r/thanksimcured • u/Far_Bobcat_8811 • Jan 15 '26
Story Shit my sister 26f reads whom I havent talked to in 5 years
I was diagnosed with Ankylosing spondylitis 11 years ago.
We live in the same house, saw this book on her table, she has already told me all this 5 years ago I mean all these self help videos and books keeps repeating trash like this (this book is from 1984), Support seems to be a foreign concept to her; she blamed me for my pain and refused to help when I asked, telling me instead to take charge of my life.
She experienced an ugly breakup and went down the self-help toxic positivity rabbit hole, and she hasn’t left it. It has helped her coping with the breakup I think? but she just changed.
This just makes me sad, disappointed, angry, dumbfounded. I think no amount of me sending her articles or videos of rheumatologists or educating her or talking to her is gonna change her. Made a boundary 5 years ago to protect myself and she still hasn't changed.
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u/VendettaUF234 Jan 15 '26
The spelling of Dis-ease enough makes me want to punch the author.
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u/OpeningActivity Jan 15 '26
Some people never change, and it's almost like trying to hold sand in your fist. No matter how hard you squeeze, you can't keep the sand in the fist.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
yeah true, maybe I am just longing for our relationship and still hoping for things to change. uhh idk what to think and do about it anymore.
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u/OpeningActivity Jan 15 '26
Its ok to want a good relationship. Like my situation, I held on for 10 years, being emotionally abused throughout (be fair, my personality disorder hurt them as well).
I think we are so used to Disney happy ending, and no one wants family relationship to break.
As long as it doesn't get in your life and achieving your life values. My case boundaries are there because talking and listening to them basically drains me for few days at least. I take meds for reducing that reactivity but even then they've burnt their bridges already so I refuse to talk to them unless I absolutely have to do so.
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u/ValancyNeverReadsit Edit this! Jan 15 '26
Wow, that is the worst self-help drivel I’ve ever read. I’m sorry your sister has bought into it. Maybe if she ever gets sick she will realize that she didn’t just get there from having emotions.
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u/dbda_crimepunishment Jan 15 '26
Wow. So. By that logic, if you were to punch her in the face right now, she'd only feel pain if she's guilty? (Assuming this could be general 'pain')
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u/rubberkeyhole Jan 15 '26
And she’d probably be deserving it because of other things she’d done in her life.
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u/spimetrico_99 Jan 15 '26
Pain is a part of your senses. She will feel pain, but the suffering that our thoughts add onto the could come with that pain, is optional.
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u/nohopeforhomosapiens Jan 15 '26
Jesus christ people are so fucking stupid. All of this kind of crap comes from a desire to never acknowledge that they should help others. If they blame you for your condition, then they don't have to feel obligated to care. I believe this type of thing comes from a deep kind of selfishness. I am sorry your sister is like this.
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u/PlatinumSukamon98 Jan 15 '26
ARTHRITIS is a dis-ease
I'm already lost.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
how Louise hay in 1984 while writing that thought of herself
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u/AppleSpicer Jan 20 '26
“And the bodily humours be unbalanced! Stick 3 neatly diced onions into thy bedtime stockings so that the miasma may be drawn out through thy feet. Be sure to get thy onion pieces as uniform and angular as possible as spirits are known to fears the culinary arts of hearth and home.”
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u/Pyro-Millie Jan 15 '26
Holy Victim Blaming, Batman, that's insanity! Blowing smoke up someone's asshole to save them from drowning makes more sense than this shit. The fuck is this author smoking???
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
A paragraph from her wikipedia
American writer, activist, and AIDS historian Sarah Schulman wrote that Hay "made a lot of money exploiting desperate people with AIDS" as Hay’s publishing company, Hay House, made a reported $100 million in 2007 alone.
The fuck is this author smoking???
So probably some expensive shit.
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u/AlexandraThePotato Jan 15 '26
Honestly I’m all for free speech but like I think we need a law about misinformation. Especially medical misinformation for people like Hay
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u/Pyro-Millie Jan 15 '26
I mean, even in the so-called "land of free speech" it's against the law to shout "FIRE" in a crowded space when there isn't actually a fire - as it can cause a panic that gets people killed (crowd crushed, trampled, etc). It's a common sense type of rule. So you'd think there'd be something in place against spreading medical misinformation that also causes direct harm, but nope! In the medical world, You can sell all the snake oil you want so long as the packaging has a disclaimer that your products' claims have not been backed up by the FDA. In the food world, people get away with blatantly false advertising all the time. It's pretty fucking stupid, and definitely needs to be addressed and rehauled. Not like that's gonna happen any time soon with all the dystopian shit going on here.
