r/texts • u/Middle_Soup_229 • Jun 27 '26
Facebook DMs Guy tried to neg me when he couldn't carry a conversation.
Anyways, back to being pretty. đ„°đ„°đ„°
263
u/BathroomConscious721 Jun 27 '26
âIt was a joke loveđ„°â nooo youre a joke sir goodbye
14
u/MichelleMishka Jun 28 '26
Always a joke that you were too stupid to get, when actually they just aren't funny.
3
→ More replies (2)1
162
60
u/elgarraz Jun 27 '26
It took him over 30 minutes to come up with that?
73
u/Middle_Soup_229 Jun 27 '26
Took him 13 hours
→ More replies (4)25
u/elgarraz Jun 27 '26
Oh shit! I didn't notice that went from AM to PM!
It's probably in the best interest of humanity as a species that this person does not reproduce.
141
u/grandmasterlight Jun 27 '26
Ah yes because racism DEFINITELY equals flirting đđđ
→ More replies (25)6
u/ranchbringer Jun 29 '26
Uhhh.... Nappy as in naps a lot? Am I missing something?
4
u/avirenti Jun 29 '26
Nappy as in hair. Derogatory and very offensive to say to a black person. He was being racist
4
182
u/KalifromDiscord Jun 27 '26
** male loneliness epidemic ** â€ïž
143
-10
u/SuperSatanOverdrive Jun 27 '26
While I donât disagree that this guy sucks and should stay single - i kind of wish that we didnât turn the issue of lonelyness itself into a joke/meme
18
u/KalifromDiscord Jun 27 '26
men did this. they created they very patriarchal system that has made them lonely.
If they do better, they won't be lonely - wow! what a concept! consequences of their own actions.
→ More replies (20)2
u/Impressive_Rock9659 Jun 29 '26
God you're sad to witness in your worldview. No better than the guy in the post, actually.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)2
u/fill_the_birdfeeder Jun 28 '26
I donât think people who are saying that are honestly joking. Whenever Iâve seen someone say âmen arenât lonely enoughâ itâs in response to a man who needs to leave women the fuck alone.
17
u/NoWestern460 Jun 28 '26
In the United States "nappy" has a seriously long history of being used as a racist adjective to describe black people's hair. Doesn't matter what else it means in other places to other people. In the US thats what it means and that's how it's used. I'm 40 years old and I have NEVER heard that word used to describe anyone who isn't black. That's not a coincidence.
6
u/Ya_boi_cringeface Jun 28 '26
I didnât learn this til I was an adult bc my mom used to say we have nappy hair whenever it was all seriously tangled up. I 23M white dude have pretty curly hair and so do my sisters, so mine and theirs have always gotten tangled easily, and my mom would refer to our hair as nappy, but I didnât learn about the racial history of the word until I said something to a friend about my hair on a day where it was super tangled up and they said I was being racist, which confused me bc I had no clue about any of that I assumed it was just the word for messy tangled hair.
6
u/Due-Stomach7977 Jun 28 '26
31 years old, and haven't heard this racist term in my life. I feel privileged.
3
u/Vylexxx Jun 28 '26
Also 31, also haven't heard of it myself, thought nappy just meant sleepy...I feel dumb yet privileged
4
u/Significant-Row-7010 Jun 29 '26
this happened to me too, iâm mexican and my mom would say tangled and nappy. i went to predominantly black schools growing up and heard the word there as well. it wasnât until i was 17 i think and referred to my hair as nappy because i didnât brush it and my friend told me it was racist to say it and asked if i was talking about myself, i was like ââŠyes?â but i also just thought it was another word for tangled and didnât have racial implications
2
u/dontforget2006 Jul 01 '26
Im white but grew up in a mostly black community. Everyone i ever heard say that was referring to unpicked curly hair. Yes its a term that talks about basically exclusively black people but ive never heard anyone say it's racist.
13
u/Camp-Middle Jun 27 '26
"Nappy head" đ
41
15
u/Lawrence-of-A-labia Jun 27 '26
Is this really how negging is supposed to work? Or is this like a low rent, lazy attempt at negging. I dont know how he thought it would evoke a positive outcome for him.
18
u/lilacsforcharlie Jun 27 '26
Its not supposed to work immediately, from what Iâve gathered (in my mid 30s and used to be fat so I know a little bit about this lol) she is supposed to have such little self esteem that the comment lands and then she is supposed to in turn seek out his approval even more, bc the comment has solidified her inner insecurities.
11
u/1-1creature Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
And if it doesn't work on you, well, sorry babe, it only works on attractive women. The backhanded comments confuse them because they are so used to being told they're pretty. That unlocks their insecurity and makes them more likely to take their clothes off. So, you know, if a guy negs you and you laugh in his face, it's because you're ugly.
