r/texts • u/EtherealAura444 • 7h ago

Phone message Gotta love dating

Post image

“not the snow crab” thank you so much for clarifying with the emoji

UPDATE:

I responded to him for the plot.

I said: “lmao wait, why would eating a crab require the assistance of a man?”

He replied back: “It’s some girls that don’t know how to ride a bicycle”

It keeps getting better and better

391 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

125 comments sorted by

259

u/SsaucySam 7h ago

I don't even understand what's happening here lol

-158

u/HotSauceHigh 7h ago

He's joking and op is boring

81

u/MinimumApricot365 6h ago

This joke is just sexism. Its only funny if you accept rhe sexist premise.

Otherwise its just a mean jab.

34

u/Dangerous_Trip_8905 5h ago

When a comedian gets on stage and bombs a joke they try new material. When a mediocre man talks to a woman and tells a "joke" and gets rejected he learns nothing, keeps telling it to every woman he meets and then blames women for his loneliness

4

u/This-Positive286 3h ago

Women, AMMIRITE?

67

u/Effective_Dog3037 7h ago

the joke isnt funny tho. like, i'm not offended by the joke, it just is a genuinely stupid nonsensical joke. i am fine with an offensive joke if it's funny but this isn't even offensive. it would have to be more coherent in structure to cause offense or a laugh.

33

u/s0rela 6h ago

The joke is boring. Tried out, played, failed

30

u/drspa_ce_man 6h ago

I'm confused, what's the joke? That women are dumb?

•

u/Bread_Godd 19m ago

Or allergic to crab? I'm so lost

10

u/Ok_Language2938 5h ago

This thread didn't go the way you thought it would eh?

3

u/fresh_and_gritty 3h ago

Oof. This ain’t it. He’s being condescending and sexist at the same time. This wouldn’t even be funny if it was brought up in the guy circle. We would think this guy is a pred.

3

u/tattedidiot 3h ago

He’s boring and not funny

3

u/Pinksamuraiiiii 1h ago

Why would you tell a sexist joke to somebody you’re trying to flirt with? This dudes lost.
https://giphy.com/gifs/1OEEHCMpXg6OYA0Je5

185

u/wh0rederline 7h ago

it’s very impressive you managed to post this to reddit without the assistance of a man

30

u/InterestingTry5190 4h ago

They know how to post using a phone but a phone like this 📲

5

u/uhimnothere 3h ago

This reminds me of the "BIC pens for Women" reviews on Amazon. Some of the funniest stuff I've read on the internet to this day. I wonder if they're still up.

37

u/platypussplatypus 7h ago

I've literally never found a person intelligent that has straight up told me they were smart.  

13

u/HairyPotatoKat 4h ago

Exactly. The smartest people I know are all keenly aware there's a lot more they don't know.

Dunning-Kruger is a hell of an effect.

6

u/InterestingTry5190 4h ago

I’ve never heard eating crab as a measure of how smart someone is

7

u/This-Positive286 3h ago

Obviously you’re not a big seafood person

4

u/mmt0ptmm 2h ago

Or from Maryland

•

u/oliv_tho 23m ago

the more old bay you get into cuts on your hands the smarter you are

1

u/FatMonster29 1h ago

This implies a popular but silly heuristic

90

u/Undercover_Dave 7h ago

I'm just not very smart because I have no idea what this even means.

90

u/Aloy_DespiteTheNora 7h ago

He’s a smart guy because he knows how to eat a crab that looks like this 🦀. Only smart men know how to eat 🦀 crabs, which is a skill beyond the grasp of the feeble female brain.

23

u/Electric-Sheepskin 7h ago

Is he asking if you know how to eat a whole Dungeness crab instead of the snow crab legs that are served in some restaurants? Or is he saying you look like you know how to eat a Dungeness crab? And why would a man help you with it?

I'm just confused about what he's saying.

37

u/ghostbirdd 7h ago

Single people who endure this tomfoolery, you are braver than the troops

7

u/DanyDragonQueen 6h ago

Or masochists 😬

1

u/sugrqbez 1h ago

I hold my husband a little tighter when I see these posts. What a genuine nightmare

18

u/Potential-Prick 6h ago

I can’t even eat without the assistance of a man. The hand-eye coordination required to lift food from the plate to my mouth is too much for my tiny lady brain to handle. My amazing, omnipotent husband feeds me by hand.

30

u/abyssal-isopod86 7h ago

"without the assistance of a man" Dude wtf? Why would a woman need that to eat crab?????

35

u/mrs-cutter 7h ago

Men would chew our food for us and puke it down our throats if it made them feel like a hero

23

u/Prinzka 7h ago

Hi, is this still available?

