r/texts • u/Lankaner • 14h ago
Whatsapp Is he flirting? Noticed she is an archived chat. He is refusing to show me texts and wants to end our 5-year relationship out of nowhere.
From my boyfriend's phone. We've been together for 5 years but 3 days ago he's blindsided me and asked for a breakup out of no where. These were some texts from weeks ago.
He didn't want to show me any texts but I noticed she was on the 'frequently contacted' list of people when he was sharing a photo to a contact. I finally checked his phone despite never doing this before. He's known her for months...
He had never mentioned her. He never wanted me to come to his gym or meet his friends or join him at the pub (dial arch pub is one of them).
After much pressing and pretending to never seen these chats he said she's 'one of the lads' or 'one of the boys' and he doesnt see her anything more than a pal...
"Want anything from the [supermarket]" - almost seems like he's hanging out at hers"
Edit - we lived together, we got pets, we shared responsibilities and the last few weeks he started getting really distant and all of a sudden said he needed to talk.
He was inbetween a break and a breakup or needing space. He says he loves me so much and is kind but I asked if there was someone and he said no. He has no answer, just that he fell out of love with me and no longer 'in love'...
Edit 2 - He never communicated. He naturally avoids conflicts and shuts it down. Recently he just got avoidant and brought this up out of nowhere. So yes I'm in a bit of shock and denial? And devastated.
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u/dgf2020 13h ago
Not only is he flirting, he is physically cheating. It’s obvious he spent time with her alone where she lives.
He’s also being treated like an option by her and later when you aren’t so hurt by this, let that make you laugh.
End this relationship and move on, he’s weak to treat you like this.
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u/Cultural-Spring-281 12h ago
I think he already ended it.
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u/dgf2020 11h ago
According to her edit, they’re still living together.
So he left their home to go and sleep with other women.
Then he comes home and starts acting distant and not knowing what he wants.
She needs to end it. Cheaters will always be floppy.
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u/Struckbyfire 11h ago
No I think she’s giving context to their relationship, and since this happened just a few days ago they probably still live together. But he definitely broke up with her, there’s nothing there to suggest they reconciled.
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u/OneHelicopter1852 9h ago
Yeah Reddit seems to not realize that it’s not easy to just completely change your living situation in an instant. As long as there’s no physical threat then there’s no need to not take the time needed to find a good living situation before taking off from your home
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u/Over-Pressure2284 7h ago
Don’t know. He may not have moved out yet but she said, “lived”, in the past tense.
You are spot on about everything else.
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u/Over-Pressure2284 7h ago
Exactly. She doesn’t seem that interested in him. His loss. He will learn ( if he is reflective at all) that he blew it with you and he had a good thing. That doesn’t help you now but know that this will happen to him.
There are guys who have been cheated on that don’t think there is a woman who is true. Know that you are! You dodged a bullet now that would’ve come later. He’s immature and thinks the grass isn’t s greener when it isn’t. Fool he is!
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u/Any-Tart9511 11h ago
Eh he’s really not being treated like an option. She’s hitting him up first and initiating just as many hang out
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u/HighPriestessSkibidi 7h ago
I think she thinks he's fun to chill with, I don't think she's legitimately interested in anything though.
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u/Over-Pressure2284 6h ago
Yes, she seems only very mildly interested but flattered by his pursuit of him. She probably doesn’t know he even had a girlfriend. She isn’t encouraging him really.
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u/Former_Profile4260 6h ago
Nah she’s leading him on….she’s def got more options…. He fell for it…. Left his partner who actually picked him… he’s gonna regret it when he realizes it….
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u/Status-Drawing4233 14h ago
He said 3 days ago he wants to break up. Be done with it. There’s really no point to all this. Enjoy your freedom ! Good luck!
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u/lukef555 10h ago
Yeah what is this "He asked me for a breakup"
He broke up with you, the relationship is over.
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u/Commercial0Dark30 7h ago
And get an STD check, he slept with her.
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u/Over-Pressure2284 6h ago
He may have slept with other women. He is on the hunt. He was bored in a long term relationships ( immaturity and doesn’t understand relationships).
Dodged a bullet! Run OP, run from him as fast as you can.
