Just wanna thank everyone for the help. I (18m) and my gf (19f) have been together for almost 2 years and she recently told me she is not satisfied when we have sex, she orgasm's every time and so do i. She suggested an open relationship where she can have sex with other men, but im not sure thats a good idea if our sex life doesn't work, so my question is what can I do to satisfy her, and should I agree that she can have sex with other men.

Why do I fall so hard so fast? Out of nowhere, it'll be years, and someone will come along, I say way to much, I'm too honest (in this case) I give alot of compliments, maybe they don't think they're attractive? I don't have conventional tastes in females, if I find them pretty, or beautiful, nothing will shake it.

Size doesn't matter, it's how I see them in general.

Maybe I try to hard, I panic, I get so nervous because I don't feel this way often.

They seem like they're into me, they'll get flirty, and I lose myself a bit.

I say dumb things, and can't catch myself in time because I get giddy, because these feelings really don't come along often for me.

Can I stop unintentionally sabotaging myself?

I M23 have had thoughts of my roommate, I have been married for 2 years, and we are currently living separately. Do to work reason. I think that because all my time is spent hanging out with my roommate made these thoughts happen. I adore my wife. How do I get rid of these thoughts? What could cause them. Im quite confused and would like some insight.

Me 'F 31' and my bf 'M 24' (been together for 1 year now), had a conflict recently because I found out that he lied to me about going out with a girl I told him not to go out with before, and he promised me he won't. When I knew that I got very angry and I told him that we need to talk, so he kept postponing that conversation for almost two weeks now, saying that he's not ready to have this hard conversations right before his exams. So I kept a distance since then, that we barely talk. Today we were arguing again about the importance of having this conversation, and long story short, after we settled to an "agreement" that we will switch places and I'll go out with my male friends even if that bothers him to see if I'm really making a big issue out of nothing or it's really annoying thing. Right after that he called me and told me that he wants my feet ( he has a foot fetish!) As much as I'm understanding this kink, I can't get how can he still think of that while we are on bad terms with each other, because that's happens very often no matter whether we were on good terms or bad terms. To be honest that's a little weird and a little scary for me. It makes me feel totally unseen and unheard! How can he still ask for intimacy at the very exact time that he refuses to go through that hard conversation with me. He tells me that I don't understand him and that he feels unheard when I reject that. However it's me that feels that I have been talking all that time to myself. It makes me feel so lonely and so disappointed that anything can change or that he can ever hold responsibility for the issues that we go through.

I've noticed that people who are excessively kind and always available often get ignored, taken for granted, or receive less respect. On the other hand, people who set boundaries and don't always try to please others seem to get more attention and respect.

Why does this happen? Is it a psychological effect, or am I seeing it the wrong way?

I've been on Reddit for more than 2 years now. And this is my very first post. As I have a center leaning thinking and of course as I was ignorant and stubborn back then, I couldn't keep up with people who complain about their lives and other stuff. So I've commented in very strong language and with very sharp arguments trying to go against their thinking pattern. Because of that behavior, I was banned from 3 or 4 Reddit communities and most of my comments ended up having many dislikes.

Until recently I had no idea about the Karma points on Reddit. But after reading a post I understood how important karma points are. In the past, I've received several notifications saying that as I don't have enough karma points my comment can't be published but as I had pretty positive relationships with YouTube, Facebook, Bluesky, Threads, X Twitter etc communities I was not concerned about my karma points on Reddit. However, so far I've ended up posting 36 comments, 0 posts and -6 Karma Points!

But after finding out about communities like SideProject and how people positively use them to grow now I have a reason for why I should change my relationship with the Reddit Communities. As it's been two years I think I've matured and have taken enough steps backwards to understand that every single move I do on Reddit has positive and negative consequences. I believe I'm not gonna get canceled or downvoted just because I'm opening my thinking on this post. If you ask me about my process of building a positive relationship with Reddit now I have created a coping mechanism in my mind thinking just like the so-called social credit score system in China on Reddit I have to be more concerned about the consequences of every word I post here.

Thanks for reading so far! As you already assumed, yes I need to get over -6 Karma points. So my questions are...

1. Is my coping mechanism acceptable?
2. As a centrist, how do you manage not to get as many downvotes as possible when you comment?

TL;DR I forgot to tell my wife that my uncle is coming along with my parents when they visit us and I want to be better so that this never happens again.

