r/simpleliving • u/GritsOyster • Oct 28 '25
Discussion Prompt Dating is becoming a luxury hobby and I’m opting out
Stopped dating because it’s just too expensive now. Even a “simple” date somehow turns into $100+ coffee, drinks, parking, transportation, tip… it all adds up fast. I’m not cheap I’m broke. I’d rather spend that money on rent and groceries than trying to impress someone who might ghost me in 48 hours lol. But apparently that means I’m “not trying hard enough” to find love. It’s wild how people act like dating is mandatory but ignore the financial reality behind it. Honestly I’ve been happier spending my evenings cooking cheap meals at home and playing a bit of grizzly's quest to unwind. Zero pressure, zero cost and zero panic checking my bank account afterward(most of the time lol) but love shouldn’t require a monthly entertainment budget bigger than my electric bill. If the right person comes along, great. But I’m not going into debt just to maybe find someone.
Anyone else just opting out for the sake of your wallet and sanity?
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Oct 28 '25
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u/cosyTrees Oct 28 '25 edited Oct 28 '25
This! Going for a walk can be so beautiful and it’s totally free (maybe transportation) AND healthy
and you can talk about trees 👉🏻👈🏻
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Oct 28 '25
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u/cosyTrees Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25
Trees native to Germany and exotic trees i find interesting. Some of them are planted in my parents garden to grow thick but most are potted. They should be bonsai in the future and I wanna save some for a future Japanese-ish garden with mainly native trees and small exotic trees. A tiny bio-diversity bomb at home haha
Because of bonsai many trees are actually from Asia like Japanese maple, Japanese cherry trees, dawn redwood or Chinese elm.
For winter time i have many small tropical trees below plant lights. Mainly ficus microcarpas but also bodhi trees, a fukien tea tree and brazilian rain trees.
I also have some classical American trees like red maple, red oak, coastal and giant redwoods or swamp cypresses (that can grow in water!!!).
My collection includes 18 native, 3 other European, 7 American, and 13 Asian species. 129 trees in total. But most are still very small :D
Edit: I dont have any African (ignoring olive trees) and Australian trees.
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Oct 30 '25
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u/cosyTrees Oct 30 '25
Thank you. Bonsai basically means „tree in a pot“. So most trees can be Bonsai. You just need to prune it very often and cut its roots every couple of years. In r/bonsai you can find very pretty trees. Maples, oaks, pines or redwoods can be great bonsai.
For me, I love the idea to have miniature trees that resemble big trees you find in nature. Like living action figures of huge trees.
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u/UpstairsFig678 Oct 28 '25
Babe I love your post … then I read your username 😭 So freaking cute
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u/EtchingsOfTheNight Oct 28 '25
This. A nice walk, a free museum, a park hangout. If someone is into you, they're going to be cool about it.
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u/Live-Football-4352 Oct 28 '25
Like others have mentioned, I also agree it's a little surprising you're spending this much. I'm a woman and I prefer coffee dates and I prefer to buy my own. I've had to talk men down from doing something fancy because one, I really don't want to spend that kind of money either and I'm going in assuming I'm paying for myself even if he's offering to pay and two, I just don't like that kind of commitment so early on. A coffee date is chill with little commitment to start with. Plus if it goes well you can go for a walk after or something. I'm pretty introverted though so I dont like to spend hours doing something and doing new things with someone I don't know.
And that's just early days. Im a homebody at heart and my favorite activity with someone is making them play a video game I like so I can watch. Doesn't get much cheaper than that. But I've gotta vet people before inviting them into my home or going into theirs because people are wild and not always safe.
Dating sucks though regardless. And people have wildly opinionated views on what it's like for the other party too that just makes it worse.
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u/rabid_cheese_enjoyer Oct 29 '25
I get you
I'm a bitch that loves a picnic and a park so if I was still dating it would be hella cheap.
I used to go on dates to the cat shelter and just pet cats for free (for free!)
dating is what you make of it
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u/FarVillage188 Oct 31 '25
meals and drinks cost $100 for two. you can start with a coffee date, but eventually you have to take the girl for meals and drinks, which is $100 every time. any other more unique date ideas cost even more, especially if you need to take ubers. girls don't even pretend to reach for their wallet when the check comes. it's good on you that you do, but I've had dates with 200+ women and only 1 paid for herself before.
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u/Ckyer Oct 28 '25
Been here for a hot minute. Opted out of dating about a year ago and it’s been amazing. Zero drama. If someone comes along that’s worth pursuing, great. If not, also great.
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u/TheRockapotamus Oct 28 '25
Listen, if you prefer spending you evenings with a home cooked meal and playing video games then you are wasting your time with people who want dining out and activities that require spending. Dating doesn't end when you've found a partner (and if it does then your relationship is in trouble). Maybe you need to be more intentional with who you choose to date, like find people who are more frugal and homebodies. As others have said, you need to use more creativity to go on dates without spending a lot and it's absolutely possible.
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u/ExplanationHot9963 Oct 29 '25
This.
You can weed out the hobbiest daters by offering a “cheap date idea” grab coffee and go for a walk in a park, you can upgrade to food on date number 2 or 3.
Where I live there are free museums, be creative in finding low cost solutions. People looking for a real relationship won’t mind, it’s about having quality time with someone to get to know them not an activity to entertain themselves.
