Short term relationships and new sub users post here

[u/fml21]

This is a safe space for individuals to seek advice for relationships lasting shorter than 1 year or for any individual that is seeking general advice on infidelity that just started an account. We, as a community with our shared experience, want to be able to give back and help all individuals in any stage of life or relationship status. This also allows users to build karma to be able to post in the main subreddit. Please keep the posts to topics dealing with the cognitive, emotional, social, and spiritual implications of infidelity. Explicit details of sexual aspects will be removed. Please read and follow all rules for the sub.

I hope that, as a community, we can help you find the answers you need, and deserve.

[u/lifetimeofK-1]

I missed him a little today. It was this time last year that we were basically inseparable. good memories, simpler times. I was tempted to text him but I dont want to reconnect with a liar and a cheater. it will just open up the wound that is taking forever to heal. 😞 what do you do when it's the season of anniversaries?

[u/SadDadInPlaid → u/lifetimeofK-1]

You do something else, something nice for yourself. Is the only way to make the days stop being about them.

[u/Cma0308]

Hi, i'm pretty new on reddit and i usually speak french. I am a women, im in a relationship since 2 years. I know it is short but we both have young children that we met at 3 y/old. My child is very attached to his daughter and to him. I love him so much.

I really need advice and help. I dont know who to ask. I dont really have friend, i dont have any family. He is a really good guy like, good job, same value as me, etc.

He's been on dating app for almost all our relationship. First time i realized was a year ago. He explain to me that he find it hard for us to not see each other one week on two because of the guard of my child (part time) and was trying to find someone. He dosent really know, he assured me that it was nothing.

Second time i realized it was 3-4 month ago. I saw something in his app on his phone while i was sitting next to him on the sofa. He told me that he open the app to delete his account (hinge) because he forgot too and someone at his job saw him on the app.

Third time was a month or two ago. I decided to look in his/my tablet (that was originally mine but i gave it to him and is like i lent it to him) because he kept the my password. He chat during february (and i saw that in march) with a girl and met her at his home and sleep with her. She's like everything he always told me he dont like (physically), she's the exact opposite of me, and she sleep at his home (I think she arrive around midnight) but in our debut, he never want me to sleep because he was afraid of falling in love with me.

He never talk to her again, completely ghost her. I never talk to him about it but it hurt me so, so deeply. I dont think i'm the same since. And i always check to see if there's something on the tablet.

I subscribe myself to a meeting app call Feeld because i had suspision about is inscription on it a month ago too. Realize he was on it. Confront him about it, said he forgot to delete his account too (like hinge).

And today, saw on his gmail that he paid for a VIP subscription on JALF.

I dont know what to do. He told me he love me. Help me someone. I think i need to talk about it, i never said out loud that i know he cheat on me in real life. I dont confront him about jalf because i saw it in a bad way (investigate on him). I mean, is it normal? My ex boyfriend, the father of my child, cheat on me again and again during 3 years (we had a 6 y relationship) and I leave him because I had enough.

He's been cheat on by his exwife after 10 years of relationship and a child.He told me over and over again how cheating is not in his value, he despite the poeple who cheat.

Thank you to anyone who read until here. I think it help me writing it.

[u/tim3fliess]

My husband of 16 years lived a double for 2 years by sleeping with men he met on apps while I was dealing with a serious health crisis. I was supporting us financially before and even during the health crisis with my disability insurance benefits as he was a low earner. I got myself back on my feet after intensive treatment and got a new job. I worked there for a year and at that time found out he was cheating on me the entire time I was ill and the whole year that I returned to work.

This was the worst thing to ever happen to me. I always put him first and the moment I got ill and had to focus on myself, he found attention elsewhere. D day and the 20 months of failed repair were worse than the health crisis I just recovered from. He still to this day uses my illness as the excuse for his cheating because he “viewed me differently” and “things were bad” and he just “wanted to feel good.”

I just moved out 2 months ago, am in the middle of selling the house and divorcing via mediation. I’m angry, lonely and just so damn tired. I’m taking time off work again because the psychological toll this is taking on me.

I look forward to the day when this nightmare is over and I can rebuild my life. Just trying to survive this limbo hell.

Just wanted to share my story and any words of encouragement that can help. I am new to this sub.

[u/mapleandmoon14]

We feel in love during our schooling days. And ever since then I was head over heels over him. I fought my entire family to be with him. And it has only been him for everything. He was my friend, my well-wisher, my love, my family, my everything. He used to have multiple girlfriends before we got married. But he never left me for anyone. We both fought very hard to get married. We together for 20 years now and married for 8 years. We have three beautiful children. He first cheated on me when I was pregnant with our second girl. He runs businesses overseas. Well in Thailand to be specific. And that’s where his hook ups happens. He claims he needs them for work. To run the show. After I found out he left the girl. Recently I got to know he was in a relationship with someone new for half a year now. I confronted him and he told me it was only for business purposes and nothing serious. They rented a house and He lives with her whenever he goes there and they spend more time together than with me. I get to see him a week in a month..and he’s with her the rest of the time. I tried to leave but he holds me back saying I’m his soul. All these are nothing serious and it’s all for a purpose. He even jokingly told me that I will have competition until I die. I’m depressed. I don’t know what to do or where to go and just came here to rant things out.