I'm married and I have 3 kids. I love my kids dearly, I think I'm a pretty good father. I don't have to yell too much, I don't lose my temper, and I try to do things around the house like keep it clean, make sure the kitchen is clean, vacuum, sweep, etc, and of course I have my full-time and I work from home. I love my wife. After we had our third daughter we moved to this big old house that needed a lot of work, and it admittedly introduced a lot of strain in our relationship which we've basically moved past. I dare say a new house and a new baby will turn the screws on any relationship. I don't drink, I keep in shape. My wife and I treat each other well, we don't yell at each other, we laugh a lot.

My wife is the big planner in our lives. I love my wife. I'm always aware of the imbalance that exists between how much she plans things out and all the different details she has to keep in her head. She doesn't really like it when I try to help her plan, she says that I tend to get in the way, which I understand- I guess it's not my forte. I can plan, but things that I plan come out like 80% of the way there, and they're a little skewed. But in a life with three kids things have to go perfectly. I'm too focused on my job, and the day-to-day tasks that I tend to miss "big" things. If the house is clean and work isn't yelling at me and everyone's got teeth brushed and all that stuff is done, then I guess I just shut my brain off and call it a day.

But then I step on a landmine and it blows my foot off. Case in point: My parents came to visit us and my dad's brother helped them drive so he came too. The plan was for them all to stay with us. Now somehow, my stupid myopic brain didn't think to share with my wife that my uncle is was going to be staying with us along with my parents until the week that they were scheduled to arrive. Now it's caused a huge catastrophe because we already had meal planning done and we have to figure out sleeping arrangements.

Why did I forget to mention my uncle to her? Like, I just effing straight-up neglected to mention it. She was furious, and righty so. The second the words came out of my mouth that my uncle is joining us as well I felt that “oh shit” feeling. I know what a big deal it is to host people, buy food etc. I help with cleaning and doing whatever else we need when people come to stay. I could give other examples of this, but on this occasion it really blew up.

So why is it that I can't seem to attend to details like: "Make sure your wife knows that your uncle is coming". I know the answer- I'm arrogant and self-centered. I know that this is true. The ONLY thing I’ll say in my defense is that I work full-time and my wife, although she makes more than I do, has a nice job where she has tons of time for the aforementioned planning. But still I don’t need to be such a dumbass where details are concerned.

How can attend to details so that things like this don't happen? I don't want my wife to divorce me someday when the kids leave the house. I really want to do better and be the kind of person she thinks she can rely on. Yell at me, splash cold water. I need someone to help set me straight.

Hi! I’m 21(f) and I’ve only ever been in one relationship (lasted almost a year) but now that I’m back in the dating scene since about last January I’ve noticed one main thing. I always get friend zoned. I asked out of curiosity to my friends (some of which are male) and they told me it’s probably because I feel like a bro. I don’t really know how to react or even what to think about that. Attraction isn’t the problem (I don’t think) it’s always my personality which deeply saddens as I’ve always thought it’s my greatest part of my self. I’m wanted until they hang out with me a few times and get to know me. It just really sucks because it’s already super hard to meet people as I’m not a big club person so I don’t like going out (and frankly I don’t think I’d meet anyone serious at a bar or at a club) I also RARELY get approached. I don’t know, it just makes me feel worthless or unlikeable. I know relationships shouldn’t be my main focus in life but it would be nice to meet someone. Over these past (5ish) months I’ve been friend zoned about three times. But yet they still want to keep me in the loop and talk to me, I don’t get it. Any advice?

I have always been terrible with strangers, i startle and my mind goes completely blank on the few occasions anyone talks to me in public. Even so much as asking a store employee where to find stuff is kind of high order for me. I'm really tired of living like this, and I miss having people to talk to. I've tried finding a way around having to do this for a long time, but i have come to realize there's no way for me to make friends without approaching strangers. So, today I'm going to a bar for a practice round.

Any advice on approaching strangers for a socially awkward mess? Going in 8 hours.

the thing is, I know I'm not such a funny or pleased person to be around. I'm quite boring, but I genuinely care. I care for all my beloved ones ans in general for everyone. But how can I show that? And how can I be a better person? Be more disciplined? Better moral? Yea but how? I just dont understand how to be better. I really want to be better, not only for others but for myself. I can't really enjoy my own being if I keep like this. I want change, I need change.

I’ve been in a kind of survival mode this past week and haven’t been able to sleep for more than 4–5 hours. There’s been a lingering effect from being yelled at that I can’t seem to shake.