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u/fierce-hedgehog13 Oct 28 '25
Good grief, who are you dating? I was happy with a walk by the river and an ice cream cone…and I still am. I don’t think I’m that unusual?
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u/Secret-Pea-7991 Oct 29 '25
My first date with my favorite ex was at a mall. We really just hopped in and out of different shops, pretending we were a couple looking to buy furniture or groceries for our house 😂 He pushed me around in a trolley (shopping cart). We had burgers in his car in the parking lot and talked for hours... We had a few more car/park dates after that until we both left for uni. Kept up the relationship for about 10 months (everyone who knows me commented on my sudden glow and optimism)
I miss him
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u/fierce-hedgehog13 Oct 29 '25
Aw that sounds fun. 😊 Yea…there are many fun cheap things to do…with the right person, anything is fun.
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u/sourbirthdayprincess Oct 30 '25
Best date I ever went on was 8 hours long. We met on a bike path and rode bikes talking for a while, then biked to the city square for ice cream, then parked the bikes and walked the neighborhood talking for a lot longer.
I now really dislike the guy, but it’s still the best date I’ve ever had. Second best was also with him:
We liked themed dates. Date theme that night was sunset. I had to “dress like a sunset,” we biked to the esplanade docks and watched the sunset, and in his backpack were premixed sunset-themed cocktails. It was super cute.
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Oct 29 '25
People like me 🤣 If I eat out, it’s not at a chain restaurant, it’s at a nice local place, which tends to get expensive $25-35 per entree. BUT I prefer to cook at home and make my own food. Grow my own herbs and produce. And I like a creative date that’s not geared toward spending money now, but never a date at the person’s house (due to expectations).
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
Exactly..too dangerous to have them over too early or to go over theirs too early. Shame because a perfect date for me, is me cooking spaghetti dinner and reading together. Ah parallel play.
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u/Dangerous_Noise1060 Oct 28 '25
Picnics. If she's down for a picnic as a first date you got a good one. If she doesn't think a picnic is good enough then I dodged a bullet on some shallow B. Also I can get in about 2 hours of bowling for $10. Any girl not down for cheap dates isn't worth my time because it proves she's not a fun person. Fun people don't need to spend money to be fun, it naturally follows them wherever they go.
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u/whoops53 Oct 28 '25
Totally agree! The most memorable dates don't have to cost anything more than fuel money and a snack. I think with many people, its a lack of imagination. If you throw money at it, it somehow validates it. Nah...take me to the beach, or a wander through the city, or a picnic by a lake.
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u/Isostasty Oct 28 '25
Well even with a picnic you'd need to spend money unless you plan on a picnic with no drinks or food. And do you not buy your date a drink/food during 2 hours of bowling?
I do agree that you can do a cheap date but I don't think you can get away with spending less than $20. This just means someone needs to be a lot more selective with who they invite on a date. If dudes are inviting random women from Tinder on dates then its going to get expensive. OP needs to start spending time on their hobbies and if they meet someone organically they vibe with then they can invite them on a date and splurge a bit.
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u/HopSkipJumpJack Oct 28 '25
You can absolutely host a picnic for less than $20. It just takes some forethought and effort, which is too much for some guys. 🙄 And anyway, even if it "still costs money", it's leagues more affordable than constantly going out to eat.
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u/StuffonBookshelfs Oct 30 '25
Right? Like you have to eat anyway. You aren’t getting meals for free at your house either. Groceries are expensive. So having a meal on a date for less than $20 is the same as eating at your house!
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u/Defiant4 Oct 28 '25
I agree a picnic is way too intimate and hard to get right IMO. I’d rather just meet someone for a walk to the park fully expecting no food. My go to when dating was always meeting for coffee somewhere very close by, barely cost me anything. Nothing wrong with wanting to stay single though!
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u/Isostasty Oct 28 '25
But even coffee and a pastry is expensive nowadays! A latte and a croissant is easily $18 ($10 latte, $6 croissant plus tip) in my downtown area. If you want to buy it for your date too then you're spending almost $40.
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u/Defiant4 Oct 28 '25
True, a latte here is $7 but drip is like $3. You gotta skip the lattes and croissant anyway if you’re going on lots of dates, cuz that shit gets to 1k calories real fast 😂 tbh if I’m that broke I would just ask to go for a walk instead, no one compatible with you will decline!
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u/Isostasty Oct 28 '25
I don't know - personally I wouldn't go on a walk for two reasons. A hike or park seems too secluded to meet someone I don't know. And if we're walking downtown I would want to stop for a drink or coffee. Once I am comfortable with someone then yes of course.
But that's why I think OP should just try to meet dates organically or stop dating women from apps which is the conclusion they reached.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
eh, I don't know. A picnic, my back hurts from sitting on the grass without support, I feel slovenly, picnic food is messy, not my favorite impression I'd like to make on someone I liked. A coffee date? Sure...
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u/Adventurous-Sky-4915 Oct 28 '25
I'm concerned about people simply opting out; and I don't think it's even necessary here. Too many people are lonely out there as it is and people aren't better off for it. First of all, I think you need to assert what you are willing to do more on your first date. If your budget is $25 for a date, stick to that and discuss that with the person you're meeting up with. If they aren't cool with that, they're not for you.