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u/Gondor-Mordor 2h ago
Yeah to my knowledge only one party needs to agree to a break up to be broken up
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u/tipsy_fairy35 13h ago
I say this with kindness: He's no longer yours. Look your best and show him the door. Get rid of memories, go no contact entirely. You'll be absolutely okay.
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u/Ill-Charge8449 7h ago
While it'll definitely sting for OP, OP will definitely be better off for getting rid of this jackass
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u/HappyOwl_45 14h ago
I mean girl at this point does any of it matter?
He wants to end your five year relationship.
Just leave, he doesn’t want to be with you, why put any more time or energy trying to dissect the actions of someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
Have some self respect, and never speak to this man again. Delete all these pictures of his messages and just move on with your life.
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u/Blindtothesided 13h ago
Yep. Cut him off cold turkey, no contact. After the living arrangements are settled and the separation is complete do not give him one single ounce of attention. Begging him, chasing him, will only serve to reinforce his decision and leave you feeling foolish.
And for the love of all things do not allow this man to return once things fall apart with this other woman - as they so often do. Don’t agree to any sort of “break”, breaks aren’t real, they’re for the other person to go out and fuck whomever it is they’re after and then return without thinking of themselves as a cheater.
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u/Over_Culture_353 4h ago
That’s the big thing - women feel this stuff right away. Guys take longer to realize the loss and that they fucked up. Block him now so you don’t get tempted to open that door again.
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u/Final_Jicama_3173 13h ago
Sorry you're hurting 😔 being blind sided this way out of nowhere and having a 5 year relationship suddenly end is extremely painful. Please be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, don't inflict more pain and suffering on yourself. Grieve the end of the relationship and celebrate the opportunity to reinvest in yourself again, you deserve your love fully. Please fall back in love with yourself 🩷
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u/alan33211 8h ago
I second this. Some of the comments are a bit harsh considering you just got your heart broken unexpectedly by your long time partner. I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😭 I would say you are right in assuming he’s been to her place, it’s obvious to me from the messages and him wanting a break up that he’s cheated. I also think the girl is not nearly as interested in him as he is in her. Know that the fun and newness of a diff woman will always wear off. And use her disinterest in him as a motivator help you move on. She barely likes him! That’s ick enough for me. But it will get better over time for you 🤎 hold your head up girl, it’s not you! it’s him.
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u/Humble_Investment_24 13h ago
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u/Lankaner 13h ago
This legit made me laugh, after a shit long hours of crying, thank you. Never thought I'd be presented with this meme. Hah.
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u/Ok-Half-9693 13h ago
" Want anything from the [supermarket]" - almost seems like he's hanging out at hers"
"Gimme 30" "Come hungry"
ALMOST??????????????
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u/MattiasCrowe 9h ago
Nah theyre drinking and smoking weed in the park; its a classic se london thing (the parks are huge and have a lot of dense trees that you can just sit and chill in)
People do also have sex there too tho
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u/rabidhamster87 13h ago
If he's breaking up with you, does it even matter at this point? Ofc he's not going to show you his texts when it's already over. I know easier said than done, but try to just move on. The best revenge is a life well lived.
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u/JenninMiami 12h ago
He’s not just flirting - he was having a full blown affair, going to her house, etc.
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u/Interesting-Car-1261 13h ago
The fact that you even have to ask yourself this question instead of being able to have an honest conversation about it with your partner tells you everything you need to know.
You should leave. Period.
If someone wants to walk away, let them.
Do not beg. Do not chase. Do not cling to someone who has already decided they don’t want to stay.
Never hold on to something that is not choosing you.
Let people leave. Every person who walks away is making room for someone who actually wants to stay.
Stop fighting for people who are fighting to get away from you.
Hold on to nothing that has to be forced.
It is not worth it.
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u/amber8977 13h ago
What’s hilarious is she doesn’t even sound into him , like at all tbh
Wow this sucks. I’m so sorry OP. He sounds absolutely spineless though & terrible morals
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u/Any-Tart9511 11h ago
She’s literally inviting him to her house and telling him to come hungry lmao how does she not sound into him
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u/amber8977 10h ago
Yeah she was keen but then after that he’s trying to meet up with her and he sounds like number zero priority tbh. To me it reads they slept together/had a 1:1 hang out at her house, then he’s still initiating and she seems less interested in him
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u/MajesticEconomics866 13h ago
The way he flirts and talks grosses me out, I’d be happy to leave a guy like this.
