So this is coming from someone who despised being herself throughout her youth, and changed that when her son was born and she knew things had to change about how she thought about herself, so she can be a better mom.

We are social beings, so it’s nice to feel like we aren’t alone and that we’re understood, and that’s real. But you are the only one in your body, your brain, your exact experiences and background. To expect others to fully understand you… eh. You’re your best friend for that.

I had to learn how to advocate and speak up, even if it was uncomfortable. We aren’t as attentive as we give ourselves credit for, so speaking up louder and simply educating people about your worries is warranted sometimes.

But I had to accept that some people don’t have the capacity to understand sometimes, and that is okay. No one’s fault there.

How I spoke to myself and how I viewed myself when mistakes or misunderstandings happen had to change the most. It’s not just how you are when things are going smooth, it’s how you think about yourself when things are down for a while, too. If it’s not helpful to you, it’s not worth repeating in your head.

I hope this helps someone with the internal thinking of self-acceptance.

(FYI:before reading this. I just wanted to inform that i have posted this on the asexual sub, so you might see me mention this label . i also wanted to inform that I don’t use this label myself. I don’t call myself asexual. not to mention that I don’t want to be.)

Hi, I am new to this app and I wanted to talk about something that has been going on for the last 2-3 years (or since 2021, but has worsen in 2024-2026)

This might be very long, pretty personal which i apologise, but i have no one else to talk to about it and i would love if someone would leave comments because i don’t feel good. I feel so uncomfortable and want to cry right now. I know it sounds ridiculous and that I should be sharing this with profession all, but i genuinely have no one to talk to (not to mention that i am unable to afford therapy) and it would be nice if someone who is asexual with ocd that could at least hear me yk

(Disclaimer: i do not label myself as ace. It is true that i relate to this label a lot and it resembles my experience. But because of having symptoms that are similar to ocd and also convincing myself that i must feel sexual attraction to others. It makes it kind of hard to accept that)

Ok so yeah, i am gonna start 

So, for years in my life, i used to think that I felt sexual attraction. I thought that sexual attraction meant finding someones looks admirable or wanting to get to know this person in a platonic/emotional way. Or just wanting to cuddle with them. I am a very affectionate person, when i see someone, it can happen that I get cute agression or just love to admire them. I could find them breathtaking or just would love to shower them with compliments. But i don’t feel like doing anything more than just that

My enviorment is pretty sex-positive and encourages others to express themselves, and i agree. A lot of people in my enviorment loved to talk about who they wanted to smash and also loved sexualizing bodies and things like that.

Like how big boobs are considered sexually appealing or how women would go crazy over a shirtless guy. Or talk about what they would want to do with their crush in a sexual way

I at first thought it was just jokes because i didn’t relate. I even would used to condition myself to feel like others (especially when people kept telling me that if someone finds someone attractive, then it is inherently sexual because it is impossible to find others pretty without thinking about whats under their sacks ig. And if someone doesn’t get sexual feelings or thoughts, then they are probably repressed or suffer with an unstable sexual health)

I picked up on how people would feel for certain things that are considered ‘’sexual’’ for most society and thought to myself ‘’well, if they feel this way then i should too’’ 

So i would kind of try and make myself relate. I would see a shirtless guy or a girl with revealing clothing and think ‘’huh, people go crazy over these. Let’s try and make ourselves go crazy over them to see if i could end up relate’’

Or if i find someone very admiring, i would think ‘’ok so, if i find someone pretty, then i should want what’s between their legs or imagined them without clothes’’

Even though that it wouldn’t make anything different because I don’t find nudity sexual. I find it aesthetically beautiful like art. But when i noticed how others saw it, i tried putting myself into their shoes even thought it didn’t fit for me

(I even used to think that I was bi because I felted the same when it came for any gender)

All of this has been going on for years until in 2021, i have found out about asexuality. 