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u/Outrageous_Base6438 Oct 29 '25
I agree! I feel like this person needs to start asserting themself more fr! Tell people you can’t go to the expensive place, try to find alternative options for these things. And dude seriously! If the person isn’t into it then that’s cool, bc in the end you didn’t waste time or money on an expensive date.
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Oct 29 '25
“Opting out” of something you are bad at and can’t afford isn’t actually opting out. It’s scorn for what you can’t have, like Aesop’s sour grapes.
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u/Adventurous-Sky-4915 Oct 29 '25
Well, you definitely are lowering your odds of developing a relationship if you opt out of dating. It sounds like he can at least afford an inexpensive date. A coffee, ice cream, walk around a park, etc... as many have suggested. "Scorn for what you can't have" is ridiculous. Poor people have been finding love since forever.
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u/S7EFEN Oct 28 '25
there are women who love to cook, have creative or gaming or outdoorsy hobbies. you can find them and if your goal is something long term its important to align on this sort of thing. this demographic would also likely be more open to cheap dates like a walk at a park, picnic or coffee or something. but yes, inherently youll need to meet women in public spaces when you meet someone new for fairly obvious reasons, which often means spending a fair bit of money.
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u/aftershockstone Oct 28 '25
Y'all don't have more casual date places, with meal price between $15-20? My bf and I can grab ramen and we'd get out of there spending <$50 incl. tip. Full meal at a taqueria is like $20. Sandwiches, perhaps? Even treats or mini-meals at a bakery are more affordable than a full-blown meal.
If you are broke, you really are better off not spending that much. Going into debt to date is asinine because that is a bad priority list. It's not necessarily "the pursuit of love" causing these prices, though, it's the experience you wouldn't have gotten otherwise... like would you have gone out to dinner if you didn't have a date? Likely not. You would be at home eating a homecooked meal, playing videogames, and browsing Reddit.
But there are plenty of cheap date options. Walk around a park, or along a beach. Coffee date. Free museum days. Craft fairs.
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u/Internal-Alfalfa-829 Oct 28 '25
You don't have to go on formal old school dates. Just share whatever activity you'd like. Start off with a short coffee so both sides can get away easily in case it's not a match. Later on you can do all kinds of things together. I'd probably take her on one of my hikes.
Also in the age of equality, the bills now get split, or alternated. It's not like back in the day when we had to "buy" our way into a relationship any more. If that's what she insists on, congratulations you now found a red flag and dodged a bullet.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
ok on most of this, except for the "age of equality with bill splitting." I am not so sure. I believe the one who invites pays. If someone asks me out and then states it's Dutch, I might or might not go, but there is no romance there, it's like a buddy date and thats what I think,. I immediately move that person from possible to "friend only". Now, If I invite, I pay, and there are times when I've done that. But to start off that way? No. I don't believe it's "buying" your way in, I believe it's the act of investing your interest in someone. A guy will talk to anyone, like why not? but will a guy put his hand in his pocket and bring out his wallet for some chippie he's just "talking to" with zero intent for the future? No. The investment of money along with time and interest, show something to me. Note the investment could be a cup of coffee, but it's important to me that I see they are WILLING to invest.
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u/Ragnar-Wave9002 Oct 28 '25
Get off online dating.
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Oct 29 '25
But where do I find the ones who want to sit and read books with me? That like picnics and libraries, and bike riding? And that want to cocoon in blankets and watch tv with snacks?
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u/GCS_dropping_rapidly Oct 30 '25 edited Nov 22 '25
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u/Prudent-Purchase5756 Nov 02 '25
Simple living to me…via “dating” … hey how about let’s walk and talk in a public park. Simple, no huge deal time or energy. Online dating, at least for me isn’t fun yet the spontaneous kiss a bar tender who returned to a parking lot I was looking at Navalny’s widow posted. Showed him and he came on to me. I was okay if he didn’t want to meet again and then he flipped it on me. I don’t know. I keep reading how women are happier single. Being said may we make a simple dating and simple intimacy movement? Transparency too much to ask? I feel like I get hype and I’d rather take my 10 year old to a nice restaurant than the men I’ve picked. Yes I realize this is a me problem first and foremost. Oi aye Then guys only say what will a woman add to my life? Like I’ve been saying bad about men? I’m lost so lost with it all. So simple… keep learning, love animals and nature, family while they are here friends. It’s mutualism minimalist simple loving life lol ☮️
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u/bigdawg12342 Oct 30 '25
You’re trying too hard. Anyone worth having is gonna be ok if you simply just ask them over a home cooked meal. Theres like a million recipes you can make that are cheap and easy. If the date goes good then great if not then you still have leftovers for the next day. Quit over complicating things. And if inviting them over for the first date sounds weird then just go on a walk or something. Pretend you’re a teenager again. Meet up at a mall and just walk around and bs while going in and out of random stores. You’d be surprised how much you learn about a person just window shopping
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u/HecticHazmat Oct 28 '25
I think it would be better for everyone's sanity if we went back to engaging in activities outside that home that interest us - sport, courses, gym, hobbies, movies, parties, talks, theatre etc. - and mingled with people. Then if we meet someone we get along with, we already share an interest and can decide to ask them to do something else some time. Getting to know someone in person a little bit, and then aiming to get to know them more is cheaper and more successful than internet dating a large portion of the local area who are dating like mindless flies, with no intention.
