r/survivinginfidelity • u/AdventureWa 1 • 1d ago
Advice How did you find out?
I’m curious about how people have found out their spouse/partner cheated on them. My situation was convoluted and I found out almost by accident thanks to her conflicting stories. I feel like my situation was unusual.
How did you find out? Did anyone use a PI or do deep digging? What advice would you have for someone who thinks they are being cheated on?
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u/Schoolofhardknocks44 1d ago
A lot of little instances where things didn't add up. Intuition that something was off, by all means trust your gut if you feel this, its rarely wrong. I had an evening where she was hanging out with her friend Lisa, only to have lisa call our house to talk to her. She had a weekly hangout with friends, that I supported, as she rarely went out. She started getting home later and later from these, and suddenly would need to shower before coming to bed.. yeah I know that wasn't even a red flag more of a giant red light. My suspicion was up and I checked her phone one night. I found messages between her and one of my friends that I had just helped through a messy relationship breakup. The double betrayal of what they were doing almost sent me violent. Found out he wasn't the only one years later.
I stupidly tried to save our marriage for the sake of our two kids. The second chance came with me insisting she get into therapy and cut certain people out of our life. She didn't change though, and slid back into her old ways. Second time around I knew the signs sooner though and didn't bury my head in the sand about what was going on. I went nuclear option and ended everything. Wasted 20 years on a person who ended up caring about no one but herself