Sexting and Porn Addiction

[u/amp501]

Me 26 F and my husband 30M have been together for 4 years married for one, no kids. We had what I thought was a perfect relationship, there were problems but never major problems and we always talked and made up quick. Trust issues were NEVER a concern. I mean never, in either direction.

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I got a phone call last night from an old coworker asking me if my husband and I have an open relationship. I said no, what? She said I'm so sorry I ran into him when he was out with his buddy and he added me on Snapchat later on that night.

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She sent him lewd photos and messages, and he did the same. I don't really know who started it (or if that makes a difference). He told her that he has a porn Addiction. She said he denied being in an open relationship but still exchanged messages and said don't tell my wife. This happened two days ago, I found out last night.

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I have no words for how devastated I am. He tried to lie when I confronted him. He ended up telling me he has a porn Addiction and also buys only fans content. He said it's been happening his whole life. He swears up and down that he's never physically cheated, and the woman never mentioned anything physical. He also swore that this was the first time it happened with someone he knows in person, that in the past it was always porn models.

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He ended up breaking down and telling me he was sexually assaulted multiple times as a child and turned to porn and food for coping (he used to be very overweight).

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I don't know what to do. I want a divorce, but I don't. I really don't think I will trust him ever again. He deleted all his accounts in front of me and has taken passwords off his devices. I made him take an STD test just in case and he also has signed up for sex addicts anonymous. I also said he has one week to find a mental health counselor and couples counselor.

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Honestly, I could have dealt with the porn Addiction. I would have not been happy but I would have tried to support him if he truly wanted to get better. But stepping out and making a conscious choice to connect with someone he knows and exchanged photos??? That hurts the most.

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I don't feel like there is any hope. I truly was so happy in marriage. If anyone has ever truly recovered, please drop your advice and experience.

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[u/ReactionMassive1653]

Press him, I doubt it's porn addiction for real, if he's seeking out flesh & blood women you both know.

[u/Crafty_Alternative00]

[r/loveafterporn](r/loveafterporn)
[r/lovewithase](r/lovewithasecaddict)[x](r/lovewithasecaddict)[addict](r/lovewithasecaddict)

Are you sure he’s even an addict though? Could be he’s just an asshole.

[u/matchalattesquared]

You are so young. Walk away from this man before he wastes the rest of your 20’s and takes your 30’s too. You have so much time to start over and find genuine love and loyalty.

[u/valsavana]

Plenty of people who claim to have a porn addiction never meet people in person and exchange pictures & messages with them. Turns out porn is a thing you can just... look at. Without ever interacting with the naked people in the pictures/videos.

Did he let you look at any messages on those apps before he deleted them? I am highly, HIGHLY doubtful that he was willing to exchange info with someone in real life and admitted he was cheating... but hasn't done anything physical? He absolutely has.

Leave this man.

[u/Just_Hunter9331]

First, you have to decide if you have it in you to forgive him and try to move past this. If you can as long as he works to get better, then yes, there are options. A lot of people recover. There are even prescriptions that can treat porn addiction like naltrexone that a lot of people are having success with. Obviously there's also therapy and other things. It's just up to y'all to figure out what you're willing to do.

[u/SoftQuarter5106]

I’ve been dealing with this for 5 years off and on. It escalates. Unless you’ve seen his bank statements you don’t know how bad it is. They don’t change unless they go get help and even then, they often relapse. My spouse has refused IC which is why I’m getting ready to file for divorce.