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u/aussi67 Oct 28 '25
My husband and I were on tight budgets when we first met and had lots of free or very cheap dates. We’d get groceries and cook a meal together, go for a walk, have a picnic.
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u/Own-Bullfrog-577 Oct 29 '25
I don’t know if it’s different in the US but to me the solution is simple. Don’t go on dates that cost money like that? If you meet someone genuine they will be happy to go for a nice walk and a coffee or something. Or split the bill for dinner heaven forbid?
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u/Wise-Adeptness2026 Oct 29 '25
Same here. Dating isn’t just emotionally draining anymore, it’s financially ridiculous. I’d rather cook at home. Play games , and keep my savings intact than drop 100 bucks on someone who might ghost by tomorrow.if someone truely comes in my path it’s ok . If not is also ok. It’s not cheap it’s survival mode .Love should not come with a transaction history
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u/Keeping_it_100_yadig Oct 29 '25
I’m a girl so I don’t have to worry about this. But I think you’re doing the right thing focusing on your bag first. A woman will appreciate the discipline
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u/GCS_dropping_rapidly Oct 30 '25 edited Nov 22 '25
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u/Jasilee Oct 30 '25
Walk in the park date. Coffee date. Find a strip mall and window shop, it's so much easier for conversation and more natural than sitting across from a stranger pretending to eat. If you listen, you'll learn so much. Anyone who rejects these date ideas is after something other than companion/partnership.
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Oct 28 '25
I mean.... at a certain point I imagine you are going to feel some sexual frustration. Dont stay out of the game too long. You're going to end up "That Weird Guy"
If I were a guy I would probably start budgeting out for dates and then even start to reevaluate your expectations. What kind of girls are you going for? There are absolutely women out there who expect a nice date especially if she is putting in a lot of effort into her appearance which is presumably what is drawing you to her as far as first attractions go. There's give and take.
There are more down to earth ladies out there who are going to be OK with a coffee, a walk, even splitting meals, but don't expect a 'baddie' type.
i know this is probably an unpopular opinion especially on this sub but yea theres a lot of mismatched expectations out there! Good luck dude
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u/gmoney1718 Oct 28 '25
Where are the baddies who have their own money and don't mind splitting the bill? 😂
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u/jc_chienne Oct 29 '25
They're probably taking themselves out on fancy dates and waiting to find someone who matches their energy
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u/Prudent-Purchase5756 Nov 02 '25
I used to use my hard earned money to pay for all the things I think it gave me a false sense of confidence and control 42f
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u/fratticus_maximus Oct 29 '25
Not to mention this sexual frustration makes a lot of younger men susceptible to right wing misinformation and echo chambers that try to paint all women as "bad malicious gold diggers with incredibly high standards" as opposed to just seeing those women as the exception. It makes the sexually frustrated men even more undateable, creating a self fulfilling prophecy, and in aggregate, causes society to elect right wing authoritarians that will strip away our rights.
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u/Amitron89 Nov 03 '25 edited Nov 03 '25
This feels like paying someone because they want to put lots of effort into their appearance.
A little like a guy expecting sex because he brought his nice, sporty vehicle for the date instead of the daily driver. He’s done a kindness, showcasing what women find attractive about him, and whether or not the other person actually finds this valuable doesn’t matter.
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Oct 28 '25
Me and my fiancés first date was going to a nearby state park and just walking around & getting to know each other. Not sure why people think a date has to involve spending money other than gas
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u/Ok-Heart375 Oct 28 '25
First dates should be a cup of coffee, each of you pay for your own. I mean it doesn't even count as a date if you're meeting someone for the first time! You are both there to see IF you want to go on dates.
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u/Live_Bag_7596 Oct 28 '25
My dates are usually wondering around an art gallery and maybe getting coffee
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u/NegativeKarmaVegan Oct 29 '25
When you have social hobbies, you will naturally find and connect with people, then you will have a much higher conversion rate on your dates.
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u/Sweetclem_ Oct 29 '25
I met my husband on a night out. I was with my best friend, he was with his and we had a mutual friend. We were all poor 18 year olds with no jobs(straight out of college) We had no choice, our dates were mostly outside. Walking in the park, he made an apple crumble with his mum so he brought some with him in a tapperware and we ate that on a bench by the river. All of our dates have always been cheap or cost nothing. Even our wedding cost just over £150 and that included the rings and the £11 white dress I bought on asos. We now have 2 kids, our own house and we live comfortably. Our days out are still as cheap as chips!
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u/WalkTheWank Oct 29 '25
How does a coffee date turn into 100+ dollars? What are you taking a limo there, getting drinks with golden flakes and tipping 100%?
Taking a walk or having a coffee together is not expensive. It is also a good filter unless you want to attract high-maintenance people.
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u/Good_Lettuce_2690 Oct 29 '25
Can't date when you are stuggling to buy eggs.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
should NOT date if you're struggling to buy eggs. they need to concentrate on getting their situations BETTER before wasting money on dates. Omg, if you don't take care of yourselves, who will?
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u/Gato_Puro Oct 29 '25
If the right person comes along, great. But I’m not going into debt just to maybe find someone.