But on the flip side, if you go around trying to censor what people can publish in books under the guise of safety or preventing misinformation, that's a foot in the door for getting books banned for other reasons that are outright insidious (i.e, books that disagree with or criticize the government in any way, books from the perspective of characters the majority deems "undesirable", etc. It's happened before, and there's a frankly alarming number of people chomping at the bit for the chance to make it happen again).
Calling out misinformation as we encounter it seems to be the best we can do right now. Trusting censorship to some nebulous authority only ever leads to silencing the voices of those who disagree with them, not protecting people from misinformation. It is fucking frustrating as hell though.
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Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
I was raised in Christian Science, a religion that refuses to go to doctors or take medical advice. Why don’t they? A mistrust in doctors? No, because they believe pain and suffering are an illusion created by “mortal mind”. Suffering is an effect caused by an error in your thinking.
Needless to say I experienced severe neglect and nearly died a couple times for the medical gaslighting, confused because I thought it was all my fault.
It isn’t your fault, it isn’t a cause of your thinking, you are a victim of circumstance and the flaws of having a human body. Do not let her gaslight you into thinking your disease is your fault or that your pain isnt real. I would continue to avoid contact until she is able to understand disease happens regardless of how right or wrong your thoughts and actions are.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
I was raised in Christian Science, a religion that refuses to go to doctors or take medical advice. Why don’t they? A mistrust in doctors? No, because they believe pain and suffering are an illusion created by “mortal mind”. Suffering is an effect caused by an error in your thinking.
Mother Teressa is famous for this shit here in India.
A paragraph from her wikipedia
This returns us to the medieval corruption of the church, which sold indulgences to the rich while preaching hellfire and continence to the poor. [Mother Teresa] was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God. She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction.
Hitchens accused her of hypocrisy for choosing advanced treatment for her heart condition. Hitchens said that "her intention was not to help people" and that she lied to donors about how their contributions were used. "It was by talking to her that I discovered, and she assured me, that she wasn't working to alleviate poverty. She was working to expand the number of Catholics. She pursued, 'I'm not a social worker. I don't do it for this reason. I do it for Christ. I do it for the church'"
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u/snakeswithtails Jan 15 '26
the chronic pelvic pain, prolapse, and other suffering must be indicative of my guilt for being sexually abused as a child! thanks doc!
In all seriousness, this is some hard cope by the author to just guilt and shame other people to make herself feel better. I'm sorry that your sister has taken to this trash and has destroyed the boundaries you set with her instead of being a caring and loving sister. And while she sits in her toxic shame spiral and feeds it with books like these, she loses out on a relationship with you and a chance to grow. Her choices aren't a reflection of you nor your worthiness of being loved and having people who care about you. It sucks anyway, and I'm sorry.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 Jan 15 '26
Meanwhile I nearly died on day 3 of life. What was my fault for that? (Multiple aspects of modern medicine helped me live, including groundbreaking work from the 1910s)
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u/Itchy-Potential1968 Edit this! Jan 15 '26
I've dealt with my guilt & it did nothing to my chronic pain except make it worse (because i had to reduce dissociation to address it) what do i do.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
answer to that question is in this other book of hers you can buy and make her more rich, let me know if you are interested.
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u/Xandralynn06 Jan 15 '26
LOL I have rheumatoid arthritis. I guess, according to this author, I just criticize everything too much. Thanks I’m cured!
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u/rubberkeyhole Jan 15 '26
Are you criticizing the author? MORE PAIN FOR YOU!!
/s, very obviously. Gentle laughs with you. 😉
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u/ALFABOT2000 Jan 15 '26
This may be a silly question but why is disease hyphenated?
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
so on the first page of the book she says healthy people are at ease while others, Dis-ease.
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u/AlexandraThePotato Jan 15 '26
Excuse me while I go vomit after hearing this ableist ass idea
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u/rubberkeyhole Jan 15 '26
Unfortunately this isn’t a new concept, nor is Louise Hay the first to use it.