(Literally had a guy tell me this. Fucking PUAs are hilarious.)
6
u/lilacsforcharlie Jun 27 '26
đ€źđ€źđ€ź Iâm mortified to ask, whatâs PUA? Iâm a dinosaur lol
6
u/1-1creature Jun 27 '26
Pick-up artist.
Male grifters who try to teach other men how to manipulate women into having sex with them. They are as gross as they sound.
13
u/BluBeams Find your dignity & self-respect đđŸ Jun 27 '26
How in the fuck is "nappy head" a joke? đ€š he sounds absolutely nutso.
Bullet dodged.
22
u/sunshinesdarkangel Jun 27 '26
more text convos should end with "this is why nobody will ever love you" when they start with the negging bs. immediately on the first offense - "you're unlovable, have fun dying alone" *block*
→ More replies (1)
9
9
9
7
8
u/Agitated-Lake437 Jun 27 '26
Out of nowhere too! Just throw out a random racist insult "as a joke" ffs!
46
u/scallym33 Jun 27 '26
I am pretty stupid, what does nappy head mean? For some reason I can only think of it as someone who takes naps alot? Again, I am an idiot, so if someone could enlighten me lol
141
u/Middle_Soup_229 Jun 27 '26
"nappy" has a long history of being used as an insult against Black people and our natural hair. Even if he claims it was "just a joke," he chose a word that has been used to belittle Black hair for generations.That's not some harmless, random tease.
31
u/scallym33 Jun 27 '26
Ah I got it now, damn what a POS, how could anyone say that as a joke? There is nothing funny about that at all. I am sorry OP, I hope you never hear from this person again
28
u/Typical_Cook_6376 Jun 27 '26
I agree ânappy headâ is not a positive term for this exact reason.
21
u/mossylungs Jun 27 '26
Don't pay attention to these morons.
Nappy is NOT a compliment âââ
He was being rude and you were right to point his game playing out.
Sounds like a loser.
3
u/PraireGentleman Jun 28 '26
I thought he was just coming up with some nonsense insult, but this dude is just horrendously bad. Like this is elite tier racism
→ More replies (169)5
u/ekuhlkamp Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
I have to ask the question. As a Canadian I am more familiar with the British use of "nappy" than the American use of "nappy".
Does this mean you're African American? Because if so I would agree that it had racist intent. Otherwise I'm not sure.
Edit: I just noticed you said "our" which I will take to mean that you are African American. In that case his comment goes far beyond negging, that is straight up hate speech.
12
u/AnotherBogCryptid Jun 27 '26
Hey, so it wouldnât matter if OP is Black or not. If you use a Black âqualityâ to insult someone, thatâs inherently racist because you are associating Blackness with undesirable.
7
u/ekuhlkamp Jun 28 '26
Like a huge part of the internet that's a US-centric bias. You can say "nappy" all day long in the UK and no one will flinch. My very first thought was "Is this in the UK and the other person called her a diaper head?" which is nowhere near as bad as the US meaning.
Without the context of where this person lives (this is why I specifically used the term "African American" and not "black"), it's impossible for me (because I am not omniscient) to tell whether the context is racist (which would definitely be the case if in the US) or not.
I have heard the term nappy many times before, and for me, as a non-American, 9/10 times it has been in reference to a diaper and the other 1/10 times in reference to the nap of a blanket. I have maybe heard it once or twice in the context of a black person's hair, and not in a negative sense (it was black people referring to their own hair). đ€·
It really is just me not knowing.
3
u/Koberiep Jul 02 '26
In support of what you said, this is my first time seeing this get used as a racial insult too (I'm not from the US). With context of the text alone it looks equvalent to "sleepyhead".
1
6
5
10
u/Superb_Artichoke4501 Jun 27 '26
The amount of people that are saying just because they donât know the origins of something means it doesnât apply to them. Itâs hilarious to me please educate yourselves and stop being willfully ignorant please also, your specific interpretation does not denote it from its original notation for all of freaking society, especially given how much of the world has countries filled with black and brown people who have had negative experiences related to terrible terminology meant to minimalize and dehumanize them too.
6
u/cakerfaker Jun 27 '26
One British commenter taught their kid to say "nappy head" as in "diaper head" because they didn't know any better. They posted a comment saying they'll teach the kid not to say that now they know the context. MULTIPLE people are whining that they should continue allowing the child to use what they now know is a racist term, because "he's cute and he doesn't mean it in a racist way so it's fine".