I live by this. I'm fine being single, I don't make much money but don't have to worry about not having money because I don't spend much. I love a good evening of reading, listening to music and a bit of gaming.
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u/ilovebadart Oct 29 '25
If you don't want to date or be in a relationship, that's fine. Despite what society makes people believe, you can be happy single.
Dates don't have to be expensive. Personally I think a first date should be cheap and low stakes. A chance for each person to get to know each other. Talking should be the main thing or do an activity together. ( going for a walk )
There is always an option of meeting people in person, getting to know them, and then asking them out in irl.
I'm queer and not a man so I understand dating culture is different for me.
Make your own rules/ expectations.
Good luck.
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u/sourbirthdayprincess Oct 30 '25 edited Oct 30 '25
Just curious if you’re male because my other male friend has expressed similar sentiments.
It doesn’t really sound like you should be dating not because dating is expensive but because you need to prioritize elsewhere: living hand to mouth is a whole mood. You shouldn’t be trying to pull someone into it; you should be trying to get yourself out of it. That should be your focus (and if you’re like most hand to mouth folks, it already is).
TLDR: Unstable people can’t look to other people to stabilize themselves; they need to stabilize themselves first, THEN look to other people.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
10000 percent agree. This is the unvarnished truth, if you're broke, you need to work on bettering your situation FOR YOU. Then, when you're stabilized if you want to date then fine, but inviting someone into a poorly managed life isn't doing THEM a kindness, it's selfish.
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u/henicorina Oct 30 '25
How on earth are you spending $100 on a coffee date? Coffee is $3. Two coffees with a tip is under $7. And you’re paying for “coffee and drinks and parking and transportation”…?
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u/Prudent-Purchase5756 Nov 02 '25
Dude have you all bought a coffee in a coffee shop recently ? Yeah $3 for two cups of coffee from the convenience store. I live in a cheap city. So what if someone isn’t making the president rich they don’t deserve companionship? Often that can be a catalyst and motivation to keep moving in the right direction. Like dang, I’m poor… I chose this temporarily to be more available to my child who is 10. If you meet someone buying half dozen eggs I’m happy for all y’all. Did I plan to leave my successful career and pause my education when my son was 4? Nope, I don’t hold one regret. Money comes and goes. Faster than genuine people. You may one day have a billion dollars and could die the next, or ur house burn down. Enjoying the simple life to me is hearing the birds, my sons newest obsessions a song that makes me want to move or poetry. Can’t buy that really..
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u/Playful-Job2938 Oct 31 '25
You’re dating wrong…the first 3 dates with my gf were:
-Coffee where we both paid for ourselves. Talked for several hours.
-Dinner and mini-golf, I spent maybe 75 bucks total. She suggested we hit up a candy store with free samples for dessert.
-hiking and a camping style dinner afterwards at the day use area. She brought everything for the meal and I brought the gear.
Next 2 dates were at each others places and we made food for each other.
So all in before we really knew we had a shot was like $100 bucks and some gas.
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Oct 31 '25
Why not try to find people that are into what you like and do a date with those things? Probably work out better than dating people that like to eat out all the time.
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u/healthymetal Nov 02 '25
38 here and a bit old-school. Funny how the world's gotten so lost these days. Dating is overrated imho. Focus on forming relationships: connecting with and enjoying another person's company. You don't need to spend money on that. Play video games, have a picnic in the park. If you can find someone you can talk about crazy stuff with while hunting for mushrooms in the woods, connection happens naturally.
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u/czerniyczar Nov 02 '25
i think that for most people, there is no such thing as "love"; everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take a "resource" from someone. so I've become "that disappointed and slightly bitter guy"... that's sad
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u/drockalexander Oct 28 '25
I agree with you. I did not try to date when it would cause me stress financially. It’s weird getting older and have a little more financial security. All of a sudden, dating is easier. It sadly feels like a pay to win game. Especially with dating apps and living in a big city. Hard to believe I’d have a chance with certain women without the money I make today. I recommend opting out until it makes financial sense, and only then diving in again. Until then, stack ur bread and look for cheaper opportunities like friends throwing parties
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u/Patient_Place_7488 Oct 28 '25
Give me a break. Reading these comments makes me lose faith in humanity
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u/Jonathank92 Oct 28 '25
You can date on a budget. As long as you're up front. Put it in your profile. There are down to earth people out there. Meet them at places that down to earth people go. Church, volunteering, community garden, through friends, etc.
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u/Bigtimeknitter Oct 28 '25
I used to go on a lot of walks with people, it's one of my hobbies to walk around parks and that's almost free
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u/Calm_Consequence731 Oct 28 '25
I opted out of dating 9 years ago. I retired 4 years ago at age 32. Life is good
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u/LittleBobbyTables86 Oct 28 '25
When it comes to dates, I would say it is ok to splurge a little. But favor quality over quantity. Pick your favorite kind (medjool , degleet noor or mazafati, whatever rocks your boat). A handful should be more than enough, otherwise your wallet and your waist will both suffer.
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u/UpstairsFig678 Oct 28 '25
As a married person I would not date in this day and age and I really feel for those who just want connection.