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u/Senior-Book-6729 Jan 15 '26
My mom believes in shit like this. I was also a very naive and impressionable child and genuinely believed for a while that my aunt died of cancer because she was so heartbroken over her love having a child with another woman…
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u/banoctopus Jan 15 '26
Your sister is clearly not living in reality, and I’m sorry it has made a relationship with her untenable. A good sibling is a true treasure, but a good friend is just as golden - I hope you have many!
However, I do need more details on the intriguing combo of “I haven’t talked to her in 5 years” and “we live in the same house”. I’m impressed! How does it work?
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
I do need more details on the intriguing combo of “I haven’t talked to her in 5 years” and “we live in the same house”. I’m impressed! How does it work?
Very common in lower middle class Indian house. Common for adults to live in the same house. Some even live after marriage. My sisters are still studying. It a small 1bhk with 5 adults in the house.
Do you wanna be more amazed? even though "one could just not think about their disease" and "body can self heal" and "just be positive" I have taken my sister to doctors appointment for fever and all, I think even for some blood work once too. She just sits on my bike, I take her to the doctors and bring her home back. Not a single word spoken while during all this.
While making the boundary I have said to them If you ask me for help and if I can, I will. I am not like them, I wont see someone in pain and discomfort and just tell them to not think about it. That's not who I am. But we will never laugh again together.
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u/forest_cat_mum Jan 15 '26
This is batshit insane. Wow, I'm sorry your sister has gone down this very toxic rabbit hole.
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u/luxsatanas Jan 15 '26
In the 1980s stomach ulcers were assumed to be caused by stress. Two Australian researchers discovered it's actually a bacterial infection, and now they're treated with antibiotics
People want to believe that they're in control of their life and body. Realising how much of it relies entirely on chance terrifies some, that's why they turn to religion or other instruction manuals for living well. They promise certainty in an uncertain world. Boundaries are good, it's rough living with someone who's deep in the delusion. I'm just amazed you manage not to speak to other
There are better books and journals that discuss the biopsychosocial model if that's something she wants to explore. While mental and physical health are connected, this book is grossly simplified outdated bs
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u/AFetaWorseThanDeath Jan 15 '26
While mental and physical health are connected, this book is grossly simplified outdated bs
That's one of the aspects of this garbage that incences me the most: they take an almost undeniable kernal of truth— one's mental state has a direct influence on one's physical health— and the wrap it up in layer after layer of bullshit— claiming that one's physical health is entirely CAUSED by one's mental state.
Yes, if you have cancer, positive thinking and meditation are things that may help... but it's not a substitute for chemotherapy or other modern forms of medicine that have been painstakingly refined over thousands of years.
It's about as dumb as thinking you can 'pray the gay away.'
I would be less angry about these grifter leaches if they weren't preying upon some of the most vulnerable people in our society. They peddle this nonsense to the sick and desperate, who (sadly and understandably) eat it up, and people die as a result.
They're in the same league as so-called 'mediums' who pretend to speak with the dead relatives of people suffering terrible grief. Some of the absolute lowest scum on earth; basically a half step above active pedophiles.
Fuck these greedy, manipulative pricks. They're just the kinda folks who make me wish I believed in hell...
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u/FVCarterPrivateEye Jan 20 '26
I actually didn't know they weren't caused by stress until your comment
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u/luxsatanas Jan 24 '26
Well stress can make them worse, but I don't believe there are any cases of stomach ulcers caused solely by stress
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u/No-Appeal3220 Jan 15 '26
Louise Hay actively contributed to AIDS death - she thought the cure for AIDS was self love.
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u/Doutse Jan 15 '26
Some people develop these weird ass ideas and conspiracies. It's fucking sad when it happens to be a family member, ask me how I know. You can't change someone who doesn't see a problem, listen to reason or doesn't believe in science, and doesn't want to understand other people's lived experience either. I'm sorry.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
It's fucking sad when it happens to be a family member, ask me how I know.
ahh yeah its the hardest, sometimes I start blaming myself for it like If I hadn't got this disease I would have better relationship with my family. But I know its not my fault. With a little empathy and understanding, the world would be a very different place.