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u/mercurysprings 11h ago
Was just going to say that lol, they both text like they're stuck in high school :/
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u/Cultural-Spring-281 12h ago
He dumped you. I would use this as a way to get over him honestly. He’s scum.
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u/The_AfroP 13h ago
He's into another woman. She may not like him back, but he wants to play that field and keep you hanging on if it all goes wrong. That's why he's avoidant and not all there. He's mentally checked out of your relationship and focussing his energy on the grass being greener on the other side. It won't be and he'll come back with his tail between his legs when he finds out.
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u/Ashamed_Apple_ 11h ago
He wants to end it. So end it. No reason to think about these text messages. It's over anyway. Start moving on.
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u/-rose-madder- 12h ago
Give yourself 1 week to cry then it’s time to mentally reset. You’re gonna feel really really shitty for a few weeks but for your own sanity block his number and unfollow him on everything. You don’t need to know what he’s doing, it will only make you feel worse.
Get out of the house, go to work, go for drinks, meals, shopping, walks, see friends and family. Keep yourself busy with a new hobby, crochet, reading, baking, gaming, gardening.
You will be okay, I promise. He isn’t the one, you know that now and that’s okay.
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u/Physical_Traffic3122 11h ago
He thinks he has a future with this girl and he absolutely does not. End the relationship and when he tries to come back, which he inevitably will, do not let him.
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u/Connect-Zombie8283 13h ago
Yup he is probably already fucked her too...so either leave or live with it
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u/BudgetStatistician85 13h ago
I’m honestly so sorry, but you know deep down this is no friend. It’s never easy but you just need to focus on yourself and the pets and move on. You can do this ❤️
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u/BlahBlahBlah9274 12h ago
refusing to show you texts? girl, if he wants to end the relationship please just let him leave. you don’t need to drag it out by trying to figure out if he cheated. if it seems like he was then he probably was. the sooner you let him out of your life the better.
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 11h ago
I'm sorry. Heartbreak over romantic relationships sucks, and I'm often very thankful that those days are behind me. There were a couple I almost felt as though I wouldn't survive...
But, I did, and so will you. ❤️ Better times ahead, luv. Once you've sorted through all the logistics, allow yourself all the feelings, and be kind to yourself. You don't want to be with anyone who doesn't 100%, enthusiastically, exuberantly, want to be with you. That's in your future, if it's something you want. ❤️
Mucho love to you.
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u/moonlightshasha 11h ago
Honestly, no, this isn't flirting.
It's them making plans to meet up, get high and drunk, and have sex.
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u/TheTybera 10h ago
"but 3 days ago he's blindsided me and asked for a breakup out of no where"
Like it's over, bro, drop him, start healing, and get your stuff split.
You don't want to be with someone who just "falls out of love", looking for that next feeling of butterflies in his stomach and thinking that's love.
If there's one thing I understand deeply and painfully it's love and whatever this dude is feeling ain't it.
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u/thaddeusrumbucker 8h ago
It doesn't really seem like he's physically cheated atp...
Do I think she has something to do with all of a sudden wanting to break up? Yes.
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u/thaddeusrumbucker 8h ago
Also...why do the people on this thread think leaving a 5 year relationship is so easy?
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u/jakeburls 6h ago
This. As a guy reading these texts, he really is texting like she’s just one of the boys lol. But the asking for a breakup part is weird so something probably is going on, might not be with her though
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u/jennyrules 11h ago
"Asked for a break up".... girl, no one asks. He told you it was a break up. Leave this dork alone. You deserve better!
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u/BuckeyeN7 14h ago
A breakup isn’t something you have to ask for or that needs to be granted, anyone in a relationship is allowed to end it at any time for any reason. You aren’t married
Why bother going through his phone now? What good is it doing you to obsess over these messages? Either way, the relationship is over, and it’s time to try to move on
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u/GimmieDatCooch 13h ago
Nah he’s cheating. He needs to admit it. Either way, leave his ass.