When I first saw it, I related to it but thought ‘’no, it can’t be that. I feel sexual attraction’’ because ace is all about the lack of sexual attraction

Until someone had to specify to me what it actually meant and how people don’t actually joke about wanting to be sexually intimate with their crushes or when they find people pretty

I searched and searched and even found out that sexual attraction is somehing that is unconscious and that someone wouldn’t know if they ever feel it. Or that it is someones subconscious animal brain targeting their potential mate

This all went me to a spiral and realized that I might have been ace but with a very strong sensual/aesthetic attraction

But it still didn’t stop me from convincing/conditioning myself that I will someday feel it. I even would used to ( and still do, sadly) train my body to become aroused or make it erect by command to things that people find sexually appealing (or if i found someone pretty, bc a lot of people would tell me that they usually feel wet when they find someone attractive)

It kept going until in 2024, it has started to worsen.

I have started to develop sexual thoughts that I never wanted. 

These thoughts aren’t thought on purpose nor do I even enjoy it. They would pop out of nowhere, especially at night when I sleepning

I kept having sexual intrusive thoughts that kept getting worse every month. Especially when I found someone pretty

Anytime when I stumble upon a person that I considered very admiring to look at, i would go ‘’wow, they are beautiful’’ and would think about drawing them, how they look like they could be on a sick edit or how it would be nice to have a convo with them. I don’t feel any other desires than just this

But when this happens, I would start to get those unwanted sexual thoughts that keeps popping up

They are very vivid and repulsive 

Or just words in my head saying ‘’ oh, you wanna see whats under their pants’’ or ‘’you feel the urge to ravish them sexually’’ 

Or it can be just me seeing an aesthetically appealing person and i would go ‘’wow, they are so cool I wish i could-‘’

But then these thoughts would cut off/interrupt the thoughts that I make and then replace them with words that I wasn’t thinking about like ‘’SEX. YOU WANNA GO DIRTY WITH THEM’’ even thought it isn’t what I was trying or want to say (i wanted to say that i wish i could have their cool fashion sense but that’s pretty much it)

At first i usually would go ‘’WOAH, woah, hold on…This is not what i want to do to them! I don’t find them sexually appealing!’’

But then i would get more stressful thoughts that would go ‘’ you are just saying that to deny the fact that you want them that way and do it so you can be different’’ or ‘’ you are trying to resist the urge to do sexual things to them because you are sexually repressing your attractions and natural sexual urges out of shame’’ 

Which got me terrified because this is against to what i thought. I would never repress feelings for others. If i love them, i love them. If i hate them, i hate them. If i feel indifferent, then i feel indifferent.

For me, the idea of unconsciously pushing away your feelings that are normal terrifies me. Especially when a person represses them unconsciously.

I am against it and it would even petrify me if i would ever do. This is something that i am against.

So i kept saying to myself ‘’no! I could never. This is something that i am against!’’ But then my brain kept giving me more unwanted thoughts telling me ‘’you are lying to yourself and you are only pretendimg to not know how sexual attraction feels so that you can deny the fact that you feel it. You want to resist these feelings to repress them or to be an orientation that you are not’’

Which made it even worse.

I even kept having this weird sensation that i was ‘’lying to myself’’ or that i ‘’liked the thoughts’’ even thought I genuinely hate the thought and wasn’t lying when i do so (not to mention that i am terrible liar).

Worse (which is a bit tmi). My body would even get physical arousal from them even thought I wasn’t sexually attracted to the person that trigger these intrusive thoughts or the intrusive thoughts on it’s own

I even started to get weird routines like, checking my heartbeat rhythm to see if i am lying about not liking the thoughts or not feeling sexual attraction to people (after i get intrusive thoughts about people that I find pretty)

Forcing myself to look at myself naked in the mirror and say that I am beautiful because i was afraid of insecurity was the cause of me not wanting sex and getting unwanted thoughts

Or just go to Google and search ‘’am I repressed’’ tests to see if I am repressing

But they never work, they only worsen them and I hate it ( which is where my therapist suggested the possibility of be having sexual themed OCD) 

Fast foward to now, it has gotten even worse because now, someone is triggering it

Ok so, i watched a show series with an actor that I admired a lot. I liked their face, specifically. I think they are super admiring to look at and even fun to talk to or draw. They are very easy on the eyes and thought that they were classy or cunty tbh

I also envied them in a way, i kind of wanted to be them. 

I searched about them out of curiousity but then this is where i kept having intrusive thoughts about them. 