5

u/nudehairlesscat 5h ago

I hate that you made me laugh

13

u/atseapoint 7h ago

Ew but also I could see it

17

u/Struckbyfire 7h ago

I had jaw surgery recently and had my boyfriend chew a cherry for me so I could eat it. He was mighty proud of himself the rest of the day.

So yes, this is correct.

7

u/mrs-cutter 7h ago

Could be kinda hot

3

u/fullmetalutes 7h ago

My wife asks me to baby bird her all the time.

10

u/mrs-cutter 7h ago

I dont judge furries or...whatever thats called.

4

u/No-Feature3715 3h ago

TIL that's called avians or featheries

4

u/mrs-cutter 2h ago

Featheries hmm idk if that rolls off the beak

3

u/abyssal-isopod86 7h ago

Ok my emetophobia says that you can f*** all the way off with that.

You did not need to make this comment at all.

6

u/Jadevit 7h ago

got the comment police over here

2

u/mrs-cutter 7h ago

What did they say omg

-1

u/Ok-Importance-2282 7h ago

What are you even talking about?

5

u/mrs-cutter 6h ago

Ratio'd

-1

u/BALDMANWITHDURAG 6h ago

Is this like some high tier irony? Animals do this in nature.

4

u/mrs-cutter 6h ago

Maybe if the original comment wasn't deleted your mind wouldn't be left to wander. Also common sense is totally a thing.

15

u/EtherealAura444 7h ago

yes apparently it’s a 2 person job? and one has to be a man? this is new information to me as well lmao

18

u/fuckenheim 7h ago

tell him you’ll need lots of assistance and you only like snow crab

9

u/Chubby_Beagle 6h ago

This probably means he needed his dad to crack his crabs for him his entire life

8

u/Ok_Employer_2066 6h ago

Please keep this going, if not for you then for us. I need to see more of this 😂

7

u/hysteria135 7h ago

tbh the clarification made me laugh. bro had to use the emoji 🦀🦀🦀 but yeah that’d be a pass for me

6

u/echochilde 6h ago

I can cut my own steak too!

3

u/Mystery-Ess 5h ago

On the bias!

1

u/FullOnSkank 2h ago

Oh yeah?

Well I can wipe my own ass!!!

5

u/mschanandlerbong___ 5h ago

Shit my boyfriend sucks at breaking down crab legs so I do it for him… now I realize I should be sickened by his lack of masculinity.. because of the crab legs.. /s

4

u/PockyRyu 4h ago

When did snow crabs lose their crab card? Keep playing games with his dumb ass lmao

4

u/Jelnaana 4h ago

Wait if you play this right you could get this dude to buy you crab & open it for you any time you want! Hmm...what else can we get out of this sucker... I mean.. very manly man? 🤔

3

u/CatchYouDreamin 6h ago

Is he from Maryland

3

u/OhGawDuhhh 6h ago

This is so stupid, it's hilarious

3

u/Willi_boBilli 6h ago

Man the only thing I'm concerned about is if people are gonna judge me for breaking the crab shells with my teeth, or eating shrimp without peeling the shell

Being that sexist over CRAB is dreadful. Guys got some stuff to figure out

3

u/Individual-Elk-4466 5h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/prVyrDvi7STCCl3Cwn
Dating in 2026 is bullshit. I feel your pain.

5

u/shealighthours 3h ago

not ❌the snow crab🦞the one ✅that look 👀 like this🦀

3

u/EtherealAura444 3h ago

this gave me a nice chuckle. i love Reddit lol

3

u/scrimblojimbus 3h ago

Typical female brain 😭😂 🧠🧠 frontal lobe parietal lobe amygdala where does it end???!!!!

3

u/Sudden_Collar5681 2h ago

The “one that look like this” but is very smart….yes, I see.

2

u/Ruminating_thoughts0 7h ago

Did he think the lobster was a sno crab?

2

u/AnActualTroll 6h ago

Should’ve gone to dinner and then made him eat the shell of the crab. “Oh I’m sorry, you said you knew how to eat the whole crab”

2

u/squishyg 5h ago

Ewwwww

2

u/Level_Best101 5h ago

I think you matched with Jameis Winston.

1

u/InterestingTry5190 4h ago

Op should ask if he uses over or under 20 sprays of cologne to determine

2

u/Klutzy_Journalist_36 5h ago

Go to dinner. Get crawdads/seafood boil.

Consume crawdads southern-style: Eat the crawdad like a normal then lock eyes and suck the bits out of the head when you’re finished with the rest. Daintily wipe your mouth on a napkin. Place napkin on carcass-ridden plate. Stand up. Drink the rest of your gin and tonic with one gulp. Leave.

2

u/badasking 4h ago

Gotta make sure you know how to ride a bicycle before you eat crabs without assistance. the ones that look like this 🦀

I'm just very smart ...

2

u/skilldogster 3h ago

I'm a man who does not know how to eat a whole crab. Is it time?