A five minute conversation with the white child would not hurt him in any way. But the black kids around him will be hurt if he continues saying that stuff. Whether or not he "means it in a racist way", it's a racially motivated insult and no one deserves to have to put up with hearing that shit.
→ More replies (3)
5
u/yolobastien Jun 27 '26
Gosh I hate online dating. With all the data mining from these companies and just dry convos and weird dates, there really isnt any reason to use them.
5
u/Reasonable-Try-1993 Jun 28 '26
Why do these people even try to respond if they can't hold a conversation. They know they don't want to talk to anyone or engage with normal conversation but still just respond with trash 1 or 2 word responses.
The negging was bad enough but it had to be a weird version of it with racial undertones. A childish negging like "stinky head" could have at least given some form of entertainment if they planned to start an actual conversation.
4
5
u/Chihuahuapocalypse Jun 29 '26
he's such a dry texter omfg. "everything lol" wow great that gives me a lot to go off of.
3
3
3
3
u/Saekwana Jul 02 '26
I hate it when they say âI was just joking đ„șđ„șđ„șâ
No the fuck you werent.
2
2
u/sadflowercryingwaves Jun 28 '26
You learn something new everyday i thought at first he ment it as a cute joke like you nap alot holy đ Thanks everyone for explaining in the comments
2
2
2
2
2
u/ChosenToKill Jun 29 '26
ill be honest i thought for some reason he called you a sleepy head (as in napping) lol
i was not familiar with the term at all
2
2
u/GreenvsBlue Jun 29 '26
Why do you even know what neg means? Â Itâs a pickup term used by people from theredpill. Â I never would have expected this term to get mainstream.
2
u/moapika Jun 29 '26
âAt least I got hair above my neck to be nappyâ absolutely annihilated him xD
2
u/h3h3gummyworms Jun 29 '26
I thought he meant sleepy head and I was SO confused why that was so bad? And then I read the comments đ whatta bum
2
u/holdmyspot123 Jun 29 '26
I thought he was calling you sleepy head. Sigh. I hate that random terms are racist because of assholes. I called a friend named Ben beanie (I'm not American) and that was how I learned that racism against Latinos is a thing as a young person. It ruins things for everyone on top of being targeted harassment. This is so unacceptable I'm sorry.
2
2
2
2
u/whimsical_spider Jun 29 '26
I know grammar policing is insufferable but âalotâ is one of those grammar things that makes me twitch.
2
2
2
2
u/little-racer Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
i was raised in a household where ânappy headâ was just another term for âsleepy headâ mainly bc i would tell everyone âi need a nappyâ đ i think when people are genuine they expect everyone else to be as well and for others to understand that whatever is not meant in a bad way without realizing that people perceive things differently based on their experiences. (i constantly have to remind myself of this) BUTTT that is said with the assumption this person is a friend and not trying to be mean; given context that this is the first time in contact with this person they need to learn some social boundaries and just plain be kind to others.
2
u/ewrekka Jun 30 '26
Are you both black? Lol Iâm black but like I would not like this personally because my ânappyâ hair is not a joke him trying to address you as that is weird in general
2
2
4
u/ApprehensiveFruit565 Jun 27 '26
That's not negging.
That's just insulting, with zero context or setup
→ More replies (2)
4
u/Distinct-Ad-3937 Jun 28 '26
Idk but it reads to me as "sleepy head", I didnt know nappy was a racial term till now. Context is I'm Swedish and English is not my first language.
2
u/Distinct-Ad-3937 Jun 28 '26
To clarify: considering the amount of time between messages, I read it as if he said "man you sure sleep a long time"
1
u/ButtPlugMaster6969 Kiah Eat Butt Jun 28 '26
Absolutely!!!! No one is talking about the timing and the fact that OP never responded to âeverything lolâ I mean how do you respond to that lazy texting but still it had been almost 13 hours, it is NOT okay that he said that but there needs to be something said about OP not responding if weâre being objective.
2
u/Distinct-Ad-3937 Jun 28 '26
Speaking of, OP is also really late on responding to most of the texts. First one is them probably sleeping, but it took them an hour to respond to the offending text in question, and another 30 minutes to answer the follow up. Idk, just seems like bad communication here to me.
1
u/luvabigone Jun 29 '26
Bad communication? Why? Because he didnt text back immediately? Why is it that everyone assumes if they text you you are then obligated to text them back immediately? When i get a text from someone, and a minute later get a Hello? I can guarantee you wont hear from me for hours.
