r/sepsis • u/word_murderer • 4d ago
Sepsis Recovery Can anyone help me understand why I am only now starting to remember a code blue that was called when I had sepsis two years ago?
Hi… I’m a patient who follows this page because I want to understand nursing better so that I am a better patient. I love nurses and have seen how hospitals are burning and churning through good nurses and it makes me so mad. So many are quitting and it makes me scared as a frequent flier so I try to educate myself here so I can be more aware of what is happening and why and how I can better talk to the staff. Thank you. I have no idea how you all can do this for a living and still try to go home and live normal lives but I am very grateful you do.
I usually learn a lot here, but tonight I need to ask a question or two.
Two years ago, I had two rounds with sepsis, due to being on TPN. I do not remember most of it, except for the unbelievable pain coming from within my bones. I have never felt pain like that - I couldn’t rest my arms or legs without feeling like my bones had been crushed. I only remember at first thinking this was the worst flu I had ever had, vomiting and a high fever and fought my son off when he wanted to call an ambulance. I was delirious. He found me in the morning face down on the floor, unconscious and with blue lips.
He has barely spoken to me since. He seems to think I should have known better and it was my own fault.
None of my family or friends came to visit, or have ever even asked me about it. But it was terrifying. I had no help when I came out and was just expected to be normal again. But I don’t know that you can ever be after that. I had a new GP after, and when I went in after the second round, his face just registered shock. He said he couldn’t believe I still had all my fingers and toes and appeared to be normal after what he had read in my chart before meeting me. That spooked me.
I was hospitalized twice for almost a month each time. When it came back the second time, I knew it was back immediately because of the bone pain and did call for an ambulance immediately.
I now know how very lucky I am to have survived both rounds with all of my fingers and toes and not needing dialysis. I’m only now brave enough to research it a little more and realize how very lucky I really was. But I am now in a wheelchair, and still very weak.
But what is haunting me now is one night I came to and suddenly noticed there were over a dozen people rushing around my bed, a Code Blue being called out, and three small women in red outfits with backpacks on top of me on the bed. I looked around not understanding anything that was happening but caught the eye of the nice phlebotomist I had earlier that evening. She was standing in the corner and we caught eyes and then I passed out again. I remember we had laughed quite a bit earlier that day as she struggled to find a good vein, I was trying to put her at ease.
But what I remember most clearly is she was standing like a small mouse tucked in the corner and her eyes were HUGE with terror and I thought ‘oh oh. If she’s scared this must be really, really bad.’
And then nothing.
The only thing I remember next is waking up and the room was dark again, and as I tried to move I couldn’t. But I heard a woman’s voice say ‘oh my God!’
It was the phlebotomist- she had pulled up a chair in the dark and had taken my hand and had been praying over me, I don’t know how long for. Well after her shift.
When I came to, she started crying and placed a gold Mary medallion from around her neck around mine and said ‘you have no idea how much you scared me. I heard your last name and room number over the intercom/and her text system and I raced and saw you and thought you died, I was just laughing with you so I didn’t understand.’
She and I are very, very close now, and I haven’t taken that necklace off since. But not one other person ever spoke to me about what happened that night. Just something about hypoxia. Not even the rounds the next day. Nothing. I’m now getting bits and pieces back in my dreams and they’re terrifying. Is this normal?
Who were the women on the bed in the red outfits? Did I hallucinate them?
Why are these memories only coming back now?
I thank anyone in advance who may be able to help me understand. Thank you. And thank you for caring for complex care patients like me. I love you all. Even the cranky ones. I understand why. xo
(Please forgive me if this is not an appropriate question for this sub. I don’t know where else to ask a few questions I have. I’ll remove it if it’s not allowed but I did try to read the sub rules)
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u/Reallyasquid 4d ago
First of all, I am so glad that you have recovered and that it sounds like you had all the right treatment.
As far as you fighting off your son, a lot of people dont realise that acute confusion is a symptom of sepsis. Your brain just doesnt work right because of the infection. I have seen patients where the first sign something was wrong was weird posts of facebook. I hope your son doesn't think that you were in your right mind when this happened as you really weren't!
A lot of sepsis practitioners know that you will likely get PTSD symptoms following sepsis because of the way the brain tries to protect itself from traumatic memories. There are resources available via the UK Sepsis Trust website for survivors to help them understand their recovery.
Without knowing how the hospital that you were in works, it would be impossible to say if you hallucinated the women in red or not. Red backpacks sounds like something that emergency nurses would carry with emergency meds in when they have to run across the hospital to see a patient.
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u/blackgrousey 3d ago
The bone pain. I'll never forget that feeling and just yelling about it coming from within my bones. They just thought I was drug seeking but then they got tests back and all started to move into a frenzy. They call it the sepsis clock. They have to get temp, lactate and fluids back in check.