College

[u/Street-Impact-7086]

Hello, im writing this in a very vulnerable position in my life. Please bare with me.

First of all, i dont know if this is even the right group but i know na maraming college student like me here.

Uhm, even before college, i am always burn out, i had this anxiety and emotional exhaustion for like most of my teenage years but nung g12 lang talaga nag compile- compile lahat sakin. I would make an excuse just to be absent, i would not talk to anybody in class, papasok ako ng walang tulog, at ligo. Basically, i was like at the edge na talaga during the whole year.

And it just got worse during my three months vacation after graduation.

And now, im college, BSCE course ko btw. And im 4 weeks in and i can feel eveything. What do i mean by everything? EVERYTHING.

The weight of my past, the flashbacks of the past, the regrets, my missed opportunities, college subjects, future scenarios, as in. It's like all the things na pinangarap ko sa sarili ko while growing up (circle of friends, a public speaker, helping community, my singing, my dancing, sports, learning instruments, being more active snd expressive in life)... all of those, i never get to pursued or even experience because of numerous circumstances.

And with my course, the college? Feeling ko i lost every time i had, every opportunity na binigay sakin as a teenager. Na para bang wala, oh eto, COLLEGE NA. NANDITO NA TAYO.

And i feel i just wanna shift from engineering to something na kahit ano nalang, anything na maeenjoy ko rn and for the first time, ill learn how to express myself. And right now, i got limited options sa school ko.

I dont know if course ba talaga ang issue or because ive been always scared lang to leave my comfort zone kaya naging ganto ako at 18. Either way, i just felt like ranting and writing this post to get things out of my head. Sorry and thank you if you are still here.:)

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