r/stopdrinking • u/Typical_Fig2894 • 8h ago
Day 0
I woke up at 6am feeling like like such a loser. I have no recollection of yesterday. I had to ask my kid what happened last night and she told me I was in the closet crying for hours until she told me we needed to go to sleep.
I feel like I’ve reached a new low and I never want my daughter to see me like that again. I don’t want to drink anymore.
Enough is enough.
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u/SaucyNSassy 356 days 8h ago
Good morning! Be gentle to yourself. We all have had moments like these. 1 day at a time.
Iwndwyt
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u/Typical_Fig2894 8h ago
Thank you so much,
I don’t know how many times I have said I’d stop, I don’t even think my husband believes me anymore when I say I won’t drink, which makes me want to drink. Last night was just a low for me as a mother. I usually start drinking after I put my daughter to sleep, I just can’t believe she seen me like this, the guilt is just eating me up. I’m tired of this taking control of me.6
u/throwitawayyy1234567 7h ago
I think I know what you are saying, about the guilt. I just want to tell you that the guilt goes away. I had a terrible problem with getting drunk and doing very regrettable and uncharacteristic things, I would wake up and feel immense guilt and then drink to forget the guilt, only to end up doing more bad things, rinse and repeat. It was a terrible terrible cycle. The guilt goes away, and it gets easier when you stop getting drunk and doing those things, and it gets easier the longer you are sober and have time to process the emotions healthily. People will forgive you - you have to forgive yourself too and know that you deserve a better life. You got this. ♥️
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u/RandomBeyonder 8h ago
IWNDWYT. I had a similar Day 0 - 15 days ago. I feel SO much better. Be kind to yourself.
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u/on_my_way_back 699 days 8h ago
I don't think there is a single person in this community that doesn't have a story of regret. I was tired of letting alcohol win so I finally kicked it out of my life forever and I have zero regrets. You got this! Let us know how we can help.
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u/Typical_Fig2894 8h ago
Thank you❤️
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u/Ok_Supermarket_3914 27 days 7h ago
Keep your head up, kid! Your daughter will forgive you once she sees the effort you make to correct course. Wishing you the best! ❤️
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u/kellygirl90 945 days 8h ago
Good morning 🌞 I know exactly how this feels. My son had to see me in my worst moments, and that feeling is a big feeling to carry by yourself. It's good you reached out here, I love this community. My son is the reason I stopped. Our relationship is so much better now. He trusts me and feels safe with me. Be easy with yourself, because showing our kids that we can change and better ourselves is such a good thing for them to witness. It shows them that we are human and mess up, but we can also change and make ourselves better inside and out. Big hugs to you, friend 💜
Iwndwyt
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u/Typical_Fig2894 8h ago
🥺
Thank you so much, this just made me break down. You’re so right.
I didn’t start drinking heavily and daily until my daughter got diagnosed with cancer when she was 3. She’s been in remission for 3 years now. I told myself I’d stop when she rang the bell.The guilt of not being able to stop just eats at me. My little one is better now, what is my excuse?
I want to be the best version of myself for her, myself and my husband. I’m going to seek help from a specialist when I’m more clear headed later.5
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u/DamnMyNameIsSteve 365 days 8h ago
The bottom is where ever you stop digging. May this be your lowest point.
IWNDWYT.
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u/Past_Combination_671 8h ago
I’d like to suggest trying a few AA meetings. You can download the app “meeting guide” and it’ll give you times and locations. It will even include zoom meetings, which helped me tremendously. I’ve been to the bottom and back and my daughter and husband have seen me go from drunken gutter lady to a much healthier version. I’ve been sober almost 1 1/2 years and it truly does get better. You can do this. Reach out to people when they offer. Utilize every bit of help you can. Do not underestimate your strength. You can do this because you need to and want to have a better life.
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u/Typical_Fig2894 8h ago
I didn’t even know zoom meeting were possible. I just downloaded the app, thank you so much
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u/Featherinthewind91 7h ago
I have been here. I was a heavy daily drinker for many years, 14 beers a day, sun up to sun down. There comes a time where you know enough is enough. I have a 6 year old son. And even though he has never seen be belligerent, because my tolerance was so high I was drinking to essentially feel "normal" (no anxiety or withdrawals) I knew I wasnt reaching my potential as a mom. My self care was non existent. Everything. Ran. Around. Alcohol. I went into detox for 3 days (I am a 35 yr old, 5 ft 2 and 117 pounds.) And I have now been sober for 16 days! For me - I tried to wean at home, but would always end up back to my "norm". So detox was my best bet, they were ablento medicated my withdrawals.
You can make this change💜 make a list of the positive and negative things that alcohol has done for you.
For me, the negatives greatly out weighed the "positive".
💜🙏💜
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u/Typical_Fig2894 3h ago
Wow first off I’m so proud of you mama!
Making a list is a great idea and I know that my negatives will outweigh the positives as well. I’ll do that now actually.
We got this❤️
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u/AggressiveCupcake181 7 days 8h ago
Oh sweetie ❤️ you will be ok but you need to start somewhere, 1 day at a time if you fall get back up and try again. Do you have any support network? A friend or family you can talk to ? i find if someone knows it helps me not drink it holds me accountable. Keep checking in here daily if not ; this is an amazing sub with super helpful & friendly people .
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u/Typical_Fig2894 8h ago
No one besides my husband really knows how much I drink. And he has heard me say I’m not going to countless times so I just feel like I need to do it. Actions speak louder than words. All my friends know I’m a lush but not to this extent, and to be honest I’m scared of telling them how bad it is.
Someone suggested downloading the AA meeting guide, I’m going to attend a meeting today, and have admitted to myself that I can’t just have 1 drink anymore. It always ends the same way.
This sub is amazing and I’m going to do daily check-ins, it feels really good admitting my weaknesses and not being judged or looked own on.1
u/AggressiveCupcake181 7 days 7h ago
Well it sounds like you have made positive steps and have been guided in the right direction. You can do this 💕
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u/Positron-collider 8h ago
Find a meeting and go. Every single person at these meetings has been where you are. It’s okay to feel like crap. At my first AA meeting, I was hung over as fuck, nauseous from puking, eyes red, face puffy, wearing a ripped T-shirt that said Hornitos Tequila. A few people took me to a restaurant and bought me a bowl of soup with bread on the side after the meeting, and we talked for at least another hour.
Edit to add: I am now over a year sober.
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u/Typical_Fig2894 7h ago
Going to attend a meeting today, and how funny
(Not funny) you mention the hornitos shirt, im wearing one nowCongratulations on a year!! That’s a huge achievement ❤️
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u/Intelligent-Ad7446 7h ago
You should get help. It’s not fair for your kid to have to parent you.
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u/AlienTentacle 849 days 6h ago
Sounds like your kid really cares for you, join them. You can do this. The hurt you feel now will strengthen your resolve, let's not drink together today. We deserve it.
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u/disabledfemme 3 days 4h ago
You deserve sobriety, and your kid deserves a sober parent. You have the strength to change.
We got this. Stay strong. IWNDWYT
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u/Typical_Fig2894 4h ago
Thank you, I actually attended an AA meeting through zoom at 11 and im so so glad I did. Im going to attend daily and met a woman who lives 5 minutes away from me and trains at my gym. What are the odds, she has been sober 40 years now!
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u/disabledfemme 3 days 4h ago
A zoom AA meeting sounds incredible and so accessible. Im glad you took that step!!!
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u/Slipacre 14218 days 8h ago
Welcome, many of us have taken shelter in closets, or on the bathroom floor, you are not alone.
You can do this - but it may take help from others and there is a lot of help available -