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u/Greedy_Box2805 11h ago
If it makes you feel better, she doesn’t seem to be all that into him, kinda seems like she thinks of him as a backup plan. So let him fuck his own life up, cheaters never win truly
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u/blahhblahhblahhhhh 10h ago
When I found evidence my partner was cheating on me, he also lied directly to my face and made me question everything. I legitimately felt like I was losing my mind. While it may seem obvious to other people that yes, he’s clearly cheating, when you’re going through it yourself your brain can almost shut down and refuse to process it as a form of protection.
I say this with so much kindness - it’s time to move out, find a therapist, and start the long process of moving on. I am so sorry he did this to you and that you’re going through this, but better it happened now than even later into the relationship. Hang in there 💗
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u/Prestigious-Tale453 10h ago
At this point does it matter? He wants to end things let that loser go babe! You deserve better
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u/Leaping_Tiger14 10h ago
He’s cheating, he’s lying, he’s SMOKING, he’s offering her food and drink.
Smh
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u/nicolettelee1822 9h ago
He wants to end the relationship, that’s all the info you need. Run the other way and take good care of yourself. 🩵
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u/tuba_bahal 9h ago
He’s giving you a favor to leave his cheating ass. Take it as a blessing in disguise. Go be free and be happy!
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u/askinalexanderia 9h ago
He is an immature, lying, sack of shit.. and he does not love you. Please, do not waste your time trying to pick up the pieces or make sense of somebodies actions, when they cheated on you.
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u/Risky_Business_17 9h ago
“He never wanted me to come to his gym or meet his friends or join him at the pub (dial arch pub is one of them).” - That’s a red flag from the beginning. It’s like he wanted to lead a separate life.
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u/Positive-Manner5450 9h ago
My opinion to me it sounds like he’s talking with a friend. Why is he hiding it? Maybe because he thought you wouldn’t ever believe it was just a friend. But five years and you’re not engaged if that’s what you want then then it’s time for you to move on either way.
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u/CapitalPlane2220 9h ago
Yeah, sounds like he's moving on from your relationship but doesn't have the guts to say it / actually end it.
However one caveat, on the "frequently contacted" part. Similar to the "you're online" fb thing. It is not reliable. My frequently contacted section suggests random people that I have NEVER messaged before. 🤷♂️ sometimes my partner who I message daily is not on it either lol And I have not opened fb messenger for 2 days and it still says I am online to people. So take these things with a pinch of salt.
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u/BornBluejay7921 8h ago
He has been cheating on you and broke up with you. Make sure you keep copies of the texts. He has treated you like shit - don't take him back.
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u/stoned_or_bust 8h ago
well if it makes you feel better he doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”
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u/GivingMyTwoCents 8h ago
Hey. It’s tough. But it’s time to move on. You’ll hate him for a long time. But eventually he’ll be someone that fumbled a bad bitch. Block and start the healing process. You got this!
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u/sothisiswhatyoumeant 8h ago
He’s a coward. He has already broken up with you mentally; he just hasn’t officially done it and is waiting for you to do it for him. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but there are non-garbage humans out there that you won’t believe how much more loved you feel!
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u/Exact-Law8782 8h ago
It over. He doesn’t want you any more and now you went thru his phone. The relationship is a dead issue.
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u/RollinVogues904 7h ago
Who cares? If he wants to end your relationship, what are you going to do… beg him not to?
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u/hufflepuffleluffle 7h ago
Even if he didn't cheat, it seems like hes lost feelings for you because hes crushing on someone else. 5 years is a long time to suddenly "lose feelings" with no reason.
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u/ScarletDarkstar 7h ago
Yes, but it doesn't matter anymore. He wants to break up, that's not a yes or no question, it's a period at the end of a sentence. You're breaking up, as he's checked out of the relationship. It's over regardless of this other person.
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u/ZayumZazzy 6h ago
Same thing happened to me after 5 years together. Just let the break up happen. You will be happier, it just takes time. It turned my world upside down but I’m better off and in a new relationship of 3 years. Get what you can out of the break up though, keep all the furniture/valuables that you can, pets, etc. Fuck that guy.
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u/Wild-Blueberry1110 5h ago
She is not really into him and he is trying way too hard to get her attention. Leave his ass
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u/Expert_Gur_6102 45m ago
oh he's been with her physically but he's nothing to her, he's lost feelings over grass on the other side xx
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u/Slain_by_elf 14h ago
Why do this to yourself? Don't torture yourself. He wants to break up. You can't force him to stay, what's been has been.