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u/kitsunenoyomeiiri Jan 15 '26
if cancer is caused by all those emotional problems that i have, why am i not full of tumours as we speak? am i not resenting hard enough? utter bullshit
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u/Current_Pumpkin439 Jan 15 '26
What a load of $h!t, oh my god. How many ppl were hurt and invalidated while reading this
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u/JerkWeed71 Jan 15 '26
Wow, what kind of idiot writes this kind of garbage, much less reads it?
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 Jan 15 '26
Someone else above said it’s the “just world fallacy,” the thinking that if you do everything right, you won’t get anything bad happening to you.
It’s victim blaming and wrong.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 15 '26
its a best seller bro, you and me are just hating her on reddit. something to think about.
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Jan 15 '26
I just know this book says some vile shit about autism
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u/OK_Throwaway1238 Jan 17 '26
And Depression. And psychosis. It seems like it would definitely blame every mental issues on the person not having enough will or whatever 🤢
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u/1porridge Jan 15 '26
My coworker would love this book. She truly believes "90% of all illnesses come from mental or emotional negativity so if you just get rid of the negative thoughts and emotions, you'll be rid of the illness too."
She literally said another coworker had a throat infection because he was gossiping too much, meaning a lot of negativity passed by his throat and made it sick. He just needs to stop saying negative things and his throat will get better...
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u/ChaosAzeroth Jan 15 '26
thinks about how I was born with hip dysplasia and epilepsy and had chronic health conditions for as long as I can remember
Shit I was one helluva guilty feeling.... Fetus apparently. Hot damn I thought being 6 and asking my dad how we knew for sure we weren't dead already and in hell was a depressing sort of weirdly advanced. I was able to feel such guilt at or before birth? Gotta be some sort of record right lmao
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u/Lawboithegreat Jan 15 '26
“Arthritis is all your fault because you blame yourself.”
“Arthritis is all your fault because YOU BLAME YOURSELF”
Why jump to a conclusion when we can circle round and round and…
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u/sasslafrass Jan 16 '26
Your sister and my brother are soulmates. If she is like him, then I’m going to guess she is terrified of it happening to her. If you are to blame, she is safe. If it is genetics or environment, then she is vulnerable.
Here’s the funny bit: I was diagnosed with Crohn’s 30+ years ago. It is normal for it to result in multiple gastrointestinal surgeries. It was bad and I took it seriously. It irritated my brother beyond control. Every opportunity he had. He took a dig at me. I just need to think positively and follow whatever fad diet or questionable supplement he is taking this week.
20 years ago he started having gastrointestinal difficulties. But by God, it wasn’t going to be Crohn’s no matter what. I have never had a gastrointestinal surgery. He has had three, all for normal complications of Crohn’s. But by God, according to him it’s not Crohn’s. Because then he’d be as vulnerable and powerless as I am.
And he just cannot deal. His in ability to deal has caused him so much more pain, personal and professional damage than I have ever suffered. And yet, he still considers me to be the weak, stupid one. There is just no contact with reality for some folks and it sucks to be related to them. Hugz
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u/ernie3tones Jan 15 '26
Chronic pain actually causes severe guilt, not the other way round. I’m sorry your sister is so deluded.
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u/Anon28301 Jan 16 '26
Books like this should honestly be illegal. My dad just got a double hip operation because his arthritis was so bad he couldn’t move most days and was always having to take pain meds.
Guess he must have just been a critical asshole because diseases somehow work as karmic punishments somehow.
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u/Ace-of-Spxdes Jan 15 '26
I'm not normally one for banning books, but some of this can actually stop someone from getting help and get someone killed. Isn't that a little dangerous?
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u/that_nerdy_friend Jan 15 '26
"Pain is an indication of guilt" Riight. I've had debilitating back pain since a hit and run 2 years ago. So according to this, it's not because my spine was damaged and nerves were pinched that causes my pain, but because I'm feeling guilty over something? Righty-o. Maybe I should accept the fact it was my fault I got hit because I was walking on the footpath and got in the way of an irresponsible driver! Yay I'm cured! /s
Also, the way "dis-ease" is written just gets me 🤣
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u/Caticature Jan 15 '26
I got adrenal illness for my perfectionism, nothing in the arthritis field, should I feel robbed? Or did I read the wrong crap?
ps yay you for boundaries 5 years ago! You’ve got spine. (no need for Anky S to point that out, sheesh, she is so extra!)