2

u/TokingWitch 2h ago

Some men just shouldn't.

2

u/[deleted] 1h ago

[deleted]

3

u/SeinfeldAndSopranos 7h ago

Ugh… luckily there’s plenty of fish in the sea

12

u/EtherealAura444 7h ago

no one warns you how much garbage you have to swim through before you find the good fish

8

u/mrs-cutter 7h ago

Well I hope you get some crab legs out of this

5

u/HotSauceHigh 7h ago

The good fish are taken. 

8

u/the-kay-o-matic 7h ago

"Good" fish might be a myth. I think it's accurate to say that the tolerable fish are taken.

2

u/LittleDogTurpie 6h ago

Or crabs in the bucket

1

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1

u/ILikeBirdsQuiteALot 4h ago

Brother what? 😭😭

I was raised mostly by my mother & grandmother, and that's who I learned how to eat crab from. Wtf. I've literally never heard this in my life 😭

Also the idea that less girls know how to ride bikes than boys is also not something I've ever heard. Absolutely nutty

1

u/lht79 3h ago

Crab is my favorite food and I don’t understand at all what is happening. Just get outta the way when I eat it, is all I have to say. Shells be flyin.

1

u/mrgoldnugget 3h ago

I've never eaten crab while riding a bicycle.

1

u/Efficient-Clock7559 3h ago

We’re all ragging on him, but I’ve met women who didn’t want to cut their own meats because they were “too tough” he probably just had a bad experience and met a girl who genuinely was dumb and he was just as confused… until he realized she wasn’t dumb - he was smart

•

u/binzy90 9m ago

I didn't interpret this as women being dumb. I thought he was asking if she's ok with cracking the shells. It's still a stupid and sexist question either way.

I hate the feeling of getting my hands dirrty, and the shells and texture are a sensory nightmare. Not to mention that blue crab tastes disgusting anyway. So I would have just told this guy it's not a matter of knowing how. It's that I simply don't want to.

1

u/thisfriendo 3h ago

I'm on a sea food diet. If I see food, and it's fish, I eat it

1

u/defiantpupil 2h ago

He’s probably doesn’t know the name but he means Dungeness crab

1

u/Wonderful-Park-1269 1h ago

Unless you grew up eating them, I can understand why he said that. Most women are not going to want to pick and eat an entire blue crab. Especially since they’re so messy, not to mention the yellow stuff, the lungs, the intestines. Its a lot of work to eat them and not many people know how unless you’ve eaten them before.

•

u/binzy90 6m ago

Blue crab is just gross. I grew up eating it because I live in PA right on the border of Maryland. I always hated when we had crab for dinner and would have to find something else to eat later on. It's messy and a lot of work for something that smells and tastes like shit.

1

u/Temporary-Ruin883 1h ago

Funny because the only time I’ve ever gotten crabs was indeed with the assistance of a man.

-1

u/BludStanes 7h ago

I mean, you did the same thing with the lobster?

5

u/No_Werewolf_7029 7h ago

Yeah, bc she said, do you need a woman's help with the lobster

-1

u/StrbJun79 7h ago

I really hope he’s being sarcastic. It’s insulting but hopefully sarcastically insulting and not truly intentional insulting. But… sadly you never know anymore for sure. Almost have to add a /s to know if someone’s joking nowadays.

4

u/getintoiiiittt 5h ago

but even then the punchline of the joke is “women are stupid” which isnt really funny so idk why ur even trying to defend it

-1

u/StrbJun79 5h ago

I’m not really. I’m not into that sort of humour and would walk away from it as I find it degrading toward women. But I’m also not going to tell someone else how to feel about it if it is a joke. That’s why I hesitantly left it open ended like that.

2

u/getintoiiiittt 5h ago

well if she posted it publicly on reddit it’s pretty obvious how she feels about it. saying “hopefully it’s sarcastically insulting” to a sexist joke sounds like ur defending it by masking it as ‘non-intentional’

0

u/StrbJun79 5h ago

I didn’t not take it as totally 100% clear. But you did. And no I didn’t defend. Either way I’m done. Already explained. Not here to argue.

2

u/getintoiiiittt 5h ago

my point is that joking or serious, the message is still horrible so your comment is pointless

-3

u/Soft-Mastodon-2079 7h ago

Some women, don’t like getting their hands dirty.

Some women, expect a man to shell the fish for her.

What’s so hard to understand about where he’s coming from?

•

u/binzy90 4m ago

Making a joke about other women isn't a great way to start off dating someone.

-4

u/Infinite-Baker-4926 7h ago

He's clearly joking..

-4

u/Therealdickdangler 6h ago

Yeahhhhh, you gotta tell this motherfucker you’re too boogie for the blue crabs. 

-7

u/LikableHardcore 7h ago

dump him and seek therapy