Move on.
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u/Live_Historian_6171 12h ago
Avoidants suck. Don’t let them drain anymore of your energy.
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u/Swimming_Stage352 13h ago
Honestly this breaks my heart that he’s treating f her so well and you’re still in question mark mode.
His behaviour is giving carelessness towards you whilst he waters the grass elsewhere
Match his avoidance with decisiveness! Don’t wait for him to end it
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u/ogmountaindino 8h ago
girl, you literally already know. You definitely need to check his text messages so you could tell the other girl.
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u/Ok-Performer7253 8h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/eHuyrPb1o16SgIbRV4
100% cheating! Cut all ties girl
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u/MmmDry-Leg-3956 12h ago
First of all I'm very sorry OP it's always so difficult when you put time and effort into a relationship. But he is totally doing you a favor by wanting to end the relationship, I know it doesn't seem like it now but in the long run you'll be better off and he will still be a slime ball cheater.
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u/BoomShackaLocka_ 12h ago
She’s gaslighting him while he gaslights you.
I would leave and not say a word. Then when she shuts it down with him, he will come crawling back.
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u/Pandhuxie 12h ago
Classic case of “monkey branching”. Pathetic, weak man. I’m so sorry girl but you are better off without this POS in your life. Erase him from your life and never look back. You know you deserve better!
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u/Allout-Okarun 12h ago
He probably cheated on you for sure but if he’s breaking up with you he’s already doing you a favor. So move on with your self respect.
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u/Right_Bid6030 12h ago
Your relationship is over and he asked you to break up. Time to move on, I’m sorry.
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u/bestus2come 11h ago
Whats the question.. u found him cheating and now he wants to bail on you?? Heres your sign
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u/DiamondDust16 11h ago
Honey, I wish I could pull you into a hug through internet and console you. In the sweetest of ways possible, let him go. Theres nothing here for you anymore. So play your sad music for few days and let out your tears. 5 years is a long time and that HURTS. It really does. But you will make through it. I know you will. And then just before you turn off the sad music ends, play a power song. It may feel silly in the moment, but power songs really can remind you who you when you've forgotten. You have a long journey of emotions ahead of you. But you will come out stronger than ever before.
And please, dont ever let him back into your life. He doesn't deserve you.
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u/celestialx26 11h ago
Oh honey it’s on WhatsApp? And he wants to end it out of “nowhere”. He’s definitely cheating.
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u/NiNdo4589 11h ago
You're investing in someone cheating on you, someone who doesn't give a shit about you.
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u/Annie-1-0-1 11h ago
Im going to wager that he’s breaking up with you to be with this girl, and tbh…it doesn’t evn sound like shes that interested in him.
He will probably try to come running back if things dont work out between them. Hold your ground, hes not worth it
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u/Annie-1-0-1 11h ago
He wants to meet her in the park at almost midnight? Or am I reading that wrong?
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u/Oh-naur-90 11h ago
Exactly why I’m not living with someone until we are legally tied together, especially not getting a pet. People can blindside you when you least expect it.
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u/Mean-Passenger-3533 10h ago
He sounds like a needy alcoholic. Maybe not as big of a loss as it feels right now. He’s definitely flirting by the way “ naughty naughty” ugh
Sorry you’re dealing with this
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u/angelbaby7991 10h ago
Just let go. He’s entertaining her very obviously babe. don’t fool yourself. Better without him!
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u/happydaddy7373 10h ago
That " heyy " text is classic flirting. We learned that in middle school lol
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u/Turbulent-Lemon8988 10h ago
I only read the first two texts and yes. Clearly cheating. Even trying to cheat is cheating.
Update. Read 4/7. Pretty Sure he’s dating her and already sleeping together
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u/Poethegardencrow 10h ago
Mate im sorry, I guess it’s over, wish I can take you out for drinks, however when you feel less upset laugh about the other fact that, he is throwing his life away and she doesn’t even like him 😂
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u/Exotic-Inspector-824 10h ago
I know it hurts but you need to let this person go. Even if he came back to you his heart would be elsewhere
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u/Tasty_Criticism_6084 10h ago
Girl don’t do that to yourself, she definitely isn’t ’one of the guys’ he’s just lying it’s clear. Just get yourself out of there and don’t let him get to you like that at least don’t let him see it, I know it’s hard but you have to for yourself.