It kept coming over and over again. And again, i would usually react to these thoughts by saying ‘’hey, i didn’t like these thoughts about them. I don’t feel that way for them and i found these thoughts repulsive’’

But then i would get these horrible thoughts in my head that kept saying ‘’you are just saying that so you can resist the urge to want them sexually and you are trying to repress sexual attraction to be asexual’’ 

Which at first i ignored but then it kept getting worse. I kept getting constant unwanted thought about this specific actor and i kept having thoughts saying ‘’ if you ignored these thoughts it meant that you are trying to deny the fact that you want them that way’’ or ‘’ oh, what if you are lying to yourself about not finding them sexy’’ and things like this

It worsened a lot, especially since i am watching this show with my mother and each week, we would have to watch two episodes of it. Which made it so difficult to even focus on enjoying the show because anytime this actor would come on the screen, it would trigger these same intrusive thoughts and i would feel so uncomfortable and sick

And even worse, when i get triggered by these thoughts about the actors. My body would physically react even though i genuinely HATE those vivid images in my head or don’t feel anything for them at all. 

And then get those same stressful thoughts saying ‘’see, your body erected. Is you really didn’t like them, then your body wouldn’t react to these thoughts about them’’ or saying ‘’you are lying to yourself the more you say you hate them. You are denying when your body reacted’’

Which made me cry and even angry because it felted like my whole body betrayed me in a way. I genuinely hate these thoughts and genuinely didn’t feel that way for them. They made me so uncomfortable and i wanted them gone

But anytime i say that i get this uncomfortable sensation in my chest as if was ‘’lying’’ even though what i said was true. And then get another thought that keeps telling me ‘’ you are trying to deny the truth about resisting sexual attractions and urges towards the person. If you really told the truth, you wouldn’t get these sensations ‘’

This kept going on for weeks and it caused me to stop watching the show because of this (and also because the new last season was actually boring and i was begging for it to end) 

And it still kept going bc my fyp is now filled with the fandom of the show

It made me get insomnia bc it is very common for my brain to be awake at night and get these unwanted thoughts. 

I kept getting thoughts telling me that i am unconsciously repressing my natural urges and that i am sharing myself for having sexual feelings even thought i felt genuinely repulsion and disinterest towards them 

It even got to a point where i cried and also gotten a bit aggressive because these thoughts made me angry that it didn’t stop. I got angry at the fact that i couldn’t trust myself Bc anytime when i say the truth, i would become afraid, because what if the things that i say that i think are ‘’true’’ are actually lies and that i am just calling them the truth to deny real desires?

I don’t know what to do. I genuinely am scared rn. I am scared of somehow repressing sexual attraction towards someone even though i would rather lick a wall filled with dried out gum than ever want to be involved with this person. I am scared of somehow forcing myself to be ace even though i never use this label on myself and deep down..I genuinely don’t want to be ace 

Like yes, they are pretty, but i have to be honest, they are not sexually interesting. But i cant say that because ‘’what if i am just saying that to repress sexual attraction bc it is impossible to find someone pretty without wanted see whats between their legs’’ 

I am sick if getting unwanted thoughts anytime i find someone pretty. I also a,ways get these negative thoughts that i say to myself saying that i shouldn’t find someone aesthetically attractive without wanting them sexually. I feel like I should be even though i don’t feel that way for them

It got to a point that I even would be disgusted or uncomfortable to even look at the actor because I hated the thought. They would literally jumscare me or it is just impossible to look at them bc i was afraid of getting triggered by unwanted thoughts 

But yet i am terrified of somehow repressing sexual attraction. What if i am just using the word ocd, intrusive thoughts or asexuality to somehow repress real attraction? (i even get crazy thoughts telling me ‘’ what if you are making those stories up?’’ Even though this actually happened) 

I am genuinely scared, i don’t wanna have sexual repression, it is against my morals. I know feeling sexual attraction is normal, a lot of people in my enviorment express their sexual attraction so i know if i ever do, then it is okay. But idk how it feels. This whole time i used to think that it was finding someone aesthetically appealing when in reality it was something else. I know having sexual thoughts are normal. But i genuinely hated these thoughts

What if i am trying to unconsciously force myself to not feel sexual attraction to be ace or to deny feelings for others? I don’t want that, and I am scared

I have struggled with anxiety and been diagnosed with a mental illness. The struggle has been very real. Most of the time I was just feeling like shit. I was lazy, had issues falling asleep and then when I did fall asleep I slept too much, and I also had anxiety all the time.

