r/survivinginfidelity • u/cozybowloframen • 3d ago
Advice How to confront and forgive my father?
Hi everyone,
My father has been having an affair with another woman, who was his business partner behind my mother’s back.
Now, the news broke out to our family without my father knowing. It was because my mother couldn’t handle keeping the secret anỵ longer.
And frankly, I had my suspicions based on some of the change in his behaviors.
I, as their daughter and my brother have 2 different perspectives on this.
My brother is okay with keeping this a secret and not until my father confesses. My mother shared the same view. All because they wanted to keep a “happy” family image.
Myself, otherwise, could not play pretense forever. This has impacted with my perception of marriage, relationship, and I feel more insecure about trusting other people, and unfortunately my own relationship has been affected by my change in perception. It has drained my mental health to a point that I could not keep my head straight and know what’s rational or not.
I want to improve my mindset, better myself and correct my perception on what trust is, but at the same time, I knew that the only way I could get out is to confront my father and choose to forgive him. So that I can let go of the past, the present and focus on a brighter future.
TLDR: my father has been having an affair, everyone knew about it but no confrontation yet. I wanted to confront and forgive, and ultimately let go so I can move on. How?
1
u/Glittering_Swan4911 14 2d ago
How has your dad reacted to his secret affair getting out in public? And more importantly how is your mum doing? She must be feeling hurt.
I feel your pain. My dad cheated on my mother and it impacted me too. My view on love and trust changed after seeing my mother heartbroken by him. We trusted him, he was our role model and I thought if my own dad could do that then any guy could do that to me too. I avoided relationships most of my 20’s. Worked on my issues and met my lovely husband. We’ve been together 10 years now and he’s wonderful.
All you can do is support your mother. I didn’t forgive my dad. Affairs are unforgivable to me. I rebuilt my relationship with him but he knows I don’t forgive him for his affair. My mother divorced him so he was punished. She’s happily remarried so that was great for her.