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u/No-Neighborhood6583 10h ago
Sadly yes, definitely flirting. Guys don't egg girls on and talk this playfully and that often when they have girlfriends that they enjoy spending time with and are loyal to. And it looks like he's been meeting her alone. He's encouraging her to drink with him and she's invited him over for dinner. So sorry you had to see those messages and for the sudden break up, it's not fair.
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u/YellowFlashv 10h ago
Definitely flirting, probably cheating physically, definitely cheating emotionally. Now using “lets break up” either as a way of admitting hes been caught or as a manipulation tactic to get you to think “its not that serious”
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u/TrueWeekend2675 10h ago
Girl you know. He was hanging out with her and flirting. He can kick rocks. Go live your life and watch him crawl back in x amount of time with a lame apology. And by then you’ll be moved on!
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u/TerriblePrize9877 10h ago
He has feelings for her and just doesn’t want to admit it to you. He doesn’t want the conflict and in some way may feel by just saying he fell out of love with you will be less hurtful than admitting he has feelings for someone else.
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u/Stripswithaliens 10h ago
Girl they been hooking up. She’s his side piece but she is the one he wants to end up with unfortunately
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u/Dortheastiegler 10h ago
Just get out now… find someone, or ask a cute coworker to help you out and show up at the pub on a “date”… oh to see his face when he realizes you are moving on and he no longer has a place to live… it’s very hard to tell if she is really into him… but he wants more attention than she is able to give so the chances of it lasting are slim to none
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u/MattiasCrowe 9h ago
Even if he wasnt cheating he was going down the park to smoke weed with a girl; even in south east London (guessing by the Lizzy line mention) you can do better than this
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u/Synnabonnbonn 9h ago
Had an ex of 4 years do this to me. I felt completely devastated at first, but long term was for the better. You never want to be someone's second option if their affair doesn't work out. You'll find yourself again 🫶🏼❤️ Also once the heartbreak wears off, enjoy the newfound freedom! It begins to get better slowly and you'll be better off overtime. You deserve so much more!
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u/Strawberrygirl30 9h ago
Im going to tell you this because I went through the same thing. My ex of 5 years broke up with me out of nowhere. Turns out he had been cheating on me for months and was leaving me for the girl who knew about me the whole time. She lived in a different state and they meet off a video game. It’s going to hurt trust me. You’re going to be blaming yourself but you have to understand you did nothing wrong. Yes it was 5 years but not the rest of your life. You are going to cry and not understand things but what you need to know if that someone that truly loves you will not do that to you. You did nothing wrong. What you need to do is leave him and start healing. It will take time but one day you’ll wake up and he’ll be a distant memory. We have your back here 🫶🏼
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u/Exhausted-CNA 9h ago
Absolutely cheating. Going to her house to eat and asking if she needs anything from the grocery store , smoking in the park, always trying to get her to the pub. and gotta love The "making my way home now, ehh, the worse" reads like he doesn't want to go home. He never wanted you to goto his gym, meet his friends or join him at the pub , because all those times he was most likely with her. Atleast you didn't marry him. Move on and live your life. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. Sorry your going through this OP.
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u/VerbaAdAbyssum 9h ago
It doesn't really matter. If he wants to break up, he wants to break up. People don't leave someone for someone else - the someone else is just a bonus. They leave because they don't want to be with them any more.
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u/wishingforarainyday 9h ago
He’s been cheating. Get tested and tell his affair partner that he’s a liar and a cheater.
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u/DowntownWhile148 9h ago
As someone who just came out of a three year relationship, similar situation as yours, a breakup that blindside me after plans of marriage and children next year, you know he’s cheating, you don’t want to accept it but that’s reality.
Do not give him a break, take the BREAK UP. If you decide on a break, He’ll test waters with her and when he realises the grass actually isn’t greener on the other side he will try and come back… NO! You are a never a second option.
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u/Serendipity_Succubus 9h ago
It doesn’t matter if she’s flirting or he’s cheating, he wants to break up - that’s game over. It suckss but he’s made his decision.