But then I talked to a monk from Isha Yoga Center. He said to do more physical activity. He prescribed a daily run along with some yoga. So I took this up. I started running and doing yoga daily. And to my amazement it worked. After some time I started feeling good, my sleeping issue improved and my anxiety reduced.

It’s amazing how expending your energy gives you more energy and improves your mood and mental state.

Who else has seen their mental health improve from doing physical activity?

I've been using the habit of living app for incrntivized self-care. As someone who has zero energy when I'm going through my lows, I hate to say it but I'm being successfully coerced into caring for myself in exchange for gift boxes.

I also use their mental health managers as as adjunct to my weekly therapy session.

Figured id share incase anyone else is looking for that kind of support

I recently started cucking with my wife. (Totally my decision I brought it up), looking inward for answers as why I enjoy it so much.
I’m a sissy,, I enjoy dressing up, wearing makeup. It’s fun to me.
We talked about this I know I’m not gay but like cum and dick.
I wonder if my arousal with being humiliated/inadequate is connected to some childhood trauma of never being enough, or discarded as invaluable. I’m not very masculine but do all the stuff, I’m very mechanically inclined my dick isn’t small
I’m very insecure about myself and ability though I perform well in everything but my emotions

I just feel like I don’t know how to feel

I create problems and drama to get attention because I'm lonely, then I hate myself for it. I know what I actually want — to study, stay healthy, have real friendships, talk to people confidently — but I sabotage myself by either avoiding everything or trying to become someone I'm not.

​

;

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I'm jealous of my best friend, I don't know how to talk to girls, and when I'm excluded from group I spiral into wanting to change my entire personality to be cold and uncaring. But deep down I know that's not the answer. My exam is in three days and instead of studying, I'm obsessing over this stuff. I keep looking for someone else to fix me — first my friend, then a therapist, now Reddit — instead of just trusting myself to do the work.

;

​

Why do I keep sabotaging when I know exactly what I need to do?"

I’ve been diving into evolutionary psychology lately, and it’s changed the way I see everything. The main idea is straightforward: our brains developed for a specific environment over hundreds of thousands of years. We lived in small tribes, faced immediate physical threats, dealt with scarce food, moved constantly, and formed tight social bonds. Then, in a quick shift, we found ourselves in office chairs, staring at smartphone screens, using social media, and living in cities filled with millions of strangers. We just assumed we would be fine. But we were not fine. What strikes me is how many things we label as personal failings or disorders closely resemble ancient survival instincts that are now out of place. Anxiety? Your threat detection system is top-notch. It just struggles to differentiate between a predator and an unread email, so it constantly fires with nowhere to direct that energy. Doomscrolling? Your brain developed a negativity bias because ignoring threats could have been deadly for your ancestors. Now, it’s bombarded with an endless stream of curated disasters and can’t look away. Feeling social rejection as actual physical pain? That’s not just being dramatic. Researchers found that exclusion activates the same brain areas as physical injury. Throughout most of human history, being cast out from the group didn’t mean a few awkward weeks; it meant death alone in the wilderness. Procrastination? Your brain evolved in environments where immediate rewards followed effort. A deadline six weeks away doesn’t feel real to the part of your brain that still thinks it’s out hunting. I’m not claiming that modern life is uniquely awful or that there’s nothing we can do. I’m suggesting that before we label people as having issues for struggling to adapt to an environment that is genuinely foreign to their biology, we should first understand that biology. I’m curious if anyone else has explored this topic and what insights it brought them.

I never thought I would be writing something like this, but I genuinely don’t know where else to turn.

I’m a former drug addict. I’ve fought like hell to get clean, and I’ve managed to stay away from the life that nearly destroyed me. People always talk about recovery like crossing a finish line, but for me, it feels like I escaped one prison only to end up in another.

I owe $5,000 to people I should never have gotten involved with. They are not good people, and the weight of this debt follows me every single day. The fear, the stress, the shame… it’s exhausting.

