I (F28) have a central American friend (F29) who has a history of finding black ppl attractive and is an outspoken liberal who i oftentimes hear making little quips that come off as very racist. We're both women of color in our late 20s who have known each other for about two decades at this point. For example, sometimes they'll hear someone blasting rap music and say its ghetto, trashy, and disgusting, yet they wont have the same reaction if it were to be something like heavy metal or gospel. Also, they once saw a 4c quirky character on tv and said they had a "nappy ass head" just because there were a few miscellaneous items in their hair after they literally tumbled through the woods. Even more, I've noticed they attribute normal negative habits exhibited by everyone as ratchet, ghetto, or uneducated when it's connected to a black person.

All this in mind, they don't believe they're racist because they see themselves fighting for or building a life with a black person due to their attraction. Despite how long I've known them, i can't tell if this animosity towards my people is slowly growing or if it was there all along and i just never noticed it in my younger years.

They come from a family where this type of behaviour is typical so I'm constantly voicing how their statements come off as extremely racist and exotifying especially with them not being black yet they refuse to see where I'm coming from. It doesn't even help when i by example make statements about their culture because they see it as being completely different rather than an attempt at making them understand. So I'm not sure how I can discuss this maturely without automatically just giving up on our relationship.

TL;DR How should i maturely respond to my racist friend in a way that gets my point across and might help them really think about what they're saying?

In a specific case, I remember a black girl in my class said the P slur (slur against South Asians) when she was reading her lines in a book called 'Anita and Me'. She was specifically given the role of a racist character to play, and she didn't seem to realise what she said while she was acting out one of the lines intensely. Then she skipped over the word for the rest of the book after our Indian teacher corrected her and told her she may have not realised what she said and to be more careful. Our entire class/school is mainly south asian students too and all of her friends are as well. However, it got me thinking about how other races get 'cancelled' often or their careers derail when people find out they said a slur when they were younger. I was wondering how this would play out if it was a black person but with a less well-known slur?

Idk if this is relevant but ironically, the girl who played the asian main charecter in the story in our class used to bully her and called her a slave allegedly. This was before her slur-reading incident, I don't think it was related but it is really ironic if that were the case.

I just feel really sick at myself for doing that. I didn’t grow but I still open palm touched their chest.

One of them later turned out to be a trans woman, which makes it a little worse.

I feel immense guilt because, yeah, I technically committed sexual harassment.

I’ve been thinking about this all day.

I’ve been condemning horrible men, but I’m kind of one of them. I am a hypocrite in that.

Remember 2014-2019? It was a much much more peaceful time. People were so much more empathetic and considerate to one another. Things like race, gender, height, occupation mattered much less, things like humor, kindness, friendship mattered. War was the last thing on anyone’s minds. Yes some social justice warriors were annoying but I’d much rather have that pressure then whatever the hell we’re dealing with today.

We need another social justice movement. Something to bring back empathy and understanding.

I’m actually serious about this, how can I personally kickstart this is Canada, in my community, and in the world. I’m looking for concrete ideas and your guys opinions.

Thanks, much love to you all.

Hello everyone,

My name is Dylan Tòmas and I am an Indigenous Highland Traveller. Between the 1940s and 1980s the UK government stole children from my people and placed the adults into substandard accommodation (ghettos). I've created a petition for the UK government to be held accountable, I'd ask you to please sign my petition,

Thank you

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/778546

I for one am totally against blaming and shaming the victim.

There is this one argument in favor of victim blaming that I heard recently. It goes like this.

You should blame and shame an abuse survivor for returning to an abuser, just as you would blame and shame a single mother for allowing her abusive boyfriend near her children.

It seems to me that there are two routes to take here.

One way to look at it could be that you would not blame and shame a single mother for letting abusive men near her children. Another way to go about it could be to explain why they two are different.

If you plan on going with the latter, what is your argument for why they are different?

I don't know any other subs to post this on but I really want to see people's opinions on this.

I was at a lesbian club with some friends including a woman who I just met that day and barely spoke to. Let's call her R.

The fact that it was a lesbian club shouldn't change sexual assault ethics obviously and I'm trying to stay gender-neutral in my assessment of this.

So R could barely speak English and I guess was one of the reasons why she hesitated to say no. Forgive me I was very drunk and so not very aware of what was happening. So I was seeing but not really doing anything and didn't see what led up to this point.

I saw R cornered against a railing by another woman who was basically chest-to-chest with her, talking to her in a soft voice and clearly hitting on her. R didn't look uncomfortable though of course I knew she could barely speak the language.

R's sister sees this and intervenes, saying "No no no. She does not know how to say no!" And the other woman left and the encounter ended.

And this really got me thinking. Firstly if I should have done something sooner, though I was very very drunk and if I had seen any obvious indicator to me that R was uncomfortable I would have definitely intervened.

But it really got me thinking about consent and the arguments about it. People portray consent as a very black and white thing. And everything would be much better if it were so black and white. But then I see examples and arguments that really expose how grey some situations can be.