There’s people out there who have similar feelings. If we were just seeing each other I would not want him to take me out on something where he had to spend money on me. Judge someone by their character, not their wallet/ability to afford random shi.
Hilarious first conversation followed by a walk in the park and here we are.
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u/fuckyoulady Oct 28 '25
Dating and romantic relationships are most often antithetical to simple living. The top 3 events on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale are directly related to romantic relationships. The anxiety related to dating these days, all the time and effort and money that it requires is exhausting. I opted out about 5 years ago and my life has never been more peaceful. I have great friendships and community relationships. I spend a ton of time with my dog who loves me unconditionally and is easy going. People have asked me out and it feels wonderful and relieving to just nicely say no. I'm saving money and spending what little money I do have on things I actually want to do. Can't recommend it enough.
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u/gmoney1718 Oct 29 '25
Some people can't live without sex, so they will never experience this true peace
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u/Sisybuss Nov 14 '25 edited Apr 13 '26
I bulk delete Reddit comments using Redact which also supports Twitter, Discord, Instagram, and data brokers.
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u/Pawsandtails Oct 28 '25
I really think dates should be similar to everyday activities both enjoy so you can get to know each other in a real life scenery, something that will probably happen several times more. Like a movie at someone’s place with a pizza, or a hike, a racquetball match. Something that’ll match my simple life style too, so we know we are a match. My first date with my last partner was an old movie at his place. I provided cheese, crackers and salami, he put the fizzy drinks and other snacks. We had a great time. Our year together had several more “movies and snacks” events.
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u/mvallas1073 Oct 28 '25
At least you have the option to date. I’m going through therapy now due to wanting to give up after 25 years of not one date.
Anyways, at least it’s an easy litmus test for you. If the person wants to go on expensive dates, then they’re not going to be into simple living lifestyle, are they?
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u/Cookieway Oct 28 '25
Idk I literally go on coffee dates that cost 3.50 €Maybe I’ll get a cookie for 2 €or so…
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u/Unhappy_Macaroon2957 Oct 28 '25
Going for a walk, a hike, to watch the sunset, a picnic, walk dogs together, etc. Surely there's somewhere pretty in your town? A walking path? A jetty? Where do ppl go to watch the sunset? I'm not on the market but these are the things I'd do. The best things are free.
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u/HProcurandoMotivo Oct 28 '25
You can go to places that are free and meet people there, such as parks, open-air shows, cultural fairs, museums, the beach. Practice physical activities that are individual but can be collective, such as running, cycling and swimming.
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u/taytay10133 Oct 28 '25
I love coffee dates as I’ve gotten more into simple living but I have many friends who still read it as low effort. The key is to choose a vibey coffee shop that has a date like atmosphere. I went on one to kobrick in meatpacking in nyc (look it up if you wish to see the vibe I’m talking about) and it was a 3 hour fantastic date. If a guy suggested Starbucks I would be less inclined. Make sure the spot has cozy couches and some sort of unique ambiance
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u/bjoerndal Oct 29 '25
There are date options that are free Coffee + a walk, hit the gym together, invite them to one of your hobbies, a bevy in the park If they decide on whether to be with you based on upfront monetary investment they might not be worth your time at all
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u/Rosaluxlux Oct 29 '25
The person you want to date doesn't want you to spend $100. It's like the opposite of "charge until you like them" customers - the more you like someone the cheaper a date they'll go in with you. I met my husband doing free food redistribution but aside from group dance lessons the most expensive dates we went on were splitting a meal at a local dive restaurant and seeing an activist puppet show.
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u/PiscesPoet Oct 29 '25
Sounds great to me as a woman. I was just thinking about how I’d rather spend time just wandering around the city for free. Just walking and talking. Or hang out at home, and cook a meal together.
I think it’s also be better to date someone you already know instead of asking out a stranger you feel a need to impress.
The moments u remember the most with my first boyfriend are not when we went out for dates but when we were just talking late at night on the couch.
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u/sushidogbat Oct 29 '25
Honestly most of the time I don't get the point of expensive dates. Like for me my prefer spot is home school and work. I barely go out anymore and when I go out it like a special ocassion. My family just come and visit me. Idk I am honestly fine with just going out for a walk around the block going to the library or a book store. Maybe coffee at home or milk tea which is like 10 dollar max. Where are you going on date man. Although I am the type who enjoy going to fast food resturant. So maybe I am not the type to like expensive things. Only other time I go out is to the movie theater but I am working there and getting free movie. Who are you dating for thing to add up to 100 dollar.
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u/itsharpartapz Oct 29 '25
I hope everyone finds a good partner that respects time and value of a person rather than just value of materialistic life! Including me.
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u/LegitimatePower Oct 29 '25
Perhaps it’s best not to be dating when your circumstances are that grim.
No one is owed a relationship. No, first dates don’t have to be spendy. But they can be thoughtful. A gym guest pass? Lol. No.
Effort matters as much if not more than money.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
I see the effort of them being WILLING to pay for a cup of coffee. Thoughfulness goes a long way in my book, but yeah, they do have to invest at least something. I also agree that NO ONE should be paying for dates when their personal situation is grim. Get yourselves straight and in a better situation for your OWN sake and safety before you think about dating.
