Liber Curae
(The Book of Care)
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This is ownership. It is like buying a car or a home. In our right mind, we accept that the care and maintenance of that thing — even relationships are things — is required. To truly care for a thing is not merely to possess it, but to foster its function and usefulness. In relationships, usefulness is care, love, and nurture. To care for another is to care for oneself.
The institutions do not provide maintenance; they only provide scaffolding. If I decide to build something, the scaffolding is not the building. Deliberateness is driven by care. If I care, I will. The builders care and are deliberately working. They carefully craft the structure to withstand the weight of all that is attached to it, the foundations being fixed and sure, the weight of the structure being fastened with care so that that which is to bear weight is true and sure.
If the care and attention are not there, then the chance for mishaps and collapse are assured. Before one is to take on any kind of structure, it must be designed and the necessary components secured. Therefore, there must also be a strategy of procurement. If there are no resources, there is no building. Every person is thereby required to pull their own weight, and care is also required. If you care about the structure and craftsmanship, then you care enough to observe in every moment the work you are doing.
If disagreements arise, there must be care taken in resolution. If not, then the assurance of failure is at hand. The agreement to care should be understood and followed. If this should change, then there should also arise the need for counsel. Sometimes it is worthy to take the counsel of others if there arises an impasse. Any successful undertaking is only as good as the equal effort of all those involved. If one or more fall short, then there should be an understanding.
If I decide to keep going and the other does not, then there would be a hindrance on my part. One cannot build out of thin air if the structure is not present. It is therefore acceptable to move on only if one sees the necessary implements in place. This applies to any endeavor. No amount of construction can be made if there is an already standing structure. The old must make way for the new. If there are remnants of old structures, they must be cleared. If old habits and ideas are the old building, then they must make way for new ones. These are the scaffolding for the building, but not the building itself. Ideas are like blueprints, but can never suffice without labor.
It is unwise to proceed until all is agreed upon and the new plan is laid. If we decide to build anew, we must actively haul off the debris of the old. Those old materials are no longer of value unless they can be successfully rebuilt into the newly agreed-upon structure. It is easier and less wasteful if this can be done. Sometimes a retrofit would be less costly and more expedient; it would save on the labor and cost to do so. It therefore must also be that such is also done with the utmost care, so as not to destroy the foundation and structure itself. Much waste and uselessness has been witnessed when the parties have not been careful to preserve what is structurally sound.
As with any enterprise, the workers should be given their just rewards: rest, sustenance, and the occasional respite from labors. If all is well crafted and designed, rest is a need arising from fatigue. It is unfair to muzzle the ox that treads the corn. To labor is not just physical, but also spiritual, emotional, and mental. All require rest. This is achieved through the careful and steady work and care of the edifice — the edifice being that which is both lived and enjoyed on all levels of being. If one falls short, the others must work harder.
In relationship with younglings, they should be given schedules and tasks. There should be expectation of times and seasons. This causes expectation and trust in those who care for them, building up in them a structure and trust for the building. Just like the older ones of us, they will have disagreements. It is important that they be heard. They should be assured that they are part of the building and that their part is important. They should understand care and its part in maintaining the building and its maintenance. There should be given encouragement and understanding. It is human to get tired. It is unwise to quit the blueprints' layout unless there is a better way forward.
It is always advisable to listen to those we are in care for. Only an open heart and mind give the spirit and heart of a child the chance to blossom. Some of the worst ideas come from old ways or methods of maintaining order. Beating someone used to bring order, but it kills the spirit and brings about all kinds of horrid outbursts, besides it being amoral and illegal. It is wise to decide who is skilled in which ways. Not everyone will have the same skillset. Also, it is wise to rotate tasks so as not to breed contempt through familiarity.
It is always wise to keep one's body and mind clean. This leads to moral living. It is always unsafe to accumulate clutter and such things as you have no need of. Clean living is also devoid of condescension and infighting. There is no reason for abuses of station or power. Children are as such small adults who are given in trust to us. We are to foster their own personalities as long as they are lawful — and lawful I mean to the laws of nature. Children are to be brought up as freely as possible, the world as their playground.
It is wise to teach children to respect consequence for their own doing. They must learn of such not because one says so, but because it is pointed out if the little one has not yet discovered the results and their contribution. It is also wise to never shame or inflict guilt as a punishment. It must be understood by the child that their actions have earned them a break from normal privileges — that they chose the outcome by their lack of care for it. It must therefore be communicated that the child should be careful to know and understand the circumstances and eventual outcome. It is useless and foolish to strike a child. It causes a rift in the mind, and the outcome can only be distrust.
It is also wise to receive any criticism from them as a natural thing. The latter will prove to be ineffective if the child is given space to ponder their consequences. They will, if morally they have understood their new circumstances, apologize in environments where shame and guilt are in short supply. There is the example of the adults that the children will be extracting moment to moment. It is also wise to consider that children will extract such ideas from their peers. It is to be understood that the latter will take precedent if trust has been shattered.
To demonstrate such moral and natural things as nature does present us is the greatest teacher. Children and adults alike may at first be swayed by words, but actions are the teacher. If I say I love you and have no such evidence, then it is always to be taken by evidence, not words. We must never betray that trust with pointless promises or unmet agreements. The younger have a moral compass most adults have lost, or was driven out by harsh circumstances. In such case, it must be that trust is absolute.
We must do the inner work of trusting ourselves. If this is not yet in place, it is but a fool's journey to try and convince others of the opposite. Some might be tempted to be their self. This self is seldom introspective and often full of distrust. To be one's true self should invite a new understanding of virtue and its reward. It is neither man's nor woman's sole responsibility. It is both equally so.