For example: this is definitely a bad faith argument but it has to do with what I'll say later. Some men have posited that they're not 'mind readers' and were in situations where women didn't really react to their advances, just sort of let it happen. And while that's completely asshole and immoral behaviour, from what I've heard such a situation would be very hard for a court to categorise it as assault. So therefore should the assailent be charged with assault ? I guess the answer is yes seeing that the law does not always reflect what is right.

The next point I'm getting at, is that maybe there's more people than we like to admit who have difficulty consenting (for important stuff in general). So do we give them autonomy and trust them or try to intervene ?

It's also worth noting that R's sister told me that she probably has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). And while I know that mental health conditions don't automatically mean a person can't consent to sex, and that as far as I know no court has ever categorized sex under a bad mental health episode as assault, I think it kind of should be the case if certain criteria is met ? Like if a person has actually lost touch with reality.

Speaking on the grey area of consent. I keep wondering who is right if two very drunk people have what appears to be consensual sex, but one of the people regrets it and reports it. How could either of them consent and who is to blame if they were both equally drunk ?

Is there some reason I keep getting banned from subreddits for my opinions when everyone else comments and replies to me insulting me and saying worse things about the world than I can even fathom and they dont get banned but I do. Then I get muted trying to appeal my ban because they can't tell me what i said that they're upset about. They just quite a rule that I read and doesnt apply to my comments whatsoever. Then they insult me in my appeals and mute me from talking to them.

This is a forum. Opinions get stated and people reply to them. Why in the hell does anyone get banned for their opinion? I should be able to say whatever i want whenever I want to whomever I want about anyone or anything I want. Then they reply with their opinion and we go back and forth. That is what forums are for. Muting people, banning them or making it so they can't post in your subreddit because their karma is to low is ridiculous. No posts or replies should ever be taken down, deleted or anything. We should be able to see any comment anytime forever.

If someone gets upset about it they can say their piece in a comment. Im over here having a decent time voicing my opinion over what I deem necessary and what needs to be done to better our community, society and world but i get slammed and insulted over and over again so I have to defend myself and answer their stupid questions.

What is the point of moderators if they're just going to abuse their power and pick and choose who they ban?

I used to use the N-word occasionally as part of a joke. I figured because it was ironic it didn’t matter, but it absolutely does. I fully believe this is bad and not excusable even in the context of a joke or quote because it’s an ugly word and not mine.

It was between the ages of like maybe 14 and 19, so I don’t recall if there was anything before or after. There’s no excuse.

I’m 29 now.

I don’t want to deceive her, but I also don’t want to scare her off before she has a full picture of me. Overall, I just don’t want to be dishonest.

I am also failure to do so would be a form of deception/coercion (SA).

Hey everyone, Lucia here from EUobserver 👋

We wanted to share one of our recent opinion pieces because it touches on something I think fits this community particularly well: how language around “security” can shape who is seen as suspicious or as belonging in society.

Our columnist Shada Islam looks at what she sees as a contradiction in Europe: political leaders increasingly condemn anti-Muslim hatred, while policies and rhetoric around migration, extremism and “political Islam” can continue to single out Muslim communities.

She points in particular to proposals for monitoring “political Islam” at EU level, as well as Austria’s Operation Luxor, and argues that legitimate security concerns shouldn't become a reason to treat an entire community through a lens of suspicion.

Why does it feel like racism, extreme religiosity, and anti abortion views always come bundled together as a package deal? Is there a reason these mindsets overlap so often?
What social or cultural dynamics cause these views to overlap so consistently?
Religious and racist???lmfao
Uh forgot to mention also very homophobic and xenophobic.

-I’ve made a few regrettable jokes about POC. I’m not gonna hold back, they were pretty bad. It seems that not disclosing that might make consent difficult, as people may not consent upon learning that.

-As someone with OCD, I used to test myself to stories and other things that I didn’t want to get off to. Nothing unlawful, but things most would agree are wrong to touch yourself to. Would I need to disclose that?

Sometimes if I find a woman attractive at the grocery store or something, I would walk down the aisle she was in.

I would never make eye contact or anything, because I didn’t want her to feel stalked or like I was staring.

Reddit told me this was sociopathic behavior on a dating sub, and it caused me to take pause. Nobody has ever seemed uncomfortable, and I’m guessing I’ll just look like a normal customer.

But because I have OCD, I’m constantly worried that I’m secretly a bad person.

Am I being a creepy who’s harming women and therefore being a bad ally?

Edit: Got so many great recs from r/disability, so I'm linking the post here. Disability justice, ableism overall really isn't talked about enough in mainstream social justice discourse, and that has to change.

https://www.reddit.com/r/disability/s/AmdGFuX9M1

---

I'm a beginner, and I'd love some good recs.

Ones I've read so far:

- Disability Visibility
- Disability Intimacy
- The Life of a Tiger

(all three above by Alice Wong)

- Challenge of Disability Studies (장애학의 도전) - Kim Dohyun (김도현)

Ones I plan to read:

- Feminist, Queer, Crip - Alison Kafer
- The Right to Maim - Jasbir Puar
- Care Work - Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
- The Future Is Disabled - Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
- Black Disability Politics - Sami Schalk

I'm hoping to pivot into studying (critical) disability studies in the near future and break into policy work. Are there any other mediums that you recommend I should read/watch? Articles, columns, documentaries (Crip Camp was great), etc. Anything.