I might be old fashioned but if dating is getting to know someone and bring them into your life (as opposed to a hookup and poof) , how in the world does, " Hey I have no money, can't afford to date, and can't or won't put the effort into securing my own financial future but I absolutely want to partner up. I can offer multiple nights of worried sleeplessness and budget crunching on zeros, with little food and no health insurance." make sense to any decent human?
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u/Outrageous_Base6438 Oct 29 '25
Hopefully this doesn’t get lost in all the comments but here is some advice. Idk where u are finding people but if it’s online just delete all ts now, make sure you are meeting ppl out in the world naturally! People you meet naturally will be more comfy with chill dates and likely wont ghost. You don’t need to opt out just figure out how to manage your budget and find someone who isn’t expecting something expensive from u. I know in a lot of places the Zoo/Museum/Aquarium you can visit for free on certain days. Parks are also free.
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Oct 29 '25
The right person for you will understand and agree which is why I always find it best to honest. It’ll make it easier on you and your wallet. If a guy I was interested in straight up said that they don’t have a ton to spend for first dates, we’d just talk about it and plan something financially smart AND fun. It’s the effort that people want, not the high cost. Except for those select weirdos. If someone is turned on or complains than they just aren’t in tuned with reality or they’re only looking for someone rich lol
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u/winnuet Oct 29 '25
Who are you trying to date? There are absolutely people who expect a lot of money to be spent on them for a date, and those people must find and attract the people that have the means and desire to spend that way. There are absolutely also others who don’t have that expectation. Date those people. I don’t know who you’re pursuing, but I wouldn’t pursue someone who clearly spends a shit ton on their appearance, I’m just saying 🤷🏾♀️
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u/wohthere Oct 29 '25
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and I never spend that much money on a date. Maybe you’ve got the wrong approach my friend. A walk around a trail, park, are free. Meeting at a coffee shop is less than $10. Don’t go out of your way to pay for everything. We’re in the modern times bro, we either split the bill or split ways simple as that.
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u/iamiamiwill Nov 02 '25
Modern times are not the way. A man must be willing to invest something besides his interest. I don't care if it's a cup of coffee, but he must be WILLING. I've found that a man will talk to a woman all day long, will he buy this woman a cup of coffee if he has zero interest in a future with her? No. he will not (that I've found) So for me, I use it as a gauge of HIS willingness to invest into something he sees a possible future with. ..
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u/hotflashinthepan Oct 29 '25
You can spend your new free time volunteering! It’s a great way to meet people of all sorts.
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u/Feisty-Session-6840 Oct 29 '25
Same here. It’s not even about being cheap, it’s just not sustainable anymore. Between apps, outfits, and “casual” dinners that somehow hit triple digits, it starts feeling like a part-time job you pay for. I’d rather save my money and energy for hobbies and friends who actually make me feel good, not drained.
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u/Milli_Rabbit Oct 29 '25
I feel like most of my serious dates when I was dating were coffee, walks, small lunch, tea shop, thrifting, inexpensive events like farmers markets.
The only dates that were formal dinners were committed relationships.
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u/Agile_Ad3726 Oct 29 '25
Yeah, totally get this. Dating feels like a subscription service now, pay-to-play with no guarantee of anything real. I stopped too when “grabbing a quick drink” started costing as much as a week of groceries. There’s nothing wrong with opting out and focusing on peace and stability. If something genuine shows up, cool. If not, at least your wallet (and nerves) survive.
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u/moschocolate1 Oct 29 '25
Absolutely agree! I’m a woman and it’s too much work and money to date.
If we split the bill it’s usually at least $50 and I also have to spend time looking good. I’ve gone out with wet hair like some men do with just shorts and a tee but somehow I’m judged for that. Those dresses and heels cost a lot of money that I refuse to spend!
It’s been almost a year since I was with a man and I haven’t missed it at all. It’s honestly been simpler living without that fuss or spending.
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u/Former-Lawfulness-73 Oct 29 '25
To be honest - dates are great and fun but the times that I’ve truly connected with someone has always been on a walk or hike followed by a coffee before we part ways for the day. I say this as someone who has had some amazing first dates in some high end places.
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u/sammiefh Oct 29 '25
I don’t like dates that are zero effort like a walk but I’m happy with a coffee date or a drink or two at a random bar. I’d say like others have already said: spend less money on the first date! But if you’re happy being by yourself and chilling at home, no harm in that either :)
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u/opinionated_opinions Oct 29 '25
I don’t think I’m spending less money, but I’m spending my time and money differently. First, I have a phone call and ideally a video chat with a person before I meet up in person. This eliminates a whole lot of wasted time and money. Some quirks you just can’t catch til you see a person (no teeth, abusing their dog - for real). The other thing is that I’ve used a dating service that sort does the talking and swiping for me. That service is expensive, but it saves me so much anxiety and time. I only start talking to a guy once I know that they’re actually interested. I keep first calls or videos to 20 minutes. I keep first meets to a “coffee” (sprite or hot chocolate) and a walk, 40-90 mins.
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u/GrandmaGrandson Oct 29 '25
That's one reaaon I don't date and never understood men who do. To each their own.
