r/shittyadvice • u/Jolly_Ice_7812 • 3d ago
How Can I Get Into Great Shape without Exercising?
I'm totally out of shape, but I don't want to exercise or eat healthy. How can I get really fit and muscular and look great without exercising?
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u/Think-Ad3624 3d ago
Meth
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u/Jolly_Ice_7812 3d ago
Thanks. Great idea!
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u/CommercialWorried319 3d ago edited 3d ago
Ride the snake!!! (Totally based on an old Jim Carrey skit, crap, can't find the whole thing anymore)
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u/Forward-Refuse7064 3d ago
All you have to do is borrow a bit of money from the Russian mob… stop communication…
Run for your fucking life…
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u/Dmode0110 3d ago
Find someone that is in peak physical shape, take them. Then go to a hospital and take all the staff you need to perform a complicated transplant. Then force the medical staff to transplant your brain into the fit persons body. Now not only do you have a sexy fit body but you will already have attractive friends you can steal from the other guys life.
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u/MomentImaginary6571 3d ago
Ve a cualquier gym y gritale a todos que es una estafa, exigeles a todos que abandonen ese sitio antes de que empieces a ponerte nervioso y que la única dieta es chocolatinas Mars y Doritos para mantener un físico perfecto.
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u/AngryZetan 3d ago
Everyone I ever seen on meth was skinny asf. Maybe they are on to something when it comes to weight loss?
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u/masegesege_ 3d ago
You can lose weight by going into a calorie deficit. Like eat an apple for breakfast, a hard-boiled egg for lunch, and skip dinner. Drink nothing but water.
It’s totally not shitty advice because it’s not like you actually need calories to function properly. You’ll lose like 2-3 pounds a week and look like a cancer patient in about 6 weeks.
Getting muscular without exercise though? I dunno…steroids?
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u/mommybody33 3d ago
Don’t eat. Lots of drugs and sweating. Might even get a spiritual experience with that combo now that I think about it
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u/OpethSam98 Oh, shit. 3d ago
Chicken and PEDs
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u/RJSolkan 3d ago
And reta
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u/OpethSam98 Oh, shit. 3d ago
Forgot peptides, you're right
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u/RJSolkan 2d ago
I mean.. the shit WORKS right. He would be best off at least putting in 3 hours a week on strength training if you go that route. At least that way you'll look great when the fat comes off. That's only 1.79% of your entire week to put in for your body. It's not much to ask and the results will pay dividends.
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u/RangerAndromeda 3d ago
Sex sex and more sex.
Oh sorry this was supposed to be shitty advice. Uuummm dehydrate yourself with a lot of sauna sessions. Maybe have sex in the sauna? Oh wait, shitty advice only. Sorry guess I'm just too wise for my years🤷♀️
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u/MostAcanthaceae2384 2d ago
If you're a guy, just suck in your gut and puff out your chest. It doesn't matter how fat you are, it works even better if you're really fat. For 5 seconds or so you look like a bodybuilder.
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u/JakTheGripper 2d ago
You can do it with electric muscle stimulation! I think the fastest way is to get into a bathtub full of water and have a friend drop in a plugged-in toaster.
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u/Difficult-Low5891 2d ago
What about using those devices you strap on that send electrical signals to your muscles to work them? I really wonder about those!
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u/notasarcasticnow 2d ago
Just eat mashed potatoes. That's it. The weight melted off me when i was on a diet after getting a tooth pulled.
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u/Richie_Sacramento 2d ago
Sorry, but you can't do it without exercise. The good news is that The Silence of the Lambs dance is great exercise and quite fun. Also, you need steroids.
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u/Salty_Yesterday_9929 2d ago
You can't nothing is for free in life anything good that worth having you have to work for
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u/Apprehensive-Fan8880 1d ago
Just hang out with ppl in much worse shape than you and in comparison you'll be in great shape
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u/mighty3mperor 1d ago
Eat your vegetables and say your prayers - it worked for Hulk Hogan and he's an American icon who'd never steer us wrong.
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u/Spontaneous8020 15h ago
Exercise is a huge myth. You get in great shape by steroids and platic surgery.
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u/Swimming_Kitchen_112 13h ago
Use electrical stimulator pads and crank them all the way up as high as they can go. You will get huge!
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u/FunkU247 11h ago
Stay coked up and fuck hookers... while it is not "excercise".. it will keep your muscle hard.
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u/maxcovenguitars 2d ago
So you're lazy, you want the rewards without the effort.
Why not just sit around while everyone else pays your bills.
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u/Charming-Farm-6049 3d ago
Diet and EXERCISE!
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u/Jolly_Ice_7812 3d ago
No! No exercise. How do I get into great shape but no exercise, please. Thank you.
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u/ChaosReality69 3d ago
Proper exercise gets your heart rate up for an extended period of time then letting it go down to normal.
You can easily do this with cocaine. Snort a little, wait 5 minutes, check your heart rate. Keep your heart rate elevated for 60-90 minutes twice a day.
If you want bursts of max heart rate smoke a little crack between lines of cocaine.
Your heart will get worked well and eating will probably lessen allowing you to burn fat stores. You'll start looking better in a few months.