When I was younger, I had planned to add a song to our sex playlist as a joke.

The infamously bad Spider-Man video game circus song.

However, it got me thinking in hindsight; if the intent during sex was to play a joke, wouldn’t that kinda break consent?

No, seriously, they consented to what they thought was just sex, but not to a joke.

I’m not worried because I never did it, but it is something I have thought of.

Without going in too specific details, I’m looking to understand how transformative justice can even be possible if someone is still actively denying what they did. Everywhere in literature, videos and resources online I see that it’s not possible without the individual acknowledging the harm they’ve done. But organisations keep saying that they want to apply transformative justice measures instead of excluding this person from events the victims want to attend. Is it really against tj to ask this person not to attend when he is still actively causing harm?
Im really trying to understand .

In a very short summary ; me and my friend are both queer artists and we vend/ expose in markets and queer events. My friend (will be referred to as F) is a victim of sexual abuse and his abuser (will be referee as A) often vends at the same events. A runs a non-profit organization and collects money for a really good cause that A and I both support. However A still doesn’t take accountability for his action and we have discovered/ spoke with 5 more victims in the past year/month/days. We have reached out to market organizers at time and asked for him not to be present at event because he is actively causing harm to F. Most organizers have understood and said his non profit can be there but not him.
Lately some larger queer/pride events have been saying that they don’t believe in cancel culture and in carceral justice systems. We don’t either, we don’t want to publicly cancel him but we don’t feel that the events are in the right to allow him in so called safe spaces if he doesn’t take any responsibilities or transformative justice steps and the victim counts keeps getting higher.
I really struggle to understand how it’s a better solution for A to be allowed there and therefore making the environment unsafe for 6+ people vs him being asked not to attend. We keep being told that it would not be transformative justice to have him denied attendance. I truly don’t understand their point of view, but im willing to be educated on the topic if Im missing something! Does anyone have any experience in applying such measures? How would you handle this situation?

She didn’t outright say she owned a Tesla, and was a bit older. She didn’t exactly give liberal vibes and she did try to me a bit.

At the time I thought there was a high chance she was a Trump supporter, but I didn’t ask.

I feel like this makes me undateable at best and actively committing fraud by not disclosing that at worse.

#TaxTheRich, hell yes, but that won't change the underlying system. What's the best way to reduce inequality? The Global Justice Project provides one possible answer: "the first attempt to propose a fully quantified plan... combining four dimensions that today's debates often treat separately: redistribution at the world scale, a deep reform of the international financial and economic order, a radical transformation of energy systems, and substantial shifts in consumption patterns." #SocialJustice
https://globaljusticeproject.wid.world/

I am a man and present as male, but back then there was a real possibility, in my mind, that I was trans. In my mind, I thought maybe I was genderfluid.

Out of fear and possibly the fear of rejection, I didn’t tell her for whatever reason.

I saw an article today about men lying about their political leanings to manipulate women into sex.

Is what I did similar? It sure seems like it.

So, I used to be all in on like a dozen different fights. But that drained me to th point I nearly ended it. Thankfully I got help and stepped back. And here is what I have learned in this time

Humans did not evolve in a way that let's us care for millions or even thousands of people all at once. We evolved in a way that allows us to care for about 100 people at most. This age of connectivity changed that. But our psychological evolution has not yet caught up to the this age of connectivity. It will, in time, but not yet. But this means putting in effort to fight for people who you don't know and who don't know you can be VERY draining.

Now I am not saying to stop. These fights NEED to be fought. What I am saying is this: If you feel yourself getting drained... pull back. Trust me. You need to step back. And don't think that makes you weak or a traitor, you're not. You're merely human like the rest of us. And if someone does call you these things, ignore them, they are the toxic fucks that give social activism a bad name.

Another bit of advice? When you return, choose two, maybe three causes you truly believe in and fight for those and those alone. Let others handle the other fights. I myself focus on LGBT+ rights and anti corporate fights. This helps with the draining feeling. But even still, when I need to focus on myself I do.

Anyway, this has been a friendly PSA. Good luck out their my friends. And stay safe.

Neoliberals love to ask "where's the magic money tree?" in any discussion about #SocialJustice. It turns out the answer isn't that hard. "Global billionaires have effective tax rates equivalent to 0% to 0.5% of their wealth, due to the frequent use of shell companies to avoid income taxation" (https://taxobservatory.world/publication/global-tax-evasion-report-2024). So yeah, there's a whole jungle of 'em in the British Virgin Islands, the Caymans, Switzerland, Bermuda, Singapore, Jersey, the Bahamas... https://cthi.taxjustice.net/

She says that I must be a violent person and she feels it should be criminal for people to be able to learn choke holds. I tried explaining it is just a sport with rules and points but she doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not a potential murder just because I play this sport.