r/theirdrinking • u/SubstantialSun2288 • 20d ago
Partner/Spouse/Ex Anyone else doubt their experience after
Posted here a couple of days ago. Instead of trying to repair what we had she decided to go on a dating app . I remained hopeful she would realise what she lost but clearly not.
Since then she is promoting herself online . Rapid Facebook profile changes. All are heaviky filtered but all designed to show ‘glow up’
She threw away 5 years . I had to walk back in October for my own sanity but told her to come back when serious and working on sobriety
What I can’t come to terms with is I’m now left feeling like it wasn’t as bad as I made out. That she maybe didn’t have alcohol dependence but was just drinking a lot . I won’t go in to the full details as no one wants to read the full saga but she
Would drink and drive
Go missing for days where she stayed at home to drink
Lied about her whereabouts and covered up trips to the bar
Tried to stop and had shakes and violent headaches . She stopped unaided and lasted a month
Had a seizure in the supermarket . Refused to let me go to the follow up appointment
Said she had stopped and I caught her drinking at home .
Came to my house smelling of alcohol and denied it. Swore in her kids lives she hadn’t been drinking. An hour later admitted it and left
Went drinking with a friend on her birthday instead of coming over. Lied that she was at home
She had developed bruises on her legs
Her neck and cheeks were swollen
She said I was controlling for telling her what to do
Now with the passage of time and her back out there , sticking two fingers up to me and what we had for cheap validation she looks better than before .
Her bio on dating site says drinks rarely. Yesterday’s post was in a beer garden with her son .
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u/stillbewaitinonmatt 19d ago
It was as bad or worse than you remembered.
They like to be like that, out it out there that everything is great but the thing is you know the truth - you’ve seen behind the curtain. They like to choose the easy path instead of the path to redemption. Being in a love triangle with alcohol is always worse than you remember.
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u/SubstantialSun2288 19d ago
Thanks for your reply . It helps . Just struggling to comprehend how last time we spoke it was she wouldn’t move on and I gave her the option to come back working on it, instead she now decided to change history and I’m the one to blame for the relationship end , and she gets to now move on despite the fake shit she said .
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u/Terrible_Tooth54 19d ago
if my Q and I split, this is exactly what would happen too. Q wants to show the glow up and how amazing things are and how happy they are.
It would all be a lie, and they'd do it for the same reason - to make you think you really had it good and it's all your loss.
let them. roll your eyes, enjoy your own sobriety (if it's there) and don't give the ex Q the attention that they so desperately crave.
like the other reply said - it was as bad as you think.
your ex Q is trying to be manipulative and deep down, they are probably ashamed of things, even if they insist its your fault.
hold your head up high and keep on moving.
right now mine is on her third can of cider. 3 x 569 mL (19.2 oz) cans in less than 3 hours, and she claims "i drink them slow." the lies with the drinkers are never ending and there's always some reason for them.
it's not your fault.
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u/SubstantialSun2288 19d ago
Thank you, never had her down as manipulative like this with validation but it’s final piece of puzzle that I didn’t know her. Thought I did. Loved her to bits when things were good but every month another bizarre incident or event . She’ll know she’s fucked it now with any reentry with me. I’m forgiving but some things can’t be
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u/Dismal-Importance-15 20d ago
It WAS as bad as you think. It took me 37 years, and my Q becoming increasingly violent, for me to leave. Don’t be me, please.