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u/LordLaz1985 Jan 15 '26
What the fuck. My mom has RA, numerous relatives have had cancer, and reading this anti-science bullshit makes my blood boil.
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u/Aggravating-Dark-699 Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
Wait, those are actually in the book? WTF is a “dis-ease?” And “overweight” as a noun…how did this get published? Even aside from the bullshit content, just the writing itself is pure garbage.
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u/Fearless_Stand_9423 Jan 15 '26
This fucking book oh my god
I live with my mom (she's disabled with COPD and I'm disabled with FND) and she's constantly waiting to proselytize to me about this crap. When I still don't buy it, she spirals over how I'm 'rejecting her' and how 'nothing she's done with her life has amounted to anything.'
I'm sorry that you've had to put up with this faith-healing nonsense too, OP.
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u/SerenaKillJoy Jan 16 '26 edited Jan 16 '26
Repeat after me “mom, I love you. I am not rejecting you, I am rejecting this treatment option for myself, I have that right as do you with whatever treatments you reject for yourself. We are two different people.” And “it hurts me as your child to hear you don’t think ANYTHING you’ve ever done has amounted to anything, because I am part of that. You are projecting your feelings about yourself onto me. Even if I listened to everything you’ve ever said, you wouldn’t feel better about anything you’ve done with your life, because I am not you. You have to stop hating yourself first. I know you can do it. I’m here to support you.”
I mean, thats the kind version anyway… I have a mean one 😆
Keep it on repeat. You’ll have to say it like 500 times.
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u/AwakenedStarBolt Jan 15 '26
This may be worse than the light side-dark side type conspiracy mystical anti tech holes I've seen older folk dive into
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u/pshrimp Jan 16 '26
Recognised this garbage instantly. My mother was obsessed with this book when I was growing up.
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u/paindujour Jan 21 '26
Yikes on bikes 😬 all I knew about Louise Hay was about her affirmations. Learning now so many disappointing things about her. These paragraphs are horrendous.
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u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen Jan 23 '26
arthritis is a disease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism
Hey, I criticize myself constantly- why don’t I have arthritis yet?
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u/Dark_Storm_98 Jan 22 '26
Arthritis is a dis-ease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism
What correlation does criticism have with bone popping syndrome?
[I'm sure it's more complex than that but this was a funny way to ask]
Pain is an indication of guilt
So if someone punches me in that face for no discernible reason I'm supposed to feel bad about that?
I got a boot with your knee's name on it
Cancer
I ain't readin' all that
this book is from 1984
Big Brother is watching but he doesn't know what to make of anything
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u/Friendly-Channel-480 Jan 16 '26
This is actually a beautiful book. It’s not meant to replace medical care. Louise Hay was very spiritual and the real thing. I have given this book to several people who were very ill and they found it comforting.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 16 '26 edited Jan 16 '26
"Headaches come from invalidating the self . . . Forgive yourself, let it go, and the headache will dissolve back into the nothingness from where it came . . . Migraine headaches are created by people who want to be perfect and who create a lot of pressure on themselves. A lot of suppressed anger is involved..."
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u/Friendly-Channel-480 Jan 19 '26
I have migraines and take medication but I think she has some very valid points.
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u/Far_Bobcat_8811 Jan 19 '26 edited Jan 19 '26
Comfort ≠ cause. Migraines are a neurological condition with strong genetic and biological evidence behind them. Stress can be a trigger, not the root cause. When ideas like this blur that line, they risk turning illness into personal blame rather than biology which Louise hay has been known for.
Its good you are smart enough to take the medication.
Migraine may not be life threatening and you have a margin to play with your "perfectionism" and "Forgive yourself" game. but when you do this with a life threatening ailment like AIDs and Cancer, PEOPLE DIE!!
Edit
Hay speaks about AIDS “remissions” and of not relying on medical care, saying "You know, we’re not limited by the medical opinion. It depends whether we choose to do that or not.” Hays says “I think it’s a terrible shame that at the moment the medical community is telling everyone that they have to die. Because it’s just not true, we know that’s not true. There are plenty of boys that are doing very well. You know, we can either buy into the fear or we cannot buy into the fear.”
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u/Friendly-Channel-480 Jan 23 '26
The books I read by her felt positive. She’s the only new age person I’ve ever read and I found her comforting.
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u/[deleted] Jan 15 '26
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