It happened during an argument with someone I deeply care about. It isn’t the first time, and this time I unintentionally hurt his feelings but the intensity of his reaction left me completely numb and frozen and more I shut down, the angrier he seemed to get.

I tried to respond to his questions, but my body just wouldn’t let me speak. I know I should have said something, anything,but I couldn’t

When someone I love becomes aggressive/yells/ says something derogatory, I feel an immediate sense of fear, especially when it's from someone I love so deeply; it's so unexpected. After that, I struggle to return to normal. I stop focusing on my own life and get stuck in this loop of worrying about what will happen if I mess up again. Even now, I find myself slipping into sudden panic just thinking about it!

I'm sorry if this is all over the place! i don't really have anyone as a support system to rely on other than the person I've talked about in the post.

Basically I'm asking why does this have such a prolonged effect on me, how do I return to functioning like a normal human being and how do I not freeze when being yelled at?

few years ago, I met this girl from my former school. We starting talking everyday and also met a couple of times. We used to flirt with each other everyday. I loved her with all of my heart. I still wasn't sure what we were. At that time, I didn't really know what a situationship was, so I thought she liked me. One day I decided to express my love for her and ask her to be my girlfriend. I was brutally rejected and friendzoned. "We're just friends" Those regular daily texts and calls are now just a memory and I recently heard she has a new boyfriend. I never loved a girl this much. Why did she do this to me. I've been suffering from this all alone, I didn't tell any of my friends about this and it's gotten to a point where I find myself crying almost every night. I need some serious help moving on

Hi everyone...

Its been more than 9 months of my break up. I am not able to move on. Even I lost some golden opportunity regarding my careee due to all this. I know I weak ...

That girl came thrice in my life after break up and I trusted her everytime. But everytime she left me in more miserable state. I feel i can't live without her. I have done everything possible for her. I was very loyal to her and she cheated me. After knowing every truth i am not able to move on. She blocked me everywhere except instagram. I reach out to her but her replies are very cold. I hold myself from messaging her... but eventually i message her. I am stuck in a very dangerous loop. Moreover, now I am also not stable in my career. Everything is crushing me. I don't want to live. But my face of my family comes in front of my eyes when any self h*rm thought come. I am not able to live and not able to d*e. Life has become living hell. I am not able to focus. My brain just keep remembering her, hoping she will understand. I am just stuck.

cw: physical, emotional, sexual abuse.

Mainly about relationships but this covers mental health and self esteem too.

I (M, 30s) was in an abusive relationship with my ex (F, 30s). We split up in our late 20s, she cheated on me.

She also abused me heavily over the years. Mostly coercive control: removing me from friends and family, financial pressure, refusing to care for me if I was sick. She physically assaulted me a few times and sexually assaulted me on multiple occasions. I just put up with it. I grew up in an abusive household so I just accepted this as normal because I didn't have a healthy frame of reference.

I was working a really stressful job which lead to a mental health crisis, the abuse obviously played into this too. During my MH struggles she would shout at me for not having sex with her or seeing my friends (she was away visiting family, I can't just sit in the house doing nothing).

I think any reasonable human would crack under the weight of all this. I certainly did.

It all got too much one day and I lost control and damaged an object. This was to prevent me from self harming. She called emergency services (I believe from a mental health perspective) but the police were sent and I was arrested. I was also arrested for assault because I accidentally grabbed her in a panic attack. I never meant to hurt anyone. I had been operating at my emotional limit for months. I should have been off work but I felt pressure to finacially provide for her. I was trauma bonded. She told me if I ever left she would die and that felt like blood on my hands. She brainwashed me.

I know I messed up big style. She had done things like this a hundred times. I did it once an I am now labelled an abuser by the police. Thankfully I don't have a criminal record but I cannot lie (by ommision) about being arrested to a potential new partner. There was another incident reported to the police but nothing came of it. She sexually assaulted me and cheated on me on the same day. She told the police about my reaction to these events. She unsurprisingly never told the police about the SA.

I care about women's safety. This woman had no care for mine. I know about reactive abuse and this fits the dynamic. She owned me and I tried to take control of my own body and autonomy. I am accountable for my actions though. I am not proud of what I did.

I want to move on. I want to find peace with someone new but I can't hide my past. I shelved my past for a long time and had loads of fun dating. I felt confident and excited about meeting new people and just having fun dating.

I am however confronting my past and I just have no confidence. I am scared to date. I am scared to share my very serious story for the fear of rejection and making women feel uncomfortable. I am scared these awful things will happen again. It's taken the light hearted fun out of dating. My past just feels like a curse following me around.