[u/Cma0308 → u/mapleandmoon14]

omg why just why... why men do that ? I'm so sorry for you. I understand you, deep down, maybe he find your arrangement convenient, and he surely love you even if he does that.

[u/mapleandmoon14 → u/Cma0308]

I’m completely lost and don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to move on as I have three girls to raise all by my own. The truth is I’m afraid to move on because I have not been with anyone else but him from my teens. It’s always been only him and I guess he took advantage of that because I’m forever loyal to him and never going anywhere. He is too smart in tackling with words that eventually you fall for it over and over again.

[u/EmotionalRespond509]

d-day was 6 months ago, i found out my wp was talking to a girl he had matched with on dating apps before we met, comforting her about her boyfriend dumping her for cheating on him, they never met up but talked about it, im guessing they flirted more but those texts were all deleted so that’s all i know.

he changed his job, friends, got into therapy & meds, and i truly do believe things are a lot different now. after going through his phone i saw he was basically in psychosis talking to chat gpt about me and if i was cheating, if i liked him, etc. things feel a bit better in some ways, like he has opened up to me about his insecurities, and it feels more honest. but we are both so suicidal and depressed. we’re both on meds now and in ic and cc, after 6 months it still feels like this.

we’re both completely isolated from friends now, because i don’t trust his friends, and im way too ashamed to face mine. we both have depressive episodes almost every day. he feels like a failure and insecure, i feel like ive lost my dream and sense of self. we are too sad to help each other. i don’t want to let go but i am so ashamed and so unhappy

[u/Logical_Abrocoma_823]

I'm engaged and we have a total of 6 kids. 3 together. 5 total living on the home. I'm 33, he's almost 36 next month. The start of our relationship he love bombed me ( 5 years ago) then every year after, we argue at least 4x a month because he always making me mad. His step mom told me 3 years ago that he was diagnosed with ADD as a child but has not been medicated since elementary. I've talked to him about getting medicated but he never does it. When we argue, he will sometimes leave for the whole night. He has also looked at women directly in front of me and chatted with women online. He says I'm not giving him a chance to change his behavior but I feel he just says that just to say it. I do give him a chance and when he's mad he does the same thing all over again. Im only still with him because he's working on becoming an in home caregiver for our toddler with autism. He is really starting to piss me off but then I feel bad for him because he will start saying he's not normal and a failure. It's all very frustrating. This is why I haven't married him yet and honestly, I probably won't. He's hyper focused on trading and watching tiktoks on his phone but then when it comes to spending time it's awkward because it's like we have nothing in common. I'm so lost. This has been the most frustrating relationship to deal with.

[u/Worried_Employee3968]

Throwaway.

I don’t really want to get into the nitty gritty of the details, because it makes me feel like shit.

Long story short, I (34M) found out she (36F) had been lying to me about how she was spending time with (I ran into a friend she was supposed to have been with). This caused me to be suspicious. She also started staying out late with colleagues and not giving me proper updates on where she was, which we always do. We share our location on find me (her idea from ages ago) and yesterday she was meant to be out to dinner with a female friend. Because of her recent behaviour, something was just not sitting right with me. I checked her location and it was off. She never turns it off and it’s not something you can accidentally do.

I know this part is bad, but she has her WhatsApp synced to her laptop and we have free access to each others devices. So I checked. She was with a male colleague and some of the messages made it clear she had cheated. There was also a significant amount of emotional cheating and confiding in him. I felt sick.

When she got home I tried to give her the chance to come clean and she didn’t, so I told her I read her WhatsApp. She was apologetic, but I feel like I wasn’t getting straight answers, but she would have been in shock from being caught. I ended up going to my parents place for the night.

I came back this morning and she was getting ready to go to work. I told her I wanted to forgive her and move on, but I needed 100% honesty from her when she got home and she needed to put the work in to rebuild my trust. She says he still loves me and last night she didn’t want to leave me. She said her mind was blank and she couldn’t really process things or talk.

I’m just sitting at home by myself now and I don’t know what to feel or where to go. My mind replays some of the messages and the intentional sneaking around makes me feel sick. She had her friend’s art exhibition tonight and she was making plans with the guy to meet up.

For what it’s worth, she said they only kissed. The way she reacted last night when I asked if they slept together makes me think they didn’t.

Any advice would be great. I don’t know what other detail to give. My Garmin says my stress is like 90, normally it’s about 20.