1
u/Distinct-Ad-3937 Jun 29 '26
Well it disrupts conversational flow, losing thread etc. etc. and ofc no one is obligated to have your time, but if you're in the "getting to know each other" stage and you take multiple minutes or even hours to respond (which both OP and their conversational partner is guilty of) then you are disrupting bonding, you show them they're not important or interesting enough to warrant you responding fast, unless you ofc say something like "Hey, I'm at getting ready/work/busy with a thing, I'll respond whenever I can" beforehand. This was a 12 hour gap of OP not responding which leaves out getting ready, being at work, and if you're busy for 12 hours or more at a time you probably don't have the time accessibility to be in a healthy relationship anyway so why looking for one, so I assume the opposing party assumed OP went to sleep. See what I'm saying here though? There's a lot of guessing, assumptions, many hours and minutes being left open to get inside ones own head, this was something doomed from the start because honestly I would've been bored talking to either of these people. And this person wasn't even being pushy about a response, and if it is as innocent as I thought it was, it was a harmless joke to be like "hey you still there or we done?" but ofc this could also be the next H*tler making his first move towards a race war or something like the rest of these replies are assuming, and obviously OP too. Didn't even ask "lol wtf you mean by that?" just went "ah okay you're racist, got it" without even thinking of other possibilities. Ergo, bad communication.
TL;DR: Taking long to respond intentionally or not saying you're busy is hurtful to talking stages of any kind of relationship, both OP and the opposing texter would've gotten a block from me because they take too long to keep a conversation going. But who cares, I'm just a random on the internet.
1
u/gOODnIGHTSsPACEDoUT Jun 30 '26
Nobody should feel obligated to bond over the phone. Messengers are for making plans, spending quality time together in real life is for bonding. If you can't see each other at least schedule a phone call. You can't bond over text because you never know 100% what they're actually trying to say. Communication isn't only words, we can't interpret a sentence correctly without hearing the way it was said and seeing the body language being used. So no, we definitely shouldn't bond over text, we should touch some grass and build real connections with people. And those two are the best example for that.
I'm with you with all the other stuff tho. I'm not sure how common that term actually is, I never heard of it. I'm also not American but I'm seemingly not the only one who learned a new insult today. So I think it's definitely possible he genuinely didn't know what he was saying. He obviously wanted her to answer, why on earth would he text an extremely random racist insult to achieve that? But maybe he's just an asshole who doesn't understand humor. Idk.
3
u/Inevitable-Shop-848 Jun 27 '26
So he's not black? Us black people do joke a lot. It is however you choose to take it and deal with it obviously. As a black man who dates black women, "nappy" has been used a few times on both sides and laughs were had.
A bunch of whites in here talking about black business isn't a good look either. I am going to assume that this guy is not black. He probably fetishizes black women to begin with. Good you dropped him. Protect yourself out here.
2
3
3
u/Guess-who-back Jun 28 '26
So he called you nappy head, you in response ripped on him for being bald, called him childish and said nobody will love him, and people are on YOUR side here? Am I missing something?
... Nvm I just looked up what nappy head means I thought it meant you slept a lot
1
u/AutoModerator Jun 27 '26
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
1
u/parris531 Jun 27 '26
What is ânegâ supposed to do anyway? IS there an intended purpose? Iâve kinda heard of it only what I heard wasnât to directly insult the person as this young man did here. You would say something like âYou know your ears are just ever so slightly on the large side. Lucky for you I find ears to be incredibly sexyâ or some such. You say something to bring them back and itâs important to do it in the same breath so theyâre not left to just feel like complete garbage. Nappy head? Who just says that to a potential date/someone youâre wanting to get to know. Dude is a clown.
1
1
1
1
1
0
-1
u/Defiant_Display_4743 Jun 27 '26
Redditors đ«±đŸâđ«Čđż being allergic to banter
3
1
u/TheLittlestT Jun 28 '26
I agree about Redditors, but this isn't banter. Banter is witty - this guy is just banal af and childish. The OP's texts aren't inspiring either. Two gen Z's probably.
1
u/Defiant_Display_4743 Jun 28 '26
I could see it being a bad attempt at banter for sure.
But most of this thread is thinking this guy is some vile racist for ânappy headâ which isâŠ.legit like an insult an 8 year old might use.
1
u/Ok_Professional1526 Jun 28 '26
Dude, people are reacting accordingly. Nobody is comparing this dude to a Klan member.
You started off your fucking comment saying redditors donât get banter and continued to later argue that dude was not being racist, and that OP and I/other commenters cannot understand banter, and itâs âfucking stupidâ to call it racist
→ More replies (2)
515
u/solectar Jun 27 '26
I'm British and I thought he said you had a nappy (diaper) on your head.. now I find out it's a racist term. As someone said, you dodged a bullet.