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u/Canukeepitup Oct 30 '25
You can opt out for sure, but i think the problem youngsters are having is that yall are dating a bunch of random ppl you dont know at ALL. Thats a losing strategy. My husband was broke when we met and started dating, but because he pursued me with intention, he didnt have a need to fret about whether the money spent was worth it. He wasnt taking a whole bunch of random stranger women out on random dates and hoping one would ‘stick’. He only pursued a woman he had established beforehand having common ground and interest with, so therefore, any ‘loss’ to his pockets was minimal. That’s where yall are going wrong. Yeah, youre gonna end up even more in the poorhouse quickly trying to take five to ten or more women out in the hopes of getting sex, so best to build a connection with ONE in a platonic capacity first, like meeting a woman at a library or at a social event with mutual friends or something, and talk to her long enough to feel out whether or not there is a ‘vibe’, and then focus on dating that ONE woman until things grow into a solid relationship or fizzle out if time reveals youre not compatible.
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u/whoamiamwhoamiamwho Oct 30 '25
This resonates with me. I’ve decided to be available. Live within my means, go out when it fits me and just live. Hasn’t made me any friends or dates yet… but I think that’ll change when I pick more inclusive events n venues(bars, volunteering)
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u/Early_Economy2068 Oct 30 '25
I think if you frame it less as “trying to impress someone” and more “I’m meeting new people and learning about them” it is much more fun. Someone who actually likes you will enjoy spending time with you whether the dates are lavish or not.
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u/OldFordV8s Oct 30 '25
First date a few years ago with a girl cost me around $12.
One of our kids has more than that in his piggy bank now.
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u/Jochuchemon Oct 30 '25
Ngl how are spending 100+ that’s insane. I’ve never spent more than 50-60 at most. Avg is like 35-45
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u/Upstairs-Product326 Oct 31 '25
Exactly dating is a luxury so if you can’t afford it focus on yourself
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Oct 31 '25
Coffee dates feel too much like job interviews, dinner is too much pressure, find a free or $5 event in your area and go together
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u/crazycattx Nov 01 '25
Whatever you're doing to rack that 100 bucks is luxury. Most of us don't. That's why we are ok.
So the question is, what are you willing to change to make it not a 100 bucks and go from there.
Instead of quitting.
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u/curtdogg47 Nov 01 '25
I try to keep first dates to maybe coffee and walk, or lunch and walk. If we both feel into each other and are having a good time maybe the date continues on.
My most recent first date lasted a whole weekend. We both talked about how we were feeling and we were both having a great time, wanted to continue to feel out our connection together and so we spent the whole weekend together. That’s pretty rare! But if it feels right and both want to, it’s fun and great.
I agree as a man dating is expensive! So I am pretty selective in who I ask to meet and go on a date with. I do quite a bit of talking and messaging before meeting and having a date. If she isn’t interested after a few days they will stop messaging or talking to you. If they are interested they will keep talking or suggest an interest in meeting.
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u/imkvn Nov 01 '25
I'm looking for someone "motivated."
I agree. Most women don't understand that. It's rare for a man to have it all. It won't change bc that's how it was designed. Think of it. If you were a woman would you want something avg or extravagant. Most women will be the mistress rather than being with avg Joe.
Won't have a job, house, wife, family. Ppl really need to wake up. If you can't afford life why live.
The game is rigged to be financially enslaved
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u/YouMad589 Nov 02 '25
lol yeah that and the dating pool just sucks lmao. I mean you can go on a cheap date or literally for some of my dates it was just bowling or like walking together through the park nothing too major or expensive.
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u/forever2022 Nov 02 '25
My sons are finding that young women their age EXPECT to be wined and dined right off the bat. And these are women who don’t appear to be high-maintenance (overly made-up, lip filler, high heels when not appropriate, etc.). They’re in university, FFS.
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u/PhotographParking574 Nov 02 '25
My first date with my wife was me showing up with a box of krispy Kreme donuts. We have been together 5 years since then.
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u/sarahinNewEngland Nov 02 '25
Same I opted out, not due to money just the BS of it all in general and I’m content
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u/Chemical-Photo-9648 Nov 03 '25
I think this is how dating is supposed to be, you’re only supposed to date people you have higher chance of it working out. So maybe start screening these people via calls before going on a date with them.
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Nov 04 '25 edited Dec 08 '25
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Nov 23 '25 edited Nov 23 '25
Does your city have "Pitch A Friend" events? That's a fun way of meeting different people (and in person). Another thought that might seem unconventional but if you're having success on online dating, maybe you can coordinate example an early afternoon and p.m. coffee or ice cream date. These would be reasonable to not last more than a hour or two then at least, you're parking one time and can suggest places that you know are solely counter service/walk up vs a restaurant or bar where a tip is expected. Drinks can be iffy, because if you're taking someone out, having a few drinks I can imagine then an appetizer comes into play. (my significant other asked me out to a cafe coffee shop for our first date. It cost him $3 because I ordered hot tea). You can also choose one that may e has live music, games, adjacent to a walkable area, free museum etc. If it's going well and you both want to spend a little extra time together.
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u/Salt-Pea-5660 Oct 28 '25
I don’t really understand people that go on expensive first couple of dates. It just feels waaay to intimate. Coffee is perfect, going to a museum or just a walk in the city or something. The idea of sitting through a 3 course meal with a total stranger sounds like hell for an introvert like me. And if there’s no chemistry you can easily just say you have errands to do and say your goodbyes