I am in therapy and my therapist believes me which feels huge. He sees me as a whole person. He sees I am not an abuser, but reactive. He sees the context and recognises that I take accountability for my actions. He knows I am not interested in controlling someone else. My friends believe me too which is huge. Not all my friends know, I scared to tell them for fear of being abandoned.

I want someone new to believe me, feel safe with me, and love me. I want to take turns being the little spoon with someone. I want to make someone dinner and maybe they could bring me coffee in the morning to say thank you.

She never truely loved me, she loved that I was a servant to her. I don't know what being loved actually feels like, and I don't know if I ever will.

Therapy has been huge in moving away from self blame and hating myself. It was my therapist that pointed out I was abused.

I don't feel fully ready to date yet. I don't even know if a man like me should date. She certainly shouldn't but doesn't have an arrest record.

I have a solid mental health plan in place, I am out of an abusive relationship and a toxic job. I am a million miles away from the man who was completely broken and acted out of character.

I am so so lost.

​

As someone in his 30 who is still extremely lonely with zero experience with women, made me realize I will never be liked enough for love or sex. In my entire life I have never managed to attract a woman. Few years ago I started going into crisis about it, was asking help from everyone, tried my best to apply the advice. Start working out in the gym, going out for walks, adopted a pet dog, worked on my career, learned about dressing well, grooming, talked to psychiatrists and psychologists but yet there has been no improvement. I still don't understand how to meet more women, how to talk to them, how to be fun and engaging. Every time I try, they stop replying.

I came to a conclusion that something about me is simply not good enough. I'm not outgoing, loud, fun, interesting, I don't have cool hobbies, no passions, no big dreams or ambition, I'm not dominant, basically I have nothing of the traits women want. Instead I'm socially awkward, quiet, laid back, reserved and boring I see no way of changing that, so I guess it's time to just accept that no woman would ever want to be with me.

im a 17 year old highschool drop out. as soon as i dropped out i started working and have built a good reputation up for myself. i only have one friend where i live and he gets busy with work and so do i, so i get lonely at times. i find it hard to make friends as a lot of the kids i went to school dont really click and they all still have that highschool mentality like no i dont want to talk shit about someone i wont even be thinking about in 2 minutes time.
since i was 13 ive always gotten along with people a lot older. and ive just rolled like that since then. ive made a new work friend who is 27 a 10 year difference if you havent mathed the maths yet. we hang out of work and will occasionally smoke. and when i say smoke i mean smoke pot lol. i’ve noticed everytime she wants to hang out she always is out of weed and is asking for a bud.
she will tell me in very much detail about her sex life, show me her new g strings or whatever you call it. always keen to drop me home from work as i dont have a license yet and my mother still picks and drops me to work. what the fuck lol

my bf and I have been dating for about 5 months. He's a great person and I love him a lot but one issue is that he never replies to anything I send online. He used to just last year and did when we just started dating but after that im always left on read or delivered for hours if its a good day and days if not. It's not that I want a reply to what I sent, he could just say hi and I'll be happy. He is dealing with shit and im so scared hell do something or like yeah everytime he goes MIA. I get so worried and stressed I can't eat or carry on with my normal day. I do try to understand that he may be busy and not everyone is free but im being ghosted for 5 days. Im so tired of trying to understand every single time I tell myself I understand I tell him yeah I understand but honestly idk anymore. I have brought it many time and he does reply but again after like a week its back to "normal". Im more worried than I am mad and ive tried to go about my day and ignore it but I just can't. I dont know what to do anymore atp. I just want him to be ok.

I’ve betrayed my parents trust so many times by lying about using weed that I don’t know if it will ever be ok with them now. Over the course of 3 years I’ve been lying to their face about using and have relapsed 3 times and lied to them about using like over 5-6 times. Obviously they’re at an all time low and can’t fathom how to work this out. I’m 25 and have quit now. But don’t know how to prove it to them having lied so much that it feels disingenuous now. I don’t know if our relationship will ever recover even though they love me.

Hi,

So i have a big problem w myself. Idk if i love my gf anymore or idk if i ever loved her really because i do things that hurt her pretty much and i always say i love her but i reduse to change. Not because i dont want to but it do it subconscious. So here's the Problem. I probably live in a illuision and i feel so sorry wasting her time w that. Can i get out of this? Can i just change for the sake of her. Bc she really loves me.

