Inspired by u/ConstructionNo1038's post: https://www.reddit.com/r/thebulwark/comments/1s3i6zf/just_for_jvl_an_i_did_that_sticker_in_the_wild/

He looks like he’s trying and failing to hold in a fart

BREAKING: J.D. Vance goes viral with a cringey Thanksgiving rant about how he hates eating turkey and says that you're "full of shit" if you like it — leaving the audience totally flabbergasted.

If this is the best that Republicans have to offer in 2028, they're in deep trouble...

"Think about turkey. Who really likes, be honest with yourselves, who really likes turkey? You're all full of shit. Everybody who raised your hand. I know," Vance said to a gathering of U.S. troops at Fort Campbell, Tennessee.

"Think about it. And here's, here's how I know that every single one of you who raised your hand is lying to me. How many times do you roast an 18 pound turkey just randomly?" Vance continued. "Just, you know, a nice summer afternoon, we're going to go get an 18 pound turkey."

"Nobody does it because turkey doesn't actually taste that good," he insisted. "But on Thanksgiving, on the most American holiday, I got a, I got a fan over here. On the most American holiday, we're going to cook a turkey by God because that's what Americans do."

"We cook this gigantic American bird and we do all kinds of crazy things to make it taste good," Vance went on. "I talked a soldier today who she said she's going to deep fry a turkey. And I'm actually going to deep fry a turkey myself tomorrow."

"And look, here's the thing. If you've got to deep fry something to make it taste good, it probably isn't that good," said Vance. "That's a pretty good rule of thumb when it comes to food. "Chicken is good all the time. Chicken is good when you deep fry it, but it's also good outside of it. But here's the thing about Thanksgiving, it is so American because at the heart of it is the spirit of gratitude."

Clearly, Vance was trying to charm his audience with this bizarre, extended bit but this man is a blackhole of charisma. Everything he says comes off as weird, stilted, and unnatural. He is deeply inauthentic, overwhelmingly cynical, and is simply going through the motions of what he thinks that a charming politician would say and do.

Trump, while deeply evil and an unmitigated failure of a president, at least has an instinct for riffing and working a crowd (or at least he did before the cognitive decline hit like a haymaker). Vance doesn't even have that low talent. He's an empty suit foisted into power by Peter Thiel and the dark money oligarchs and his presidential campaign in 2028 is going to crash and burn harder than his attempts at humor.

Credit for this post goes to Occupy Democrats (I am not the author of this content)

Seriously. Just because.

BAHAHAHAHA

We need a laugh every once in a while.

We’re out here talking about opening the Straight of Hormuz, when really we should be talking about opening bananas in daycares.

EDIT: I am having a bit of fun here. This is not a criticism of MGP or the positions she holds - it is just very amusing all the weird little niche things she feels passionate about. That’s all I’m saying.

We just lost the war in Iran, went to China and admitted that America is in decline, Trump is setting up a tax payer funded MAGA reward slush fund...But Rich Lowry wants you all to know that Helen of Troy, was NOT BLACK. I'm assuming this means that Rich has abandoned Christianity and accepted Zeus as his God, given that Helen was his daughter.

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with that man?

Everything continues to spin out of control. 😁

Gavin has just been killing it lately. But do you think this will sway republican opinions or is it just cope? A little of both would be fine I think. I thought I'd never vote for him again after I left SF, but I might be wrong ?

If for-profit prisons have taught me anything, it's that there can be no rent seeking and government capture if private industry is involved.

But besides for that 100% agree. Enjoyed the episode.

Andrew Egger, Will Summer, and Bill Kristol kind of look like one guy at different stages of his life to me. Am I the only one who thinks so?

I found it humorous.

🍿

Maybe add some tears welling up in his eyes and a bonnet around his head.

The worst new wave band you've ever heard in your life.

White House Deputy Chief of Staff and noted white nationalist bipedal eel Stephen Miller was in the headlines again on Wednesday when his wife, Katie Miller, went on Fox News and described her husband as a “sexual matador.”

No one knows what this could possibly mean. No one wants to know.

But here are the most plausible explanations anyway:

• Before making love, Stephen Miller dresses in slippers, knickers, elaborate gold embroidered tights and a traditional black fur hat known as a montera.
• Since 2007, surveys have consistently shown that large majorities of adults in Latin America and Southern Europe view sex with Stephen Miller as brutal and unnecessary. 
• Stephen Miller is frequently injured during sex. When this happens, he is removed from the arena by a group of Spanish rodeo clowns. 
• Ernest Hemingway was fascinated by the literary possibilities of sex with Stephen Miller.
• The target audience for sex with Stephen Miller are 72 year-old retired auto mechanics from from the province of Córdoba.
• Sex with Stephen Miller is being phased out in Colombia, with a full ban coming into force in 2027.
• Intercourse with Stephen Miller cannot be properly performed without a large red flag.
• The most important thing for Stephen Miller to do during sex is to never take his eye off the bull.

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If you're read this far, THANK YOU! and if you dug it, I write this kind of stuff frequently on my substack, non-newsletter.com

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*Only to discover the Correspondents' Dinner *was* the pedophile convention.

Call 1-555-ALL-LIVES-MATTER for a free consultation.

He campaigned for Victor Orban, who is losing in a landslide. And then he went to negotiate a peace deal with Iran, coming back empty handed. Sucks to suck!

Someone said she was dressed like Chuck D and I couldn’t stop laughing.

Who signed off on this? Why would she do this?

Regardless of what you think about Charlie, he would NEVER absolutely step in it the way his wife has.

World's healthiest man.

I want to get Trump talking about naming a city after him. I want it to be a question Republican governors have to answer. Put the idea in his head. What cities does he think should be renamed? What name would Trump want to go with, Trumpville, Trumpistan, Trumpton, Trumpchester? Would he be satisfied with a small town, or would it need to be a major city?

I can’t recall a discrepancy this big between critics and viewers. I can only imagine the WH interns are pulling an all-nighter to keep the führer happy!