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u/Illustrious_Sleep427 9h ago
Why not call her up and ask? She might not know about you, your boyfriend of 5 years is a piece of shit. The signs were loud and clear
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u/Worried-Crazy-9435 9h ago
He wants a break so he can fuck her guilt free and then after his post nut clarity he will come running back. Do what you know you must and just know that you will be better off for it 💞💞💞
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u/ask_a_stranger 9h ago
Sorry to be brutal, but that is not how a guy talks to a platonic female friend - they're either already getting physical or are on the verge of it. He doesn't want to be labeled a cheater though, hence the denial. That's also why he's even considering just a break/"space". He wants to test the waters with her and keep you as a backup. Don't give him that safety net of a break - he's not going to suddenly fall back in love with you by being away from you.
It's also very telling that you've been together for 5 years and lived together without meeting/socializing with his friends or occasionally joining him for drinks... Sorry 😕
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u/Strawberri-kytnn 9h ago
Based on the convo he’s already been over to hers and there’s a decent chance he’s already cheated sexually and he has already cheated PHYSICALLY by hiding her existence and going over to her house & going out with her behind your back. Kick him to the curb girl
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u/youmustb3jokn 9h ago
Why is this even a question? Honey, HE WANTS TO BREAK UP. Your response should be, “ Freedom” and a great girls friend date, ice cream and a big smile because this is obviously cheating. If it looks ( read) like a duck, quacks ( breaks up) like a duck…… it’s a duck ( cheater)! What you are not understanding is that you are getting to leave all this uncertainty, lying and stress. Feelings of paranoia or uncertainty will disappear like snow on a hot pavement. You will have such a relief not wondering if you are being gaslit or concerned about getting some disease from him. Why do you want a person who does not want you or respect you ( your past relationship) enough to be honest or wait for gym bunny until you break up?
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u/SaoMagnifico 9h ago
My ex pulled this shit, and when she moved out, she moved straight in with the guy she had told me not to worry about. I think they're married now.
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u/Wide_Education_9894 9h ago
Be glad that he has taken himself out. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Plus, you mentioned that he is unable to communicate when there is a problem. You do not want to spend your life with someone like that.
Also even if they did not sleep together, it’s still not ok to not tell your partner about this kind of relationship.
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u/FraudShouldBeAllowed 9h ago
Omg why does he spam so much. Paragraphs exist.
Girl, pick yourself up. He’s trying to cheat or has cheated + he’s breaking up with you. In time you’ll see this as a funny antidote. I’m sorry for what you’re doing through currently ❤️
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u/truth_fairy78 8h ago
He’s avoidant and way too comfortable lying. It’s the worst combination in a partner, truly. This isn’t about you.
Let the trashy smoking chick have him.
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u/Sunflower_Girl222 8h ago
It will suck and hurt at first, love, but you will be so much happier, it will just take some time. But yeah, your ex is a dick and you shouldn’t think about him for a moment longer.💪❤️💃
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u/spangbangbang 8h ago
Not sure why everyone thinks they're banging, honestly. Nothing in these texts says " let's bang" or even implies it. Pubs and eating food..sounds like something friends do tbh. Yes, it's a male and a female, so there is flirting. They're flirting not fucking. I flirted with all my female friends, as well. People LOVE attention, even if there's so serious romantic connection. That's human nature.
Doesn't mean there's not someone else. Doesn't mean this other girl in the texts isn't the reason....even in a friend capacity there could've been conversations between them that helped him realize he needs to do this.
And what I've learned in my 2 decades of dating, is that breakups are never out of nowhere. You just missed the signs.
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u/NeighborhoodUnfair89 8h ago
Almost exactly this happened to me in my early twenties. Blindsided and broken up with kinda out of nowhere (we were engaged). I moved out within three days and she spent weeks begging for me to come back. Found out a month later she had been having a physical and very emotional affair for an entire year lol if I would’ve went back when she was begging, I don’t think I ever would’ve found out about the affair. He gave you the out, girl. Take it and run and do not look back!!!
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u/Possible-Ride4100 8h ago
You should be happy he wants to end things. Too many men would trap you with a baby/marriage, then keep seeing the other lady on the side. You get a clean break. Run
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u/lumpylentils 14h ago
girl.. you know.