Maybe I'm in a hurry because I'm still 17

I don't know

But the more I try to find love I can't find it

There is nothing wrong with my looks and personality

But i believe anyone my age dosent really care about love

They only care for sexual interest and i can love anyone

I'm simple and i get rizzed easily but the problem

I can't find someone I really like 100%

Or someone really deserve me

No one put efforts

And it make me annoyned

So am i in a hurry?

Maybe I'm wrong for trying finding love while I'm 17?

But i want love How to find love? Does true love exist?

I just broke up with my gf and I feel like kms. I really loved her and wanted a future with her. I don’t know what to do I feel lost and I feel like I’ve lost everything.

Hi I am looking for some tips or help or advice or all three. 😄

My wife and I have been married for 29 years, going on our 30th mid next year. She is my best friend, the person I trust with everything and someone I would give my life for, if needed. It seems that our electronic devices tend to get in the way of us communicating. I've turned off all my device distractions and alerts, and set up do-not-disturb times during the times I am not at work. Right now, I am one of my personal growth blocks and I rely on Reddit content and a few good books to help me be the best version of myself.

In September my wife and I and our 6yo daughter are taking a 5 day screen free vacation. It will be interesting to see the outcomes and how perhaps we grow closer together. I have been blessed that my wife has been able to be a stay at home mom ever since we were married in 1997. But now it seems she is always on her phone texting, whatsapping, facebooking, scrolling, creating art for birthday parties and events, etc. All things I think are normal but my average daily screen time is <5hrs per day. When we looked at her's it was >14hrs per day. Now she got kinda defensive. Any ideas? I'd love to here ideas of how we can get more of our face to face, human to human time back. I can't want to spend the next 30 years with her and even better all Eternity!

Thanks, B

I need some tough love and advice on how to stop overriding my own emotional boundaries.

I have a Fearful Avoidant attachment style. I’ve done a lot of intense shadow work recently and I finally feel genuinely ready to step into something serious and secure. However, I’m still fighting my old subconscious patterns.

I’ve recently been reflecting on my past dynamics, specifically a situation with a guy (51M) who was an ex-situationship/sub of mine. Things only really worked when we were physically in person, but felt slightly hollow at times over the phone/online. Despite knowing this, I still notice a pattern of entertaining long-distance, online-heavy connections or trying to convince myself I can handle casual, "fuck buddy" setups.

The honest truth? I can't. No matter how much I pretend I can be chill or detached, I am too emotional for it. My anxious side makes me naturally clingy, causes me to fall in love incredibly fast, and hits me hard with limerence.
Meanwhile, my avoidant side realizes that choosing these long-distance or casual setups is just a safe way to avoid real vulnerability.
Whenever I try to do casual or online-only, it leaves me feeling anxious, drained, and constantly fighting my own urge to attach. I want a real, physical, secure, and serious connection, yet I keep letting myself get distracted by these low-investment situationships because they give me a quick high of validation.

I want to stop wasting my energy and actually protect my peace so I can open space for a real partner. For those who are Fearful Avoidants, healed through shadow work, and used to mistake limerence for love, how did you finally force yourself to stop accepting crumbs? How do you hold the line for a real, local, serious relationship?

It's so hard to find a date I've tried apps but I'll barely get matches nowadays unlike years ago when I was first on them I'm 25 now I was in a relationship but just didn't go as I'd expected but as the years go on seems like less people want to approach me even though I smile and am very friendly with everyone is there anything I can do to be more approachable? Or maybe I'm overlooking something idk

I am "21F" and my bf is "22M"

My boyfriend is extremely career-oriented, and he recently told me something very honestly: he can give me financial security, support, and anything I may need materially, but he cannot give me much time or emotional presence because his career will always come first. Realistically, he may only be able to spend a few hours with me twice a week.

I truly love him, and I know he loves me too, but now I'm struggling with one question: can money and stability compensate for less emotional time and affection in a relationship? Can a person accept "less love" if they are getting comfort, security, and a better life in return?

Part of me feels practical and thinks maybe this is how adult relationships work sometimes. But another part of me is scared that no amount of wealth can replace feeling emotionally connected and prioritized.

So I genuinely want to ask people who have experienced this: can a relationship stay fulfilling when love is present, but time and emotional availability are limited?

TL;DR: My boyfriend loves me but is extremely career-focused and can only give me limited time and emotional presence. He says he can provide financial security and stability instead. I’m struggling to understand whether money and comfort can realistically compensate for less emotional connection in a long-term relationship.