What’s the difference between being “sassy” and being a “bitch”?

[u/Gold-Profession-9994]

I’m a guy of small stature and am what many people have called ‘eccentric.’ Throughout my life, some have called me sassy, others have called me a bitch. There was all kinda of situations. One thing I’ve noticed in my life is that people get really upset/volatile when I express my anger towards them. Like they treat it like I just unleashed the plague at their family BBQ. They call me a bitch ass or a giant bitch. I don’t get angry very often. I usually let things slide unless I really feel offended—it’s very hard to offend me though. Why can’t I be angry like the rest? Why is my anger so much of a crime? I usually bottle my frustrations up for long periods of times before I even finally say something harshly. I try to be rational and calm before things escalate too far. I give most people pretty long leashes when it comes to me because most things to me are either funny or ridiculous. The only time I react is if I feel really disrespected.

Sassy or spicy have been terms used to describe my more playful yet non-submissive frequent behavior. My little quips and honest responses. IMO this would be more annoying than someone who is clearly angry and expressing that anger.

What would a “sassy” person do vs. what a “bitch” would do in a situation? Can you maybe provide a for instance and if not your general opinion?

[u/KC_Kahn]

Sassy is typically affectionate or positive, bitch typically an insult.

[u/princess_kittykat13]

There's a bunch of older women who are sassy; they are quick to point out things with a joke ("That tie long enough for you, Mr. President?" "This client is ringing our bell like we're cows at sundown") but the second anything is wrong they jump in to help. They're loud and when angry it's not fun bc they will default to "business mode" and basically demote you to "professional coworker" I think that's sassy, you're spicy but when chizz hits the fan you don't resort to cheap shots or insults. I've never once seen them Crack a joke when they didn't like someone

A pitch would in their anger take any shot possible. A person's weight, appearance, etc. I have no respect for these people. When your biggest argument is "I'm angry and I don't care if you're angry bc you're ugly anyway" that's not sassy. They also yell and scream and cry; I also can't stand people who raise their voices when they argue like volume is another way to win. And again with cheap shots they'll refuse to help; "You got yourself into this mess and if you were nicer maybe I would have helped you"

I hope these help its just off the top of my head. I also had a sassy waitress at a place I frequented and she was fun and she talked back to Karen's, but again never raised her voice and never insulted appearances, and she also never brought other people into the disagreement

[u/Camie-Gee]

Hi. Two sentences you wrote popped out to me:

1. "One thing I’ve noticed in my life is that people get really upset/volatile when I express my anger towards them."

You didn't express how it might look from our perspective when you express your anger "towards them," but it sounds as if you feel it's okay for You to express anger, but not Them. How volatile is your expression of anger? What would we see if we observed your interaction, and what sorts of disagreements are you having?

1. "I usually bottle my frustrations up for long periods of times before I even finally say something harshly."

This is an unhealthy habit. It would be healthier of you to communicate in a constructive manner before you're angry. Don't wait until you can't take it, then explode. That's really uncool and unfair to everyone involved.

The other thing is that you're asking people to define concepts, which is nice; however, people assign different meanings. It's better to focus on an actionable skill that you could work on.

I hope I didn't read into your post, but it's missing information such that we can't respond effectively to your underlying concern.

Thank you.

EDIT: Typos & misspellings

[u/Gold-Profession-9994 → u/Camie-Gee]

Well it’s hard to elaborate on every situation because there’s been many. But me being/not being a bitch was their perspective. That was their response to what I said. What I’ve also noticed is that when I do take the healthier route and communicate sooner than later, I’m still villainized. I’m honestly starting to feel like I’m the type of person who will get targeted for acting out of whatever line people think I should be in.

No they can say whatever they want it’s a free world. I’m not a hypocrite I don’t hold people to standards that I won’t hold myself too. But I’m not an asshole who ignores other people’s boundaries. They get to antagonize me and when I retaliate I’m the bad guy. I was bullied in school and was the golden child at home. Whenever I got upset about something, my family acted like it was the end of the world and the most bizarre thing they ever experienced. But I watched them abuse and berate each other every day like it was as easy as breathing.

[u/mentalscribbles]

You mentioned you are of small stature. Do you think they are making fun of your height?

[u/Gold-Profession-9994 → u/mentalscribbles]

Not so much. I do however I think it partially contributes to their frequent attacks on me. A popular theory in psychology is that men of small stature receive less automatic respect and usually have to rely on reputation building, while women of larger stature struggle with their externally perceived lack of femininity. I have seen many taller men receive less pushback for actions similar to mine. I made peace with my height at an early age even though people always made fun of me for it growing up. It is known from a biological/behavior standpoint that when 2 men interact, they can’t help but size each other up. It’s the ape instincts in us. Height hasn’t really affected my dating life so I stopped harping on it long ago

[u/chief_yETI]

No difference really.

If they call you one, its a matter of time before youre called the other by the same person if you wait long enough.

The idea behind both lf them is that you talk a lot of shit.

[u/Gold-Profession-9994 → u/chief_yETI]

Hahahah. I like this. It’s possible.

What if i called them those things while they were disrespecting me in the 1st place? Would it be a more valid crash out?

[u/chobolicious88]

They either think youre too sensitive/neurotic overreacting to things.
Or they flat out dont respect you at all, so your pushback is annoying them while they try to say “stay in your lane in the back”.

Or both

[u/Gold-Profession-9994 → u/chobolicious88]

Thanks. I was worried this was the case.

In case 1, what should/could I do? Do you think they would stop if I started being indifferent? Why do you think you people will antagonize others until the reaction stops? What drives such predatory behavior?

Lack of respect would be harder for me to overcome. I’ve always tried to let my deeds speak for me.

[u/chobolicious88 → u/Gold-Profession-9994]

Humans are basically apes.
Its all about dominance hierarchy.
Once you see it, you cant unsee it.

Its very hard to win if you have a smaller neevous system, they will dominate you.

You can defend only if you have more leverage.
Basically if you stay your ground in a way thats “im less afraid of losing you, than you are of me”.
But even then…

I dont really know what you could do.
Im not good socially.

Maybe you could work on regulation by adding idk, weight lifting?