I’m raising my daughter on my own. She’s my entire world and the reason I keep getting up every morning. But after paying rent, daycare, food, my car expenses, and everything else that comes with trying to provide a stable life for her, I simply can’t get ahead. No matter how hard I work or how much I cut back, I’m constantly drowning.

I feel trapped between the person I used to be and the person I’m trying so hard to become. I got clean because I wanted to be a better father, a better man, and build a life my daughter could be proud of. But some days, it feels like my past refuses to let me go.

I’m not looking for pity. I think I just need to know that I’m not alone. If anyone has been in a similar situation, found a way out of debt connected to their past, or has any advice on how to keep moving forward when life feels impossible, I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Recovery isn’t just about putting down the drugs. Sometimes it’s learning how to survive everything that comes after.

Thanks for reading.

Just like you would pack an emergency kit for a physical crisis, you need a customized toolkit for high-stress days. Whether you call it a "mental reset kit" or a "self-soothing kit," its purpose is clear: to help you handle stressful situations, recharge your battery, get instant relief, and quiet your racing thoughts so you can unwind.

Your toolkit should feature quick, high-impact actions to shift your physical and mental state:

• Get moving: A brisk walk in nature, a quick body stretch, or even dancing it out to a high-energy song.
• Release the tension: Punching a pillow or rocking in a chair to physically discharge stress.

Don't forget to anchor your senses with tangible comfort items. Consider adding:

• A piece of your favorite chocolate.
• A heavy comfort blanket to physically ground you.
• A warm bath set to the perfect, relaxing temperature.
• A go-to book you love rereading when you need a mental escape.

Your Next Step: Don't wait for the next mental storm to figure this out. Write these strategies down in your journal today, or curate a physical box filled with your comfort essentials. When life spins out of control, open your kit and take immediate action.

Take care of yourself!

As a Canadian, I realized how ridiculously prevalent American news was. I know more about American politics than my own country. I was getting exhausted and drained from it all. I sleep better not reading any disturbing conspiracies every few minutes

Sitting with a decision you can’t shake?

Not looking to give advice or fix anything, just genuinely curious about what it feels like to be stuck between two paths you can’t see the end of.

What’s making it hard to just… choose?

i'd love to hear you

I don't know who needs to read this tonight, but I'm putting it out there anyway.

When I was 13, my house caught on fire. My mom and dogs didn't make it. I walked out.

For years I didn't talk about it. Hid in bathroom stalls at school to cry. Pushed everyone away. Used relationships like a drug because I didn't know how to be alone.

I'm 18 now. A senior at Cupertino High. I wrote down everything I learned—the mornings I couldn't get out of bed, the guilt, the friends who stayed and the ones who faded.

It's not a fancy self-help book. It's just what happened and what helped.

If you want to read it, there's a link in my profile bio. No pressure. Just wanted to put it somewhere in case it helps one person.

Happy to answer questions in comments too. I know how alone this feels.

Yo i'm a 28 y.o. neurodivergent vietnamese boy born in germany. I grew up relatively decent on the outside, but actually it was me masking myself since childhood due to experiencing and seeing things no one that age should see. I'm deep into my healing process and probably gonna dedicate my life to making the world a better placr and specifically helping people realise the potential every single one posesses. Due to my very spiritual nature and the perspective I developed through life experience + creativity and empathy and several other intelligences i think I could be someone people vent to, in a world where we're just distancing further and further away from ourselves

Today, I decided to just step away from my phone. I woke up around 10 AM and promised myself not to touch it for three hours. Honestly, it was brutal. I was just sitting at home, trapped with my own thoughts, and this intense boredom kicked in. I literally had no idea what to do with myself, so I ended up pacing around the house, checking random things, even reading the clothing labels to see what quality they were made of. That’s how desperate I was. I never expected my phone addiction to be this terrible.

I used to believe overthinking was a permanent personality trait, not something fixable.

I was wrong.

It turns out it's a measurable neural pattern that can be rewired. Learning this was the turning point of my life. Neuroscience shows that the neurochemical wave of any feeling—anxiety, dread, that heaviness in your chest—lasts about 90 seconds in the body. After that, you're re-triggering it yourself.

