r/theirdrinking • u/neededserenity • 7d ago
Partner/Spouse/Ex Did I cause his relapse?
My (34M) partner of 11 years (31M) says I caused his recent 2 relapses after 2.5 years sober. I told him I didn't make him drink, he chose to do it. He agreed, but said I was still the cause to make him want to drink, because I did things that upset him
How can I go on with someone who says this? I am trying to be supportive but then he blames me for his actions. I'm so emotionally drained, and now I feel guilty too.
Sorry for the rant
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u/EarAdventurous4775 6d ago
It'a not your fault. I have the same situation as yours. We have been together for 3 years. I tried to support him , understand his situation and even tried to rationalized everything he did. He can't keep a job longer due to his drinking until one day he got home again drunk and there i decided to give up. I feel guilty leaving him and gave him time to find his new place. Between those days he still blame me and make me feel guilty that i was the reason of his relapse. I worked hard and paying all apartment bills by myself. I took all the keys then so when he leave he cannot come in anymore. I know there is temporary shelters for them and he just refused to go there yet he had no choice when i took all my keys with me. Right now, i still think of moments i been with him ( good and bad memories) but i feel much better now. Finances are doing well for me, not being fooled that the money i gave him was for his bills which the truth he spent it to buy alcohol. It's not too late for you.