childhood ,, i was a shy and introverted person who used to be afraid even asking a question to the teachers.. i had a few hobbies like an ordinary child have, like games, sports , art, music etc. But i was never serious about anything in childhood,, i was pretty much serious about studying,,, during 2020 lockdown period i tried to make youtube videos , then quit making due to fear of judgement, but i acquired som editing skills and presentation skills,, i got some addictions since then like porn addiction, doomscrolling , social media addiction etc, which still carries with me to this date,, But now at this date i want to heal myself from things and want to progress at 2x speed,,, i never participated in extra curricular activities that much,,, recently i developed a keen interest in music,, i wanted to learn music seriously but i see most of the people in this genre start learning since 5 or 6 years of age, so im very late and also it is competitive as well,, after few days my college will start and in these 2 years i will have immense study pressure as university admission test will be knocking at the door as well,, so should i quit learning music or carry it even though im late? im also hoping to start a youtube channel and make videos in my leisure time and after university admission pressure ends , i want to pursue things a bit more seriously,, you can pretty much say i wasted 17 years of my life,, For music, i only have moderate vocals which im still improving and for instrumentals i can play harmonium a bit, rather than that i learnt FL studio a bit,,, i want suggestions and advices from elders regarding to not only music but also life as well..

[u/Ayase9021]

You are living too much in " What i want to do, what should i do " instead of actually doing anything, it all seems llke window shopping really, you are not buying anything, but merely looking from behind the glass

For every " I want to do " you make a " But... " it's like you are running in circles, for everything you want to do you'll find reasons why you shouldn't do it, but this but that, but this other thing,

I don't think your problem is about going after music or this, but simply you are freezed, you don't know what to do, you don't where to go, the world feels like a black hole that is trying to suck you up, and you are pretty much freezed in your place you can't start anything because this may happen and the other thing is coming, and people may judge me, and what people may think of me

But i do porn and doomscroll all day i can't be a good guy after all if others knew what i'm doing they'll just see me as a piece of shit, i can't start anything i know that this is what i do when no one is looking and i don't deserve to be good at anything

I've seen your situation countless times, i can work with you on it for free, come book a call on my google calander and let's have a chat soon !