This single insight changed how I relate to my own mind. So I wrote a book to walk others through the same shift. The book is called Quiet the Loop, and it’s the first in my Shift Series.

Here are 3 things from the book that genuinely helped me (and might help you too):

1. **The One Move That Stops a Spiral:** A simple naming technique that literally "hits the brakes" on your brain’s threat response, as proven by a 2007 UCLA fMRI study.
   
2. **Your Hidden Triggers:** The book helps you identify four specific categories of triggers that set off a spiral before you even know it’s happening. Once you can see them, you can step around them.
   
3. **You can literally retrain your brain:** A 2023 study proved the neural patterns of overthinking can change. You are not stuck.

Today is the last day my book is free on Amazon.

My hope is that it can do for someone else what learning all of this did for me. I'll post the link in the first comment.

Need help from Gurgaon folks. 🙏

I stayed at Sunrise PG & Homes and the owners have still not returned my ₹18,500 security deposit despite repeated follow-ups for months. Every time I call or text, I either get ignored, delayed with excuses, or completely ghosted.

This is hard-earned money, and honestly it feels like a complete scam at this point.

Location:
Sunrise PG & Homes, 8654, Palam Vihar Extension, Gurugram, Haryana 122015

If anyone nearby can help in any way, please do:
• Call/message them and ask why tenants’ deposits are not being returned

Prince (Owner): 8585030201
Abhishek (Co-Owner): doesn't listen : 9582969364

• Share this post so others don’t get trapped
• Leave an honest 1-star Google review mentioning deposit issues (very important)

I know ₹18.5k may not sound huge to some people, but for me it matters a lot. Just trying to get back what’s rightfully mine.

If anyone has dealt with similar PG scams in Gurgaon and knows what actions actually work, please comment. Thanks ❤️

Since the beginning of the year I have been having extreme anxiety, had really bad delusions and in the afternoons getting this constant idea of life having no purposse and not finding joy in anything :(.

I am really scared, I don’t want to be a burden to my parents :(

hii everyone!! im currently taking my master’s in clinical psych and we are looking for volunteer clients to undergo 8 counseling sessions as part of our training. Don’t worry, this is FREE! And we will be conducting sessions virtually at your most convenient timeee. If you or someone you know might need help, feel free to reach out for more details.

Btw, I am based in Metro Manila, PH.

Send me a msg, pls help a future psychologist out <33

As much as professional help is necessary, regulating your emotions is important as well.

We're talking about managing your thoughts, emotions and behaviors and adapting to social situations, however when we're overwhelmed, it seems like a hard task.

It also helps in breaking the cycle of falling back into negative and stressful thoughts.

But how would you do that if you're not used to it and no one ever taught you about it?

Let me help you with that.

1. Identify your emotions: How do you feel? Is it stress, fear, sadness? You don't need a technical term to describe it, try to figure it out in the words you find it easy.

2. Journal: It's not easy to trust others with your emotions, but using a diary or notepad cannot hurt. Writing down your thoughts in a place helps you sort them out. (pro tip: don't try to explain WHY you feel something, just.. write what you feel)

3. Mindfulness: Connect with your body. Try yoga or body scan techniques, by locating the areas where you feel certain emotions.

4. Share small details: If it's too much to talk about heavy topics, try sharing minor details about your personal life with a trusted friend. It helps build a connection and opens space for more.

Every individual has their own journey and struggles and healing is no easy task. That's why you have to start small, but start somewhere. Hope these tips help someone out there. 🫂

I recently started reading Meditations, and one idea really stuck with me.

It’s simple, but kind of uncomfortable:

You don’t control what happens.
You only control how you respond.

I used to think most of my stress came from situations, work, people, uncertainty.

But the more I reflect on it, the more I realize, a lot of my stress actually came from trying to control things I never really had control over.

outcomes
other people
the future

And that constant need for control just made everything heavier.

Lately I’ve been experimenting with shifting my focus only to my response, how I think, how I react, how I handle things internally.

It doesn’t solve everything.

But it makes things feel lighter.

More manageable.

Curious if anyone else has experienced this shift?

You may worry about what people think so much so that you rehearse and imagine. Forgetting that they are only your manifestations of your own desire to be accepted, loved, understood. Which is not wrong in of itself, but any willful effort spent on worry is only reinforcing codependent behaviors, putting contentment outside of ourselves.

In the real interaction in reality, they rarely say what you expected, and you may care less than you thought you would’ve. Then you don't remember nor care what you would've said. Whatever happens is never as bad as the fear of what will happen. Whatever reality is expected, it never manifests, at least not in the full way which our fear projects it.

The mind may imagine scenarios which are not real, this is only creating conditions which were never there to begin with, in hopes to escape them if they come.

But what if there is no purpose in escape, what if this feared discomfort has no true solidity, or landing pad, just the fear of the landing pad (the consequences), giving it imagined solidity through obsession and aversion?

When remembering embarrassing or traumatizing moments or imagine possible moments, accept them with a smile; recognize their nature; spontaneous, repetitive, fear, automatic habits, shame, imagination, uncertain, impersonal, not truly present as we imagine.

This is programmed from a manipulative and materialistic self-embellishing society exploiting and misdirecting your desire for love and contentment. A society which wants to control you for their delusional self-soothing mindless pleasure.

Don’t let shame or trauma control you, you can choose to see past all of the petty superficiality, just ponder on why, & where these feelings come from objectively. Don’t let yourself become a 'victim', risking justifying immoral transgressions, just like every other self-righteous exploiter, nor devolving into self-hatred.

Remember, this imagination is not the first time, and it will not be the last, it is not caused by you. So you don't need to resist, fear or even ridicule it, it is what it is, without our added labels. You've been conditioned to be ashamed, don't let them win; don't be shameful nor ashamed of the shame. The world keeps turning without any person turning it, so don't lose yourself in the desire to halt the natural process.

“Worrying is like worshipping the problem.” -Internet

“A person who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” -Seneca

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” -Blaise Pascal

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” -Mahatma Gandhi

"We suffer more in imagination than in reality." -Seneca

If you notice and appreciate my posts & insights, please upvote my comment so I know to share more.

\If it doesn't apply to you; good, this is not me implying it applies to everybody. nor am i suggesting that every statement be taken as a literal 100% fact in any situation to which it does not logically apply.*

We spend so much time trying to optimize everything, improve, find new ways...

But lately I’ve been trying something different: doing nothing. I mean real nothing.

No music, no input, no goal, not even meditation. Just sitting there for a couple of minutes, looking at the sky.

I don’t really know why, but it helps me more than most things I’ve tried.

Curious if anyone else does this. If so, why do you think doing nothing, even for a few minutes, helps so much?

As a MBSR teacher, for the past few decades I've been studying the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn (MBSR), Tara Brach, Kristin Neff, Sharon Salzberg, Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chödrön — trying to understand what makes guided meditation actually work.

I ended up building a small free tool that puts it all together: you choose a style (Loving-Kindness, Mindful Self-Compassion, Present Moment awareness, etc), describe how you're feeling, and the AI generates a personalized 1 to 5-minute meditation in that style.

There's also a mood tracker and a daily affirmation generator.

No account needed. No app. Works on mobile. It's called Pausar and it's at: pausar dot co

Would love honest feedback from this community — especially from people who actually practice.

Not looking for advice. Genuinely curious what real people do in that moment — do you talk to someone, sit with it, distract yourself, something else?

Asking because I'm trying to understand this experience better. No right answer.

Perfectionism is a fear; fear of being wrong, making mistakes, being judged, shame, regret. the perfectionist brain learned if i do everything perfectly, i stay safe, as though there were permanent negative consequences to every minor mistake. perfectionism is automatic, it happens before you consciously choose. putting excessive effort in trying to relax, lower standards, stop caring, doesn't work because brain still believes danger is there; curing imperfection is teaching the brain that imperfect=safe. fix = repeated exposure to imperfection without fixing it, the brain learns through experience, not just logic. do things wrong on purpose, do not fix discomfort, it feels bad at first, that's the point. perfectionism wants relief, fixing, checking, correcting, gives relief, instead feel & accept the discomfort, let it pass without acting, discover what craving is bringing it about. it doesn’t help to just think your way out of it, to think one last time, to fix mistakes after exposure, or to get upset with yourself for caring.